When You Love Someone Like That
by qfd
Summary: **Sequel to Hey There Cinderella. It's been a long hot summer and Sidney is back in the 'Burgh surrounded by memories of Randi. Mya is also in town setting up her new life. They're bound to run into one another and when they do...
1. Chapter 1

In my heart there always crept a jealousy that never slept  
It lived on calls that never came, and whispers of another's name  
But your love is a light that shines so honestly  
And now because of your true colors I can see

No green eyes, no blue nights  
No jealous heart and no little white lies  
You showed me what love looks like  
I had the colors all wrong, now they're right  
No green eyes, no blue nights

Your arms laid to rest the fear, and let suspicion disappear  
There are no ghosts of lovers past, just our love in the hourglass  
And what you give me is so constant and so surely mine  
That I can trust it's unconditional this time

(lyrics "No Green Eyes", Suzy Boguss)

**I think it was me, it must of been me,  
I guess I did something wrong.  
I tried too hard, wanted too much,  
I guess that's why he's gone.  
I lost my pride, I fought and cried.  
I felt like a little kid.  
What's wrong with me?  
I still can't believe, I did the things I did**

**I couldn't change him, he was gonna break my heart.  
I saw it coming, yeah, I knew it from the start. But,**

**When you love (when you love)  
When you love someone like that, when you give what you can't take back.  
When you love (when you love)  
With all your heart and soul, it's so hard to let it go.  
When you love someone like that.  
Yea, when you love someone like that.**

**Girl it ain't right, it just ain't right.  
Don't tell yourself that it was you.  
You followed your heart, you gave it your best.  
There's nothing more you can do.  
Guys like him are like the wind, and you know it's just too bad.  
They blow in and out again, and never know what they had.**

**(Lyrics From "When You Love Someone Like That" Reba McEntire & LeAnn Rimes**)

I probably wouldn't be this way  
I probably wouldn't hurt so bad  
I never pictured every minute without you in it,  
Oh you left so fast,  
Sometimes I see you standing there  
Sometimes it's like I'm losing touch  
Sometimes I feel I'm so lucky to have had the chance to love this much

(lyrics from "Probably Wouldn't Be This Way" LeAnn Rimes)

**Chapter 1 ~ **

He placed the bouquet of red roses carefully beside the brass plaque that showed her name, Miranda De Luca, and the ominous date of her death, the best and the worst day of his life. He stared down at it, his eyes hidden behind a pair of dark shades, his full mouth twisted into a half smile. Glancing around to see if he was being watched, he knelt by the grave, his fingertips lovingly tracing her name.

He could still see her in his mind's eye, but when he did it was always the same. Always that moment before he would kiss her, her lips parted and her emerald green eyes full of emotion. It made him smile, but it also made his chest hurt, made it hard to breathe. God he loved her, loved her so much still.

But she was gone, and all he had left was this; this place, this green grass and a small brass plaque.

"Hey Randi," he whispered, his lips turning up into a smile when he said her name aloud. "Sorry it's been a while babes, but, you know, I had all that family stuff to do and then there was Olympic camp," he added as he sat beside her grave, turning his eyes up to the blue sky full of non-threatening white clouds. September, a few days before camp, but the weather was fine, warm and bright. "I usually hate this time. A lot of the guys are back but there's always a few new faces and I hate change. I hate it," he sighed, his fingers still tracing her name, smoothing gently over each letter as if it were a feature on her beautiful face. "So all that Cup stuff is over. The summer was so short. God...I wish you'd been there. It was crazy. So many people...so much going on. But it was good though. I had it on my birthday and everyone was singing happy birthday to me and Max was there...you never got to meet Max really did you? Just that once, when Jordy met Tish. They're still together, but then you probably know that already," he sighed, spreading his hand flat over the plaque and closing his eyes. It was a strange feeling being here. Partly it hurt like hell but partly it was soothing, almost relaxing, just being near to her. "Speaking of Tish, she was selling your place, your apartment," he began, more quietly because he could hardly breathe, remembering standing outside the building, wanting to, but unable to make himself go inside where all the memories would be too close, too real. "Tish had this young couple with her and they were all...they loved your place. Of course they did but...I don't know what I was thinking but I bought it. I mean...it's not like I've actually been inside of it. I can't, not yet, I miss you too much," he sighed, clenching his teeth against the pain that rose in his chest, threatening to steal every last ounce of oxygen from his lungs. "I love you Randi," he whispered, pressing the palm of his hand down on the cool metal until the raised letters bit into his hand and then, slowly, he pushed himself to his feet.

He looked up to see Mario leaning against the big black SUV, his arms crossed over his broad chest, his eyes tipped up to the late summer sun. With one last look back, Sidney smiled down at the little plaque bearing her name, and then turned and walked towards his waiting ride.

* * *

"What am I? Ten?" Mya mused as she tapped her fingernails against her desk staring at the title blinking back at her from her laptop. 'What I Did on My Summer Vacation'. She'd hardly been able to believe that the Professor had been able to keep a straight face when he'd asked the entire class to have their essay ready in the morning, _including_ the assistants. He'd been looking right at her when he'd said it.

But it wasn't only the fact that it seemed like something an elementary student would be asked to do the first day back at school in September. What was really getting under her skin was the one thing about her vacation that she couldn't quite forget.

It would be easy enough to write about her trip, which was a good story all in all, but there was just _no way_ that Mya was _ever_ going to include meeting Sidney Crosby in the five hundred words allotted for the task. That would get her some notice in class, sure, but only as a name dropper, an attention seeker, or worse – a puck bunny. Not exactly the start she'd be looking for if she wanted to be taken seriously.

Besides, it wasn't as if she had much to say about him. They'd had coffee, twice, that was all, and then he'd just sort of disappeared of the face of the earth. Sure he'd given her his cell number. Not like she was going to use it. Yes, sure, he was cute as all hell, but she did have a little pride. If he was going to just disappear off the face of the earth without so much as a word, she sure as hell wasn't going to go chasing after him.

Besides, it had just been coffee and they'd both been on vacation. It was nice while it lasted, one of those anecdotes she could tell at a party, maybe one day tell her grandchildren. Hey, guess what? Once upon a time, I met Sidney Crosby.

The annoying thing was he'd actually seemed interested.

Or maybe that had all been just a figment of her over active imagination. Maybe he'd never told her she had beautiful eyes. Maybe that was something her imagination had added on to make things more interesting. Maybe he'd never looked at her across the table and given her that flirtatious little smile.

No, he'd probably done neither. From what she could remember he'd really been too shy to do either of those things. So it was probably her over active imagination.

That and there was no way a guy like him would actually ever really be interested in a girl like her.

So, no, there would be no 'oh and by the way, I met Sidney Crosby' in her story in the morning. Just a girl, and her bike and a few hundred miles of road and that would have to be story enough. If she was going to make it as any kind of writer, she'd have to flush out otherwise boring stories. It's not like she was going to start working for TMZ or the NHL network after all.

Fingers poised above her keyboard, Mya closed her eyes and banished the day dream of the dark haired boy who'd made her smile and turned her thoughts instead to the twisting highways and the crowded truck stops along the way. Maybe she could talk about the way fish and chips changed from one 'choke and puke' to the next. How at one stop it would be crispy and golden and made almost entirely of cod, or at least she hoped so, while at the next stop it would be less crispy and made of some kind of flat fish that they tried to pass off as halibut.

Yes, she smiled to herself. That would be a better angle than her brief encounter with the best hockey player in the world 'cuz no one wanted to hear about him in this town...yeah right.

* * *

"So do you think you'll move into her...your new apartment?" Mario asked after a long silence that had stretched into the uncomfortable zone. Sidney squirmed in the big leather chair. On one hand, he didn't like thinking of Randi's place sitting empty. On the other hand, he wasn't quite ready to face moving in there alone either. "The only reason I ask," Mario continued without waiting for his protégé to reply, "is Nathalie was asking. Not that we want you to leave," he added, followed by a wide smile that made his icy blue eyes dance.

"I can't imagine not having her cooking to come home to," Sidney offered, which made the big man's smile grow even wider.

"And we can't imagine you not being here either and it will be especially hard on Austin, but then he thinks of you as his brother," Mario added, turning his attention momentarily to the formal family portrait above the fireplace. His young son was showing signs he was going to be as handsome as his father. "But then there's Lauren," he sighed, the big man's shoulders rising and falling before he turned those blue eyes back on Sidney, who nodded.

He knew. Everyone in the house knew. It was getting more awkward all the time and there was no guarantee that it was going to get any easier with Stephanie, although she'd grown so close, so attached to his sister Taylor, everyone hoped that maybe it would be different with her.

"You know I try not to encourage her," Sidney began and his mentor nodded, raising a hand to cease any more arguments or explanations.

"We're not trying to rush you out, and I know you've been spending a lot of time on your own since...," Mario's voice trailed away as Sidney stiffened for the blow of hearing her name. Choosing _not_ to be the one to lower the boom on that particular emotion, Mario backed off and left her name unspoken, waiting until Sidney visibly relaxed before continuing. "What I was going to suggest is that maybe you and Max or you and Jordy could move in together?"

Sidney smiled. He couldn't help it. The idea of living with either of those two party animals with their seemingly never ending streams of 'lady friends' was definitely not on the top of his to do list. It would be interesting. He couldn't argue that. But he also couldn't see it lasting for very long. He had a type-A personality bordering on neurotic, obsessive compulsive. That's what the team psychologist had told him. She'd also told him that it didn't bode well for a healthy personal life. So far she'd been a hundred per cent right about that, but Sidney knew that these 'quirks' as his mother called them, in his personality, sometimes made having friends difficult, especially ones like Jordy and Mark.

Not to mention he was just plain afraid of getting close to anyone now. Every person he got close to, allowed himself get close to, was taken away from him. Like Army, Bugsy, Whit...all gone. Not to mention....

"Maybe not them. Maybe Tanger...but...I'm just not quite ready yet," Sidney replied honestly, looking over at his mentor, his sometime father, his landlord. Mario smiled indulgently and nodded, steepling his long fingers. Sidney spoke the words he knew that Mario wanted to tell him but wouldn't. "I know, it's probably not good for me to...stew in my own juices but...I'm okay. Honestly."

"I know you are son, I know you are," Mario nodded, looking thoughtfully up at his family portrait, the one that included Sidney as a member of the family. It had almost made him cry when they had asked him if he would join them. He was proud to have them as his family here and he'd certainly needed them since he'd arrived back in the 'Burgh.

Back amongst all the memories, all of the places and things that made him emotional, made him think of her. He didn't feel whole. He wasn't sure if he ever would. He was just glad that he had this place, these people, who knew him well enough not to try and drag him out of self imposed shell. He felt safe here with them and he knew they'd give him all the time in the world to find his feet again, even though he couldn't imagine when that would be.

* * *

"What's that you're writing, war and fucking peace?" Mya looked up from her laptop and smiled at the woman who was standing behind her in nothing but her birthday suit. Not that Mya really noticed. Not anymore. She could still remember the days when she'd come off the stage and immediately wrap herself in a robe or a towel. But now she was just like the rest of the dancers, completely comfortable with her own body and really didn't see the nudity of the other dancers.

"A paper for class, history of the Pirates baseball team," Mya explained, saving what she'd written so far. If Hannah, aka Raven was done her set, then it was nearly her turn to go on and she needed to retouch her make-up. She closed her lap top and reached for a tube of lipstick.

"The place is pretty full tonight," Hannah added, dumping a handful of crumpled bills into her purse before pushing it back under her chair in front of the mirror and reaching for a hairbrush. "There's a bunch of young guys in geiny row with more money than sense. My kind of night."

"You headed home now?" Mya asked, puckering her lips in the mirror and running her thumb along her bottom lip, before reaching for the long black wavy wig that was part of her stage persona.

"In a bit. I'm hoping I'll get called out for a lap dance or two before I go. I could do with some extra money this week. Donnie's had this real bad cough for a few days. I want to take him to a doctor." Mya nodded. That was understandable. She, herself, had willingly taken the few extra shifts offered to cover books and some new clothes and besides, she had her eye on a little sequined number in the window at Sugar Boutique. Blush paid well, which was why she'd decided to work here, but it never seemed to be enough. She needed the tips the men tossed at her, especially now, at the beginning of the semester. There always seemed to be things that she hadn't thought of. Besides, the apartment she'd rented needed some paint and she wanted to get a bigger TV than the nineteen inch that had come with the supposedly 'furnished' one room. At least it was in a nice building, right downtown.

"Sugar, you're up," Cassidy, aka Dallas, called as she pushed the backstage door open, her curvy body bathed in sweat, an ice cream bucket full of small bills in one hand.

"I hope you left some money out there for me," Mya grinned as she tugged at the wig to make sure it was going to stay in place.

"Don't worry, that bunch has fists full and now they're getting drunk and rowdy. Have fun," Cassidy laughed, dropping her bucket down on the make-up table and grabbing a towel. Mya nodded, and picked up her Billy club and standard 8 point Pershing cop hat and headed out onto the stage.

* * *

It felt good to be skating on home ice again. It had felt good to skate in Calgary too. Well, more than good Sidney thought as he got down on the ice to stretch out his quads and hamstrings. He'd long ago got over his disappointment at not getting picked for Turin, and the Cup had definitely banished any thoughts he had about his abilities, but it was still huge. He was going to play in Vancouver for the Olympic Team, but first he had to stay healthy until February and that meant he had to stay strong.

Now he couldn't wait for the season to start. Well, he was always a bit anxious to get to the first game of the season but now he had even more to work towards and the Olympic camp in Calgary had already got his juices going. The team was going to be great, no matter who he got to play with but he was already imagining what it was going to be like to play against Geno and Ovie. That would be tough.

"Are you here already Creature?" Max called from the zamboni entrance where some of the guys were still arriving. Sidney grinned up at his friend. It was good that there would be a lot of the old familiar faces this season. There hadn't been as many changes over this summer.

"I'm not early, you're late!" Sid called back, stretching out his other leg before raising a hand to wave at Tanger and Fleur who were following close behind.

"That's because you don't know how to have fun," Max called back, raising his arm over his head, from which he was swinging something that looked a lot like a pair of ladies underwear, more specifically a thing. "We've been out team bonding. You should have come, right Tanger?" the furry Frenchman grinned at his two compadres who were nodding in agreement.

"Do I want to know?" Sid called back, crossing his left leg over his right behind him and feeling the stretch in his groin that place he injured too often and usually early in the season because he wasn't warmed up enough. That was something he wanted to avoid if he could this season.

"How many times have I told you that you should come to Blush? They have a great lunch menu!"

"Right," Sidney shook his head but couldn't help grinning and laughing with his friends. Sidney Crosby getting caught in a strip joint, right, he could read the headlines now. Even now that he was more than old enough he knew that it would still raise an eyebrow or two. Besides, his mother would never approve and Taylor was going through a feminist faze right now, not to mention what Natalie or Lauren and Stephanie would say. No, Sidney shook his head as he thought about it. That would definitely not be a smart move on his part.

Besides, he thought more seriously, sitting and watching some anonymous women get naked would probably not help him in his current situation. He'd never been a promiscuous kind of guy, he was sort of old fashioned when it came to physical relationships, so missing Randi was more than just emotional. He missed her body, the warmth and softness of it. He missed making love. He missed just being able to hold her soft skin next to his. He couldn't imagine how going to the rippers with the boys was going to help out with that.

"Want to do some passing?" Bill asked, tapping his young line mate on the shins as Sidney got to his feet.

"Sounds good," Sidney smiled towards his teammate, accepting the puck onto his stick and digging his skates into the fresh ice. Practice was good. It was his home away from home and now it was his shelter from the memories that wouldn't let him rest.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

"You have a request," Hannah grinned as she swept off the stage, an ice cream bucket stuffed with singles and fives swinging in her hand.

"What? I haven't even gone on yet," Mya mumbled, glancing over her shoulder at where one of the bouncers was waiting quietly to escort her to the private rooms near the back of the club. Her hands began to shake as she reached for the wig hanging on the edge of the mirror in front of her. She'd never done this back home but then she'd been new and the management at the Cecil had never made the newbies do lap dances or private shows.

Here everyone was expected to take her turn and Mya knew she couldn't afford to turn down the tips that a private show would offer, no matter how nervous it made her feel.

Taking a deep breath, Mya tugged on the long red wig from her second outfit and buckled up her fitted black lycra 'fire girl' costume jacket and grabbed her red plastic fire hat. It was a cheesy costume but the guys always ate it up and Blush had a whole set that worked well for the police and fire outfits. It was kind of like dress up and Halloween all at the same time and made it almost fun.

Or at least that's what she told herself as she followed the oversized over muscled bouncer through the back hallway where the only sound was the clicking of her knee high black boots on the concrete. The other women had told her that the guys really had to behave themselves, that she didn't have anything to worry about, and, as she studied the steroid monkey's back, she could believe he'd keep her safe. Still, she couldn't help but worry a little as he unlocked the door to the back of the set and stood aside to let her in.

It was pitch dark, but Mya knew where the ladder was bolted to the wall and where the blow up hydrant was. She felt along the wall and found the long rubber hose and straddled it as the music came on and the lights came up.

She heard them before she worked up the courage to actually look out at the faces of the young men sitting at the edge of the private stage. They were the same ones that had been sitting in genecology row for her last two shows, _the French boys_ as the other women called them. Mya breathed a little easier to see their big good natured grins as they cheered her on.

They seemed like okay guys and besides, they were big tippers. She wasn't entirely sure what exactly it was they were saying all of the time and she was pretty sure some it was pretty dirty but they didn't seem to mean anything by it.

Her apprehension trickled away as she danced. The more they cheered the more she enjoyed playing to them and she almost forgot that she was nude by the end of it when she reclined at the edge of the stage with the hose draped artfully across her lap. She held her plastic hat out and the four of them fell over each other to fill it.

They made her laugh with their four stooges routine. They reminded her of some of the guys at college. They were young and handsome, if better dressed, unruly and loud. She liked them. But they were customers and she was the dancer and that was a line she wasn't about to cross.

"Hey Sugar, _baby_, how about a lap dance?" the most burly but shortest one asked as he stuffed what looked curiously like a hundred dollar bill into her hat.

"Maybe some other time," Mya laughed as he waggled his thick eyebrows at her. "I have to go on the big stage soon." In fact Mya could hear the dj calling for her already. She was going to have to use the same costume. "But maybe if you're here tomorrow?" she added, glancing at the longer haired, pale friend with the wide happy grin. She could easily imagine herself draped over _his_ lap.

"Did you hear that Tanger? Looks like we'll be having lunch here again tomorrow."

Mya held the gaze of the one with the long dark hair and the dark, soulful brown eyes.

"Then I guess I'll see you tomorrow."

* * *

Pressing her fingers to her lips, Mya pressed a kiss to the faded brass plaque and smiled. She felt better for having come to this place. There'd been something missing since she'd arrived in the city and now Mya felt like maybe she knew what it was. Her namesake, her favourite Aunt, lay beneath the grass she was sitting on. It had been too long she decided as she finally withdrew her hand from the cool metal, even as she continued to gaze down on it.

She hadn't been there when her Aunt died. In actual fact her Aunt had forbidden her from getting out of her exams to come and sit by her bedside. 'You don't want to see me like this kiddo', she'd said over the phone, followed by one of those twenty questions sessions that she'd grown used to.

Did she have a boyfriend? Was he cute? How was school? Were her profs assholes? Was there anyone cute in her class?

Mya smiled as she remembered their last conversation. It hadn't been like Auntie M was dying at all. It had been just like it had always been, like talking to a best friend, which was really what she thought of when she thought about her Aunt who had only been a few years older than herself. The '_oopsie'_ the family called her, the mistake. Years younger than her other siblings, she'd been Mya's babysitter and co conspirator. She had helped her sneak out on covert dates, had even supplied the beer for a couple of secret parties when her parents had been away.

Auntie M had been the coolest Aunt anyone had ever had. It had almost broken Mya's heart when she'd moved away to marry an American soldier she'd met on vacation. Not that she could blame her. Steve was tall and well built and had the most perfectly white teeth she'd ever seen. He was one of those über handsome all American football hero types and he'd loved Auntie M like crazy.

Mya hoped she'd find her own prince charming one day. She'd almost thought she had in PEI but....

Shaking her head and laughing at the direction her thoughts had taken, Mya pushed herself up to her feet and checked her watch. She had to be at class soon but she had a couple of stops to make on the way still. She turned to Steve pacing not too far from where she was standing. It was hard for him to be here still, even after a year she knew. He said he didn't find it comforting or anything like that, and besides, he'd added with a twinkle in his eye as they'd driven here, if he wanted to talk to her Aunt all he had to do was close his eyes.

Mya had decided she didn't want to know what he was thinking about that made him smile that way.

Glancing back towards the plaque, Mya bent to put the flowers she'd brought into the little glass vase that sat on the corner of it when something caught her eye. No, not something she decided, but _someone. _She might not have recognized him right away when they'd met in PEI, but with him and his comrades constantly in the local news, Mya now knew with absolute certainty exactly who she was looking at now.

She watched as he repeated the motion she'd done earlier, pressing his full lips to his fingertips and then in turn pressing his fingers against the plaque beside which he was sitting. She felt her heart flutter in her chest, a feeling as light as butterfly wings. The mixture of acute sadness and adoration in his face touched something in her and Mya couldn't help but smile.

Handsome _and_ sweet, Mya was beginning to think maybe he wasn't as big a jerk as she had thought.

She should leave him be. He was obviously having a private moment. It would be rude to intrude. She turned to go but he looked up and their gazes met and Mya couldn't help but smile.

He was _so_ handsome.

* * *

"So they tried me at wing and I mean, I can play wing, that's not a problem but I just don't know why they can't find me two wingers instead of putting Max at centre. I'm better at face offs than he is anyway. I wish I could just have Army back. You never met him, but you'd like him," Sidney grinned as finished pulling the few weeds the gardeners had missed around her plaque. He made a little pile out of them, intending to toss them in the garbage on his way out. "So did Tish tell you? She's pregnant. Gronk's all excited. He can't wait to have his own Tim-bits team. He wants to get married but you know Tish. She says she doesn't want all that and he doesn't have to marry her just because she's pregnant but I think they'll end up doing it. Maybe not now. Maybe after the season." Taking the bouquet he'd bought on the way here, he unwrapped its paper covering and reached for wilted bouquet that was in the ceramic vase Natalie had given him to put here. He put the wilted flowers on the paper and tossed the weeds in with them and then slipped the new flowers in the vase. This was his routine now. Chat. Flowers. Sit and think for a while and then leave her with a kiss.

Unfortunately he didn't have time for the sit and think today though. Today they had afternoon practice too.

The season started soon. He could feel it in the crisp air and see it in the leaves on the trees turning their autumn colours of red and orange and yellow. Soon there would leaves scattered on her grave. Time was passing and yet it still felt like only yesterday that he'd held her in his arms, like it was only a few days ago that he'd won the cup. But time _was_ passing and yet it seemed to stop when he was here.

"Sorry I have to go so soon babes," he sighed, pressing a kiss to his fingertips before transferring it to the grave marker, his hand covering her name. He could feel the remnants of the sun on it where the metal held onto the heat. "I have to be back at the rink soon and I promised I'd meet Jordy at a jewellers. He doesn't trust his own taste and I think I agree with him," he grinned, imagining Jordy getting something out of a bubblegum machine and being happy with it. "I'll see you in a couple days, I promise," he added, getting to his feet and dusting off his jeans. He turned to head up the path towards his Land Rover when he saw a familiar face smiling up the hill at him.

Mya.

He felt his heart pause in his chest and he looked around for some way of disappearing.

It was childish, he knew, but all the same, he looked around for a bush to hide behind, an empty grave to jump into. He didn't want to see her, especially not here.

This was the same reason he'd never showed up for the dinner he'd asked her out for. He wasn't ready, it was too soon and it was unfair to Randi's memory. He was still in love with Randi and yet, when he'd been with Mya, it had been easy to forget and he didn't want to forget. Even though there were people, friends, that thought he should move on, that he was too young to tie himself to a memory, he disagreed. Whether anyone else understood it or not, he was still in love with Randi and he didn't see that changing. Not anytime soon and that meant not being around Mya.

Not that it was her fault that she was beautiful and funny and a little outrageous but he was sure the only reason he felt attracted to her was that she reminded him of Randi and he'd made up his mind that he wasn't going to lead her on and he wasn't going to have one of those meaningless rebound relationships to make himself feel better. He wanted to feel the pain. Pain was good. No pain no gain and he didn't feel the pain when he was with Mya.

But it would be just plain rude not to at least say hello and he did have to leave soon so it wasn't like he could even ask her for coffee. He had a perfect out.

He made his feet move, putting one foot in front of the other, telling himself this was no worse than having to talk to reporters after a loss. Better, in fact, because she was pretty, a hell of a lot nicer to look at than most of the middle aged, balding sports reporters he dealt with on a regular basis.

"Hey," she called as he drew near, her lips turning up in a warm smile.

"Hi yourself," he managed, the scent of flowers from the graves around them suddenly changing to something more exotic, spice laden, _her_ scent. He'd smelled it before, in P.E.I. It had filled his head then, making him think of things that he didn't want to think about. Things that made him feel like he was tarnishing Randi's memory. "I'm sorry I didn't call," he began but she smiled and shook her head.

"You're a busy guy. I watch the news," she replied biting down on her bottom lip, like she was trying not to laugh. He felt himself grinning in response. The news...yeah, he guessed he'd been on the news a lot lately, too much if anyone cared to ask him. "So...is that a..._was_ that a friend?" she asked, glancing over his shoulder and waving her hand in the general direction of Randi's plot. Sidney found himself looking back longingly at the indentation in the grass where he knew the plaque lay with her name on it, next to the flowers he'd left.

"Yeah, a _good_ friend," he mumbled, feeling that knot of emotion tightening in his stomach whenever he thought of Randi being gone.

"I was just visiting my Aunt," Mya was explaining when he turned back to her. "I think I told you about her." Sidney nodded, vaguely remembering something about that being part of the reason Mya had chosen to finish her education her in Pittsburgh. She was smiling at him but he could see the expectation in her eyes.

He knew she was waiting for him to offer to take her out again but Sidney kept his mouth closed tight, even though he could see that the silence made her uneasy but it was for her own good. She'd only read something into it that wasn't there. Besides, he had places to be.

* * *

"I ummm have to be at class soon," she said finally when the silence had gone on so long that she knew she was starting to squirm. He was staring at her like he was staring through her, like he was angry. She should have left him alone, Mya thought to herself. He probably had people interrupting him all the time. She didn't blame him for being a little miffed. Still, he'd never seemed this...moody before. But that was then, this is now, she reminded herself. This was his turf and she'd butted in like she knew him or something. "So, I guess maybe we'll run into each other again sometime?" she added, wondering if she sounded too eager, too hopeful.

"Yeah, me too. I mean, I have practice this afternoon so...," he smiled at her and Mya felt her stomach erupt with butterflies. Damn, he was really as devastatingly handsome as she remembered.

"Well, it's good to see you survived all that attention with the parades and everything," she heard herself saying and immediately bit down on her tongue before she said anything else idiotic. Where had that come from?

"Yeah...yeah I did," he laughed and his entire face lit up. She loved the lines around his eyes. Laugh lines. They told the story of the young man she'd met back in P.E.I., the carefree funny young man with the dimples. She couldn't help but trace those lines with her eyes now, her gaze naturally following those lines down to his dimples, to the lines around his mouth, those soft pink lips.

"Hey Princess, time for me to get back work." Steve's hand was suddenly on her shoulder, making her jump. She'd completely forgotten that he'd been waiting for her.

"Yeah...coming," she rolled her eyes at Sidney and he grinned back at her, though she was almost sure that he has shot Steve an unwelcoming look. Telling herself she was only seeing things, Mya forced herself to turn around and follow Steve to the car. After all, if he'd been interested he would have called. Hell, if he was at all interested he'd have asked her out now, but he hadn't. What more evidence did she need she asked herself as she slid into the passenger seat and tucked her leg inside before Steve pushed the door shut.

And yet he was still standing where they'd left him, she noticed, as the car rolled slowly along the drive and it seemed like he was watching them drive away. It had to be her imagination she decided. Only her overactive imagination could have the very handsome, incredibly talented and filthy rich Sidney Crosby staring longingly after her. She'd read too many Jane Austen novels lately.

He may be the Lord of the Manor, with Pittsburgh being his massive estate, and a little like Mr. Darcy with his dark moody exterior, but she was no Elizabeth Bennett. He was not going to save her from her sad, lonely little life, her tiny apartment and lift her into the life of fame and fortune. That was a story and this was real life.

"Who was that you were talking to?" Steve asked, turning the car onto the side street. Mya smiled to herself. Steve was such an NFL and NASCAR kind of a guy.

"Just a guy from Canada I know. You know we all know each other right? I mean we share sled dogs and go from igloo to igloo," she added with a grin. Steve shot her a tired sort of disapproving parental look that made her laugh.

"I was just asking a question My, no need to go all snarky on my ass."

"Sorry, it was just too easy. Do you want to dump me off downtown? I can take a taxi to work from there. I don't want you going out of your way. I mean, you're probably already late for work." Steve nodded and Mya turned her attention to the passing scenery.

Maybe it was just a day dream, Mya mused, but it was a nice dream all the same.


	3. Chapter 3

_Finally! I've been trying to upload this for 3 freaking days! So sorry about the unintedned wait but as a bonus not one but 2 chapters!_

Chapter 3

"Where'd Gronk go?" Max asked, turning in a circle like a drunken sailor with his hands shielding his eyes like he was searching for the horizon. Sidney shook his head and tried not to laugh. It would only encourage him.

"He's working up his courage to go back in there and pop the question," Tanger answered before Sidney had a chance to open his mouth. "Ou n'aves-tu pas attrapé cela?"

"I didn't think he actually had les boules," Max laughed, grabbing at his crotch in a rude gesture that made Sidney glance around to see if they were being watched. Sometimes Max could be so crude.

"They could have used a better picture," Sid mumbled to himself as he picked up the Sport Illustrated magazine, the one celebrating the Pens win. It was a couple of months old now but most of the stores in the 'Burgh seemed to still have a few in stock.

"Did you just say that?" Max chided him, elbowing him in the ribs and grinning. "I thought you didn't care about all that idolization stuff?"

"Yeah but if they're going to use a picture of me, why do I have to look all...idiotic like that?" Sidney bit back a less flattering word for what he thought he looked like in this particular picture. After all, they were in public and it he really didn't want to be overheard saying anything that could be taken wrong. If Max said it, everyone would just laugh but if he said it, they'd be talking about it on all the radio shows in hours. That was his life and he had long since accepted that he had to hold himself to a higher standard, fair or not.

"You look like that when you're playing mon ami," Tanger added, looking over his shoulder. "Très concentre. Très intense. And you're tongue is always hanging out like that. I'm surprised someone hasn't slashed it off."

"It does not. Not _all_ the time," Sidney argued, feeling his face heat with embarrassment as he quickly put the offending magazine back on the shelf.

"Oh oui, il fait." Max's laughter rang out, turning heads in the store. Not that he cared. Max loved to be the centre of attention. Sidney pulled his ball cap down further, hiding his eyes and shading his face. Sometimes he had no choice but to be the focus of attention but right now didn't have to be one of those times. "it should be me on that cover," Max continued in his booming voice, not caring who heard. "I'm a handsome stud, non?"

"Non," Tanger laughed, pushing Max into Sidney and almost sending Sidney flying into a young mother with a stroller. Only his superior balance and low center of gravity saved him from causing an accident that would probably end up with him being sued. He glared at his two friends. He knew they didn't mean anything by it. It was just the high spirits of college age guys with a lot of testosterone and pent up energy, not to mention in Max's case, a sugar rush. Sid glanced at the Big Gulp in his friend's hand and shook his head.

"You're not going to be hot with the ladies for long if you keep feeding that beer gut Max," he pointed out, causing Max to look down at his expanding paunch and make a face. "C'mon man, we have our first pre-season game in a couple of days. I think it's time you stopped going for beer and wings at lunch and started staying at the rink with me and doing some weights."

"Can I help it if I'm built solid?" Max grinned apparently impervious to Sid's comments.

"Pile pleine de merde de chien," Kris muttered, barely able to keep himself from laughing. That is until Max feigned being mortally wounded by his words, grabbing his chest and reeling like he was about to go down for the count and then both Krs and Sidney laughed until their sides hurt.

"Alright, alright," Max held up his hands, clearly defeated. "I'll work out with you today, if Tanger does too." He added to which Kris only shook his head with a secretive smile on his face.

"I believe we were promised a lap dance and I think we're already late, so if you're not coming, I'll see you guys later. Bonsoir mes amis." Kris grinned, slapping both of his friends on the back before he turned to go.

"If you get her number don't even tell me, I don't want to know," Max called after him, before turning to me with an utterly pathetic look on his face. "Can't we go? Just one more time?" he begged, pushing out his bottom lip and making it quiver. Sidney only shook his head. "Seriously, you were a lot more fun in Coal Harbour."

"Yeah well, it's back to business now and besides, I seem to remember you telling me how disappointed you were in me for not taking any wobbly pops with me out on the lake on my birthday. Make up your mind Max. Either I'm fun or I'm not," Sidney grinned, pushing Max ahead of him towards the parking lot.

"So _not_ fun. No fun at all. You're Mr. No Fun. That's what I'm calling you from now on. No Fun Crosby," Max grumbled, leaving Sidney to shake his head as he followed him to the car.

* * *

"You have to take it home! It's your birthday."

Mya tugged off her wig and ran her fingers through her own hair before shaking her head again.

"If I eat any more of that cake, I won't be able to go out there and dance. You'll have to roll me out the door. Give it the bartender or something. Honestly, it was good but if I take that home I will sit in front of my computer to do my article for class tomorrow and I will just eat that, not dinner, so you have to take it away from me," she explained, laughing as Hannah made a face but put the remnants of the cake back in the box without further argument.

Twenty-three. Mya leaned into the mirror and looked for new lines on her face. With all this make-up on, she felt older, but inside she still felt nineteen. She pulled her eyes up and made a face at herself in the mirror. 'This is me at forty' she thought to herself, 'after my first face lift'.

"Don't start doing that," Cassidy laughed, looking up from where she was applying her eyes shadow like she was painting by numbers. Mya watched her for a moment, appreciating the almost cartoon like look that the older dancer was going for and then turned back to stare at her own reflection. "You're way too young to be looking at yourself like that."

"I know I probably sound like some kind of self absorbed brad but...when I'm out there and the guys are all going crazy and it's funny, I feel really confident, you know? But then I'm walking down the street and I don't have all the eyeliner and lipstick and hair and all that and sometimes I just think guys don't notice me, you know?" Cass stopped what she was doing and put her brush down and considered Mya for a long moment before making one of those 'you don't know what you're talking about' faces.

"Maybe if you didn't wear the sports bra and the sweatshirt to class they would," the older woman pointed out matter-of-factly. Mya looked down at her Penguins sweatshirt and faded jeans. She almost opened her mouth to say something like 'but it's comfortable' but decided against it.

"I guess I'm just paranoid because the last guy I liked never called." Mya admitted, gathering her bag and coat as she headed for the door. She hadn't quite been able to chase away all thoughts of Sidney and now with a pair of tickets to the first game of the season in her purse from the girls for her birthday, she couldn't escape the insecure feelings that thoughts of him seemed to perpetuate.

"Well if he doesn't think you're cute as a button he's either gay or has more baggage than you want to deal with anyway honey," Hannah grinned as tugged her own wig off and placed it carefully on the foam bust at her station.

"Thanks Han, at least I know you care right? See you girls tomorrow," Mya called, finding herself smiling as she pushed open the back door and headed out into the grey evening. The nip in the air made her pause at the end of the alley to put on her jacket.

"You're her, right? You're Sugar." Mya tugged her jacket out, keeping to the shadows near the wall as she glanced sidelong at the direction of the voice. A young man stood near the entrance, baseball cap pulled down low over his face so that it was only shadow. She finished pulling on her jacket and then slid her hand into the pocket, feeling for the can of mace she kept there. This was just one of the negatives of this job. Clients waiting for you, thinking that because you gave them a smile, maybe even flirted a little, that you were really interested. They didn't seem to get that you were just hoping for a bigger tip.

Tentatively stepping out of the alley, Mya glanced up at her picture displayed in the blackened window of the club. It was her in her fire girl outfit, right down to the hat, but with the jacket held open enough to show a whole lot of cleavage and her belly button. It was a good picture but Mya was almost certain that the red hair and all the make-up hid her true identity.

She glanced at the two bouncers standing at the front door and reminded herself that if she shouted now, they would come running and this guy didn't look like he'd be able to put up much of a fight. Not with the steroid abusing apes that worked for the club anyway.

"No," she replied coolly, heading down the street without looking back. If he followed her, one of the bouncers was bound to notice and if not she could always hit him with the mace and scream until someone came.

"Wait! I'm not stalking you. I mean it looks like it I guess but I was here, earlier, with my friends...." He appeared in front of her, turning so that he was facing her and walking backwards. Mya had to admit he seemed good at it, going backwards. He didn't seem too worried about tripping or falling. If she'd done the same thing she knew damn well she would have fallen already. He pulled off his ball cap and shook loose his dark hair.

She recognized his accent and his kind dark eyes. He was one of the French boys. Mya stopped in her tracks, nearly causing him to stumble backwards, but with a certain amount of grace, he managed to find his feet. She reached out to steady him and found her hand in his. They were surprisingly soft.

"My name's Kris," he said softly, his dark gaze holding hers'. She nodded. She'd done her homework. She'd had a nagging feeling she recognized them and it hadn't taken too much work to figure out exactly who they were after one of this friends, the stockier, hairier one had tried to take over the dj booth and the crowd had gone a little wild over it.

"You play for the Pens," she added and was sure, despite the fact that the impending darkness hid it, that he was blushing. She could tell just by the way he ducked his head to the side.

"I didn't think it was so obvious," he muttered in his thickly accented English.

"I would think you'd have to be dead from the neck up not to know who you guys are. You're like huge celebrities now," she added and was rewarded with a shy, crooked smile.

"I'm sorry if I scared you," he added, neatly changing the subject. "Can I take you for coffee, to make up for it?" he asked, shyly but with a twinkle in his dark eyes that was clear, even in the deepening twilight.

This was a line that you didn't cross. It was a hard and fast rule that she'd been told when she started stripping back home. You don't go out with clients. Not for any reason. Do that and they think they have rights the other patrons don't. Not to mention that if word gets out that it gives the rest of the clientele ideas.

Mya started to shake her head but there was a small part of her that wanted to say yes if only so she could ask him about Sidney and that part of her smiled back at him. One coffee couldn't hurt.

"Très bien," he grinned back at her. It wasn't quite the boyish toothy grin that Sidney wore so easily but it was easy and open and Mya decided he looked harmless enough as she fell into step beside him. She also decided that it was the kind of smile that said that he was almost as uncertain as she felt and she wondered how many girls said yes for exactly the same reason she had just done. As handsome as he was, she couldn't help but wonder how many girls treated him as nothing more than a stepping stone towards the ultimate prize, Sidney himself?

'Well I won't do that', Mya promised silently. 'I won't even say anything about meeting him.' After all, she decided, no matter how handsome Sidney might be and how prominently he'd figured in her dreams lately, he wasn't interested in her.

Besides, she decided, she always did like a handsome man with an accent.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

"I want you to take me to the Fall formal."

Sidney averted his eyes as soon as he opened the door to his room, assuming that whatever it was Lauren was wearing that left almost nothing to the imagination was lingerie. Now that she'd said something about a dance, Sidney allowed himself a quick peek and realized that though it was nothing like the girls would have worn back at Shattucks it was a dress, though the light blue coloured satin clung to Lauren's burgeoning curves and made it quite obvious that she was wearing absolutely nothing beneath it.

"You know I can't do stuff like that," he muttered, trying to find the right tone that wouldn't send her crying to her mother but would make her leave. "Besides I have a game in a couple days and...."

"I checked the schedule, you don't have a game on Friday, you can go," Lauren replied matter-of-factly, as if that made it alright, which of course it did not.

"That doesn't change the fact that I can't do stuff like that," Sidney reiterated as he tossed his keys into the ceramic bowl near the door and headed for his bathroom, fully intending on slamming the door shut on her and locking it.

"You can for me. I mean you couldn't for just anyone but, hello? This is me. I'm Mario's daughter. Everyone expects it." Sidney stopped in his tracks, his hand hovering above the door handle, trying to make sense out of what he was hearing.

He'd heard some rumblings, internet rumours mostly, that had him 'saving himself' for when Lauren became legal. The guys in the room thought it was funny but then they didn't have to live with her. He'd done his best to ignore her flirtatious ways and not to give her any reason to treat him as anything but a big brother but it had become a loosing battle lately.

Like at the barbeque, after they'd won the Cup. He'd gotten himself so drunk, trying to drown all his thoughts and memories of Randi, that Lauren had nearly ended up in his bed. She'd been so sympathetic and sweet that through the haze of JD and tequila, when she'd suggested it, it had almost seemed like a good idea. It was only by the intervention of the couple of fathers, Gill and Geurin, that had helped avert disaster by putting the Cup in his arms and pretty much carrying him off to bed.

And then the pictures had shown up on her face book page.

Mario was obviously right. It was time for him to find his own space, away from Lauren. It was best for her and it was definitely best for him.

"No Lauren. I can't go," he contemplated his next words carefully but decided that it would hurt her less if he said them than if he didn't. "I have a date that night."

"A date? You cry yourself to sleep like...every night. You said you weren't going to date anymore for like...a while."

Sidney nodded. Of course it was true. He couldn't see himself letting down his guard to anyone, not for a long time. Because everyone he let himself care about was taken away. So no, he wasn't going to date, but he could maybe go for coffee. Maybe he owed her an explanation.

"I have a date with Mya. Sorry Lauren," he said quietly, pulling the door open to the bathroom and stepping inside, shutting the door behind him and turning the lock.

He needed to make a couple of calls. One to Tish and Jordy because he was going to need the keys to Randi's apartment and the second...he pulled his phone out of his pocket and began searching through his address book. He was sure her number was still in there, somewhere.

* * *

Mya stared down at her phone in utter disbelief. She was walking towards Kris's car with the handsome Frenchman leaning against it, his muscular arms crossed over his broad chest, looking very dishy indeed but that wasn't what was making her heart do aerobics in her chest.

"Hello?" she winced at the sound of her own voice, sounding higher than she'd ever heard come out of her mouth before.

"_Mya...hi...it's Sidney...Crosby_," he began and she bit back the retort that came to her mind first. Of course it is you idiot. You programmed your number into my phone, who else would it be?

"How are you?" she asked, trying to lower the timbre of her own voice and going for cool, composed, calm despite the fact that her heart was still hammering like crazy in her chest.

"_Uh...okay. Look the other day...I mean...at the cemetery. I was just...well look I think we sort of got off on the wrong foot and...well, no it was me. Anyway what I meant was I wanted to apologize if I was a bit of a jerk_." Mya bit down on the inside of her cheek and tried not to giggle. She was supposed to be the one all flustered and tongue tied, not the sexiest man on earth.

"I caught you off guard. It's fine," she responded, still biting down on her bottom lip to stop from smiling too wide. Kris was watching her now, wondering why she'd stopped, and she had to turn around and put her back to him to hide how red her face was becoming.

"_Well I wanted to apologize properly. I thought we could maybe go for coffee and start again_." Mya took a deep breath to stop herself from saying something idiotic like 'yes please' and doing a little Irish jig right on the spot. Instead she managed to keep her voice under control, just.

"That would be nice," she said at last, still having to bite down on her lip to stop from grinning.

"_Say Friday_?" he asked and Mya made a face. Friday was her busiest day. She had class and then work. Still...

"Well I have an opening at four before I go to work. If you want to meet me the campus...if that's okay?" she asked, wincing once again as she thought about the attention he might garner around a bunch of eighteen and nineteen year old girls. Not to mention all the sports crazy young men. She opened her mouth to suggest somewhere else but he was already saying yes.

"_Sounds good. Anywhere in particular I can meet you there_?" Mya gave him directions to the entrance closest to where her class was and began to walk towards Kris's car. By the time she was putting her phone back in her pocket Kris was holding the passenger door open for her and watching her curiously.

"Just meeting a friend after class on Friday," she explained brightly, meeting his dark curious gaze. He nodded, saying nothing as he closed the door and walked around to the driver's side. 'Just great', she thought as he slid behind the wheel and started the car, 'I hardly know either of them and I'm already lying my head off.' It wasn't a good start. She had to admit it and yet she couldn't stop smiling either.

* * *

"You don't have to do this you know."

Sidney's hand shook as he put the key in the deadbolt but he wasn't going to back out now. He was determined to go through with it. After all, what choice did he have really? He couldn't go back to Mario's. Not after what had happened with Lauren.

"You know it's not going to be the same. Like all her clothes are gone and I changed the sheets and a lot her knick knacks are gone...," Tish continued, as if what she was saying was going to change the fact that he had to do this. He had to go inside. He had made the decision, this was where he was going to live, for the time being anyway, and it was too late to change his mind.

He noticed Jordan said nothing but then Jordan had said very little to him since that night. Like lot of the guys, Jordan had kept his distance through the summer. Even Flower, and they were supposed to be best friends. But then they both had their significant others and he did not, not anymore.

Sidney pushed the door open and held his breath. It was crazy, he knew, and he knew it wasn't going to really happen but there was a part of him that hoped, that expected, Randi to be there, on the couch, waiting for him. His chest grew tight as he walked into the darkened, empty room.

She wasn't here. She really wasn't here.

Sure, it didn't look altogether different. The furniture was all the same, and her books were on the bookshelf, her cds and dvd's had been picked through, he could see but a lot of them were still there. But she wasn't there. He couldn't even feel her here. He couldn't smell her. It smelled too clean, antiseptic, bleach, and furniture wax filled the air.

She was gone.

He ran his hand along the back of the couch, memories flooding his mind. He could hear them moving around him, knew they were turning on lights, turning on the heat, pulling dust covers off, but he didn't really care. He had his eyes closed, calling her face into his mind.

He could see her smiling up at him now, her emerald eyes glittering, her soft sweet lips ripe and waiting. God he missed her.

He could feel the tears welling up in his eyes and he didn't even try to fight them. He'd cried in front of Tish and Jordan before and he suspected he might again. He didn't even try to break away when he felt Tish's arms around him. In fact he leaned into her and allowed her to hold him. There had been a time when the two of them were like cats and dogs but that was yesterday. Now she was Jordy's girl, going to be Jordy's wife if he had anything to say about. Besides, she was his living link to Randi.

"Jay and I can stay here tonight, if you don't want to be alone?" she offered but Sidney shook his head. He actually wanted to be alone tonight, alone with his memories, maybe it would help. Maybe it wouldn't, but he had to try.

"Thanks but I think I'll be okay." He looked over to where Jordy was dropping his bags. He'd unpack tomorrow, if he made it through the night.

"I'll take her away," Jordan offered, holding his hand out for Tish to take. "It's the hormones. They make her very maternal."

"Hormones hey? So I can't do anything nice, is that what you're trying to say Jay-boy, because if it is I'll give you hormones. Oh yeah I will show you what hormones do," Tish snarled, advancing on her grinning boyfriend with her claws out. Jordan just laughed and Sidney couldn't help but grin at the two of them. They seemed perfect for one another.

He'd almost had that, once.

"Thanks for coming with me though. See you at the rink tomorrow," Sidney sighed, watching them go with a certain amount of apprehension.

And yet he knew he had no choice. He had to have his own space and he couldn't see himself rambling around in a big house like he did back in Coal Harbour. It wouldn't feel right. He wasn't used to it. He hoped Randi understood. He hoped being close to her would make it easier to be alone.

With a sigh, he headed over to his bags and started for the bedroom.

* * *

It had been quite a night Mya thought as her gaze was drawn to the crooked smile on the lips that she knew she was going to be kissing very soon. It had started with the promise from one of her professors of a part time job at one of the new stations as a writer, then Sidney Crosby had asked her out and now...well her young Frenchman had made her nearly forget about all of those things. He didn't talk a lot, she'd noticed, but he did things to her with those dark brown eyes of his that made her legs get all rubbery.

There had to be a catch somewhere.

"So when do you do the whole I don't want you stripping thing?" she asked as he leaned his forearm over her head and leaned towards her, his other hand holding hers, his thumb stroking across the back of her knuckles in a way that was almost like being hypnotized.

"I would never presume to tell you what to or not to do," he said softly, his accent making it sound like he was reading poetry. "I come from a family of strong women. If I told you what to do, I'd be afraid of what they would do to me," he added with a grin, before his expression turned serious again. "It's your body, your job. I'm sure you make decent money from it. There's only one thing I would ask," he added, mischief making his dark eyes dance.

"What's that?" she asked, feeling a little breathless as he leaned close enough that she could taste the whiskey he'd been drinking at dinner.

"Maybe you could _not_ do it for my friends anymore, hmm?" he suggested, leaning in to press his lips over hers'. Mya felt her heart surge against her ribs as his chest pressed against her, as his hand let go of hers' to slide around her waist, to bring her body up hard against his.

* * *

Sidney leaned into the shower and stuck his hand under the spray, testing the heat of the water. Satisfied that it was warm enough but not too warm, he stepped onto the tiles, closing the sliding glass doors behind him. He stuck his head in the spray and tried not to think about anything. He had a game tomorrow. He had to get his head back on straight. He'd won the cup, but that was over now. This was a new season. He had to concentrate. He had to get down to business.

Opening his eyes again, Sidney reached for the shampoo Tish had put in the shower for him. It was a good thing she'd thought of it, he thought as he opened the bottle and the ripe scent of apples filled the air. He squeezed a little of the green liquid into his hand and turned to put the bottle back on the chrome shower caddie and then his heart stopped.

The steam in the shower had fogged up the glass, all but a childlike heart drawn in the steam with his initials in it.

His eyes filled with tears and a sob escaped from his lips as his fingers reached out towards the naively drawn heart. She'd put it there. Randi had drawn that heart and placed his initials in it because she loved him and he loved her and he always would.


	5. Chapter 5

_I'm telling you, no warning you right now...nah, that's no fun, you'll just have to deal with it. _

**Chapter 5**

She tried to be surreptitious about it, but she kept a close eye on her watch with the promise to herself that she wasn't going to wait for him as long as she had done last time. Sure it was Sidney Crosby and of course there were plenty of reasons he might not be able make it, more so in the 'Burgh than in P.E.I. but still, if he was going to stand her up again, she'd promised herself she wouldn't wait an hour. Luckily it wouldn't be quite so obvious in a Starbucks as it had been in the quaint little restaurant on the Island.

Mya had the paper open in front of her but found that she was only reading the same lines over and over again. She was also nervously drumming her fingers on the table. She wondered if he kept all of his dates waiting like this. That would explain why a catch like him was still single she mused as she raised her personal cup to her lips and took a long swig of the still warming but definitely cooling liquid.

That's when she caught sight of him sitting behind the wheel of his Land Rover in the parking lot, staring into the window at her, like maybe he was having second thoughts. Like maybe he wasn't planning on coming in.

She wondered if it might be because of Kris, but then he'd said that he and Sidney weren't really that close. Actually what he'd said was that Sidney wasn't that close to anyone, except maybe Max and Fleury which hadn't made much sense to her as those two were the ones he'd been with when he'd been at Blush. Not that she'd asked too many questions. She'd done her best to keep it on the down low as far as Sidney was concerned.

After all, it wasn't like she was committed to the guy. She hadn't even let Kris into the apartment, despite the fact that he'd left her feeling like a bowl of Jello, all wiggly and unable to stand without support. Of course he hadn't pressed her either. He'd actually been a complete gentleman the entire night.

Not like Sidney, she thought as she watched him sit there, as if she couldn't see him. What did he think he was doing? Damn it, she sighed, forcing herself to stare down at the paper in front of her as if she hadn't seen him. What did he think she was going to do? Bite? Well she would if he asked nicely but only if he ever got off that insanely round ass of his and got himself in here.

It wasn't like there was a big crowd around for him to worry about either. At this time of the day most of the students were either heading home or to work. There were just a few stragglers who looked like they needed an iv of joe before they were willing to dare getting on the roads and a few evening students grabbing their double latté before heading to class.

She briefly considered taking her coffee and walking out to his Land Rover but just as she'd worked up the courage and rolled up her newspaper, he slid into the seat across from hers', ball cap pulled low over his eyes, which was very incongruous with the dark blue and lilac pinstriped suit he was wearing with the matching lilac tie.

"You look sharp," she offered as he glanced around like he was expecting to be rushed at any moment and Mya decided until she'd been in his shoes she had no right to the unkind thoughts that entered her mind about his ego. She was still a little bitter about being stood up before, she decided, leaning back in her chair and regarding him casually.

"Thanks. Uh...I hope you haven't been waiting long." Mya narrowed her eyes at him. Was he kidding? He'd been sitting out there watching her. She opened her mouth to say as much when his gaze finally met hers' and she could see the strain in his face.

"Whatever, it's fine," she mumbled instead, swallowing the biting words that were on the tip of her tongue. "I guess this isn't really your usual pre-game thing," she added, trying to sound understanding. He nodded, his hands clasped on the table as his caramel coloured gaze searched hers' and Mya felt her heart start to do that fluttery bird thing again. It always seemed to do that around him but this time it seemed sort of unfair, what with Kris and all....

"Well I thought I...no, I owe you an explanation about before," he began, taking a deep breath before blowing it out through his full pink lips like he does before a face off she thought. Oh hell, this can't be good.

"You have a girlfriend. That's it isn't it?" she said suddenly, putting the pieces together. The corners of his lips turned up in a smile but his eyes looked sad as he shook his head.

"No, nothing like that. I just...," his voice trailed off as he unclasped his hands and began to pick at the edge of the table. Mya's attention was naturally drawn to his hands. He had long, strong looking fingers. "I just have so much going on. I didn't want you to think it had anything to do with you or anything." Mya chewed on her lip as she tried to decipher what he was trying to say and the earnest look in his eyes as he looked up at her from beneath the brim of his ball cap. He obviously wanted her to believe him and there was no way to deny that he was probably the busiest guy in the city but then again, she'd never asked anything of him either.

"Yeah, I imagine you are a busy guy," she began, wondering if she should tell him that whatever he was thinking he was off the hook, that she had Kris but the words died on her lips when he began picking at the edge of the table and continued his explanation.

"I just didn't want you to think that I umm just go around standing people up. I mean, that's not normally me but things are kind of...complicated right now and I'd like to be able to like...keep in touch and maybe when things settle down I can call you?" Mya's heart did that fluttering thing again as he looked up at her for the second time with that same intense plea in his gaze.

"Yeah, of course," she heard herself answer before she even had a chance to absorb what he was saying. He was putting her on the sidelines and making her feel grateful for it, and yet she couldn't be mad at him. How could she when he was giving her those great big puppy dog eyes?

"Thanks," he said, letting out a long, relieved sounding breath. "Can I pay for that?" he asked, reaching into his breast pocket, that wide boyish smile of his reappearing. Mya shook her head, gathering her books and coffee and pushing her chair back. "Can I at least drop you off somewhere?" Mya considered having him drop her off at the club but decided against it. After all, she knew he had to be at the arena soon. Kris had said something about their having to be there by four thirty. It seemed ridiculously early to her but then she wasn't a professional athlete and she knew it took her ages to be ready to go on stage, with the make-up and costumes and stretching.

"Thanks but maybe some other time," she muttered as she stepped around the table, finding herself with her chest nearly pressed against his. She looked up into his handsome features, trying very hard not to look like an owl as he reached for her books.

"I don't mind. It's the least I can do," he insisted, sliding her books from beneath her arm. Mya nodded mutely and followed him out the door to his waiting vehicle, walking around to the passenger side and waiting patiently, if nervously for him to open the door. Her mind was reeling. Had any other man in the history of the world given her a brush off like that, Mya knew she would normally have laughed in his face and told him that he could easily be replaced and yet here she was, silent and meek sitting next to him like she was happy about it.

This was so not her.

"I only live a couple of miles from here. You can drop me off there. I need to pick something up before I go to work anyway," she lied, suddenly making the decision that she didn't want him to know where she worked and she was even beginning to feel more than just a little foolish.

"So I guess I can't offer you tickets to the game tonight?" he said suddenly, reaching into his pocket. Mya afforded him half a smile but shook her head.

"I'd like to but gotta pay the bills. Class during the day, work at night." She had been going to say 'you know how it goes' but he didn't. Of course he didn't. Just like he was probably assuming that she was going to be just thrilled to sit around and wait for him to call her. The boy had some nerve.

"So you're putting yourself through college?" he asked, having the cheek to actually look at her as if he admired her for it. Mya nodded and turned her attention to the passing streetlights. It was too hard to look at his dimples and his long eyelashes and those plush pink lips of his and be mad and right now, she wanted to be mad. "I wanted to take some courses. I looked into it but uh...just no time you know?" She didn't know but she could imagine so she shrugged and made a noise that if he wanted to, he could take as agreement.

"It's just right up here, at the corner," Mya pointed to the apartment building and Sidney slowed, looking for a parking spot. She wanted to open the door and sprint into traffic. She wanted to turn and call him names for making her feel about an inch tall. She wanted to cry.

She didn't do any of those things as he pulled the SUV to a stop in front of her building. Instead she reached for her books and found his hands on top of hers'. She looked down at his hands and then up at those gold flecked eyes and felt her anger and resolve melting away. His gaze held hers' and she knew, without a shadow of a doubt that he was thinking about kissing her.

His gaze was fixed on her mouth and as she watched, he bit down on the corner of his bottom lip. Her pulse sped as he leaned towards her and she felt her hands go clammy as his gaze lost focus.

"I'll...I'll call you sometime," he mumbled, letting go of her hands and turning away from her, looking into his rear view mirror and checking his side mirror, like he hadn't just been studying her lips like they looked like they might be edible.

Mya stared at him, open mouthed and then shut her mouth with an audible click of teeth and climbed out of the car, running towards her front door, dropping her keys twice in her haste to get inside, away from where he might see the tears streaking down her cheeks.

* * *

"She said yes!"

Sidney looked up from tying his skates and watched Jordan crash through the doors, his arms held high, a broad smile of triumph on his face. Most of the guys got up to high five him but Sidney didn't move from where he was. It wasn't that he wasn't happy for his friend, because he was. Tish and Jordy made a good couple and he was happy for them both. He was also jealous as hell and he knew it and the last thing he wanted was for the little green monster to get in the way of his friendship any more than it already had.

So he kept to himself and knew that Jordy would understand.

"You want girl? I get nice Russian girl. One phone call." Sidney looked up at the big Russian and couldn't help but smile. Geno was getting more gregarious by the day as his confidence in his English grew. Still, he didn't talk a lot and though Sidney liked him well enough, he didn't really thing that Geno paid that much attention to the other guys lives outside of the arena. With a shrug, he shook his head.

"Thanks Geno but not right now. I don't need a girlfriend." Sidney wondered if he was saying that more to convince himself than his teammate, but decided he was thinking too much about that topic altogether for it being right before a game and an important game at that. The first game was always important. You had to set the tone for the season. He wanted to concentrate on what he had to do out there. He didn't need to be thinking about women.

"You know what you need," Max said, suddenly appearing before him. Sidney looked up at his be-whiskered friend and shook his head.

"I'm afraid of what you think I need," he admitted, thinking of all of the different drink concoctions and party ideas Max could come up with.

"You need to get laid. Forget all this relationship shit," he added with a mischievous grin, "just pick a girl, any girl, and take her home and fuck the shit out of her. You'll feel lots better, I promise." Normally Sid would either be dismayed by Max's bluntness or he would laugh. Today, he did neither. He had a point but at the same time, Sidney didn't think he could actually bring himself to do it. It seemed like it would dishonour Randi's memory somehow, which is exactly what he'd been thinking when he'd almost been overcome by the urge to kiss Mya.

"I just...after Randi...I don't think I could just go back to..._that_," Sidney tried to explain, shrugging as he went back to wrapping his laces, tugging them hard before going on to the left skate.

"Buddy, mon ami," Max dropped onto the bench beside him and slapped his back, hard enough to make Sid sputter and cough. "First, you need to get that out of your system." Max held his hands up defensively when Sidney shot him a dark look. "I'm not saying forget her, Je dis seulement fais un petit pas en avant. Ayes le sexe avec _une_ fille, you'll feel sooo much better. Uncle Max guarantees it."

Sidney shook his head. There was no way it would make him feel better to have a one night stand. He'd only end up feeling even guiltier than he did right now and he knew it.

"Thanks Max but I'll pass," he muttered, snapping off the laces in his hands as he pulled them too tight. He stared down at the frayed ends in his hands and then up at Max who threw up his hands and gingerly backed away.

* * *

Mya was putting her key in her lock for the third time today when she heard footsteps behind her. She smiled to herself. She'd managed to catch some of the third period on the television backstage. The Pens had won and she'd wondered if Kris would be in the mood to celebrate. Not that she'd called him. She didn't want to push. After all, she couldn't help but think what just stopping to say hello to Sidney had gotten her.

She was still aggravated when she thought of it but she wiped those feeling from her face as she turned to face Kris, painting a welcoming smile on her face instead.

Except it wasn't Kris. Instead, standing there with a bottle of wine in his hand was Sidney, looking sheepish but determined, his dark wavy hair still wet and plastered to his head in places, his tie askew, his dress shoes untied.

Mya was struck dumb with shock and for the second time, (or was it the third?), her keys dropped from her hand and rattled noisily on the floor. She looked down at them and then up at him and suddenly he was two steps closer to her, picking up her keys and reaching past her to put them in the lock.

She opened her mouth to ask him why he was there but his mouth was already on hers', kissing her until she couldn't breathe, his arm locked around her waist, his hard solid body pressed to hers', her back pressed firmly to the door. His tongue demanded entrance and she wasn't about to deny him, nor did she put up any kind of fight when his hand slid up the back of her sweatshirt and deftly undid the hook on her bra. The most she did do was squeal a little in surprise when the door swung open behind her. But even then, his grip told her that he wasn't about to let her fall.

"Where's the bedroom?" he asked hoarsely as he kicked the door shut behind him, reaching back with one hand to snap the bolt closed. She merely pointed, blinking at him in shock. He reached for her again, grabbing a handful of her hair and tugging on it just hard enough that she had to offer him her mouth, and he took it, hungrily. He began to walk her backwards, but seemed to decide it was too much trouble and grabbed a handful of her ass instead, encouraging her to wrap her legs around him which she did happily as she fed from greedily from his mouth.

He put her down on the bed carefully enough but was less careful with his clothes, yanking at his tie hard enough that Mya reached to help, afraid he'd hang himself with it but it was already sailing across the room and in a moment his dress shirt followed, landing somewhere on the floor behind him. The wine he left on the bedside table, for later she supposed, as if he was letting her know she was going to need hydration.

She didn't wait for his help, or for him to ask. Mya was already tugging off her sweatshirt and shrugging out of her bra, her hands shaking as she reached for the top button on her jeans but as she fumbled with them, is hands were suddenly there, tugging the denim off of her hips, taking her white cotton bikinis with them.

* * *

She'd been in his head all day, with her green eyes and her dark hair and her tanned skin. Max's words had also been in his head, playing with his mind, making his imagination go to dangerous, dark places that he wasn't sure he was ready for.

He'd wanted to kiss her this afternoon. Wanted it like he wanted to win, needed it like he needed air. It was only the thought of Randi's sweet and trusting face in the last moment that had stopped him from actually doing it. He'd told himself once he passed that line, there would be no going back and he knew he wasn't ready for that. No he wasn't ready for this but once he'd started to imagine it, imagine her soft supple skin under his hands, the taste of her in his mouth, he couldn't stop thinking about it either and somehow he'd found his way here and once he'd seen her...there wasn't going to be any going back.

Fortunately she didn't seem opposed to the idea. Part of him wished she would say no, at least long enough for him to regain his composure, to gather his wits about him, but as he looked down at her with his heart racing, there was still a part of him that knew that he shouldn't be doing this but he was also half afraid that if he stopped now he'd never work up the courage to do this again.

He was on her then, without so much as a word, dragging her hips to the edge of the bed and kneeling between her thighs, forcing them apart as his lips and tongue swept their way up her inner thighs until they found the soft wet heat of her pussy and he dove in like a man dying of thirst.

Her fingers dug into his scalp and he could hear her whimpering and crying out and those sounds only stoked the fire within him, like the crowd in the Mellon arena chanting 'go Pens go' when they were down by one in the middle of the third period. His blood boiled and his pulse beat like a war drum in his head and when he came up for air he heard himself growl, like he was no longer a man but a beast made of lust and desire. Like he had no control, like he'd given himself over to the darkness that lived within him.

Her whimpering did something else then as the red mist came down. She became prey to his predator and when his fingers dug into the muscular flesh of her thighs he knew that no matter what happened now, there would be no going back. She was his as surely as the puck was on his stick in the corner and he would defend all comers and fight with tooth and claw and blood would be spilled.

When she arched her back, her body pushing against his, fitting over his, her breasts offered themselves up like rich, ripe fruit and he bit into the soft flesh as if he expected juices to flow from them, leaving dark, angry red welts behind and he didn't care because it wasn't enough. When she dragged a ragged breath through her clenched teeth and rolled her head to one side, exposing the long elegant white line of her neck, he bit into that, his teeth sinking into the thin flesh until he could taste the copper of her blood, until her pulse jumped under his tongue and still his hunger wasn't slaked.

He drove into her like a rutting bull, pushing hard and fast, as if he was searching for the end, as if he could never be deep enough and she raked at his back and begged him to go deeper, harder. Their bodies fought. Hers' to take him deeper, to force him over that sweet spot and his to have dominion, to force her to submit, but even when she did, even when her nails dug in and ripped at his flesh and she screamed out his name, it wasn't enough.

He shut his eyes against the pain and against the hot sucking heat of her body and drove on, reaching for that one moment when pain and desire gave way to the sweet oblivion of that little death and then it wasn't her whose body he was ploughing, nor was it Randi's. It was just a body. It could have been anyone's. He didn't want to see her green eyes then, or her dark hair. He just wanted release. Release from it all.

And so, Sidney, who never let go of control, gave up at last and with an agonized cry mixed with a choking sob. Spent, both physically and emotionally, he collapsed on top of her, burying his face in her neck so he wouldn't have to face her. She held tightly to him, her arms wrapped around his neck, her fingers twined in his hair. He could feel her chest rising and falling quickly beneath his, the sweat cooling on their skin, her pulse rapid against his cheek.

He wanted to apologize but didn't know how to begin. It was on the tip of his tongue to explain but didn't know where to start. So instead he just lay there, letting himself be held until she squirmed from beneath him and curled up in his arms.

He waited until her breathing slowed, until all he heard was the deep, slow breaths of sleep, and then he unwound himself from around her and slid out of the bed. Gathering his clothes, he crept out into the darkened living room and dressed quickly, silently, before slipping out the door and into the night.


	6. Chapter 6

_for the couple of you seem to need defibrulators when you read my chapters, I think you can safely put the paper bag down for this one. _

Chapter 6

He thought she was a whore, a prostitute. Some men assumed it was the same thing, stripping and tricking.

Curling around herself, Mya brought her knees up to her chest and willed the shaking away but wasn't ready to get up or turn off the shower, despite the fact that the water spilling out over her had long since gone cold. She wanted not to feel his touch, wanted to wash away their mingled sweat and mostly she wanted to wash away his sticky seed that still clung to her thighs.

Kris must have told Sid about her job. She couldn't remember him ever being at the club. She was sure she'd remember if he had. There was no other explanation for it, for the change in the way he behaved, in the way he'd treated her and the fact that he left...he'd just..._left_.

She'd gone from elation, hoping, no _believing_ that he'd come to his senses and was finally admitting that there was something between them. She'd felt it every time they'd met, a sort of electricity in the air. Not to mention the fluttering birds that always showed up in her stomach every time he even looked at her. He'd kissed her like he meant it, like their lips were meant to be locked - _forever_. And the sex...Mya shut her eyes tight and tried to shut the vision of him moving over out of her mind but it wouldn't go.

He was amazing. No, he was better than amazing but she couldn't think of any words that went together with douchebag and loser.

He'd left a wad of bills on the floor, _on the fucking floor_. He'd gotten up and left right afterwards without so much as a fucking word and tossed money on the floor. Like she wasn't even a good enough lay to leave it on the pillow, she was supposed to crawl on the floor to pick it up. Like she was the pond scum.

_The fucking asshole_.

She'd feigned sleep. He hadn't seemed to be in the mood for talking and he'd already left her boneless and she hadn't quite trusted herself to say more than some gibberish like she loved him or something, so she'd kept her mouth shut too. It had seemed like that's what he wanted, to just fuck and go to sleep so she had closed her eyes and did her best to let him think that's exactly what she was doing, assuming he'd do the same.

It had taken every last ounce of willpower not to get up and run after him to the door, to drag him back inside, to beg him not to leave.

She just couldn't believe it. Not of him. He'd always seemed so nice, so polite. What was it the Americans always said? Wasn't it something about polite unassuming Canadians? Good Canadian boys?

Not for the first time, Mya cursed herself out for believing in fairytales that never come true as she leaned her forehead on her knees and cried. She cried for the dream that would never be. She cried because she'd believed she could do what she did for money and leave it behind and not have it affect the rest of her life. She cried because she'd truly believed Kristopher when he'd said that it didn't matter. She cried because it was so unfair. She cried for herself. She cried for every woman that those boys would make cry.

And they would, the assholes. They would.

* * *

It had been a monumental mistake. A mistake of utter nuclear proportions, Sid thought as he drove across the highway at speeds that would earn him a night in the clink if he was caught and yet he didn't care. He had to get away from there, miles and miles away and still that wouldn't be far enough.

He could taste her skin in his mouth. She tasted like lavender and Dove soap and fucking baby powder. She was beautiful and amazing and fucking mind-blowing and he hated her, every fucking gorgeous inch of her.

He closed his eyes, just for a moment and called up Randi's memory, bringing her sweet open face to the forefront of his memory and only then could he breathe. It was still there. She was still there in his memory. For a moment he'd actually believed she might be gone, as punishment, his memories of her might have been erased. But he could still see her, still feel her, still hear her voice when he closed his eyes and reached for her.

Taking a deep breath he opened his eyes and turned the vehicle towards the off ramp.

He hadn't been able to sleep. Not for a long time. In fact he couldn't remember the last time he'd actually slept all the way through the night.

The pain was stronger then he was and it worried him. He worried what it would mean for the season. He'd found out tonight.

He was a count slow. He hadn't won a single war over the dot. He'd met the boards face first too many times to count. He'd missed three open net shots. He was sluggish. He was tired. He hadn't been a Stanley Cup champion out on the ice tonight and Max's words had haunted him. He wanted to feel better. He didn't want to let his teammates down. He didn't want to disappoint the fans.

Just have sex with some girl and you'll feel better.

But he didn't feel better. He felt like he was drowning. He was kicking and treading water but he was drowning.

At least before he'd felt like he was just sort of floating, aimlessly, but floating. Now he felt the rip tide beneath him and it was dragging him under and he didn't think he had the strength left to fight.

What he should have done was pick one of those pucks out of the stands. One of those girls who waited around outside the arena in their too short skirts, their white ,white teeth chattering in the cold even as they refused to put on a coat that would hide their over inflated cleavage. He should have picked one of those girls that Max and Jordy and TK shared around. The pucks, pass them around. He should have chosen one of them.

Instead he'd gone to Mya.

Shaking his head, Sidney slammed his fist against the steering wheel. The damned woman had some kind of hold over him. He didn't want to want her but he did.

Well that was more than obvious. Even when he'd come up with the idea, sitting in the penalty box for losing his cool at the ref, what he'd planned, what he'd wanted was to just to have a couple of drinks and work his way up to it.

So much for going slow he thought as he sighed and slammed on the brakes, spinning the steering wheel until he slid into a spot outside the arena.

He came here a lot when he had shit on his mind. How many other guys could say they had keys to the arena they played in? That they could just show up in the middle of the night and turn on the lights and skate?

Not many he thought as he juggled the keys in his hands. Maybe Ovie, _maybe_.

* * *

Mya opened the bottle of the expensive red win and poured herself a very full glass. If it was part of her payment, she thought miserably, the least she could do was raise a toast to the memory of her idealistic vision of him. That was fucking over, she sighed, pouring the entire glass down her throat as she took both bottle and glass with her to the living room. She would never think of him as the smiling, polite young man again.

Yes, that was definitely not the way she would think of him now. Fucking great in bed, but an asshole, she thought grimly as she poured herself another glass and sat pondering its ruby depths. Yeah, that was it. He was a self absorbed asshole like every other athlete she'd ever met. Just like the basketball players in her high school back home. They were the kings. They ran the school and they got all the pussy, whether the girls wanted to be fucked or not and no one would even say as much as boo to them about it. They ruled, everyone else drooled, wasn't that their motto?

So the Pens and Steelers ruled the city. Not the Pirates. Not since the early eighties. They pretty much sucked now. Still, even their players could toss their money around like it meant nothing to them and all the pretty pretties would come running.

Is that what he thinks of me? She wondered as she downed her second full glass of the warm, rich red with an undertone of chocolate covered cherries. A puck fuck? Smooth as peanut butter, she spreads easy? Did he think she'd been asking for it? Did he and Tanger and Max and the rest of the boys think that just because she got her gear off for money that she deserved it? Would they all be lining up at her door pretty soon? Maybe he just got the first crack because he wore the C stitched to his chest? Was that it?

"Assholes," she muttered, dragging herself back to her feet, taking the glass and bottle with her as she headed for the door. She liked this apartment, she thought resignedly as she reached up and threw the dead bolt and lifted the chain into place, but she'd have to start looking for new digs in the morning. She couldn't stay here.

Not without worrying about another one of them showing up at her door wanting their piece.

She'd put the bed on craigslist too, she thought as she tipped the bottle to her lips. Maybe if she added that it had recently been rumpled by the Kid it would sell for more.

* * *

It wasn't her fault. He couldn't blame her, Sidney realized as he turned the SUV back onto the road and pointed it in the direction from which he'd come. Mya was pretty...no, not pretty, beautiful and obviously far more understanding than he deserved.

The way he'd treated her, Sidney felt his cheeks get hot as he shook his head at himself. From standing her up back on the Island to being rude to her at the cemetery to...to this. She deserved better. It wasn't her fault that he was grieving and not dealing with it well. She deserved an explanation, at the very least.

He might not want to want her, but it had become clear to him as he'd skated lap after lap of the ice in the Mellon, that he was strongly attracted to her and that fate kept throwing them together. Fate or...he shook his head at the idea again but couldn't quite get it out of his head.

Randi.

He didn't believe in ghosts and all that stuff. He'd been brought up pretty much agnostic like most of his friends had. Hockey was the religion. Sure he knew about God and the Saints and all that but it's not like he went to church on Sunday. He went to the rink. He didn't pray before a game like Jordy or Geno did. He concentrated, he visualized. So he didn't believe in Heaven and Hell, not strictly. He didn't really know what he believed as far as that went. In fact he didn't really want to think about it at all, but ever since Randi's death he'd kind of had to.

He wanted very much to believe she'd gone to a better place. A place where she wasn't in pain, where she had all her hair back and healthy and happy and...and waiting for him. More than anything else he'd wanted to believe that. He pictured himself being with her again, making love on a cloud with sunshine all around them, with her skin glowing and healthy.

He smiled now as he thought about it. That was what he imagined when he thought about heaven. He and Randi, making love, just as she'd said.

But maybe she was trying to tell him something else.

He'd hated it when he'd first woken up in a cold sweat, thinking about Mya. He'd felt awful, felt sick to his stomach. He didn't want to think about anyone else but Randi that way. It felt wrong. It felt like a betrayal.

But maybe this was Randi's doing. If he could think of her up on some cloud somewhere, all pink and naked and glowing with ethereal wings sprouting from her back, looking down on him, then he had to think she might want him to be happy too and maybe this was her way of trying to make him happy. To put a woman like Mya, a determined, smart, sexy woman in his way over and over again until he got the message.

He had to admit it was a possibility.

So he pulled into a parking space outside her apartment and took a deep, steadying breath as he tried to work up the courage to go back in there, to finish what he started, to wake up with her, to make love in the half light of morning and to tell her everything that was in his head. He had to tell her about Randi and how afraid he was and to ask her to be patient with him.

Juggling his keys in his hand he put his head down and headed in the doorway and up the stairs, telling himself to be brave, that this was something he had to do, for himself, for her and for Randi. With every step he grew calmer and more certain.

Then he put his hand on the door and twisted and it didn't move.

He hadn't been able to lock it from the inside when he'd left. He'd felt bad about that. It had left her vulnerable and though Pittsburgh wasn't exactly a crime ridden city by Detroit or Philadelphia's standards, it wasn't safe to sleep with your door unlocked. Especially a single female with no guard dog, no alarms.

He tried the door again. It was locked. He could even hear the slight rattle of the chain on the inside of the door when he tugged. It was locked tight, which meant she knew he was gone. She knew he'd left, that he'd slunk out in the middle of the night.

She knew and all he could think was she must hate him right now. If he'd been in her place he'd feel the same.

He raised his hand to knock, wake her up and apologize, explain but his hand fell back down to his side.

Maybe it was better this way, he told himself. It was crazy to think this was some kind of fateful meant to be thing.

True love happened once. It had already happened to him. All the rest of that shit was just wishful thinking. Guilt and grief and stupidity he decided as he walked back out to his car and slid behind the steering wheel, putting the key in the ignition and leaning his forehead on the steering wheel. He'd almost made a complete ass of himself. He should be feeling relief. It had been a narrow escape.

So why did he feel so fucking empty?


	7. Chapter 7

**_Some of you may need your paper bags!_**

**Chapter 7**

"Captain pays," Max yelled as he walked away with his white chocolate mocha, pushing Jordy ahead of him and shooing TK and Tanger away from the cashier with their wallets still out. Sidney watched them, shaking his head. He wasn't the only guy on the team making plenty of money but he reached into his pocket all the same.

Drawing out his wallet, Sidney flipped it open and stared into the black void inside. There was nothing there. No bills at all.

He'd been in a hurry when he left that beer and wine store, he remembered. Sure it had been a few days ago, before they began the three day road trip, but he was almost sure he'd put the change back in his wallet. He dug into the pocket of his jeans but came up empty. Of course he hadn't been wearing these when....

"Ugh how come Geno never pays?" he suggested loudly as he reached for his Visa, something he didn't like to do. It came from growing up where money was tight and the first credit card he'd ever had had been when he was at Shattucks and it had been strictly for emergencies only. It seemed stupid to use plastic to pay for coffee, even if it was for ten of them and he didn't even drink the stuff.

"I pay, no problem. Big hockey star, lots of money. You single?" Geno asked, leaning towards the cashier with the sort of smile on his face that told everyone in Starbucks that he was imagining her naked already. The guy had a girlfriend, but that obviously wasn't stopping him from looking.

Taking his passion ice tea, Sidney joined the rest of his teammates back out in the parking lot, who all seemed to be gathered around Tanger, who was cursing at his cell in two languages.

"Merde. Women! Je ne comprends pas," he was grumbling which seemed to make Max and Fleur laugh.

"What's up?" he asked MAF who smiled and shrugged his shoulders.

"His girlfriend isn't returning his calls," the goalie replied quietly.

"Girlfriend? You mean in Montreal," Sidney corrected him but Fleur only shook his head, smiling.

"No, he's started seeing someone here."

"He's kept that quiet," Sidney began, glancing towards the long haired, usually very quiet and normally private Quebecois defenseman.

"You would too in his case," Flower began to explain but Max's booming voice overrode them all.

"Does this mean she's available? I'm all over that if she's available. I'll show her what a real man can...."

"Aucun tu pas!" Tanger snarled but with a grin on his face. It was hard to take Max seriously at the best of times but Sidney could see something in his friend's face that told him that he wasn't entirely joking. They were all so damned competitive but other than the pucks, this was one thing that there had to be an agreement on. Teammates don't fight over women, ever. It was a hard and fast rule on every team. That didn't mean it never happened but he didn't think anyone was itching to get traded right now and that would be the automatic result of anyone caught with their hand in that particular cookie jar.

"It's not like she's your girlfriend, you only went out once," Max complained but the rest of the guys were laughing and Tanger was doing his best to look hurt and outraged all at once.

"Mon fils, you kill me. Truly. It's true love. How could you doubt it? You saw the way she looked at me. She couldn't keep her eyes off of me," Tanger insisted but Max was waving his arms as if to ward off a blow and doing his best not to laugh at the same time.

"It was me she couldn't keep her eyes off of. Are you kidding me? Je suis la première étoile. I scored the goals in game seven. All the women want a piece of Superstar vingt-cinq."

"Tue s fou," Tanger was laughing right along with everyone else, waving Max off as he headed back towards the bus. "What woman would ever want anyone as hairy as you?"

"I keep the women warm mon ami, I keep them _very_ warm!" Max called after him, a big shit eating grin on his face. "Now what about you mon capitaine? How goes your love life? How is this student body of yours?" he asked, drawing a shapely figure in the aIr in front of him with his hands. Sidney felt his grin disappear as heshrugged and tried, in vain, not to think about just how good that shape looked bared to his hungry eyes.

"We'll see when we get back," Sidney muttered, stepping onto the bus.

"I thought we talked about getting back in the saddle mon ami? I promise you, it's just like riding a bike you have to...." Sidney held up his hand and his sometime winger fell silent. They knew each other well enough by now that even Max didn't push his luck when given the hand. He merely put his hand on his friend's shoulder as Sidney slid into the seat next to Flower. They shared a brief smile and then the bus lurched into motion and Sidney reached for his iPod and let the heavy sounds of Finger Eleven take him away.

* * *

Mya snapped her phone closed for the third time and dropped it into the bottom of her book bag. She should block his number she thought irritably as she went back to watching the curser blinking at her on the blank screen.

Damn them both, she cursed as she tapped her fingers against the edge of the desk. She hadn't been able to think straight for days and she was finding it impossible to sleep to boot, which was not helping in the least. She had a deadline on this story and it was her first attempt for WPXI and she didn't want to fuck it up. She'd met with the station manager who had been impressed enough with the articles he'd already read but had as soon as they'd sat down one on one, he'd offered her an on camera position if she wanted it. Weather girl of course, which she'd politely turned down.

What was it about men and a pair of tits? Obviously it made their brains stop working, she mused as she took to chewing thoughtfully on the end of her pen. She didn't need any more evidence of that then the wet t-shirt contest they'd had at the bar last night. The amount of noise the crowd had made, you'd have thought they'd never seen a pair of tits in their life.

Mya wrinkled her nose and shut her eyes tight, willing herself to stop imagining the look on Sidney's face as he'd looked down at her, his hazel eyes glazed over with lust. Every time she thought about it she wanted him and she hated that.

Sliding her hand into her book bag, she took out wallet. She hadn't spent any of the money he'd left. It wasn't that she couldn't use it; it was just that she wanted to toss it back in his face at the earliest opportunity.

Her phone vibrated again, making her book bag rattle against her chair. Rolling her eyes, Mya reached down and grabbed it and stared down at the display. It was Kris, again. She started to close her phone and then a wry smile crept across her face.

"Hi Kris? You back in town yet?"

* * *

She lost her nerve. As soon as she saw him standing there, leaning against his car in his charcoal gray suit, not even having taken the time to go home to change, she knew that her intricately orchestrated plan to embarrass him and make him take her anger out on Sidney was out the window. How could she when he looked so handsome with his dark hair slicked back and a warm inviting smile on his face?

Taking a deep breath and squaring her shoulders, Mya fought the urge to turn and hide inside her apartment, dive into bed and pull the covers over her head and make like an ostrich with its head in the sand. That wasn't going to solve anything though.

Forcing one foot in front of the other, she made herself walk toward him, reminding herself with each step how humiliated she felt as she wrapped her fingers around the folded bills in her pocket. The dry crisp feel of the faded bills were an indisputable reminder of that.

"Ma Cherie," he began, straightening up and reaching to brush a stray strand of hair behind her ear, his grin broad and confident. Some of that confidence began to leak away when she noticeably flinched at his touch.

"Who have you told?" she asked, point blank, doing her best to keep her voice strong and steady, not to let it waiver and sound weak.

"About what?" he asked, looking confused, his fingers frozen where they brushed against her ear. She tried to ignore the warmth of his skin and the way the small hairs stood up on the back of her neck when his dark gaze searched hers. She held her chin high and met his gaze, refusing to let his puppy dog brown eyes and soft lips liquefy her resolve.

"How many of your teammates have you told about me?"

"All of them," he began, his lips turning up into that cocky grin that made his eyes light up and made her want to return his smile. Instead she bit down on the inside of her cheek until she could taste the tang of copper as her own blood ran between her teeth. His grin faded at the edges as she continued to stare back at him, unmoved by his boyish features.

"About what I do...about my job," she continued, her voice low, pitched for his ears alone. Bewilderment filled his eyes for a moment and he looked past her, like he was going through the roster, seeing the faces of each of his teammates and finally he came back to himself and turned his gaze back on her.

"Only Pascal, Fleur and Max," he replied, counting them off on his fingers.

"Are you sure?" she asked again, tilting her head to one side so that his hand naturally fell away and she didn't have to feel his skin on hers. She narrowed her eyes at him when he looked back at her as if butter wouldn't melt, as if momma's little boy couldn't possibly tell a lie.

"Sur la vie de ma mere!" he exclaimed, reaching for her hands which she pulled from his grasp. "I promise you. Why would I tell them so they could go there and ogle you? I told you, ma chérie, I don't intend to share you with them." She wanted to believe him. She looked into his velvet brown eyes and almost gave in the plea she saw there, but the crisp bills in her pocket told her otherwise.

"Well then you'd better take this," she replied quietly, pulling the stack of bills from her pocket and held them toward him. "Ask your friends which one of them left them in my apartment." She turned to go, expecting him to know immediately, half expecting him to defend his teammate to her, but instead he grabbed her arm and pulled her roughly to him.

"Who gave you this?" he demanded his Québecois accent thickening with emotion as fury and jealousy flared in his dark eyes.

"Ask your..._friends_," she replied, as calmly as she could manage, peeling his fingers from her arm and turning away again, heading for the safety of her apartment where she could lick her wounds in privacy.

* * *

Sidney stared at the crumpled, wadded up handful of bills lying in the middle of the room, in the centre of the Penguins logo. He felt as the wad of bills had eyes and was staring back at him, accusation in its' gaze. A shudder went down his spine, but not of fear.

He couldn't erase her from his mind, as much as he'd done everything he could think of to do just that. He wished he could expunge the memory of her curvaceous body pressed against his but every time he tried, the memory only seemed to become even more clear, until he could smell the sweet floral scent in her dark hair and the spicy musk of her skin.

He wanted her. Even now, sitting in the funk of the room, when he should be thinking of the game ahead, he was thinking of her, imaging her golden skin, warm under his lips. He ached for her. She invaded his every thought. It was like a disease he couldn't shake and the worst part of it was, he didn't want to.

He'd almost made up his mind to go to her this afternoon. To beg her to forgive his cowardice and beg her to take him to her bed and punish him in any way she thought fit, but his courage had failed him before he had turned the corner towards her apartment. He'd been certain she'd throw him out and now, with the reproachful wad of bills staring back at him, he knew without a shadow of a doubt that she'd do more than that.

The money must have fallen out of his wallet when he'd kicked off his pants. It was the only explanation that he could think of. Of course he hadn't left all of that behind on purpose; not that she wasn't worth all of it and more, much, much more.

And now, to make things worse, someone else on the team knew how he'd treated her, what he'd done.

He was afraid to look around the room, afraid whose eyes he'd see staring back at him, accusing him. He kept his head down, concentrated on his routine, on not breathing too heavily, on not giving his guilt away even as it ate at his gut.

_You left this where you shouldn't have. She's not a whore. You and I have some business to discuss. _

That was it. That was all that the note sitting with the money said. Not who it was he'd wronged, or who knew. But someone knew and he was sure if he looked up now, whoever it was that had laid the trap for him would know just by the look on his face.

They'd know and then everyone would know. Everyone would know what he'd done and then everyone would remind him how he said he wouldn't, not after Randi. Even if they were joking around they'd say it. Even if they didn't mean it they'd say it.

He didn't need anyone to say it. He'd disrespected her memory and in the process disrespected a perfectly innocent bystander and now he couldn't go back to her. How could he? How could possibly apologize for this?

She thought he believed she was some kind of...prostitute, night walker, whore and how could he blame her? He'd treated her exactly that way. He'd used her and left behind a pile of crumpled bills. She must hate him, he thought resignedly as he pulled on his second skate. She must want to rip his out balls off and wear them as earrings. First he'd left and then the money?

No there was no going back now, no matter how much he ached.

It would just have to be another ache he had to get over. Like Randi, a memory to fade away, no more, no less, because he couldn't go back now.


	8. Chapter 8

_Firstly, thank you for your patience. It's been crazy around home and work lately and as much as I wanted to I didn't have time to get to this. Secondly, I hope you all will give Sid a break after this. _

**Chapter 8**

Sidney stood over her grave, a dozen roses wrapped in cellophane in his hand. He couldn't speak, or rather, he wouldn't. What could he say? How do you apologize to a dead woman? How do you explain that you didn't mean for something to happen, unless of course you did?

Closing his eyes, Sidney took a deep breath but the fresh oxygen caught in his throat and his hand shook as he began to peel the cellophane away from around the stems of the roses. He caught his finger on a thorn and swore quietly. Nothing seemed to be going right for him lately.

"I wish you could just tell me...give me some kind of sign. I mean if it's what you want...the whole Mya thing," he mumbled as he began placing the long stemmed red roses in the vase one by one. "Because if you do...if you _did_ then I've probably totally screwed it up anyway," he added with a sigh, twirling one of the dark green stems between his finger and thumb. "I mean if you did...then I should probably be mad at you. I mean...I'm clearly not ready for anything now. I mean...I wasn't really ready for you but...it was just different with you." He put the last of the roses in the vase and then knelt by the brass plaque and ran his fingertips lovingly over her name. "I loved you so much," he whispered, the words catching on the ball of emotion that formed in his throat whenever he came here. "I just...how could I even give her or anyone else what's left of...of my heart?" he asked, a tear escaping from the corner of his eye. He brushed at it impatiently with the back of his hand. "Why'd you have to go?" he asked, sniffing back a sob as his fingers slid over the now familiar raised pattern of the letters, slightly shinier than the rest of the plaque from where his fingers trailed over her name so often. "I don't know what to do Rand...I wish...I wish you were here."

Pushing himself up to his feet, Sidney brushed at his eyes with the sleeve of his jacket and turned and headed away from the silent grave that gave him no answers but tugged at his heart in a way that was almost too painful to bear.

* * *

He was waiting for her when she walked out into the alley after her shift, perched on the hood of his car, arms crossed, watching the alley like a hawk. Mya flipped the loose end of her scarf over her shoulder and strode forward into the wind that whistled eerily around her, clutching at loose strands of her hair and sending them whipping against her cheeks, stinging where they struck. The wind clutched at the hem of her jacket, wrapping it around her legs as if it were a live thing, as if it were trying to trip her up.

"No one claimed it," Kris said firmly, holding the money out towards her, folded neatly in his hand. "You may as well take it." Mya stared at the stack of folded green bills, chewing on her lip as she considered the ramifications. "Whoever he is, he already got the message that you didn't immediately go on a spending spree, oui?" he said, thrusting the bills towards her and raising his eyebrow. "You may as well take it now." Reluctantly Mya held out her hand, palm up and Kris put the money down on her hand, folding her fingers over it. She looked down at his hand covering hers' and then up into his dark eyes. "You're not going to tell me what this is about are you?"

"He's your friend, your teammate. You'd only take his side," she said quietly, withdrawing her hand from his and reaching to slip the money into her purse.

"You seem certain about that." She looked up to find him standing straight up, his body almost pressed against hers'. She looked up into his face and saw a flash of fierce protectiveness in his eyes. It made her knees weak.

"You have to work with him...I would understand," she continued but fell silent when he captured her face in his hands and kissed her, ardently, his lips moving hungrily over hers, teeth knocking, tongues dancing as she reached to hold onto him, eager to be held. Still holding her face in his hands, he unlocked his lips from hers' and stared down at her, his eyes wild with desire.

"I worked hard to be here and I don't want to be sent back down to Wilkes, but I won't just give up what's mine to someone else. I don't care if it's Sidney fucking Crosby." Mya felt her breath catch in her throat, and fought to keep the truth from her eyes even as his gaze searched hers'. As angry as she was she'd had time to think and there had been something in the way he'd made love to her...if she could even call it that, that had her wondering.

"What's _yours_?" she asked, blocking out all the rest and batting her eyelashes playfully at him instead.

"I'm _very_ competitive," he admitted with a feral grin that sent a shiver down her spine. If only he knew.

"I can see that," she replied quietly, her gaze travelling slowly from his lips up to his eyes and down again. Taking the hint, he captured her lips in his and kissed her slowly, leisurely, his tongue slipping between her lips and curling around her own. His moustache tickled. It should have made her toes curl. It should have made her knees turn to Jello but all she could think about was another kiss that had lit a fire inside of her that was yet to go out, no matter how hard she tried to extinguish it. "Maybe that's why, no matter how many times you kiss me, I'm still not going to tell you." With a half a smile he bowed his head and his dark hair fell over his eyes as he shook it.

"Will you at least tell me...," he fell silent as she leaned in to kiss him, pressing her lips lightly against his.

"Either take me to dinner or take me home. Those are your choices." With a sigh and a wry smile, he agreed, turning and opening the car door for her with a flourish, bowing over his hand, all the while watching her, mischief making his dark eyes dance.

"My lady's chariot awaits," he grinned, closing the door and whistling as he walked around the car. Mya watched him, enjoying the view. He looked good in those jeans. She liked the way they hugged his muscular thighs. Yes, she thought, the view was more than satisfactory. She just wished that her heart would beat just a little faster when she looked at him, or when he kissed her but it seemed her heart only beat faster for another.

She hoped her heart would learn in time as he slid behind the wheel and glanced over at her, desire clear in his eyes.

* * *

"Mon Capitain, une autre?" Max pushed another shot of Patron towards Sidney, watching with seemingly rapt fascination as the usual controlled exterior of his friend and team captain crumbled beneath the weight of grief and alcohol. Sidney downed the shot and wiped his mouth along his sleeve, pushing the glass back towards Max who raised his eyebrow in query. "Encore?"

"Yes another!" Sidney grumbled, pushing the shot glass closer to the bottle, eschewing the salt and the lime. He was passed caring about the bitter taste of the golden liquid, he was only concerned about reaching oblivion sooner rather than later.

"Mon ami, je pense que tu as eu assez," Fleury suggested quietly, laying his hand gently on Sidney's shoulder. Sidney shrugged off the young goaltender's hand and gave the shot glass another shove, wincing at the clinking sound the two pieces of glass made.

"At least slow it down there Creature," Jordy piped up from behind him where he was hooked up to the Xbox. Sidney turned on the bar stool and stared at him, wondering how in the hell his tall blonde friend was going to be a father in a few months when he was still more likely to be found attached to a video game or a beer bottle.

"You should talk," Sidney pointed at his tall friend; the single movement almost making him slip off of the chrome and leather bar stool. "Why are you even here dude? You have someone to go home to. Why aren't you there?" Jordan turned and regarded Sidney with a bemused grin and then went back to racing his viper through the streets of San Francisco.

"My chick has hormone issues. I'm safer here but I'm not drinking my head off," he added, raising his half empty beer bottle for all to see before putting it back down and putting both hands on the controller.

"What...what about you?" Sidney asked, turning his attention to Fleur, his speech beginning to become slurred. "You have Vero...she's so nice. Sooo nice."

"He's going to start saying 'I love you man' soon," Jordy called without looking away from his game and Max snorted in response. Sidney looked from one to the other with narrowed eyes and started to stand, intending to argue, but the room spun around him and he settled back onto the stool, holding on to the edge of the bar to steady himself.

"Tu as eu assez tout à fait," Fleur decided, wrenching the bottle from Max's hand and sweeping the shot glass away from Sidney's hand. "No more and you're sleeping here."

"Nooo, noo, you don't understand. You all have someone. I have no one," Sidney moaned, dropping his forehead down onto the back of his hands.

"Max doesn't," Jordy pointed out helpfully.

"He doesn't want anyone, doesn't count," Sidney countered miserably, his voice muffled. "I want someone...someone like Vero, someone to come home to, to be there." He looked up at Fleur who looked back at him with sympathy. But then Fleur was always the understanding one. Fleur understood. "Is it too much to ask?"

"No mon ami," Fleur replied quietly, coming around the bar to put his hand on Sidney's arm. "I'm not sure you're ready for someone mon ami. Tu es toujours trop triste, que tu pense?" Sidney hung his head and let out a long low sigh.

"I miss her," he whispered, feeling Marc's grip on his arm tighten in response.

"Je sais mon ami," the young Frenchman replied quietly as Sidney looked up at him, hating that he was about to cry in front of his friends. "Of course you do mon ami, of course you do."

"I told him he just needs to get laid," Max offered, as if Sidney wasn't sitting just there. He narrowed his eyes at Max who held up his hands defensively and laughed nervously.

"I tried, okay? J'ai essayé. It didn't work...it's...it's too hard. It just fucked with my head. I like the girl too much," Sidney snarled, dropping his head into his hands again and rubbing at his eyes, hating how weak he felt.

"Oh god, you went after Miss P.E.I. didn't you?" Max groaned, laughing again, but this time at his expense. Sidney looked up at him and again Max held up his hands in supplication. "What? Did I tell you to do it with someone you know? Es-tu fou? Pick a girl, any girl from outside the arena, a bar...fuck Sid! Complicate shit much?"

"Who's this?" Jordy asked, putting down the controller, suddenly interested.

"This hottie he met on vacation. She's going to school here," Max explained before Sidney could even open his mouth, despite the dark look he shot at his friend.

"And you fucked her? Nice," Jordy laughed, nodding, like it was a good thing.

"No...no, not _nice_," Sidney replied, pressing hard against his throbbing temples. "You don't get it. None of you get it. I could have something with her. I think I could even fall in love with her but now I've screwed it all up beyond fucking belief."

"You don't know that," Fleur offered softly. "Pas à coup sûr."

"I do...I fucking ran like an idiot. I left her...and I...I just fucked up okay?" he grumbled, kneading at his sore head, swallowing the information about the money he'd left behind. It was bad enough someone else knew, he didn't need anyone else to know and he was fairly sure if one of these three knew they'd have said something by now. "She probably hates me. _I_ _hate_ me."

"You could always try apologizing. I'm told it works," Max offered, glancing towards Jordy who shot him an evil look.

"What did I say about her hormones? I can't keep apologizing for shit I haven't done," Jordy shot back, turning back to his game.

"He's right," Fleur said quietly. Sidney turned to look at his friend and nodded. He could go back and apologize. God knows he should. He just didn't know what to say. How could he explain how impossibly fucked up he was? How could he possibly ask her to believe he hadn't meant anything by leaving the money on the floor? "Just try. What have you got to lose?"

"My sanity?" Sidney offered quietly, closing his eyes and leaning his head on the bar. "That is, if I haven't lost it already."

* * *

Mya's eyes fluttered closed and she bit down on her bottom lip as his kisses blazed a trail of fire down her neck. She concentrated on trying to wake the butterflies in her stomach she had felt when first he'd kissed her but as hard as she tried, and as ardent as he was, she felt nothing more than the faintest of fluttering as his hand moved gingerly up over her breast.

She should want him. There was no reason not to. He was handsome and attentive and generous and if she was completely honest, the whole possessive thing was a turn on and yet, she felt nothing. Not even as it became unmistakably apparent how much he wanted her, the hard thickness of him straining against his jeans, grinding into her thigh as he kissed his way over her collarbone.

She should be hot, panting, dragging him into her apartment. She should be tearing at his clothes.

Instead, she pressed her hand flat against his chest and pushed.

He looked up at her with a wide eyed 'are you fucking kidding me' look and Mya winced. It was no use telling him she was as disappointed as he looked. She could well imagine his dark hair falling into her face as his athletic body moved over hers' and there was not a doubt in her mind that he would be a skilled and thorough lover.

But she couldn't do it. He was too sweet, too nice, too much of a gentleman to take him into her apartment just to fake it or worse, to end up with that awkward moment afterwards when he would realize that she'd been thinking of someone else the entire time, because she already had been. As he'd kissed her, she'd shut her eyes and called up the wavy dark hair and pale skin of his teammate and felt the butterflies rise to his call.

But she wouldn't do it. She wouldn't. It was as simple as that.

"Goodnight Kris," she whispered, offering him a quick peck on the cheek as he stood there, staring back at her, stunned into silence. She dug her keys out of her purse and hurried into her apartment before she changed her mind and dragged him in after her to feed the need that she was trying hard to ignore.

Leaning against the door, Mya closed her eyes and cursed the hazel eyed boy wonder who had stolen her heart. It was the last thing he deserved.


	9. Chapter 9

_Again and as always thanks for your patience and for your feedback. Oh and...I'm not ready to forgive Sidney...not yet_

**Chapter 9**

"I just feel like I might have made a huge mistake," Mya sighed, wrapping her arms and her jacket closer around her as she crouched near her Aunt's grave, brushing snow off of the small brass name plate. "I'm just so far from home and I miss my friends. I thought I'd make more and I guess I have, like at work but...it's not the same. I don't have anyone but you to talk to and if you don't mind my saying so, you sort of suck at advice now," she added as she chuckled to herself. "I mean, I guess I could talk to your Stevie boy but...it's not the same as getting advice from a woman," she added with a sigh, pressing the potted poinsettia down into the snow beside the plaque. "But, on the other hand, they like me at the network and they've offered me a job there, on air and everything. I mean, not full time, obviously because they want me to finish my masters as much as I want to but still...on air, that's pretty cool. But then I just think I could probably do it back home too, maybe even easier...I don't know," she let out another long sigh and then got up, stretching her arms over her head. "Maybe it's just this dreary gray cold fucking city or maybe I need to just give in to Kris so I can get laid," she mumbled, staring down at the lonely little plaque, a tiny island of colour in the white blanket of snow. "See you next week. Miss you," she mumbled, blowing a kiss towards the plaque and then turning and heading back towards the cleared walkway, taking small, tentative steps so she didn't slip on the ice.

She glanced up the hill towards the spot she'd seen him before. It seemed like a year ago but it had only been a few months, three and a bit. He wasn't there and she wasn't sure if she was relieved or not by his absence. Part of her still longed for him. Just thinking about that night Sidney had come to her sent a shiver down her spine that had nothing at all to do with frosty weather.

Turning back to where she was heading, she met the dark, brooding gaze of the man who was waiting patiently for her. He watched her, heat and barely checked desire clear in his eyes, his inviting mouth set in a determined line, his hands deep in the pockets of his leather jacket, his muscular thighs wrapped tightly in dark denim. He was every inch the bad boy and his slicked dark hair and pork chop side burns only added to his image, and to his desirability.

Mya let her gaze roam over him, reaching deep to blow on those embers deep in the pit of her stomach, the ones that Sidney had left behind and were almost cold now. She blew on them, kindling them, making them blink red and orange as his assessing gaze met hers. She'd made him wait so long, too long she knew. What she should have done, what would have been the right thing to do, was to break up with him a long time ago. She should have told him about Sidney. She should have admitted that even though she found him attractive and that he was possibly the most perfect boyfriend she'd ever had that she wasn't now and possibly never would be in love with him.

And yet she couldn't let go of the sweet and saucy Frenchman. Like now, as she drew near him and his lips turned up into a roguish grin that made her heart skip a beat.

Mya was so very tired of holding him at arms length. She was tired of being lonely and she was just so fed up with wanting something she was obviously never going to have.

"You can't wait forever girl," she whispered to herself as she picked her way towards him along the paved walkway, "and he's not going to wait forever either," she added as she stepped off of the walkway and onto the paved parking lot, where her feet promptly went out from under her. Black ice, she thought as she threw her arms out, waving them like helicopter rotors, trying to maintain her balance.

His strong arms caught her, his knee under the small of her back, his arms around her and his body bent over hers'. Mya looked up into Kristopher's handsome face and smiled.

"You saved me," she whispered, reaching up to run her fingertips along his cheekbone, down to his jaw line and then back, through his hair until her hand wrapped around his neck. She pulled his lips down over her own and kissed him. Closing her eyes she chased away those thoughts that always came racing now, unbidden and unwanted passengers in the rise of her own lust. She forced them back into the darker recesses of her brain as she kissed this man who did want her, feeling his grip tighten around her as he pulled her up onto her feet, his tongue darting between her lips as he pulled her up against his body, his hands sliding down, down until he gripped her ass and pulled her against him, his need hard and obvious.

He moaned into her mouth, anticipating her withdrawal, knowing full well this was usually the time when she would turn away from him, making some pathetic excuse to throw cold water on the heat they'd created between them. Not today, she thought, ignoring that little voice in the back of her head reminding her that she didn't love this man, that she could never give him her heart. Today, she promised herself silently as she laced her fingers in his long dark hair and deepened the kiss, grinding up against him, forcing his body against the car, raising her leg so her thigh rode high along his.

"Today," she promised him quietly as his lips brushed her jaw, trailing kisses down her neck. "Take me home today."

He didn't need to hear more, his dark eyes searching hers' for one brief moment during which she lied with her own gaze, putting things behind her eyes she would never feel. He grinned, bright and dazzling before bending over her hand, kissing the back of her hand like he was greeting royalty, thanking her silently before he yanked open the passenger door and practically ran around the car and cranked the engine over before he'd even settled into the driver's seat.

Mya couldn't let the embers die down, she knew, or she'd lose her nerve. Eschewing safety and decorum both, she reached for his belt buckle, allowing her stage character to take over as she urged him free of the tight and now obviously uncomfortable confines of his jeans. She wrapped her fingers around him, enjoying the strangled cry that escaped his throat. Slipping beneath his arm, Mya slid her mouth down over him and closed her eyes.

Only now, when Kris had to keep his eyes on the road or kill them both, did Mya allow herself to think about the hazel eyed dark haired boy, the one and only who made her heart skip a beat. She brought his handsome face to mind, let her imagination strip his muscular athletic body naked in her mind's eye and lost herself in the idea of kneeling before him and performing this act while his hazel eyes looked own at her, full of love and affection, his full pink lips curled up into an angelic smile.

* * *

"You have to snap out of it," Jordan said quietly, his eyes trained above on a spot on the ceiling as Sidney took the weight bar out of his hands. "If you're not going to apologize or at the very least go see her, then you have to snap out of it."

"I don't remember you saying that after Randi died," Sidney replied just as quietly, exchanging places with his taller teammate and waiting while weight was added to each side of the bar. He too stared at the ceiling, but it wasn't just a plain white ceiling he saw, nor was it the angelic face of his ex. It was Mya's face. Contorted by passion and bathed in sweat, her eyes bright with ecstasy, her full lips turned up in feral grin. It was a vision he couldn't get out of his head.

"That was different and you know it," Jordan hissed, gingerly lowering the bar into Sidney's hands and waiting until he had full control of it before stepping back just enough to give him room to lift it. "This woman's alive and you're acting like you're dead. You didn't even do that after Randi died."

"I had the Cup then and I'm not acting like I'm dead. I'm concentrating. I'm focussed. You should try it," he replied, keeping his voice level, conscious of their teammates working out around them. They didn't need to know his business. It wasn't good for them to know that their captain was off, even a little bit. And that's all this was, Sidney told himself as he grunted with the effort of lifting the heavily burdened bar. This was a blip. He'd get over it, eventually.

"There's hundred of fish in the sea," Jordan reminded him, sounding just like the team psychologist. That's what she kept telling him every time he tried to broach the subject of how to get over his one night stand, how to get this woman out of his head. That seemed to be everyone's answer. Just go on to the next pair of tits. Go home with the next girl that offered. Have sex with some other stranger and he'd feel better.

But he wouldn't. He knew that. He knew it as well as he knew that when he went out on that ice tomorrow that everyone would be expecting him to score, that half of the people in the stands would be wearing his number on the back. It was just something that true and he couldn't get around it.

He was in love with a ghost and he was in love with a woman he didn't even know. How much more fucked up could you get?

"I'm not interested in fish," he snarled, managing to push the bar up one last time, every muscle in his arms and chest straining, grunting with the effort. He was glad when Jordan finally took the bar from him and rolled back into its' resting spot.

"You say that, but you don't do anything about it, and that's the part I don't get Creature." Jordan tossed him a towel and stood over him, looking down at him, mystified. "You're the most fucking determined person I've met in my entire fucking life, and that's fucking saying something considering my family," he began, shaking his head. "If you wanted her, you'd have gone after her a long time ago. I just don't get it." Jordan gave him one last, long look and then shook his head dismissively and turned and walked towards the bikes. Sidney watched him go and then pulled the towel over his head and hung his head between his knees.

"Yeah, me neither," Sidney said quietly. "Me fucking neither."

* * *

Mya looked over at the inert form beside her, watching his back move up and down at regular intervals as he slept deeply. The sleep of the dead and the innocent she thought as she reached over for the cigarette pack on her nightstand.

It was a bad habit she'd picked up at Blush from the other girls. It steadied their nerves but Mya had never had nerves, not even when she got naked in front of a room of strange men. But she had them now and had had them ever since she'd been with Sidney in this bed.

She hadn't really hoped that bringing Kris here would erase the past, she had far too good a grip on reality for that, but she had prayed it would lessen the sting. It hadn't.

Reaching for her robe, Mya tugged it around her and took her lighter and the pack of cigarettes and slipped down the hall. She couldn't sleep, not with him there, looking all sweet and innocent in his sleep when she felt anything but.

Shaking a cigarette out of the pack, she put it in her mouth and lit it, taking two long hard drags off of it before she took it out of her mouth and coughed. She wasn't really good at smoking and she hated the stink of it but it gave her something to do with her hands when she couldn't sleep like this, which lately, seemed like all the time.

He'd done his best, she was fairly certain of that. Her joints ached and the smell of stale sweat and sex clung to her body just as it should after hours of romping between the sheets with an indefatigable athlete. She'd even done things she didn't really like doing but seemed to please him in hopes of making it last longer, of bringing on the sleep of the truly well consumed.

But she wasn't. She was sitting in her kitchen, smoking, and hating herself.

She thought about the ice cream in her freezer and the cookies in the cupboard. She could make herself a sundae and turn on the horror channel and really and truly let herself fall into a deep depression. Except at some point she was bound to wake Kris up and then she'd have to explain and how exactly was she going to do that, she wondered, as she flicked the ashes from the end of the cigarette into an empty bowl.

_No, seriously, you're amazing in bed. A fucking silver medalist if I'm any judge. Why not gold? Well you see you have this teammate and...._

No, she thought ruefully as butted out the cigarette and stared longingly towards the freezer. That conversation probably wouldn't go down that well. Although he deserved some sort of explanation because this couldn't go on and she knew it. Especially not now, not after they'd had sex, not after the way he'd looked at her as he held her in his arms after the first time.

He was in love with her. It had been written all over his handsome features. He'd looked down at her with this sappy puppy dog look in his eyes and she'd almost called it all off then. She should have. Right there and then, she should have crawled out of the bed and ordered him out. But she hadn't had the courage and part of her was still hoping that something inside of her would answer him, would suddenly realize that he was just as perfect as he seemed to be.

But it didn't and it hadn't and she knew that it wouldn't.

Tugging her robe closer around her to ward off the chill she walked back down the hall and to the bathroom, careful to close the door quietly behind her. As soon as she turned the water on the room would fill with steam, but if she left the door open the fire alarm would go off.

Dropping her robe to the floor Mya reached to turn on the water and caught sight of herself in the mirror. Turning back to the mirror she arched her neck, looking for any of the obvious signs left behind and found none. Of course Kris would be more careful, mindful of her trade. But then Sidney didn't know. She could hardly blame him for the fact that she hadn't been able to work for days afterward.

And therein lay the answer to it all.

While Montréal was, in all likelihood, a very modern place, most of its' inhabitants were also very religious. Kris wore a small gold cross and he often played with it when he was concerned or concentrating. Maybe he was okay with what she did to pay her bills but his family, in their suburban home on the outskirts of Montréal would probably see it differently.

And Sidney? Well that was a no go from the beginning. His squeaky clean image would never withstand the kind of scrutiny that even a whisper of her occupation would likely raise.

Not that she'd ever done anything that she was strictly ashamed of and there weren't any nude pictures for anyone to find and publish, just the same sort of suggestive ones that were posted outside Blush and on their website. Still, it would be enough because even though no one even so much as touched her, being a stripper was equated to being a porn star. Mya knew the difference but she also knew that most people couldn't care less that there was a difference.

And that was exactly what she was going to tell Kris and it was also exactly what was going to help her get over the idea of her and Sidney, because it could never happen. She'd made her bed and she was going to have to lie in it..._alone_.


	10. Chapter 10

_Stand by your paper bags girls! Things are about to get bumpy in the Pens locker room!_

Chapter 10

"Just like that?" Max was staring at Kris, looking shocked and it seemed to Sidney that they all were as the normally quiet or at the very most playful Tanger sat in his stall looking like a little black raincloud. Sidney didn't remember seeing him like this since the death of his friend Luc Bourdon.

"Yeah, just like that. We had the best sex of my entire life, and the next thing I know I'm waking up with her handing me a glass of orange juice and telling me that she's breaking up with me." Tanger was staring at a spot on the carpet between his feet, his hand hanging loose between his knees, still in his street clothes while everyone else was either half way or fully into their gear. Girlfriend or not, Sidney thought to himself as he laced up his left skate, Tanger had better get a move on or he was going to be doing wind sprints for being late.

"Maybe it was just nerves," Jordan was pointing out helpfully. "I mean you waited a long time to get her to sleep with you. Maybe she was just worried now that you had what you wanted...."

"Yeah, I thought of that," Tanger sighed, finally dragging his sweater over his head and laying it on the bench next to him. "I think maybe she was expecting me to say it you know?" he continued, looking up his tall blonde teammate who nodded as if he understood exactly what Tanger was saying. Sidney looked up at Jordan and then back at Tanger and then went back to his skates, deciding against asking for details. After all, he had enough women problems of his own.

"We'll tu es dans l'amour avec la fille so why didn't you just say so?" Max offered in his best Frenglish, his full brows lowering over his eyes as he shook his head at his friend before getting to his feet and slapping his stick against Tanger's as yet unprotected shins. Tanger winced and shot Max a dirty look.

"Hello? She's the one who's been withholding everything. Why should I say it first? Put myself out there like that..._she_ broke up with _me. _Or did you miss that part?" he asked, getting to his feet and turning his back on all of them, reaching for his under gear as if that was it, case closed.

"So that's it? She's available?" Max asked, stepping just out of reach as Tanger wielded his shoulder pads like a pair of nun-chucks.

"_No_ she's not. I talked her out of it. She said she thought there might be a problem with her job if we got serious so I told her it wasn't it isn't serious, that she didn't need to worry about my parents finding out she's a stripper just yet. I played it cool. So no, she's not fucking available, tu foutu idiot!"

Max was ducking and diving like a prize fighter as Tanger went after him and the rest of the room cheered Tanger on. Sidney took his stick and went out into the hall to tape it. He had enough on his mind. He didn't need to get involved in other people's problems.

Strippers, families...Sidney shook his head as he wound the tape around the grip of his stick. He knew the guys wouldn't think his problems were that serious in comparison, but his heart knew better.

He'd sat outside her apartment last night, watched her light come on in the middle of the night. He thought maybe that meant she couldn't sleep either, that maybe she was thinking of him too, but he hadn't managed to gather the courage to actually buzz her apartment. He knew if he left it much longer that she probably wouldn't even give him a chance to explain, if she even would now.

Would he, if he was in her shoes, he wondered as he twirled the tape to make the grips he preferred. No, he probably wouldn't he had to admit. Too much time had passed. There would be no other way to think about what he'd done other than what she must already think. That he'd just used her.

He'd even written a letter. It was still in his car. He'd almost put it through the mail slot in the front door last night. He'd actually gotten out of his Land Rover to do it. He'd walked right up to the steps before he'd realized that anyone might pick it up and read it. He only had her name to put on it, her name and apartment number. That didn't guarantee that she would get it, that no one else would read it.

So he'd turned around and gone home and lay awake in his own bed, staring at the ceiling until it was time to come to practice. He was dog tired. He couldn't keep doing this, he knew it, and yet every time he told himself to just give up on it all...something in the back of his brain told him that he couldn't.

"Hey space case." Sidney looked up to find Jordan grinning curiously at him. "You look dead tired. Been up jacking off to porn too late?"

"Beating Ovie's ass on NHL 09 more like," Sidney lied, grinning back at his friend. Jordan threw back his head and laughed and then turned towards the ice. Taking a deep breath, Sidney squared his shoulders and followed him.

There was time enough to worry about this shit later. Hockey first.

* * *

"You keep staring at that screen like that and you'll go blind," Hannah noted as she slid into the chair next to Mya at the make-up table. Mya grinned but didn't look away from the glowing screen. She was on a roll.

"They're going to give me some credentials and let me do some interviews at the Steelers game," Mya explained. "I'm doing my research. I have no clue about football at all," she added, scrolling down the huge list that made up the Steeler's active roster. "I can't believe there's this many guys on one team."

"So it is true," Hannah observed, puckering her lips and applying a deep crimson stain to them, "all you Canadians care about is hockey."

"Pretty much," Mya laughed, opening up on the bios and leaning in to read the fine print. "That and curling, if you live on the Prairies."

"Shuffle board on ice, sounds like a blast," Cassidy added in her two cents, putting her high heel clad foot up on the chair next to Mya as she adjusted her garters. "Hey, speaking of ice, haven't I seen you getting into a very nice car lately? With some cutie patootie that plays for the Pens?" Mya rolled her eyes but nodded. "Well give me a heads up if you're going to interview them. You can take me into their changing room any time. I'd love to give that Sid kid a lap dance he won't forget if you know what I mean." All the girls in the room laughed but Mya bristled. Her protective instincts began to surface, but she shoved them back down, silently counting to ten.

"Do you think Kris would mind if _I_ gave the Kid a lap dance?" she asked, playing along, and was rewarded by barks of raucous laughter.

"If he does, then hand him over girlfriend," Hannah snorted, making a 'come hither' Mae West face in the mirror. "I could definitely teach that little Frenchie a thing or two." Mya laughed but inside she thought to herself that no one knew how much she wished she could just hand him off to someone.

If only it were that easy, she thought to herself as she closed her laptop and reached for her red wig. He'd practically begged for her not to break up with him with heartfelt assurances that his mother would like her just as much as he does and that she had nothing to worry about on that score, that they would never judge her for having to pay her own way through school.

She'd really thought she had the perfect out. She'd been so sure that he would have to admit his Catholic parents would never approve of his relationship with her. Once he'd talked around her only argument, Mya had had nothing to come back with, no real reason to continue the argument.

Well that wasn't true she thought as picked up her blow up fire hydrant and headed for the stage. She could always tell him that she'd had sex with his teammate.

She just wasn't ready to play that card yet and she wasn't sure if she ever was going to be.

* * *

"Don't forget, your paper on the founders of baseball is due next class!" she called after the retreating students who'd actually stayed for her study group. This was the part she liked best about being a teacher's aid. It was like practice for actually doing the job itself. Not that she ever saw herself as a teacher, but it was good to get feedback and hear other people's opinions. Plus, she'd been able to pickt he brains of a few of the other students about the Steelers players and she was pretty sure she had some fairly good insight into some of the star players now. At least she wouldn't be entirely useless by the weekend when she'd finally be doing some live interviews. She couldn't believe how much she was looking forward to it.

The anticipation almost made her forget about the horrible mess she was making out of the rest of her life. Unfortunately, the rest of her life was waiting outside the room to take her home. She'd seen Kris peek in the door a few minutes ago.

He was prompt and attentive. She had to give him that.

"You don't have to do this you know," Mya said quietly as she heard his footfalls on the floor behind her as the last of the students strolled out the door.

"It's dangerous out there at night. I can't have my girlfriend wandering the streets now can I?" he asked, his voice husky as he slid his arms around her waist, pressing the width of his chest to her back, his lips falling on the curve of her neck.

"Public transit is perfectly safe," Mya muttered, closing her eyes and fighting the urge to peel his hands off of her midsection and maybe breaking a finger or two in the process. It wasn't that she was repulsed by his touch, the opposite was true. It was just that she didn't melt into his arms either.

"Not as safe as my car," he whispered, biting down on her earlobe which sent an involuntary shiver down her spine, making him chuckle.

"And what am I supposed to do when you have a game or you're on the road?" she asked, wriggling free of his grasp and returning to stacking and filing her notes before putting all of her books in her book bag which he immediately took out of her hand. She stared at the brown leather satchel and then up into his dark eyes and bit back her immediate retort. He was trying to be solicitous and chivalrous. She didn't need to be rude in return.

"Take a taxi," he suggested, putting his hand on the small of her back and leading her out of the room.

"Yeah, just what I need to do when I'm trying to save all my pennies," she muttered, opening her umbrella as soon as they emerged into the winter weather. His hand slid from the small of her back around her waist as he drew her close, huddling under the umbrella with her. Mya told herself to breathe, not to let herself get irritated. After all, he'd done nothing to incur her wrath and yet she felt herself withdraw from his touch, and half way out to the parking lot she stopped in her tracks, shaking her head. "I'm sorry Kris. I can't do this."

"Do what?" he asked, moving back so that he was under the umbrella with her. Mya took another step back, drew a long slow breath and then looked over at him.

"I can't do this to you. I can't pretend anymore." He looked crestfallen and confused and her heart ached to see his handsome features altered in that way, but she couldn't make herself feel something that she didn't. It wasn't fair to either of them. "I don't know how to make this any easier. I adore you Kris...but there's someone else."

* * *

He drummed his palms against the steering wheel in time to the Nickelback song on the radio as he sat in the parking lot, watching the rain beat down on the windshield. He wasn't sure how he'd ended up here, but it wasn't the first time. He'd told himself, the last time he'd found himself sitting outside of the campus, that maybe he'd go in and look into taking a course or two, but he never did. He never went in. He just sat in his Land Rover and stared at the doors, waiting for her to come out.

He'd explained it away, this urge to watch her, by telling himself that it was only because she reminded him of Randi with her green eyes and dark hair. He never even got out of the car or spoke to her. He just watched her walk to the bus stop, chatting with her fellow students, or, on days that were nicer than this, watched her leave on her bike. He didn't even follow her to wherever it was that she lived.

He'd just go home, or out with the guys, or wherever he was going after her class and forget about her.

Well no. That wasn't strictly true.

He didn't forget about her. He just pushed any thoughts of her to the back of his mind; sure it was somehow unfair to Randi's memory to think of anyone else. Which was the same reason that he'd left PEI without letting her know, without talking to her again and why he'd run out on her that night. It was too soon and really, the only reason he'd felt anything at all was because she reminded him of Randi.

Yet, here he was, sitting in his car, in the rain, waiting just to catch a glimpse of her, of Mya.

Guilt sat in the pit of his stomach like a brick as he watched her push the door open, chatting animatedly as she crossed the courtyard towards the parking lot. Sid reached to turn the keys in the ignition before his hand froze mid motion. She wasn't with just another one of the regular students, the ones who wore the regular thrift store student clothes. She was with someone he recognized.

She was with Tanger and if she was with him that meant that she was...the stripper.

His blood boiled in his veins. First, to see Tanger with his arm possessively around her and secondly to know that she'd let just anyone see the body that haunted his dreams. He wanted her. He wanted her all to himself. He hated it, but he knew it was true.

Stuffing his keys in his pocket, Sidney found himself walking across the parking lot, ignoring the beating rain that plastered his dark hair to his face, only pausing when he saw her step backwards. She'd seen him. She was going to run.

But no, she was looking straight at Tanger and he couldn't tell what she was saying. The umbrella shaded her face. He wished he could see Tanger's face. His reactions he knew, just like he knew those of most of the guys on the team and on other teams. It was part of knowing the game, being able to read people.

Would she be angry? Of course she would, Sidney thought as he slowed his pace, unsure now of what he was going to do, what he'd say when he got between them. Would he actually fight his friend for her? Why was he even doing this? She wasn't the kind of girl he could even see himself with....

Then her eyes met his, over Tanger's shoulder and she smiled. She actually smiled and then she was walking towards him and he froze in his tracks, taken entirely off guard.

"Play along," she whispered, throwing her arms around his neck, her green eyes searching his for a brief moment before she laid a kiss on him that made his insides turn into silly putty.


	11. Chapter 11

_So you've all been patiently waiting but you know I had to make Sidney wait too ..._

Chapter 11

"So are you going to tell me what's going on?" Sidney asked as he drove away from the parking lot with Mya in the passenger seat. A quick glance in the rear view mirror confirmed that Tanger was still standing in the pouring rain in the middle of the parking lot staring after them, looking pissed off, his hands clenched at his sides. "Because I'm going to take a beating for this later, so I think I deserve an explanation."

"Don't we all," she mumbled, running her hands through her rain slicked hair and staring straight ahead.

"Yeah...that." Sidney felt his face heat as he turned his attention back to the wet road ahead of him, swerving slightly to avoid a large puddle that would have soaked a number of students waiting at the nearby bus stop. "About that, I know what you think and...."

"Look, we don't have to do this. I needed an easy way to break up with Kris and we both know what you think of me and my profession so let's just forget about all of this awkward small talk bullshit okay?" She turned to look out the passenger window, essentially dismissing any opportunity of open dialogue. Sidney started to chew on his bottom lip as his hands gripped the wheel. This would have been so much easier if he'd left her the note of if he'd just manned up and dealt with his little disappearing act a month ago instead of leaving the wound to fester and become infected.

Still, now that she was here, in his vehicle, seemingly trapped, Sidney told himself there was no time like the present.

"Look, about the money," he began, squeezing the wheel just a little harder.

"What? You think it was too much? Didn't get your money's worth?" she snorted, digging into her book bag and coming out with a familiar looking wad of cash. Sidney glanced over at her, at the money she was holding out to him and then back at the road. "What? Thought I'd have spent it all already?" she asked in a mocking tone that made his stomach tighten around the ball of guilt that was already sitting in it like a lead weight.

"I didn't...I mean, that was just a mistake. See I'd stopped to buy the wine and...."

"So you thought I was fucking free? Well if that doesn't beat all," she muttered, dropping the bills in the cup holder and shaking her head.

"Will you shut up woman? I'm trying to explain that what happened was just a stupid mistake. I never meant to leave the money and I never should have fucking left and for your fucking information I came back but you'd locked the door, okay?" He slammed on the brakes, skidding to a stop on the wet street, just past the stop line despite the green light. He even ignored the honking car behind him as he swivelled in his seat to look over at her. Her eyes were wide and she was biting down on her bottom lip, barely able to conceal a smile. "What? What's so fucking funny?

"Do you actually expect me to believe that?" She asked, shaking her head in obvious disbelief. "I mean c'mon. If that's all it was you would have just come by the next day. You must think I'm pretty naive if you think that I'd actually believe that pile of steaming...."

"Naive? No I don't think you're naive. I mean you get naked for a living," he muttered, putting the SUV back into gear and putting on his signal, muttering under his breath about the cars blasting their horns behind him.

"Oh yeah, let's get back to that, because you obviously have such a moral high ground where that's concerned. I mean you were what? Barely eighteen when you posed shirtless for Vanity Fair? You got paid for that didn't you?" He felt his face burn just as it always did when anyone teased him about his 'beefcake' pictures. "Well?" She asked again and he shrugged in reply. It wasn't something he liked to talk about. He'd been asked since, more than a few times, but he'd vowed never to stoop so low as to debase himself that way again. "Fuck, whatever," she snapped, turning to stare out the window again at the rain soaked street. "If you want to sit there on your high horse and judge me, then fine, but just for your information, I have my reasons and if you want to think about it unfavourably then don't let me fucking stop you."

Sidney ground his teeth together in frustration. On one hand, he really didn't think much of her chosen profession. On the other hand, he was drawn to this woman and it felt wrong to sit here and judge her without listening to what she had to say.

"You said you had...reasons?" he asked quietly, glancing over at her profile, noting the proud way she held her chin high and steady. He waited until she turned to meet his gaze before he turned his eyes back to the road.

"It's not like I do it for a lark," she began, returning his attention to the passing scenery, "but how many jobs can a woman get, part time that pay enough for rent and food and tuition?" He could feel her looking at him but he only shrugged again in reply. If it was some kind of shot at him he wasn't going to rise to the bait. The closest idea he had to what a regular job paid was his mom, and even that was a guess at best. He decided it was better to keep silent than look stupid. "Yeah well, there aren't many jobs a girl can make three g's a week at."

He turned to her, knowing his eyes were wide in surprise.

"Three thousand?" he repeated and it was her turn to shrug.

"Some girls, the main attractions make more and it depends a lot on your tips, but yeah, around that. But before you get your knickers in a twist, most of it's going to pay my Aunt's medical bills. You know that one I was visiting at the cemetery that day?" Sidney nodded, turning his attention back to the road, realizing already where this was going and wondering if there was some place he could pull over at and bang his head against the wall.

He'd been such an ass. He was a judgemental ass.

* * *

She looked over at him, watching his jaw clench, that muscle where his jaw met his skull twitching as he ground his teeth together. She wondered if she was getting through that thick skull of his or not. With a sigh, she turned back, putting her palm against the window and resting her cheek on the cool, damp glass before she began to talk about her Aunt.

"She died last year, when I was still writing finals. She forbade me to lose a year of school by missing the exams. I told her that I could make them up later but I think she knew it wasn't true. I mean I could have lied and said it was my mom and then they would have but...," Mya smiled remembering the heated conversation they'd had over the phone. Her Aunt had forbidden it, wouldn't even discuss it, no matter how much she begged. "She died, without me there for her and maybe that doesn't sound like a big deal but you had to know us. She was...she was my best friend and she suffered and died without me there to hold her hand in this...in one of those public teaching hospitals where you don't have any privacy and your loved ones have to change your bed pan and help you keep clean, change your bedding. I could have done that for her. I should have been there to do that for her. She should have come home," Mya's hand curled into a fist as she closed her eyes, willing away the tears that wanted to flow every time she thought about it. Steve had promised her that her imagination made it out to be worse than it was but she wasn't sure and she'd never know for sure. "Do you know what kind of medical coverage American army vets get around here?" she asked finally, to which Sidney could only shake his head, still mute. "Shitty. Really shitty. I can't believe how evil the American government is towards their vets. Steve, my uncle, he was in Kuwait. His coverage...it sucked. It didn't really cover much and...well I won't let him get kicked out of their little bungalow because he owes some piece of shit hospital tens of thousands of dollars. Not if I can shake my bootie and have men throw money at me. So...maybe you think that I'm less of a person...."

"I don't," he said suddenly, reaching over and grabbing her wrist, his fingers closing around it tightly, tight enough to hurt. She stared across the vehicle at him, trying to read the emotion in his eyes but it was nothing but confusion. "I'm sorry...about your Aunt and...and I'm sorry about judging you. I was wrong...it was wrong" He looked down at where his hand was crushing the small bones in her wrist and released her, just like that.

He pulled the SUV up to the curb and Mya realized that they were in front of her apartment. He took the key out of the ignition and an odd silence fell over them. She watched him wrap his thick fingers around the keys on his key ring, knowing the metal teeth of each one of them was digging into the palm of his hand. Was he waiting for her to get out? Mya looked up at his profile, at his pale white skin, at the dark, damp curls that were plastered to his forehead, and waited.

And waited.

They sat in silence for what seemed like at least half an hour before Mya decided she must have been dismissed, even if she didn't know it, so she turned to open the door and slide out onto the sidewalk. Just as she did though, so did he and then he followed her to the door, waiting silently behind her while she dug for her keys in her bag.

He was still completely silent as she ascended the steps to her floor, following her like a sullen child that had been scolded. His head hung low, his eyes on his feet. She wanted to ask him what he thought he was doing, but decided that he must just feel some sort of chivalrous duty to walk her to her door, or maybe there was something he'd forgotten in her apartment that she hadn't noticed. But even as she put her key in the deadbolt and turned it, he followed her inside. At least as far as the hallway, before he finally stopped.

Mya put her book bag down on one of the bean bag chairs in the living room and unbuttoned her jacket, draping it over the back of another chair. She turned back to see him still standing there, watching her with wary eyes. It was so different than the last time he'd been here. They'd bypassed even small talk, and now she was seeing her small, shabby apartment through his eyes and almost felt naked as she stood there, waiting expectantly and anxiously for him to say whatever it was he'd obviously followed her up here to say.

It seemed to take forever but finally his hazel eyes looked up into hers' and Mya knew that whatever he was going to say, it wasn't going to be easy for him to say or maybe for her to hear.

"It wasn't...when I came here before...when we...," his cheeks turned pink and he ducked his head away like he couldn't look at her when he said it. "I just need you to know that it wasn't about all that other stuff. Your job and that...." He looked up at her and Mya felt like his hand had reached into her chest and was squeezing her heart so hard it hurt. He needed her to believe him. That much was clear. "I didn't even know...not until I saw you with Kris...I didn't know about you and that...not until now." He was pleading with her and Mya felt her knees weaken along with her resolve as she found herself walking towards him.

Her hand reached out towards him, almost like the appendage didn't belong to her, like it was floating away from her. She watched her fingertips brush lightly along the sharp outline of his cheekbone and down, down to his lips where the pad of her thumb came to rest like a bookmark, keeping her place. His hazel eyes searched hers', a little too wide, full of confusion and maybe just a little panic. It was so at odds with the confident young man out on the ice, or even the boyish charmer she'd met on the Island all those months ago.

She felt her blood warm for him, the hurt and anger leaking out of her body, leaving it languid and soft as she pressed it against the solidity of his muscular frame. Her thumb pressed down on his lower lip, pulling that full pink tissue down in a cute pout before she nipped at it, tugging it between her teeth like the bubblegum it so nearly resembled.

He moaned, his eyes falling shut as her hands pressed against his chest, grabbing hold of his shirt and pulling him to her as she kissed him, pressing her lips over his as hard as she could. She felt his heart begin to thump under her hand and her own fluttered like beating wings in her own chest in reply.

* * *

His hand knotted in her hair, wrapping the dark waves around his hand until he had a good grip on it and then he tugged. Not hard enough to hurt. Just hard enough that she had no choice but to tilt her head back, revealing the long, elegant line of her neck. He brushed his lips over the quickening pulse of her carotid, tasting a bouquet of floral scents missed with soap and the musk of sex rising from her skin and he knew he'd never be able to walk away from her now. She called to him, like some kind of telepathy, like some kind of drug and he knew he could try to keep running away but he would come running back to her again and again for this, for the feel of her body melting against his and for the perfume of her skin and for her taste of her lips.

He bit into her, his teeth digging into the thin flesh until she gasped and her hands slid around his back and her fingernails dug in, sending signals to his brain that should be warning him of pain but instead sent signals down to his cock and made it pulse and harden and strain against his jeans.

Fuck he wanted her and not in the sweet longing sort of way he'd felt when he'd been around Randi. He didn't want to just hold Mya and kiss her softly and be close to her. He wanted to ravage her and bite her and make her scream. He would never be satisfied with making love to her. He wanted to claim her like his very own planet. He wanted to drive his flag into her and mark her so that everyone would know that she could belong to no one but him.

He didn't want to just nip at her lip as she had done. He wanted to draw blood as he bit down on her shoulder, tugging at the fabric that was obstructing him.

She raised her hands above her head and he pulled her shirt off and tossed it aside, bending immediately back to his work, tasting her sweet skin as his hands cupped her full breasts, enjoying the way the black lace of her bra chafed against the palms of his hands. Her nipples hardened as he ran his hand over them. He could feel them poking through the fabric and wondered if the lace chafed their soft pink tips. He squeezed them, rubbing the lace against them and heard her whimper, the sound vibrating through her skin as he nibbled his way back up her neck.

Squeezing harder, he heard her gasp and her nails dug deeper into his back as her hips pressed urgently against his and then it was his turn to gasp. His cock twitched and throbbed against the painful restraint of his pants, as if it was searching for the soft wet cleft of pussy. The thought of those pink lips gleaming with her juices made his mouth go dry as he realized that he couldn't wait much longer or her might never make it inside of her before he came.

Lifting her off of her feet, he walked her over to her kitchen table and set her on it, dragging her tight black leggings down until they pooled at her ankles and he was forced to tug off her high heeled ankle boots. He felt a brief pang of regret as he dropped them to the floor. He would have like to have felt them digging into his ass. Maybe later.

When he looked back at her, she looked back at him almost as if she were under the influence of some kind of drug, her green eyes hooded, her sweet, soft lips parted in a dazed sort of smile. He cupped her face in his hands and kissed her then, kissed her until he couldn't breathe, until both of them were gasping for breath when he finally drew his lips away from hers'.

He tugged off his shirt then, tossing it behind him before reaching for his belt and found her hands already there, her smaller, more elegantly made fingers making quick work of undoing his belt and unzipping his jeans and then he was groaning out loud as her fingers reached inside and wrapped themselves around his aching cock.

* * *

"Fuck...don't...I'll cum," he moaned, but didn't reach try to stop her from pulling him closer, using his cock as a leash. His gaze met hers' then, filled with hunger and a fierce desire that made her already wet pussy gush with need.

"Fill me then," she urged, guiding him inside before wrapping her legs around his waist and letting him pull her almost off of the table, his big hands on her hips. "Fuck me," she whispered, her eyes falling closed as his dick filled her completely, stretching her, making her gasp out loud at the sweet almost pain that the thickness of him caused her.

He obliged, his hips meeting hers as he began to thrust frenziedly and violently and it was all Mya could do to hold onto him, her thighs squeezing tightly around him, her nails digging into his shoulders and still every time he withdrew, he pulled her with him so that she nearly slid from the table. He must have felt it too, and after a couple of minutes of unsatisfying thrusts where he could do not go deeply enough for either of them, he picked her up in his arms and she slid down over his cock and felt all the air leave her lungs in one long gasp.

She wrapped her body around him then, kissing him urgently as she dug her fingers into his thick wavy mane of hair and locked her ankles behind his back. He used gravity then and his sheer strength to move her up and down on hick dick and Mya was felt the tension on the small of her back and squeezed the muscles of her vagina tightly around him as she came. She moaned into his mouth, his tongue lapping at hers', his body still as she jerked and shuddered around him.

He let her down then and Mya looked at him, confused, certain she hadn't felt the spasm of his cock unloading within her and he answered her wordlessly by shoving her back towards the table, spinning her so she was facing it and she found herself clinging to the edge of it while he stepped between her legs, kicking them wide before shoving his way inside of her, leaving her breathless and wide eyed, sure that he'd torn her in two.

He fucked her then, hard and mercilessly as his thick fingers dug into her rib cage, pulling her back towards him, over him. She could feel the head of his cock slamming into the mouth of her cervix and it made her shudder, but better than that, the length of him slid over her g-spot over and over, bringing her to climax again and again until she couldn't really stand, her knees giving way and her grip loosening on the table.

She was about to beg for another change of position when he pulled out of her altogether and she cried out at the emptiness she felt without the pulsating thickness of him inside of her. She looked at him over her shoulder and saw his hand slide over the gleaming wetness her body had deposited on his cock and she moaned out loud.

He was jacking off and she was impossibly turned on by the sight of his hand pumping along the width of his cock. She watched with wrapt fascination as his hand slid up and down the gleaming thickness of his dick, as it twitched and pulsed in his hand. She looked to see his eyes almost closed but not quite, a beatific smile on his face before his jaw slackened and he groaned her name. She looked back down to see thick white fluid jetting from his cock onto the small of her back, interlacing with the ivy pattern of her tattoo.


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

It had been his idea to clean up. It had been her idea to take a shower rather than just sponge off, and now, as her hands slid against the tile in the shower, she was happy about the decision. With her eyes squeezed shut against the spray of the shower, Mya braced her feet against the edges of the tub while he slammed into her from behind. With nothing to hold onto and her hands slipping and sliding over the tile wall, she could only trust in his grip on her waist, the strength in his arms and a silent prayer she sent up to whatever powers might be listening that neither of them might fall. She certainly wasn't going to ask him to stop. It felt too good to ever want him to stop.

His stamina was insanely impressive.

She'd had a few minutes to collect herself, to look up into his hazel eyes as he held her under the hot spray, his arms around her shoulders as they kissed. Soft sweet kisses that had quickly grown into hot wet kisses and now this.

He was insatiable and that was fine with her, she thought as his thick fingers dug into her skin, probably leaving bruises behind. She didn't care about that either. It was hard to care about anything but the way it felt to be one with him.

This was nothing like it had been with Kris and everything like it had been before, only better she thought as she shuddered, the wave rising within her again. He must have felt it too because she felt him freeze and then his hand winding through her hair again, tugging on it until she had to look over her shoulder at him.

"I want to watch you, when you come. I want to see your face," he said, his gaze burning intensely into hers'. He held fast to her hair with one hand while wrapping his other arm around her waist and steadying his feet. Then he began to move, slowly, deliberately taking long slow strokes that held her there on the edge of the precipice, looking up into his hazel eyes, at his soft pink lips, whimpering his name, over and over.

She wanted to shut her eyes and look away. The intensity in his gaze was intimidating. But at the same time she couldn't, wouldn't. He wanted to watch her, and so she let him. She let him see how weak he made her, how good it felt to have him inside of her, and, at the moment that the orgasm took hold, she cried out. She held nothing back. She howled and cried his name out loud.

He spent himself on the floor of the tub between her feet. She watched the creamy substance swept along with the water down the drain, taking deep breaths as she came back to herself, her forehead pressed to the relatively cool tiles as she tried to collect herself. Her eyes fluttered closed as the scent of lilacs filled the air and she felt his hands on her back, bath mitt on one hand. She arched her back, moaning with pleasure as his hands swept over her shoulders and down her ribcage, down over her thighs and up again. She hummed, nearly giggling, when the full hard length of him pressed against her back and his hand swept gently over her breasts in slow, fastidious circles. Leaning back against him, Mya reached up to run her fingers through his thick wet hair, pulling his lips down to the curve of her neck.

"Your turn," he whispered, sounding amused, running his hand slowly up over her stomach, stopping as he cupped her breasts, running his thumb over and around her nipple until she began to moan. As much as she wanted him to continue his tender administrations, Mya took the bath mitt from his hand and turned to find him giving her the width of his pale back to scrub.

Pressing her lips to a spot between his shoulder blades, Mya tasted the clean cool water running down his back and giggled as she nipped at his shoulder, watching with no small amount of satisfaction as goose-bumps raced down his arms. Feeling the water growing colder, she refilled the mitt with lilac scented soap and scrubbed him down. She took her sweet time, running her hands lovingly over his thickly muscled ass and thighs, and down, getting on her knees before him, inching her way back up the inside of his hairy legs, eyeing his now slack but still thick cock.

Turning her attention northward, Mya met his gaze and with a grin he shook his head. Apparently there was some limit to his abilities after all.

He helped her to her feet and as she continued to soap up his chest, he took a handful of shampoo and began to work it through her hair. Abandoning the mitt and his body somewhat reluctantly, Mya gave herself over to the new and very agreeable sensation of having his fingers massaging her scalp.

* * *

Putting her directly under the spray, Sidney dragged his fingers through her hair and then reached for the bottle of conditioner. She leaned back against his chest, humming happily as he dragged his fingers through her hair again, the scent of green apple mixing with the flowery smell of her soap, reminding him of strongly of that last morning with Randi.

It made his eyes sting and he lifted his face up to the spray and let the water from the shower wash away the few tears that had managed to escape. It didn't seem fair to think about her now, so he shook his head, sending water spraying around them both and dismissing her face from his mind, for now.

Walking her back into the spray, Sidney rinsed the conditioner out of her hair and then shut off the now nearly frigid water, noting that she had begun to shiver in his arms. Pushing the shower curtain aside, he grabbed a towel and wrapped her in it, rubbing her skin until it began to glow a healthier colour, starting at her ankles and working his way up until he was holding her breasts again.

Licking his lips he met her gaze, feeling his body heat to the feel of her nipples, hard and erect in the palms of his hands. God…was there any end to wanting her?

She offered her lips up to his and he pressed his over hers, reaching for her tongue and wrapping his around hers, groaning into her mouth as her hand reached down, her fingers wrapping around his cock.

She laced the fingers of her other hand in his and lead him across the hall, still dripping wet, to her bed, and he watched, his eyes roaming hungrily over her body, as she lay down on it, patting the spot next to her on the crisp, clean sheets. Forgoing the foreplay, he placed himself between her thighs and slid easily inside of her, wet from the shower and wet for him.

Whether it was finally being face to face, or the playful look in her eyes, thoughts of Randi flooded Sidney's mind again and he had to turn his face away from Mya, not wanting her to see the pain those thoughts brought him. He felt her hand on his cheek, the gentle pressure of her fingertips urging him to meet her gaze. He fought it but the pressure of her hand held steady and eventually he let her see the tears welling in his eyes.

"There's something I should tell you," he began, his voice sticking in his throat, caught by the ball of emotion he was currently choking on. She smiled encouragingly, her eyes bright, happy. It seemed inopportune at least, mean at most, but he felt like he had to tell her, had to let her know that he wasn't all...present. "That...when I saw you...when we met at the cemetery...," he began, withdrawing physically from her and pulling a corner of the quilt over, hiding his nudity from her, creating a barrier between them.

He watched the uncertainty flicker behind her emerald eyes, but it was there and then gone, replaced by a wary look. She was getting ready for him to run again. He could see it in the way she dragged the other end of the quilt up to her neck as she sat up, her smile disappearing altogether. He cursed quietly as he tried to find the words to explain this in a way that wouldn't be hurtful. After all, he told himself, he wasn't using her _on purpose_.

"The friend...the person I was visiting...she was my girlfriend...my fiancée." He waited for her to gaze to meet his again, to see if she understood. She nodded, once, to let him know she heard and Sidney took a deep breath before continuing. "I wanted to marry her...was in love with her...but she...she died," he explained, his voice breaking as he said it.

He looked up at her to see if she understood but she only looked back at him, her expression impassive. He wanted to ask her if she could understand what he was feeling but when he opened his mouth, nothing came out. He just sat there, waiting for her to say something, anything.

Finally she nodded and took a deep breath, turning, wrenching the quilt off of him as she reached for her dresser drawers.

"That's fine. I get it. You don't want anything heavy. I get that. I mean...it's not like I was asking for anything," she began, nonchalantly, pulling a pair of lacy black panties from a drawer and holding the quilt up around her while she shimmied into them. "This is fine," she added, digging a worn looking black t-shirt out and slipping it over her head, only dropping the quilt when she was modestly covered. "You know, this is fine. I mean, better than fine, obviously," she grinned briefly before turning back to her drawers and pulling out a pair of pyjama bottoms and tugging them on. "So, you know, just don't make it like...months before we do this again."

Sidney wanted to argue that this wasn't what he'd been saying but as soon as he thought it, he shut his mouth. It _was_ sort of what he was saying. He wasn't ready for this. He knew it and obviously by the flippant way she was dismissing him from her bed, so was she. Still....

"I'm sorry," he mumbled, to which she only shrugged and walked out of the bedroom, returning with his clothes heaped in her arms.

"Like I said, fuck buddies is fine with me," she continued, turning her back to let him dress with some modicum of privacy. "I needed a way to break up with Kris. It works out don't you think?" He mumbled something non committal, trying to keep thoughts of that particular event out of his mind for now. He'd deal with that when he had to and not before. He had enough on his plate right now.

As he tugged his jeans back on, Sidney watched her picking things up and putting them down on the top of her dresser, like she was looking for something to do with her hands. He wanted to walk around the bed and put his arms around her and hold her close. He wanted to take her back to bed and make her call out his name again.

Instead he pulled his shirt on and sat down to pull on his socks because, essentially, he was a coward. If he did take her back to bed he was half afraid he was going to fall in love with her and if he did...well, people he got close to had a habit of leaving him.

Fuck buddies was fine with him too.

"I'm glad you understand," he replied eventually, once he was dressed again. She turned and smiled at him but he was sure that, just for a moment, he thought that he'd seen a tear run down her face.

"It's totally fine. I mean, hey, you wouldn't be caught dead with a stripper am I right?" she added, her expression returning to the cool, expressionless mask. He felt the dagger enter his chest and realized, too late, just how she was seeing this.

"I told you...this has nothing to do with that," he replied firmly, stepping around the bed towards her, only to watch her back away from him, keeping her distance from him. He wondered if she felt the tug of their physical bond too. "In fact," he added, the idea coming to him all at once. "I'd rather pay you not to. I mean, if we're going to do this...I'd just rather not share you. And that goes for my teammates too."

* * *

Mya opened her mouth to object, to tell him to stick his hand-outs where the sun doesn't shine but quickly shut it again. It's not like she wanted to get naked for strangers. It was just a necessary evil, a means to an end. Still, if he thought for one minute he was going to control her with money....

"I don't know about the whole kept woman thing. I'm sure some girls would find it appealing. I don't think that I'm one of them though," she replied, walking out of the bedroom and towards the door. Now that he was dressed, she couldn't wait for him to leave and just having him anywhere near her bed made her want to rip his clothes off and forget he'd ever told her that he was still in love with some dead girl and that she was just another notch on his belt.

Except that part stuck in her head and wouldn't let go. He was still in love with someone else and she'd pretty much told Kris that she was with Sidney. Karma was a real cunt.

"Well...think about it," Sidney said quietly, moving towards her again, and now there was nowhere else Mya could go unless she was going to leave her own apartment and the way she felt at that moment, that didn't seem altogether out of the question. He bent towards her, and Mya turned her head, giving him her cheek.

She didn't feel like kissing him, or at least not kissing him goodbye. She felt like kissing him alright, but she was afraid if she started kissing him she wouldn't stop and then maybe she'd make an ass of herself and beg and plead for him to stay and that was the last thing she wanted. What with stripping and now this, she didn't feel like she had a lot of dignity left, but what she had she was determined to hold onto.

"I'll see you soon," he added, like it was a matter of fact. Mya didn't even watch him go out the door. She just pushed the door shut behind him and snapped the dead bolt closed, and then, and only then, did she let the painful tears of humiliation flow.


	13. Chapter 13

_just when you thought it was safe to breathe..._.

Chapter 13

"You're a dark horse." Sidney looked up from tying his skate to see Max grinning down at him. Sidney thought about ignoring the comment, or even feigning ignorance, but decided it wasn't worth the trouble.

"You wouldn't understand, even if I explained it to you," Sidney muttered, returning to his task and trying to ignore the way the small hairs on the back of his neck were standing up, telling him that everyone was watching him. The room was too quiet, way quieter than usual. He didn't like it. Not one bit.

This was bad. He didn't need anyone to tell him that. It was a cardinal rule. You didn't fuck around with your teammate's girl. It was a rule that, while unwritten, was practically inscribed in granite as far as rules went within the room and he'd broken it.

It wasn't going to matter that he'd seen her first. Pretty close only worked with horseshoes and hand grenades. It wasn't even going to matter that he'd slept with her first. He hadn't put a claim on her. He should have, god knows, but he hadn't.

Kris had called her his girlfriend and even though Sidney knew he could honestly claim he didn't know that his Mya was Kris's girlfriend, he also knew it wouldn't matter to Kris or any of the other guys for that matter. As soon as he'd seen them together in the parking lot he should have put the keys back in his ignition and turned around. He should never have got out of the car. He should never have let her kiss him.

But he had and the rest, he thought grimly as he finished tying his skates. There would be no taking back what he'd done, not with Kris and not with Mya.

He'd screwed up. Badly. He knew it. He just didn't know how to undo it.

"Whatever it is, the explanation, it devrait être bon," Flower said quietly, his voice pitched so only Sidney could hear it, or at least normally that would be the case. Today, you could hear a sweat sock hit the floor and when Sidney glanced over at the young goaltender beside him, he caught Jordan nodding out of the corner of his eye.

"He's right," Jordan agreed without looking up from tugging on his socks. "There better be a fucking iron clad reason behind it." Taking a deep breath, Sidney reached over and wrapped his hand around his stick.

"Is he here?" He didn't need to say who. Both Jordy and Flower nodded. "Just promise me you'll call 911 if there's blood," he muttered, pushing himself up to his feet and plodding out the door and down the hall, readying himself to face the music.

* * *

"What part of the Fredericks catalogue has scarves?" Hannah asked, flipping the end of the scarf that Mya was tying around her neck to hide the angry red bite marks on her neck. Mya shot her a nasty look and continued to try to find some way to make the camouflage work.

"Are you going to just stand there and make sarcastic comments or are you going to help?" she snapped, tugging on the end of the scarf, trying to tuck it in without making the whole thing look bulky.

"That's not going to work. Give it here," Cassidy sighed, unwinding the black scarf from around Mya's neck and tossing it aside, reaching into her own treasure trove of costume jewellery and coming out with a multi string pearl choker. "Do the naughty rich MILF thing tonight and you won't have to take this off," she suggested, eyeing the white lace merry widow and garter set Mya already had on. "I have a grey pencil skirt. Han, you still have that white satin blouse with the bow?" Mya looked from one woman to the other and let out a sigh of relief.

"Thanks," Mya whispered, holding the strands of pearls up to her neck, her fingers brushing the livid reminders of Sidney's passion.

"You should remind that cute little Frenchman of yours to go easy on you," Hannah remarked from her position down the table where she had gone back to reading one of her favourite trashy bodice rippers. An obviously well loved and often read one if the dog eared corners of the pages and creased cover were anything to go by.

"This...," Mya signed, covering the bite marks on her neck with the pearls before leaning back into the mirror to return to dabbing at the ones near her collarbones with more make up. "This wasn't Kris."

"You hussy!" Hannah cried, putting her book back down and excitedly meeting Mya's reflected gaze in the long mirror. "You've been having it off with someone behind that little cutie's back and you haven't told us?" Mya took a deep breath and tore her gaze away from the too eager look in the other woman's eyes. She wished it was something to get excited about. She really did.

"It's...not that exciting...honestly," Mya admitted with a sigh, standing back and staring at her reflection, trying to decide if the make up had done its' job.

"Are you kidding? Hello? Single mother over here. I don't get this kind of excitement. So c'mon...spill."

Mya sighed and shook her head. Part of her wanted to tell someone, get it off her chest, with the hopes that saying it out loud would make her feel better. But as much as these women were really the only people she was friendly with in Pittsburgh, the only people aside from Kris or the other students on campus that she spent any time with at all, she didn't consider them friends. Not really.

Still...it was eating her alive to keep this secret inside.

And yet she couldn't tell his secret. Had he been anyone else, anyone but Sidney Crosby, then maybe she could have told them all about it. But he was who he was and as angry, as hurt as she was and her pain was certainly considerable, she couldn't tell just anyone the real story.

"It's just...it's just a guy I met...on vacation in the summer and we just keep...running into each other," Mya tried to explain, to both Hannah and Cassidy's amusement.

"That looks like a little _more_ than just running into each other," Cassidy smirked, pulling her hair back into pig tails before reaching for her silver and Barbie pink pom-poms, "unless you mean like...literally and with baseball bats."

"So what does your poor little French boy think about this?" Hannah asked, leaning forward, chin on hands, eyes bright with interest. Gossip. She was loving this.

"I broke up with him...I think. I mean...I told him there was someone else and then...anyway, so that's that." Mya replied, squaring her shoulders and tilting her head to one side, considering the woman looking back in the mirror at her. She looked older. She looked...sad. Leaning towards the mirror, Mya looked at her bloodshot eyes and reached for more eyeliner, hoping to darken them enough that it wouldn't show on stage.

"You don't sound convinced that you're over with that long haired hockey player of yours," Cassidy noted, handing over the promised pencil skirt and eyeing Mya sceptically. Mya unfolded the bebe skirt with care and began to step into it.

"Oh that's over. Believe me, he won't want anything to do with me now," she replied with a sigh. She did feel bad for Kris. He hadn't deserved any of this. He'd done nothing but behave like an absolute gentleman. There would be some other, more grateful, woman to take her place, she knew, but all the same...she wished she could apologize. With a rueful grin she wondered if he'd laid a beating on Sidney yet. She sort of hoped he would and that he'd put a punch or two in for her.

"Well I hope this new guy's worth it then," Cassidy added, pursing her lips in the mirror, adding more bubble gum coloured lip gloss. "That Frenchie was a definite cutie."

"Oh...there's no new guy," Mya mumbled as reached back to do up the zipper on the snug fitting skirt. Very Dita Von Teese. Hannah whistled and then reached into her cubby to pull out a cream coloured satin blouse. Mya accepted it and held it up in front of her. It looked classy. It did look like something some rich debutante would wear. "It's not going to be anything...I don't think it's going to _be_ anything."

"You sound like you'd like it if it turned out to be something," Hannah noted, to which Mya only shrugged. It was true but there was no using wishing for something that he so obviously didn't want to happen.

"You know what they say about spilled milk," Mya replied, pulling the cool, slick fabric over her shoulders, admiring the way it shimmered under the lights. It would look even better out on the stage, she thought, as she tied the bow at her neck, very sexy secretary.

"So you like this holiday romance boy," Hannah continued to push and Mya felt her walls beginning to build the more she picked at the wound that was still raw and bleeding. Refusing to answer, Mya continued to gaze at her reflection, wondering what he saw but trying hard not to wonder if and when she'd ever see him again. "Well I'm not one of your college people and my experience is obviously nothing to go by but if you like him...you're a good looking girl and most men are pretty simple things. You should be able to nab him if you want him." Mya smiled at the older woman's reflection in the mirror. Oh, if only it were that easy.

"I can read all the books I want. Smarts isn't going to help me nab this one, believe me," she replied, shooting Hannah a contrite smile.

"Ain't that the truth," Cassidy grinned at both of them, bouncing on the toes of her perfectly white, squeaky clean Keds before giving her pom-poms a shake and grinning like a beauty queen. "But like someone wiser than me said, you don't get to choose who your heart wants. Sucks don't it?"

Mya nodded, thinking that was very apt indeed. It did suck _big time_.

* * *

"Je suis t'étonné qu'ayez la témérité à révéler ici."

Sidney started to say that he always showed up to practice, no matter what, injured or otherwise but quickly decided against it. His goal, after all, was _not_ to rile the dark haired defenseman. Instead, Sidney skated out towards where Tanger was rocketing shots over the goal and off of the glass and gathered a puck onto his stick and began to skate silently towards the goal.

"So what...do you think you're the fucking King or something? Did Bettman crown you king of us all and you get whatever you want? Huh? Are you going to take Vero too? Maybe have Jordan sign over his kid to you too? Huh?" Sidney kept his head down and circled the goal, keeping the puck on the blade of his stick. It was almost like with a wild animal. Don't look them in the eye and they won't charge. Sidney had seen Tanger fight. It didn't happen often, but when it did, Tanger was vicious. He didn't hold back.

For a defenseman Tanger wasn't big but he was never afraid to take on guys bigger than him. Sidney didn't relish the thought of going toe to toe with the dark haired Quebecois.

"Well? What amazing explanation do you have mon capitain? Hey? Quelle raison fucké pouves-tu donner pour voler ma fille?"

Only then did Sidney dare to look up and meet the blazing dark eyes of his teammate. He knew it didn't matter what he said, Tanger wasn't likely to believe him. Still, he had to try.

"I didn't know that she...that Mya knew you. Not until yesterday. I met her during the summer in P.E.I.," Sidney began, only to have Kris shake his dark hair into his eyes and laugh.

"Tabernak!" Tanger broke his stick over the net and tossed down both end as he cursed. "You actually are using the 'I saw her first' argument? I've been dating her for months. Elle n'a pas dit un mot simple. Not one!" He shouted, shaking his gloves to the ice and taking a step towards Sidney. Sidney pushed off and glided backwards, out of Tanger's reach but his teammate kept coming.

"I didn't know about you and her," Sidney reiterated, trying to keep his voice calm, the blade of his stick on the ice and his back away from the boards.

"Maudit! It took me plus qu'un mois to get into her bed...I suppose you're going to say you've been fucking her this entire time?" Tanger asked, his vocabulary mixing which Sidney knew was a sure sign that he was in danger. Kris was holding his fists up now, feinting and striking at air as Sidney weaved and bobbed, trying his best to avoid what he was almost sure was inevitable now. "Saint-ciboire de tabernac Sid, do you even love the girl?"

"No...I mean, maybe but it's not a thing. I'm not ready to have a thing, not that it's not a thing, because it could be a thing but it's not. Not now, but...," Sidney was more worried about the defenseman's fists than he was answering the question, knowing the answer didn't really matter, that it wouldn't make Kris feel any better about what he'd seen and what he's certain he could probably imagine. Still, he thought for just a moment, he was surprised by his own answer.

Maybe? Could he really be falling for her? Maybe he'd already fallen for her?

"That's right Croz. Sacrer son camp. Just like a little girl," Tanger mocked him for continuing to skate away. "Fuck, at least give me the fucking chance to smack your lying mouth."

"I'm not...," Sidney opened his mouth to disagree but Kris was faster. Sidney reeled from the punch, his head snapping back, his jaw shifting painfully. He managed to stay on his feet and Sidney shook his head, trying to clear his vision as he dropped his gloves. "Okay so you've had your...." Kris's fist struck his cheek again and Sidney reeled for the second time, his arms wind-milling as he fought to keep his balance but Kris was already drawing his fist back like an arrow in a bow and then Sidney was falling down to the ice, his feet in the air, Kris on his chest, hand cocked to land another blow.

He could vaguely hear the rest of his teammates yelling and cat calling in the background, but mostly he could hear the pounding of his own heart, but strangely he found that he was calm, despite the fact that he was taking a beating.

Maybe the punch had cleared his mind.

He loved Mya.

He'd maybe loved her from the first minute he'd seen her. He was also pretty sure Randi had had some kind of hand in it. He wasn't just falling for her. He had fallen. Hook line and sinker. He'd only been fighting it like a fish swimming upstream because he thought he should.

He'd been such a fucking idiot.

He had to see her. Had to tell her how stupid he was. He had to beg for forgiveness.

He just had to get out from under Kris first.

"Are you both fucking insane?" Max was dragging Tanger off of him and Fleur and Jordy were offering him a hand up. His lip was busted open, his mouth and nose were bleeding and there was a pounding pain in the back of his head, but Sidney thought maybe he hadn't been thinking this clear in months.

"I have to go," he muttered, skating towards the exit, only to feel his legs, his knees, try to give out from beneath him.

"You're going to the hospital," Fleur replied in that quite matter of fact tone of his as he guided Sidney towards the bench.

"He's right. Your melon took a hell of a bounce off the ice Creature. I think you'd better let him take you."

"No...I have to see Mya," Sidney muttered, wincing at the pain behind his eyes

"Later, maybe. Hospital first," Fleur insisted and as Sidney's skates hit the rubber matting he tried to shake his head, and then everything went black.


	14. Chapter 14

_Now that fanfic is finally up again, what was that anyway? So...we resume normal programming..._

**Chapter 14**

"That pregnant chick in genecology row is asking for you." Mya looked up at the reflection of one of the bouncers in the mirror and felt her entire face get hot. Not that there was anything wrong with what certain people did in the privacy of their own homes, it was just that she didn't swing that way.

"Tell her thanks, that I'm flattered but I'm not doing a private dance for a...a woman," Mya replied, ducking her head and tugging off her long black wig. She'd felt very Dita Von Teese in the outfit they'd put together tonight, but now she was ready to go home, soak in a very full tub for a long time and eat ice cream. All in all, she'd had a shitty couple of days and dancing for some dyke was not going to make it better.

"She's got five one hundred dollar bills in her hand," the bouncer added and Mya winced. That was a lot of money, especially when one of those would normally pay for a private show in the back. More than that and the guy with the money was probably asking for a whole lot more than she was ever interested in providing. She knew some of the girls caved to that kind of dough once in a blue moon, when they needed something, to pay a certain bill or something like that. Mya never had and she wasn't about to start for a woman. "For that kind of money, if you're going to turn her down, you can do it yourself," the bouncer added, looking sincerely disappointed. Some of the girls, when they did take on "special dances" for extra money would normally tip the bouncers to keep it quiet and to stick nearby, just in case things went wrong. Reaching into her bucket, Mya pulled out a few fives and, letting out a long tired, sigh, reached for her wig, intending to put it back on before she went out.

She had it in her hand, and then she put it back. She doubted the woman was going to turn into a stalker. So she'd see her with her hair pinned up and under a stocking. Mya chuckled to herself as she pulled on the ties of her dressing gown to make sure they were tight. Let her see just how glamorous the life of a stripper really was...not.

Mya handed the fives to the bouncer but didn't ask him to stick around. She'd seen the tall dark haired woman sipping an orange juice in the front row when she'd been dancing. She was pretty far gone as far as the pregnancy went and Mya felt pretty certain if it came down to it, she could probably take her even if the woman was taller than her and had a longer reach.

Pushing the door open, she found the woman pacing around the room, her hands kneading at the small of her back. She was a good looking woman, Mya thought as she quietly pulled the door nearly shut behind her, leaving it open just a crack. She could probably take her, but pregnant or not, if she pulled a knife or a gun, Mya wanted to be able to call for help.

"Look, whatever you do in your own life...I mean whatever your situation...I just...I don't do threesomes either way," Mya began, realizing that this woman might be trolling for someone to add a little spice to her married life now that she was as big as a water buffalo. The tall Asian turned and peered at her through expensive looking Dolce & Gabbana dark rimmed glasses, pursing her lips before rolling her eyes.

"You do look like her," the woman began, taking a step or two towards Mya, eyes narrowed as she gave her a long once over that left Mya feeling like some kind of science experiment. She hadn't let go of the door handle, and for that, Mya was glad. She started to inch backwards, until she started to process what the woman was saying.

"Like whom?" she asked, her curiosity piqued.

"Randi. He did tell you about Randi didn't he?" the woman asked, reaching up to snatch the stocking cap off Mya's hair, which made her jump backwards, slamming the door shut in the process, further startling her.

"Who is Randi and who is this _he_ and for that matter, who the _fuck_ are you and why are you looking at me like that?" The strange, pregnant woman only smiled and looked around, spying the overstuffed love seat near the front of the stage, to which she waddled and, with a long, satisfied sounding sigh, dropped into it.

"You'll have to excuse me," she groaned, running her hands over her swollen abdomen, "but I'm a couple months away from dropping a pair of defensemen and if I don't sit, my ankles swell and I still like my Prada boots," she added, kicking one pointed toe forward. Mya admired the shiny leather and stiletto heels for a moment before she remembered that there was a strange woman poured into them who was looking at her like she was some kind of prize steer in a 4-H show.

"Are you going to tell me what the hell this is about?" Mya asked, finishing the job the woman had started, letting her hair down, pulling each bobby pin out with care until her hair was falling around her shoulders in its usual waves. She watched the woman adjust her position, shook her head when she patted the spot beside her on the sofa and then waited until she seemed ready to speak again.

"My name is Patricia, Tish, and Randi was my best friend and she was dating Sidney Crosby when she died. Well...I say _dating_...but really they spent a lot of time holding hands in the hospital and a little time at their apartment...now I say _their_ apartment, it was hers' and now it's his...," Mya held up her hand to stop Tish from speaking, her head beginning to throb as she tried to assimilate the information she'd just been given.

"You know Sidney?" Mya asked, her eyes squeezed shut as she rubbed at her throbbing temples.

"And I know about you, or at least some of it, mostly what I get from my hubby...well I say hubby but we haven't actually gotten married yet. I mean we did the civil ceremony thing but...." Mya growled, a rumble that began deep in her throat and emerged as a loud, frustrated sound as she opened her eyes again and stared down the woman preening on the seat across the room from her.

"So let me guess," Mya snarled, pacing across the floor until she was standing in front of the woman who was watching her with a certain amount of amusement. "Did he send you here to keep me quiet or buy me off or something?"

"He? You mean Sidney?" Tish laughed, throwing her head back and snorting, waving her hands in the air as if to ward off any further amusing ideas. "No..._he_ doesn't even know I'm here. In fact, he'd probably shit if he _did_ know. _He_ is in the hospital right now, having taken a pretty good beating for you, so no, _he_ didn't send me."

"Beating?" Mya sat down on the edge of the stage, wincing at the visions that ran through her head of just what kind of damage she could imagine Kris could have done.

"Well, at least you're not completely happy about it, that's a good sign," Tish laughed, wiping at her eyes. "So...you don't hate him too much?"

"Hate him?" Mya thought about it for a moment. She had plenty of feelings about and towards him, but when she went through the inventory of emotions and feelings, hate wasn't one of them. "No, I guess I don't hate him."

"Well good. Because he can be a dunce sometimes and from the little Jordy knows about what's going on between you two, it sounds like he's been pretty much of a complete dunce with you." Mya couldn't help but smile at the vision that crept into her imagination of Sidney sitting in the corner with a conical dunce hat on.

"So...I'm sorry, how do you...who are you?" Mya asked, finally ready to listen to what this strange woman had to say.

"I told you, I was Randi's best friend. You know, Randi? Sid's girlfriend, the one that died?" Mya nodded, finally putting the pieces together. "He did tell you about her...right?"

"Sort of...not really. He mentioned it...that's about it," Mya explained which caused Tish to roll her eyes dramatically and shake her head.

"What did I say? Dunce," Tish grumbled, leaning forward and putting her bejewelled and beautifully manicured hands around Mya's own, giving them a squeeze.

"Randi said he wasn't very good at talking about...emotional stuff, but then she wasn't much better so...," Tish was giving her that thoughtful tilted head look again and this time it made Mya want to squirm.

"What? Why do you keep looking at me like that?"

"Because you do...you _do_ look like her. I mean...not like you're her twin but...yeah I can see it." Tish looked thoughtful, even melancholy for a moment before her mischievous smile reappeared. "So...pole dancing. Is it as good a work out as they say?" Mya smiled and nodded, liking this woman despite how strange this entire conversation was turning out to be.

"So...I'm sorry, you just wanted to check me out because you were his last girlfriend's friend? I mean, I'm sorry if that sounds rude but...."

"You're right. I admit, when Jordy told me Kris and Sid were doing the same girl, I was curious but I actually have another, better motive for coming out to see you dance...well to see you, besides butting my nose in," Tish added with a grin. "Like I said, I was Randi's best friend. I was there when she died. I was waiting with her when she died just before Sidney got to her with the Cup." Mya cringed. "I know, the best day to the worst day of his life. So yeah, if he's a little messed up, that might be why, you know?" Tish waited until Mya grudgingly agreed. She was pretty sure there was more to it than just the timing of the woman's death, but she could agree to that much. "Do you know what was just about the last thing she said to me?" Tish asked, her voice falling away as she became glassy eyed, memories playing behind her eyes. Mya shook her head, not willing to guess at what profound kernel of wisdom this dead goddess that everyone seemed so fascinated with might have uttered. "She...well we, were watching the highlights, you know, over and over again. Watching Sid hoisting the cup, over and over again and she turned to me and said, right out of the blue, that she wished he could always be that happy." It was a nice sentiment, obviously, Mya thought as she watched Tish wipe a tear from her eye. "Now, just so we're clear, I'm not into all that life after death, Ouija board, psychic stuff, but I'm going to tell you something and I'm dead serious when I say this," Tish took a deep breath and Mya prepared herself not to laugh at the séance shit she was sure she about to hear. She took a breath of her own and tried her best not to smile. "We were at Randi's...sorry, Sid's the other night and he was telling Jordy about meeting you at that bookstore and I got this...chill up my spine. It was so weird and then, when Sid said something about feeling like he couldn't stop thinking about you...and I know how this sounds okay? But I swear to god, I could have sworn I heard Randi clapping like she'd just done something great, you know? Like you do when you've accomplished something? I just...maybe she and he weren't meant for one another. Maybe you and he are. I don't know. I'm just saying...I know he's a dunce and all but...he is a good guy and even if he's messed up, give him a chance. That's what I came here to say."

* * *

He'd been dreaming about the Cup and he'd been dreaming about Randi, except it wasn't really Randi. It was Mya he was holding the cup for while she ran her fingers over his name. She'd been smiling at him and there was sunshine and they were at the lake at home.

But then Randi was there. She was smiling too and the sun was all around her, like she was glowing, and she was waving to him from the dock and he could hear her laughing when someone went by with a seadoo and splashed her.

Her laugh. He missed her laugh.

He started to walk towards her, but no matter how many steps he took, she never seemed to get any closer. He started to run, but then he heard his name being called and he turned around to see who was calling him and when he turned back, she was gone.

She'd vanished.

His heart sank and suddenly he felt so empty, so lost. And then the sun went away, and all the guests were gone and he was standing alone on the dock and the lake turned black and the sky turned gray and suddenly it was cold.

And then he heard his name being called again.

Sidney blinked as he gained consciousness, a white light nearly blinding him as he looked up. He closed his eyes again, shutting them tight against the light that made his head pound, and then opened one eye, squinting up into the light. Except the light was gone, and she was there.

Randi. He reached up to touch her cheek, her name on his lips.

"I'm not your dead girlfriend."

"Mya." Thoughts of Randi evaporated as Sidney struggled to sit up, even though it made him slightly sick to his stomach and more than a little dizzy.

"Don't try and sit up. You've got a concussion dummy." she said quietly, pressing his shoulder down to the bed and holding a cup of cool, clear water up to his lips. He took a sip and then slid back down on the bed with a groan, reaching up to touch his head.

"I didn't think Tanger hit me that hard," he muttered, mostly under his breath, but he heard her chuckle as she lay a cool wet towel across his forehead.

"Your head hit the ice, apparently. I guess you don't do helmets in practice? Dummy?" she added, her hand brushing his cheek gently before he heard and felt her withdraw.

"I just went out there to talk to him," Sidney tried to explain, struggling to remember just what had happened after he went out on the ice.

"And you what? Didn't think he'd hit you? Francophone's are very passionate people. I'm surprised you don't look worse than you do," she added, sounding slightly amused. Sidney gently probed along his cheekbone, drawing a quick breath in through his teeth when he hit a painful spot below his eye. Licking along his lip, he could taste blood, and his nose ached and he couldn't smell the bleach and antiseptic filled air of the hospital so he suspected it was either broken or filled with gauze.

"Do I look that bad?" he asked, pulling the cool compress off of his forehead so he could see her. Mya stood at the end of the bed, her arms crossed, her chin held high, looking very serious. Her gaze roamed his face for a long moment, and then she sighed, and shook her head.

"Not bad enough apparently," she muttered, dropping her gaze from his to stare intently at the bar at the end of the bed. "Look Sidney...about your ex girlfriend...about Randi." Sidney smiled at the sound of her name, remembering the way she looked in his dream. When his eyes refocused, Mya was looking up at him, impatient. "I'm not saying that it's your fault but...when I said it was okay just to be...well it's not, and you're in love with ghost and that's okay but...I don't want to be your..._medium_ okay? I'm not a ghost, I'm alive and I have feelings and I don't want you to make love to her through me. So...until you get over her..._if_ you get over her...I think you'd better just stay away from me."

Sidney opened his mouth to object but closed it again when no words would come out. He didn't think that's what he'd been doing. He didn't remember thinking about Randi when he'd been with Mya but he could see why, after what he'd said, maybe she would think that. At best he was on the rebound and maybe she did deserve better than that but still....

"It's not like that," he began but she only shook her head, giving him a hollow smile.

"I think it is and I can't...I don't want to see her in your eyes when you look at me, just like you did when you woke up. I mean, let's be honest here. The reason you even like me in the first place is I remind you of her, right?" Again Sidney wanted to argue, but she was right. It was the first thing he'd seen. There were other things now, lots of other things, but he couldn't disagree with what was a fact. "See?" she shrugged her shoulders, which made one side of the black sweater fall down over her bare shoulder and he wanted to bite into it. He wanted to dig his teeth into her white flesh and see her eyes flutter closed. He wanted to hear her moan. That was what was different. She was alive and he never had to hold back with her, didn't feel like he was going to break her.

"It's not...you're getting it wrong. Well, not wrong, but...."

"Just...stay away from me okay? And tell your friends to stay away too," she added, looking tough and defiant with her chin held high as she tried to blink back tears.

"Mya...just...let me explain," he began but she was standing right there, leaning over to kiss his cheek, on one of the only spots that didn't hurt, and then she was striding out of his room, even as he called after her, as he tried to struggle out of the bed.

"What are you doing? You've got a concussion. You're on bed rest," a nurse said, appearing from out of nowhere, pushing him back down into the bed with hands that were amazingly strong, holding him there so that he couldn't go after her, so he couldn't tell her that she had it all wrong, that she was the one he wanted, the one he loved.


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter 15 **

**_For Val, who needs a little TLC_  
**

(_When I steal something, which I hope is hardly ever, I admit to it,_ so _this is a bit I've stolen and reworked from the movie 'Bed of Roses' __.com/watch?v=3SjJPSTsM7M__ 6:35_)

"They took a break between like eleven and eight but they've been pretty much coming every hour since then," Mya mused as she signed for yet another dozen roses, pink ones this time, and closed the door on the young delivery boy. "I don't have anything else to put them in. I just sort of have them stacked on the floor now."

"_Well, I guess you have to give the guy some credit for persistence anyway_," Steve laughed on the other end of the line.

"But I told him to stay away from me," Mya moaned, standing in the middle of her apartment, with hardly a bare inch of floor visible beneath what seemed like a sea of long white boxes full of red and white and pink roses. She had one vase to her name, which she'd put the first dozen long stemmed red roses into. Since then she'd been filling Big Gulp cups and souvenir cups and then she'd resorted to cutting the tops off of milk cartons. It really was so white trash.

"_And __**technically**__ he is_," Steve reminded her and she had to admit he was right.

"He must have bought an entire flower shop...maybe even a warehouse or something. It's a good thing I don't have hay fever," Mya sighed, putting the latest delivery down with the rest of the boxes littering her floor. "This is crazy. I don't get it. He's not even interested in me."

"_Uh...that's obviously not true. I hate to break it to you like this My, but a guy doesn't spend that kind of cash on anyone unless he's really interested_."

"He's not though. I mean, c'mon, I've given him every opportunity to not act like a complete jackass and every time I think he might actually be a good guy, he does something stupid and...."

"_He's a human being My, not Superman. So he fucks up. You're not without your faults you know_," he laughs again and Mya pauses in her pacing and allows herself to smile. "_Put the poor bastard out of his misery and call him. You know the deliveries aren't going to stop until you do_."

"He's in love with his dead girlfriend. He doesn't want me, he just wants a live body to screw," Mya complained, standing in the middle of her apartment and turning in a slow circle, taking in all of the boxes.

"_That kid could get pussy anywhere My. Believe me. Guys like him in the army...it's like peanut butter_...."

"Yeah, I know. Spreads easy. Thanks for reminding me that I'm a whore on top of everything else," she sighed, deciding to move a box from off of one of the kitchen chairs so she could actually sit.

"_You're the one who gave the milk away_," he chuckled, which made Mya shake her head.

"You men are so hypocritical. Why can you sleep around but us girls are supposed to be pure and sweet and untouched? Who's going to sleep with you when you sleep around if we're all so fucking pure?"

"_That's easy. The sluts, of which you aren't one My. I've known you how long? You don't give it away that easily. You must like the guy_."

"I do...which is stupid, because with him...I am so punching above my weight class you know?"

"_No you're not. He is. Especially the way he's been fucking up. But he is trying to make up for it My, so...give the poor idiot a chance. Call him. See what he wants. I mean c'mon, if he just wanted pussy, those roses are what? Twenty bucks a dozen? He could have had a pretty decent hooker by now for the kind of money he's spent trying to suck up to you. Don't you think_?" Mya couldn't argue the point and by the bemused silence on the other end of the line, Steve knew it too. It was kind of annoying, but she rolled her eyes as she pushed herself to her feet and grunted, which was as close as she was going to get to admitting it.

"I'll go ask him to stop, in person, will that make you happy?"

"_You just want to drool on him again_." Mya hung up the phone before she started to swear at it, hurling it at the couch as she headed for the bedroom to get dressed.

* * *

"Do you want me to come with you?" Jordy asked, turning off the ignition in his pick up and turning toward me. Sidney just shook his head as he turned his attention to the walkway and the snow piled up around the grave markers. Some were cleared, those that had regular visitors, most were not, lying somewhere under the snow. Hers was marked with a gold speckled poinsettia and a tiny artificial Christmas tree. He rolled the batteries over and over in his hand that would keep her tree lit and sparkling over her until his next visit.

"No, I'm good. I'll be right back," he promised quietly, his hand already on the door, bracing himself for the cold blast that would hit him as soon as he opened it. Taking a deep breath, Sidney pushed the door open, but felt Tish's hand on his shoulder. She dangled a garland of holly and mistletoe by a red velvet ribbon. Sidney took it from her feeling a weight of emotion settle on his shoulders.

"Take this for me," Tish said, wiping at her eyes. Sidney nodded and stepped out of the truck and into the snow.

He took the few steps off of the path in the deep snow. It was definitely a winter wonderland here, unlike in the rest of the city where the past few days of snow had already turned to dirty, discoloured mush. The trees that surrounded the cemetery were heavy with snow, their branches bending low over their charges. Some of the surrounding wrought iron fence was decorated with brightly coloured garlands, some store bought but more of them home made chains of construction paper.

Somehow it didn't seem as lonely and forlorn here today as it often did, but it did seem more poignant than ever, so many people to be missed at a time when families should be together, and here he was, saying goodbye.

He bent over her plaque and brushed some of the fresh snow from it, feeling the raised letters of her name even through the Gore-Tex gloves he was wearing to protect his hands from the cold, bitter wind. He felt the familiar ball of emotion forming in his throat, but today it was worse, it came immediately and all at once. Not gradually, building the longer he stayed. Growing until he couldn't breathe anymore.

Today it was immediate and Sidney bit down on his lip to try and hold back a sob, but it came anyway.

"I really hope this is what you want. I feel like it is but...shouldn't this be easier?" he asked, but no one answered, just the sound of the wind whistling through the heavily weighted branches. Sidney laid the garland Tish had given him around the small brass rectangle and then reached for the batteries in his pocket. He lifted the small tree up, carefully turning it over and opening the small aperture in the plastic base and shaking out the dead batteries. Just as carefully, he replaced them with the new batteries and then put the now blinking tree at the corner of the grave.

Just those few small actions had helped to calm his jangled nerves and help get his emotions under control. Taking another deep breath, Sidney ran his fingers over her name once more and then placed the one rose he'd taken from the first dozen he'd had sent to Mya's over the marker.

"So...I might not come to visit next week," he began, taking another breath as a tear escaped and slid down his cheek. Wiping it away he closed his eyes and brought her smiling face to mind. "I'm trying. I'm doing my best," he whispered. "I just wish...I wish...." His voice became a sob and he covered his face with his hands and let the tears flow. He couldn't keep them back anymore.

He was so confused. Here was this woman he loved. He'd never really been in love before. Sure there'd been puppy love, but nothing like he'd felt for Randi. Now there was Mya and even though it felt like he was somehow dishonouring Randi's memory, he couldn't seem to keep the woman out of his thoughts. Once it had only been Randi's name on his lips as he fell asleep now it seemed to only be Mya's. And it was thoughts of her that kept him awake, sweating, needing her, wanting her.

Yet, when he did think of her, he found Randi smiling at him, and he felt as if she was encouraging him. Every time he began to dream of her, Mya was always right there, near by and Randi was fading away, further and further from his reach.

"If this is what you want...I just wish I knew," he sighed, his voice barely above a whisper. His breath hung in icy clouds around his head, like a halo as his fingers brushed the last of the snow that clung to the small marker before he took one last deep breath to steady himself before he turned and headed back towards the idling truck.

* * *

Mya stood near the doors that everyone seemed to going in and out of, eyeing the security with trepidation. Fingering the credentials she's been given for her upcoming interview with the Steelers, she wondered if it would get her past security, if they'd notice it was for the wrong event. Deciding not to take the chance, she was about to turn around and walk back to the bus stop when she felt a hand on her shoulder, nearly making her jump out of her skin. She spun around, half expecting to see his hazel eyes staring back at her, but instead it was that hairy Frenchman, that friend of Kris's that had been with him at Blush.

"Before I help you walk past those guards, who are you looking for? Kris or Sid?" Mya searched the bearded face, the happy go lucky grin and the kind eyes and decided that there probably wasn't a wrong answer to that question. Instead, she held up one of the long stemmed red roses that had been delivered and raised her eyebrow.

"I need to talk to someone about the flower shop they've opened in my apartment." Max nodded, a perceptive smile on his face that said that he knew all about the massive and ongoing flower deliveries.

"Tell you what, I'll get you inside where it's warm, and then I'll bring him to you. I'm guessing you two will want a little...privacy for this conversation?"

Mya nodded and accepted the arm he offered. She linked her arm with his and together they walked right past the guards. In fact, both of the big burly men that made way for them, pushing the doors open for them like they were royalty, gave him the kind of smile that suggested Max was a lady killer, the type of guy who would bring a pretty girl in before a game just to help him 'loosen up'. Mya ignored the way they looked at her. It didn't really what they thought of her right now. She wasn't sure they'd ever see her again anyway.

In fact she hadn't really made up her mind what she was going to say to Sidney when she did see him. She hadn't really thought past this, getting inside. She'd almost made up her mind that she was going to have to wait for him to come out and even then, she hadn't figured out how to make him see her past all the other girls standing behind the security gates. Now that Max had lead her inside and she was suddenly at the centre of what seemed like a bustling bee-hive, her mind was racing.

"I'll leave you here," Max said, bending his head near to hers' so that he wasn't overheard by the passing equipment guys and the nearby reporters hovering outside their dressing room. He escorted her into what looked a lot like a doctor's office, complete with examining table, all kinds of dressing for wounds, tongue depressors and bottle after bottle of muscle rub. "Let me go see if Sid's here yet." He closed the door behind him, leaving her standing in the room, alone.

The room was warm, almost oppressively so. Mya shucked her heavy winter coat, laying it across the table. She thought about taking off her toque, but decided against it, telling herself she wouldn't be here for long, and besides she hadn't brought a brush with her.

Turning back towards the door, Mya was pulling off her black leather gloves when the door opened, almost as if it was being wrenched off of its' hinges, slamming into the wall behind it with a resounding crash. Mya yelped, her heart pounding with surprise as she turned to see Sidney skidding into the room in his stocking feet.

Damn. It was so unfair how hot he looked in the body hugging black spandex. Mya had to remind herself that she was angry at him, even though her body was reacting in ways that were the opposite of annoyed and the fact that he was giving her simple black dress and matching black leggings the long once over was not helping in the least.

"This has to stop," she said, holding the single red rose towards him, trying to sound stern. His gaze focussed on the rose for a moment before he finally met her gaze. "My apartment looks like a funeral home."

"You said to stay away. I had to do something to get you to talk to me," he began, looking a little too pleased with how well his plan had turned out as far as Mya was concerned.

"I don't get it," Mya sighed, twirling the rose between her fingers as she looked down at it, mostly to stop herself from staring lustily at the way his muscular chest looked in that clinging spandex shirt. "You're supposed to be the most eligible bachelor in the State. Why are you doing this? Why are you wasting this on me?"

"I don't think I'm wasting anything," he replied softly, taking the few steps necessary to close the distance between them, carefully plucking the rose from her hand and placing it on the examination table before reaching to tug the knit cap from her head, his other hand brushing through her hair. Mya's breath caught in her throat as his gaze settled back on her face. He looked so...he looked like he was looking at something...beautiful, wonderful and he was looking at _her_.

* * *

"Your girlfriend's here," Max grinned, kicking him in the shin with the toe of his dress shoe. Sidney looked up at him, his hands still tugging up his sport sock.

"Girlfriend?" Sidney asked, narrowing his eyes at his friend, ready for the barb he was sure was going to follow.

"Yeah, that girl you and Kris have been seeing. The one from Blush, she's waiting in the training room."

Sidney didn't need to hear more than that, he was already on his feet and half way down the hall, skidding around the corner, nearly running into Mario who caught his young star in his hands.

"Running? In your socks? I thought it was Austin for a moment." Mario looked amused, to anyone who didn't know him as well as Sidney did, but his young charge could see the tension around Mario's blue eyes, the tightness to his lips. "Since when did jogging around the corridors become part of your pre-game ritual?"

"Always?" Sidney said hopefully, bouncing on the spot, eager to be further down the hall, to see her, to explain. Mario gazed at him intently, his icy blue eyes searching Sidney's face. For his part, Sidney tried not to let the older man see just how eager he was to escape. Mario would want him to be focussed on the game. Mid day games were difficult enough. They threw a player's schedule off, fucked with his rituals and everyone knew just how tightly Sidney stuck to his rituals, how superstitious he was. Mario would worry. Sid wasn't. It was something he'd learned with Randi. Sometimes it was good to throw caution to the wind, change shit up.

Besides, he felt quite sure if he could just explain to Mya, if she would see, if they could come to some sort of agreement before he had to go out on the ice, that he wouldn't just be skating out there. He'd be flying.

"Pre game warm-up in twenty minutes," Mario said quietly, lifting his big, heavy hand from Sidney's shoulder and patting his cheek, like he would with Austin when he was letting him get away with something behind Nathalie's back. Sidney grinned up at him, just as Austin would do, and then raced down the hallway, skidding to a stop in front of the trainer's room, pulling the door open using his momentum, sending it crashing into the wall.

She looked...amazing. She looked like the cover of some high fashion magazine standing there in knee high riding boots, skin tight black leggings and a simple black dress that hugged her curves and then fell away in a gentle slope from her waist. Her hair was down, with snow still clinging to the dark waves here and there, a purple knit cap pulled down so it was almost like bangs.

She was staring at him, hunger coming off of her in waves, but she didn't move, didn't run towards him and cover him with kisses. That only happened in movies anyway. He hadn't expected that. What she did do was pick up a single rose from where she'd laid her jacket and she held it out to him, her face not quite as blank a canvas as he guessed she wanted it to be.

"This has to stop," she said, her voice seeming not quite as steady as she probably hoped it sounded to him. "My apartment looks like a funeral home." He had imagined laying her down on a sea of rose petals. He pictured it now, her pale skin pressed down on a sea of red, like her lips. He wanted very much to kiss those lips now.

"You said to stay away. I had to do something to get you to talk to me." He couldn't help but smile as he watched the way his words irritated her, making her cute little nose scrunch up, her green eyes narrow. She wanted to be mad at him, her hand even squeezed harder around the stem of the rose, but her eyes were saying something else entirely.

"I don't get it." She was still trying to look angry, but her eyes were wandering over his chest, his shoulders, and downwards. He didn't think about it much, but he'd seen a few women reporters checking him out when he was in his under armour. He'd felt a little uncomfortable then. He didn't now. In fact, he stood straighter, and he took a deep breath, making his chest fill out. "You're supposed to be the most eligible bachelor in the State. Why are you doing this? Why are you wasting this on me?"

Wasting it? He almost laughed, but managed to bite down on his bottom lip and keep his thoughts to himself as he crossed the floor towards her. He took the rose from her hand and put it on the table on top of her jacket and reached up to pull off the knit cap that was covering her beautiful hair.

"I don't think I'm wasting anything," he assured her as he ran his fingers through her hair, easing the static electricity that had some of it standing up on end, smoothing it, feeling the silky weight of it running through his fingers. For just one brief moment, he thought that this felt nothing like how he'd felt for Randi, and then he chased that thought away by kissing May, catching her lips with his and kissing her until he couldn't breathe.

"Don't...don't play with me Crosby," she whispered, her eyes having closed and stayed closed. "Before you rip my heart out...please just...think about it." Her cheek was resting his hand and she had such a pained look on her face that it made him want to wrap her up in his arms and cotton wool and bubble wrap and never let anything hurt her again. He'd done it though and he had to undo it. He had to take the pain out of her face and out of her heart.

"I've thought about it...about you.... I've thought about pretty much nothing else since we made love and...I didn't think I was ready but...I am...I am now," he whispered, brushing his lips over her cheek, the shell of her ear, the soft velvet of her eyelids. She looked up at him, her emerald eyes flashing a warning, but the deep hurt, and the hunger mixed there were all the warning he needed. "I'm ready to prove it to you. Just...stay, watch the game and then after...we'll talk, all night if we have to...although I sort of hope it won't take all night," he added breathlessly as he became all too aware of the soft curves of her body pressed up against his.

"If you hurt me again," she whispered, the admonition in her eyes turning them into dark jewels, "you'll never see me again." He nodded, a shiver running down his spine. It was a threat he believed.

"Heard and understood," he promised, cupping her face in his hands and searching her gaze, hoping she could see exactly how serious he was taking her warning.

"Then I'll stay...and we'll talk about this...whatever this is," she added in a hoarse whisper, disengaging herself and taking a step back, giving them both room to breathe.

"I'll have someone take you up to the box. I'll see you after the game," he smiled, letting go of breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding. She nodded, reaching for her jacket and draping it over her arm, like a shield, in front of her. He noted the body language, knowing he had his work cut out for him later, and then turned to go.

"You'll call the florist?" she called after him. "Tell them the stop delivering the flowers?"

"I promise," he grinned, turning back to her. "But I'm glad they worked." She rolled her eyes at him but she smiled all the same, and already he felt just a little like he was floating.


	16. Chapter 16

_set your defibullators on stun..._

**Chapter 16**

Mya followed the usher down a narrow corridor and through a numbered door to one of the suites, a box really with lcd screens and plenty of munchies set out. He left her there without a word, standing in the middle of a room that was little more than a glorified kitchenette with more comfortable chairs than the rest of the paying public got to sit in.

And she wasn't alone.

There was a group of women, young beautiful and well dressed women, sipping wine and leaning out of the box, as if they were watching the warm up, but Mya was almost sure they were talking about her. They'd seen her come in. Every head had been swivelled towards the door when she walked in, but now they were all ignoring her. Not one of them was offering any kind of welcome at all.

Mya gazed out toward the ice and thought about Sidney looking up here and not finding her watching him. Then she thought about Kris and wondered if he knew she was here and if he did, if he was looking up at the box and wishing she wasn't. It was enough to make her want to pack up her sandbox toys and go home to her apartment and wait for him to come to her.

"They'll get over it," a familiar voice whispered in her ear and Mya felt herself smiling as she turned to see the very pregnant wife of Sidney's teammate raiding one of the appetizer plates. "It's just with you being the Captains girlfriend, you automatically become Queen of the WAGs and one or two of them have their surgically altered noses out of joint."

"Queen of the...the what?" Mya hissed back at Tish who was munching thoughtfully on a breadstick.

"WAGs. Wives and girlfriends. A very secret society, akin to the wives of the god Amun back in Ancient Egypt I think," Tish replied sardonically.

"I don't want to be queen of anything. I haven't even gone on a date with the guy," Mya insisted, feeling a little panicked at the thought of being labelled his girlfriend already. It seemed like bad luck.

"I heard you'd been for coffee a few times," Tish answered with a shrewd glance towards her that made Mya wish for a hole to open up into another dimension where things weren't so complicated and everyone didn't seem to know your business.

"Does everyone on this team have to know about this?" she asked, eyeing a plate of, so far, untouched desert squares. Right about now a plate of Nanaimo bars seemed very tempting.

"Not everyone, but Jordy and I talk...I mean a lot lately. I mean, I don't know if you've noticed, but right now, I'm the size of a small planet so we're not having sex so we talk, a lot...it's actually pretty annoying," Tish explained , causing Mya to hide a grin behind her hand as she raised her eyebrows at the statuesque woman who was nonchalantly sharing details of her sex life. "Not that Sid is the kind of guy to share a lot of information mind you, but he mentioned that you two had been out for coffee a couple times and believe you me, that's more of a date than Jordy and I had before we found ourselves in the family way," she added, with a sigh as she reached for another bread sticks. "These two are carb whores I'm telling you."

"Well coffee or not, we're not exactly dating," Mya said decisively, turning her attention back towards the ice. She could hear pucks ringing off of the glass even above the heavy techno beat filling the arena.

"Believe me, it doesn't matter to them," Tish explained quietly, shooting the gaggle of pretty girls a meaningful glance. "The fact that he put you up here is all they need to know. Plus...half of them probably ended up with the guy they're with by trying to get to Sid anyway. Silly stick figures." Mya felt her mouth drop open and quickly turned her back on the group to stare at Tish, wide eyed. "Oh c'mon, don't look surprised. Your boy earns five times more than the next highest paid player on the team with all his endorsements and bonus contracts." Tish eyed Mya speculatively for a moment and then tilted her head to one side and pursed her lips. "You seem like a smart girl to me and you don't strike me as a gold digger, which is why I'm talking to you and not them," she added, glancing towards the girls and then back at Mya. "A lot of the guys on this team are pretty fucking young, so they don't really care as long as the chick is hot and has a nice pair of bombs and puts out. Believe me, they don't take it personally. Sid, on the other hand, is a little...well he's a lot more picky. He doesn't fall for all that...pretty wrapping paper. According to Jordan, he's practically been a monk apart from Randi." Mya pulled a face and immediately turned her head away, trying to hide it from Tish, but it was too late. "It's okay, I get it. I guess it probably is pretty fucking hard to compete with a dead person," the woman laughed, before reaching for a carrot and steering Mya towards the seats, her head tilted so that what she had to say would remain unheard. "And that's the other thing. Once that boy puts his mind to something...or in your case, _someone_, well, that's it. He's all in. He puts all his chips into one bet, which is why you need to give him a bit of a break."

Mya let Tish lead her to the seats and allowed herself to be pressed down into one. She could feel the eyes of the other women on her, but she tried to ignore the way it made the hairs on the back of her neck stand on end.

"So...what is this...Queen thing?" she asked quietly, taking a carrot that Tish offered and chewing on it nervously.

"Ah that," Tish grinned, putting her feet up on the wall in front of them and letting out a contented sigh as she crossed the ankles of her Steve McQueen hounds tooth stiletto ankle boots. "You're basically in charge of all the charity functions, the sort of...," Tish looked thoughtful for a moment and then brightened. "You're the hostess with the most-est."

"And if I don't want to be?" she asked quietly, watching Sidney line up a slap shot that rang off the post.

"It comes with territory my dear," Tish replied with a sigh. "It's all part and parcel with dating the crown Prince of Pittsburgh."

* * *

Tish had left her in the crowded hallway outside the dressing room while she went in search of her own significant other who had blocked a shot with part of his face and was in the trainer's room getting stitched up. Mya pressed herself against the concrete wall and tried not to make eye contact with any of the media or the few lucky fans and puck groupies that had found their way down to the dressing room, hoping to catch a glimpse of a half naked Penguin.

Her inattention was likely the reason he was able to sneak up on her, causing her to squeak in surprise.

"Max said you were here. I thought I'd see for myself." Kris stood in front of her, shirtless, a towel draped over his shoulder, sweat making his long dark hair fall into his eyes. He ran his fingers through it, slicking it back, while he eyed her with obvious impatience. Mya steeled herself and waited for whatever ugliness might be forthcoming. She didn't begrudge him any negativity towards her. She wouldn't even try to defend herself she decided as he stared her down. "So...just tell me one thing," he began, dropping his dark gaze from hers'. "Just tell me you didn't do this to get to him." He glanced up at her through his damp hair and Mya felt her chest get tight.

"No...no...it wasn't like that. I promise," Mya stuttered, shocked that he would think her motives could have been that deceitful, but when she saw the sneer on his face, marring his handsome features, she thought of what Tish had told her about those other girls upstairs. "This...I met Sidney before I met you. I'm not like that." His dark gaze searched hers' and then he merely shrugged and ran his other hand through his damp hair as his expression softened.

"I hoped you'd say that," he said quietly. "I don't know if I believe it but...," he shrugged his muscular shoulders again and gave her a lop sided smile.

"Believe it." Sidney's hand closed over Kris's shoulder, but his eyes were all for Mya. She felt a shiver run down her spine as his caramel coloured gaze locked with hers'. His hair too was damp, but his skin glowed with a freshly scrubbed look, and the smile that reflected back at her made her feel like she'd just had a sip of whisky, warm and giddy, right down to her core. "Now, if you're done, Mya and I have a date." Kris bristled, sending Sidney a less than friendly look, but headed off in silence. Mya watched his retreating form, admiring the width of his back, but the cool fingers that wrapped themselves around her own quickly made her forget all about her little Frenchman. "Ready?" Sidney asked quietly, the corner of his full lips turned up slightly in question.

"No," she answered honestly. "But I guess we can't stay here can we?"

"Well we _could_," Sidney smile was shy but sincere as he stepped into the spot absented by Kris. "But it's kind of funky smelling down here and I don't know about you but...I don't really want any more interruptions." Mya managed to nod and smile at him but could barely breathe as his other hand reached up and his thumb ran gently over her bottom lip. "You and Tish have a good time with that bucket of pop corn?"

"You could see that from all the down there?" she asked, amazed.

"You're very...distracting," he admitted quietly, his eyes glued to her lips as he licked his own before managing to drag his focus back to her eyes. "I want to kiss you," he whispered, his voice thick and hoarse with need, "but I can't here. Can we go?"

Mya nodded, biting down on her own lip as his hand gave hers' a gentle squeeze before he turned and lead her through the crowded corridor filled with equipment, travel cases and warm bodies.

* * *

Considering the imperfect memories they had already made at her apartment, Sidney had decided to bring her to his own. It was also a test. If he was ready, if he was truly ready to move on, then he would be able to get through this surrounded by his memories of Randi.

So far so good.

She sat cross legged on the end of his bed, a pillow clutched to her chest like a shield, her eyes watching him warily as she digested the story he'd told her. He hadn't held anything back from her, even when it was hard to say out loud, even when he had to wipe away a tear or two. He'd emptied his soul, laid his heart bare at her feet and she sat there, silent, waiting.

"And then I met you and... from the very beginning...."

"Don't go all August Rush on me. I don't believe in love at first sight and I don't think, as pragmatic as you seem, that you really do either," she said quietly, her gaze searching his face before returning to the tassel at the edge of the throw pillow. There were so many of those in this apartment.

"I'm not saying _that_," Sidney corrected her, a smile finally tugging at the corners of his lips after what seemed like hours of cutting out his own heart with his own hands. "I guess I mean that I've just wanted you and maybe I wasn't ready right away, maybe I didn't want to be but I am now and it's not _just_ that I want you, it's..._more_." He searched her gaze, wondering if he was scaring her away. It wasn't what he wanted but it was so hard to read her body language. She wasn't like an opposing centre facing him over the face-off circle. His best guess was she was doing her best to hide what she was thinking, which seemed a little unfair considering he was exposing his soul.

"I want to like you Sidney," she said finally, picking at the corner of the pillow before setting it aside and looking up at him, facing him. "I just...I don't know if I can trust you and I feel like there's all this..._stuff_ around you that's so crazy that I'd have to trust you to let myself feel anything." She bit her lip and her brow furrowed, like she hadn't quite said what she'd meant to, but he understood, or thought he did.

"I know...my life is pretty...complicated and I haven't given you any reason to believe in me at all but...if you could just give me one more chance...," his voice trailed away as her full lips turned up at the corners. "Please Mya. I know I don't fucking deserve it after what an ass I've been...," he continued as she crawled on hands and knees towards him. She stopped, just short of her body touching his and knelt in front of where he was sitting up against the pillows at the head of the bed. It was kind of cocky to have brought her straight into the bedroom but he had piles of laundry on the couch that Nathalie had brought over a few days ago that he hadn't put away yet and the kitchen just didn't seem like the right place to have this conversation. Still, now that she was sort of looking down at him, as her hands ran through his hair and her lips brushed his, he couldn't decide if it had been a good choice or not.

He wanted her, of course he did. Every time they were together it was better than the last time but he'd promised himself that he wouldn't just have sex with her again. If he wanted her to trust him, and he did, there had to be more than just this animal hunger and yet, as her lips moved over his, as her tongue ran along the length of his bottom lip, he couldn't deny that he wanted to ravage her.

Luckily he didn't have to make that call. Just as his tongue reached to stroke along hers', she withdrew. She looked down at him, her hands flat against his chest but a playful, if shy, smile on her face.

"Okay...we'll try. Just...no more running away or I'll slit your Achilles tendons," she said, her emerald gaze searching his once more before placing another gentle kiss on his lips. Sidney, relieved, let out a breath in long sigh that had Mya giggling.

"It's a deal," he grinned, pinning her down to the bed, and laying a kiss on her neck, making her sigh but not in a relieved sort of way, but in a 'do that again' sort of way. It was more than tempting, god knows, but Sidney drew back, using all of his willpower, which was essential considering the way she looked lying on his sheets, her hair fanned around her, her dress having ridden up her thighs and fallen from her shoulder. "Hungry?" he asked, his voice catching in his throat as she ran her index finger slowly and deliberately down his chest

"I could eat," she replied, biting down on her bottom lip, looking appetizing in every way as she grinned, mischievously, up at him.

This was definitely not going to be easy he decided as he turned and forced himself to walk out of the bedroom towards the kitchen, and it seemed like she had no intention of making it any easier on him either.

* * *

Her body lay warm and relaxed, against his, fitting naturally into his arms. It had been his idea that she stay, after they'd talked for hours, before, during and after dinner. It was like when they'd first met, he just felt comfortable with her, like he could tell her anything.

She'd finally fallen asleep, curled up against him like a contented kitten.

For his part, Sidney couldn't sleep. How could he with the curve of her ass pressed against his groin, not to mention that she'd stripped down to a pair of black lace boy shorts and matching black bra which she'd covered with one of his work out shirts before climbing under the covers with him. He'd already seen it all she'd said and maybe that was true but it didn't mean he didn't want to again. In fact, as he lay behind her, one arm draped over her waist, the other cradling her head, his hands itched to touch her, to roam over her body, to discover every inch of her.

Just a brush of skin on skin, the palm of his hand running gently over her hip and she made the smallest of noises, relaxing against him. He waited until her breathing returned to the slow even breaths of deep sleep before he slid his hand up over her hip, down the slope of her waist, up over her ribs until his hand came to rest beneath her breast, where skin met lace. She sighed, backing her shapely ass into him, and he had to clench his teeth or let the moan out at the feel of her pressed against an erection he couldn't help, after all, he was only a red blooded male. He could hardly help it if he wanted her, especially with her in his bed wearing sexy lingerie. He wished he didn't. He wanted to be good. He wanted to be respectful. He wanted to earn her trust. He wanted to build something meaningful. He also wanted to press her down into this bed and feel her body wrapped around his.

This wanting wasn't the same as it had been with Randi either. In fact, she wasn't really much like Randi at all when he thought about it. Sure she looked a little like her, but at the same time, she really didn't. She was...stronger and not just physically, although that was clearly evident in the round of her hip and the breast that didn't fit in his hand at all.

He stroked his thumb over her nipple, feeling it harden more with each light brush of his hand. She made a small sound, almost like purring, and he thought that she wasn't so much like a kitten at all. She was like a big cat, a lioness, and though having lost Randi had broken his heart, he suddenly knew that Mya could rip out his heart and eat it and he'd gladly let her if only he could have her in his arms and in his bed, like this, all of the time.

Sliding his hand beneath the lace, he cupped her breast, massaging it gently, pressing his lips to her shoulder, the back of her neck until she moaned and reached back and grabbed a handful of his thigh and pulled him harder against her.

"Don't be such a tease," she sighed, grinding her ass against his erection until, to suppress a moan, he bit down into her shoulder, making her writhe against him.

"Teasing is about the last thing on my mind," he promised, tugging on her nipple until she sucked in a sharp breath, his name escaping in a long, drawn out sigh.

It had been his intention that the next time he had her naked in his arms that he was going to do this the right way, the face to face, slow and sweet way. But now, with the taste of her skin on his tongue and the way she whimpered when he pushed his barely constrained erection against the lace of her panties, Sidney knew the time for nice, the time for sweet and romantic would have to be later.

Rolling her onto her stomach, he urged her onto her knees and tugged her panties down until they were at her knees, making it impossible for her to spread her thighs any wider. Not that he cared. He barely tugged his own boxer briefs down before he was sliding into her.

God she was tight, and hot and wet. He had to squeeze his eyes shut and take quick, sharp breaths to stop himself form cumming immediately. He stayed there, sheathed inside of her, his hands gripping her hips, until her muscles squeezed around him and she whimpered, pushing back against him.

No, he couldn't be slow, couldn't take his time, couldn't be careful. He could only fuck her, mindlessly slamming into her until the headboard was banging against the wall hard enough that he thought he could hear the neighbour complain.

* * *

Mya wasn't complaining though. She was begging for more. Words coming out of her mouth she didn't think she'd ever said before. At least not out loud. She may have thought them, a time or two, in traffic probably. Never in bed, and never like this.

This was a good way to wake up, she decided as she made noises she thought the women in porn movies made, the ones she'd always thought were so fake. Now she was making them and she was grinning and very, very happy. She even liked it when he brought his hand back and spanked her, hard, turning her ass into stinging, tingling flesh and she really liked it, when he reached forward and wound her hair around his hand, tugging her hair back and used it like a Bronc rope, like he needed it to hold on.

No one had ever done that, but then he was as amazing in bed as he was on the ice. Every time it got better. Every time they fucked it was better than the last time, better than she remembered it and she had a _very_ vivid imagination.

"Harder. Fuck me harder," she begged, glancing over her shoulder at him, letting him see how wild he was driving her, how much she liked the way he filled her, how close to the edge he was taking her. His eyes were narrowed, his jaw was thrust forward and his lips pursed in grim determination. He was in control and he let her know it, raising his hand off of her ass and bringing it down with a resounding smack that had her bucking back against him as she whimpered and asked for more.

He looked amazing like that, his back arched, his six-pack tight, his biceps bulging, and the light filtered through the curtains from the street making his hair glow blue black. He looked like some kind of hero from a romance novel; the buff, domineering dark haired sex god straight off the cover of one of those bodice rippers that Hannah loved. She imagined she could see him as one of those turn of the century swash buckling pirates, swinging down off the yard arm to steal her from his rival, taking her down to the galley and having his wicked way with her, marking her as his.

And she liked to be marked. She wondered if she'd be able to see his hand print on her ass in the morning. There was no doubt she'd be able to take a dental-mould from his teeth marks in her shoulder and she didn't mind one bit. It would make working tomorrow tricky but she was sure the girls could come up with something to cover the marks.

"On top," he moaned, pulling out and dropping down beside her, on his back. Not needing to be asked twice, Mya straddled him, lowering herself over him, slowly, inch by delicious inch. She felt him fill her, felt his hands supporting her breasts, and then it was her turn to arch her back as he pushed up to meet her, his hips meeting hers' as she ground against him.

She wasn't entirely in control and she didn't care. She closed her eyes and just let herself feel, let the waves of pleasure flow over and around her. She let him take her to the edge, let him push her over, not once but twice more until she was panting, until her entire body was tingling and cooling from the loss of blood.

Only then did he finally flip her over, and, pushing her thighs up and apart, thrust his way deep inside of her and let himself go, his eyes blazing as her name left his lips in a feral growl, leaving her in no doubt that he was all in.


	17. Chapter 17

**Chapter 17**

"You're still here," he mumbled drowsily, his eyes still closed as his arm closed around her shoulders, pulling her closer.

"I don't think I could walk out of here, even if I wanted to," Mya chuckled as she traced imaginary patterns on the middle of his chest with the tip of her finger, raising gooseflesh wherever she touched him. Sidney smiled and let out a contented sigh, his hand sliding down her back, down and down until he had a good grip on her ass. She flinched, waiting for another slap but he only growled and pulled her closer. "Again? Don't you _ever_ get tired?" she whined, wondering if her exhausted and pleasantly aching body could take another round of his athletic and urgent love making.

"I'm out of practice. I'm just making up for lost time," he yawned, pulling her body up and onto his. She felt him, hard and ready against her stomach and wondered if she had the will power to say no even if her body couldn't, no, _wouldn't_ deny him.

"I don't think you need practice," she whispered, offering her lips instead, which he took without even opening his eyes, his tongue sweeping along hers', making her shudder, making the walls of her pussy clench in anticipation. No, she thought dreamily as he kissed her languorously, she probably didn't have enough willpower to deny him anything. Not after last night, she thought as he rolled her over and pinned her with his body, finally opening his hazel eyes and gazing down at her with that look on his face, the one that told her that there was nothing in the world he wanted to be looking at more than her. It made her heart beat triple. It made her throat close. It made her eyes well up.

"Are you trying to flatter me? Because if you are, you don't need to," he whispered, dropping soft, warm kisses onto her collarbone, the hollow of her throat.

"I think you know how much I want you," she replied, her voice turning husky with desire as her body welcomed him, pulling him in slowly, her muscles working to accommodate his length and width. "I don't think I need to tell you how good you make me feel," she added, drawing a breath in sharply between her teeth as he began to move within her. Her body was tender and just a little more than sore from their multiple frantic joinings the night before.

"Do you want me to stop?" he asked, his voice almost a groan as he bit down on her earlobe, his hot breath causing a delightful prickling sensation over her ear and down her neck, making her squirm.

"Noooo," she moaned, wrapping her legs around his thickly muscled thighs which reminded her of tree trunks, pulling him deeper. "Noo," she repeated, wrapping her arms around his rib cage, dragging her fingernails up his back and then it was his turn to let out a breath in a long hiss as she raked her fingernails over the wounds she'd opened on his back the night before. He wasn't the only one that could leave marks.

He was gentle and slow, nothing like the rough and tumble sweaty and urgent thrusting of the night before. Not that she'd been complaining. They seemed to fit so well together, and he seemed to know what she liked without her having to give him specific and explicit directions. Not that that had stopped her either, she thought as she stretched her neck, inviting his strong white teeth to graze upon her thin, pale skin.

He accommodated her request, just as he'd done with every other muttered or screamed out demand, biting down on the curve where shoulder meets neck, causing her to cry out and buck beneath him. Like a good Bronc rider, Sidney held on, the mass of his body holding hers' down, controlling their movements, the depth and speed of his thrusts carefully controlled, as if to fend off the moment of climax for as long as possible. Where last night he had been like a speeding train, rushing towards the inevitability of a crash, now he was like a rocking horse, gentle and tame and oh...the look in his eyes....

She kissed him, pressing her lips up against his, shutting her eyes tight and focusing on all of the sensations, all of the sensuous and delicious messages her nerve endings were sending to her brain. Even the little ache in her hipbones, the exquisitely sharp pain in her neck, the pin prick of pain in the muscles clenched around him, all only served to heighten the overall experience. It was like being taken to a higher consciousness, like he was a drug and she was completely stoned.

If this is being stoned, Mya thought as she nipped at his chin as he let out a long, low growl, let me have this drug every day.

* * *

He wanted to hold back, he fought it, but damn she felt too good, wrapped around him, holding on to him, her body moving in time with his. The soft press of her breasts against his chest, the almost painful way she dug her nails into his back and the way her hips rocked in time with his, the way she pulled him deeper, her breath catching in her throat as he bit down on her shoulder, tasting the saltiness of their mingled sweat on her skin.

She made him feel so damn free. He didn't feel like he was going to break her, like something he was going to do would hurt her. He didn't have to think, he could just feel, just react. Sort of like when he was out on the ice, when it was all about instinct, all about the feel of his stick, the sound of the other skaters on the ice. This was like that.

Every other time he'd been with a woman, either he hadn't cared about how she felt or the opposite had been true, he'd cared too much. Oh he cared how Mya felt, but he was under no illusions as to the effects of what he was doing. She held nothing back. She knew what she wanted and was damn sure going to ask for it. Not that she had to ask. He wanted to do all of those things to her, _and then some_.

There were things he wanted to do now...but they would have to wait for later he decided as her entire body shuddered around his and her eyes filled at once with tears. He would have been afraid of those tears once, but Randi had explained those tears to him. They were good tears, the kind of tears a woman couldn't help when the orgasm was so strong.

He kissed them away, laying gentle kisses on her cheeks, her eyelids, holding her close, holding himself still while she trembled in his arms. He waited until she too became tranquil and relaxed before moving again, making long, slow strokes while he held her gaze, while he looked into her green eyes and fell, hook line and sinker. This woman had him now, whether he liked it or not, whether he was ready or not. She had a hold on him, like a death grip on his heart and as she offered her lips up to his, and just before he lost himself in his own orgasm, he whispered it against her lips.

"I love you," he admitted in a whisper as she reached up to touch his cheek, her fingertips gently brushing along his hairline before she dug her fingers into his hair and pulled his lips down over hers'.

"You don't have to say that," she whispered back, holding him tight as he grunted, losing himself inside of her, burying his head in her neck as her body sucked at his.

He could argue, but it was better not to. Not now.

After all, maybe she was right. Maybe it was just the sex talking. Maybe it was too much too soon. Maybe it was better not repeated. So he let it go as he collapsed beside her, his arm thrown over her waist, his face buried in the pillow, his eyes shut tight against the black dots that swam in his vision.

He was going to need something to eat soon and he was going to have to suck back some water sooner than that. He was on the edge of dehydration and he was tired, so tired, but a good tired. A game seven kind of tired.

"I can't believe I have to go to practice soon," he muttered into the pillow as he felt her snuggle close to him, her fingers digging into his shoulders, easing the ache that had settled between his shoulder blades as he'd held himself over her. Not that it had been hard work. It had just been...well a few times anyway he thought with a private grin.

"What is with early morning practices?" she chuckled, crawling over him, straddling his lower back and really digging her hands into his aching muscles. "It's not even light out yet."

"Mmm, I guess you get used to it and it could be worse. In bantam, practice is like five in the morning," He laughed when she made a derisive sound in her throat and stopped massaging him. Even though he felt like he could let her do that for hours, and wanted to ask for more, he rolled over beneath her and pulled her down on top of him. Her hair fell around his face in cascading waves as she grinned down at him and he reached up and brushed it back behind her ears. "You're beautiful," he breathed, running his fingers through her unruly hair.

"Are you kidding?" she made a face and wrinkling up her nose. "I'm all sweaty, my hair must be a complete fucking mess...," she reached up to straighten and he grabbed her wrist, pulling her hand down to his lips and kissing it.

"You're perfect the way you are," he repeated, feeling his heart skip a beat in his chest as she rolled her eyes before pressing her lips down over his.

"When do you have to be at practice?" she asked at long last when she came up for breath. Sidney yawned and stretched and then settled back into running his fingers through her hair.

"Eight," he sighed, thinking how much he'd rather stay in bed with her all day, even if they were both starting to smell a little on the funky side.

"And I have to be at class at nine thirty and then at work for the lunch crowd...," she muttered, almost to herself as she rolled off of him, sitting at the edge of the bed, stretching her arms over her head. For a moment Sidney lay there, admiring the curve of her waist, the tone of her back and the dimples at the small of her back, but then something she said had him sitting bolt upright in bed.

"Work...you don't mean at that...that bar?" he asked, tentatively. He watched her square her shoulders, watched her roll first one and then the other before she got up and grabbed one of his t-shirts and tugged it over her head.

"I do, and we're not talking about that right now," she replied quietly but firmly, wincing as she sat down on the floor to tug on her leggings.

"You can have a shower here," he snapped, feeling impatient as he got up and went to stand over her, offering her a hand up, "and I thought we talked about this."

"I'd rather wear my dirty clothes home, in a cab if you don't mind, rather than wash and put them back on. And no, we didn't talk about it. You said some stuff I wasn't really listening to because you were kind of being an ass at the time," she added, using that same stern but even tone as she pulled her leggings on the rest of the way before wrapping her dress and underwear up in a ball. Only then did she turn her attention back to him. "Are you going to call me a taxi or am I?"

"I can run you home," he muttered, feeling his chest tighten as he thought about her dancing...for other men, as he thought about that body that he'd worshipped all night, that even now, in his t-shirt and a pair of simple leggings had him feeling like he could make love to her again and forego practice for once. "But we need to talk about this. I...." Her fingers pressed against his mouth and then she replaced them with her lips, kissing him softly.

"No, we're not going to have an argument and ruin this. _This _is good. I'm a happy little bunny right now and you are _not _going to ruin this again," she stated simply, smiling up at him. "Now you're going to go have a shower. I'm going to go do my walk of triumphant shame out to a cab and then you'll call me after practice and then maybe we'll see if there's enough left of you for me to jump when I get off work tonight. Agreed?"

Sidney didn't like it. Not one little bit, but he nodded, mutely, letting her kiss him once more and then watching her sashay out of his bedroom. He even listened to her make the call to the taxi company while rummaging through his fridge before he forced himself to go into the bathroom and lean in to turn on the water.

He stood there on the bath mat, thinking about turning off the water and going out into the living room to argue with her, to tell her that she couldn't go back to that bar, that if she cared even a little about him that she wouldn't, but he didn't.

Instead, as the steam filled the bathroom, he watched that little heart appear on the glass and felt his heart quicken in response.

Sidney reached up to wipe away the reminder of the other woman, his other love but his fingers stalled in mid air, hanging there, refusing to obey his mind's command.

It was a reminder, not just of her but of what they had. It was as if she was telling him to have a little patience. It was as if, from the other side of the veil Randi was telling him that there was more to love than control and to remember there had to be give and take. To remember that sometimes love just hurt.

So Sidney kept his thoughts to himself as he turned and walked back out to the living room, finding Mya walking towards the door with a piece of bread in her mouth, tucking her cell phone into her purse. He pulled the bread out of her mouth and pressed his lips against her mouth in its place. He kissed her hard. He kissed her, and tasted the peanut butter on her tongue. He kissed her until he couldn't breathe and then he kissed her cheek and patted her ass before turning and heading back to the shower, knowing full well she was watching him go with a mixture of surprise and lust on her face.

It was going to be hard, sure it was, but he wasn't the type to give up and he was also learning not to just flip out at the first obstacle. He was actually pretty proud of himself as he climbed back into the shower. He wasn't going to whistle like Max would but he gave the small heart drawn on the glass a wink and a smile, as if to say, thank you, before closing his eyes and sticking his head under the spray.


	18. Chapter 18

_You might need to keep a paper bag handy if you tend to overheat. _

**Chapter 18**

"_Mon fichu dieu! Merde sainte_!"

Sidney didn't even turn around when he heard Max behind him. He knew exactly what the hirsute francophone was looking at, and, with a smile he could barely contain, he flexed his shoulder muscles to exaggerate the vivid claw marks on his back.

"Were you attacked by a puma mon ami?" Max asked breathlessly, obviously impressed as he surveyed Mya's handiwork on Sidney's back. A puma? Sidney thought, amused. That sounded about right. She definitely wasn't old enough to be a cougar, and even though he didn't know her exact age, considering she was already doing her masters, it didn't take a very large leap of faith to assume she had a couple of years on him at least and if that made her a puma, so be it.

"That kitty doesn't just scratch either," Gronk pointed out, causing Sidney to wince as a wet towel came painfully in contact with his bare ass very near what was still a painful bruise that Sidney was sure would be an almost perfect impression of Mya's upper and lower front teeth.

"Nice work," Max added in a congratulatory fashion, patting Sidney on the shoulder before taking up his place at the next shower head, turning his face up into the hot spray. "I guess we don't have to ask if you and the lovely Sugar Mellon have made up," he added, causing a ripple of laughter around the room. Sidney felt his cheeks begin to burn at the thought of half the guys in the room being able to visualize his girlfriend naked right now.

Girlfriend…. Sidney grinned, jealous thoughts momentarily swept aside momentarily as he thought about her as part of his life. Girlfriend, he liked the sound of it, and he liked the idea of getting dressed and calling her, meeting her for dinner, talking to her for hours by flickering candlelight….

"Are you going to bring her to the Christmas doo? Introduce her to the folks?" Cookie asked, turning off his shower and leaning, nonchalantly against the tiles, looking interested. Sidney opened his mouth to say yes, of course, because that was the first answer that came immediately to mind. Just like thinking of her as his girlfriend, it seemed right, natural. He liked being with her. Well that much was obvious, to everyone seemingly, and yet….

"I don't know…I hadn't really thought about it," Sidney mumbled instead, thinking about the family event that the Pens management held every year right about this time, with the family skate at the arena, a catered dinner, Santa Claus, the whole thing. He'd always just sort of hung out with the other single guys. He'd never had anyone to bring but now….

"Probably a good plan," Jordy snorted, toweling off his blonde hair before wrapping a towel around his mid section and reaching for another one, making Sidney flinch as he started to twirl it threateningly. "What would Nathalie say about the prince and the stripper? Hey, that sounds like a good porn movie name. Hey, did you hear that Max, Prince Sid and the Stripper," Jordan chuckled at his own joke as he headed back towards the room.

"He has a point mon ami," Flower agreed quietly. "Ce qui ton parents disent à ce sujet?" Sidney nodded. It was definitely a point. Not that it was strictly any of their business but…it was something they'd probably find out, or at the very least it was a subject they'd have to deal with sooner or later. Hopefully much later, he thought grimly as he shut off the shower and grabbed his own towel. Maybe by that time…no…absolutely by the time it came to telling his parents about his fledgling relationship with Mya, she would be doing something more…legit.

"She probably wouldn't want to go anyway," Sidney shrugged, rubbing his dark locks savagely with the towel before wrapping it around his waist.

"Who's going where?" Max hollered from beneath the spray of his shower. "Are we going somewhere? I could eat!"

"You and your stomach," Cookie laughed, whipping a towel in Max's direction before walking out of the shower.

"I could eat," Sidney thought about his grumbling stomach as he wrapped his watch back around his wrist, glancing at the time. It was only a little after eleven. Mya wouldn't be off work until after the lunch hour she'd said. He grimaced at the thought of what she'd be doing but shook off the thought. It was definitely better _not_ to think about it. "I'm not picking up Mya 'til later. She's…she's working."

"You know what we could do?" Max grinned in a way that made the small hairs on the back of Sidney's neck stand up on end. Nothing good ever came from Max grinning that way. "We could go to Blush for wings, that way you're right there. Saves gas. C'mon Creature, what do you say? Do your part for the planet?"

"Hell no, no way," Sidney shook his head vehemently.

"What's up mon capitain?" Tanger drawled suddenly from somewhere behind him. Sidney turned to see the long-haired defensemen watching him from beneath his overgrown bangs. "I thought you _liked_ to share?" Sidney's hands balled into fists and his teeth ground together as Tanger's dark eyes gazed back at him, unblinking, a clear challenge in his sneer. Sidney badly wanted to knock that self satisfied look off of his face, but at the same time, Kris was his teammate and he had been dating Mya. So he uncurled his fists and took a deep breath before turning his back on him, literally turning the other cheek.

"Did someone say Blush?" Jordy yelled, suddenly reappearing around the corner, hopping on one leg as he got into his jeans.

"Will your baby mommy let you got out?" Max asked, sounding jazzed about the idea.

"Hey, no one is going to Blush. Blush is off limits," Sidney called out, glaring around the room as all eyes turned to him.

"The cat's already out of the bag on that one," Max corrected him, draping his arm companionably around his shoulder. "We've already seen it. Besides, they have ten cent wings at lunch time."

"I'll fucking pay for lunch, anywhere you guys want to go as long as it's not…."

"Blush it is!" Jordy yelled, a roar going up from around the room, drowning out Sidney's loud groan of disagreement.

"Il vaut probablement mieux de ne pas le combattre," Fleur suggested quietly, placing his hand gently on Sidney's shoulder. "It's probably better to be there than to imagine…."

"Yeah I get that," Sidney snapped, hating the idea, but knowing that his soft spoken friend was probably right. Still, he felt sick to his stomach at the idea of her getting naked in front of strangers, but in front of his friends…just thinking about it made him want to punch someone in the face.

* * *

It covers a multitude of sins, or in your case, bite marks," Cassidy remarked, stepping back to survey her handiwork, which largely consisted of Mya, strapped and poured into a new costume, an even sexier and far naughtier cop costume that consisted mostly of skin tight black latex.

"I can't breathe," Mya complained, turning slowly in front of the mirror and grinning at her reflection, "but it's worth it."

"That's the thing about the lunch crowd I like," Hannah chimed in from her chair in front of the mirror where she was slathering on the make up to go with her new costume, which for the most part seemed to consist mostly of body paint, "they don't really care that you don't get naked. They're more interested in the wings than us, so if you're hung over or, in your case, covered in love bites, they don't really notice."

None of the dancers really liked doing the noon hour. It meant getting up in the middle of the day, which a lot of the other dancers had a problem with, and it didn't pay nearly as well as working the evening crowd. Normally the lunch time crowd was a job for newbies, or the girls that the management deemed 'past it', but with Christmas fast approaching, girls were asking for time off left and right and that left the girls who needed the extra cash, which was why Mya was sucking in her stomach as she stared at herself in the mirror.

There were only a few more payments to make against her Aunt's hospital bill, and with construction slowing down with the fast approaching Holiday Season and the inclement weather, there was no choice but to take any shift offered. Besides, now, it seemed, she had another Christmas gift to buy.

"Maybe I should get one of these outfits to take home," she mused out loud, turning to see the way the 'skirt' barely covered her ass cheeks. "I can wear it for Sid for Christmas."

"Have I told you yet today how much I hate you for that?" Cassidy groaned, narrowing her eyes at Mya as she pulled on a pair of silver short shorts, part of her alien costume, complete with a green wig and matching lipstick.

"Well don't hate me yet," Mya warned with a smile. "Wait until Pens management find out where I work. Then we'll see if I actually have him or not," Mya added with a sigh as she reached for her gun belt, complete with matching realistic looking six shooters.

"Still hate you," Cassidy sniffed, leaning over to pull on her giant silver metallic platform boots. "Every time I watch the Pens I'm going to hate you."

"Wow, what is with all the hatin' goin' on back here? There's a love in goin' on out there." Marti, one of the newer girls appeared amongst them, her ice cream bucket full and her g-string still stuffed with singles and fives. Mya stared at the pretty Latina, astonished. She hadn't worked many lunch hours, but in the few she had, she'd never made that kind of haul.

"What did you do? Blow them for fives?" Cassidy asked, grabbing the bucket and dumping it out on the make-up table.

"No I fucking did _not_," Marti snarled, reaching to grab at the pile of bills, even though none of the rest of the girls were making any moves towards her earnings. "A bunch of young guys just came in and they're having a good time is all. Shit. Get out there and shake your own ass for it," she suggested as she stepped out of her g-string and started picking bills up off of the floor.

"Huh, well I'm next, so they're might not be any left for you Cass, sorry," Mya grinned, blowing kisses as she marched up the stairs to her introduction and threw open the curtain.

* * *

Laughing, Max pushed Sidney towards the stools at the side of the catwalk part of the stage. It was bad enough being here, seeing a room full of men who were going to watch his girlfriend get naked. The last place he wanted to be was right up front where she could see how much he hated this. And he _was_ going to hate it. There was no doubt in his mind about that. It didn't matter to him that Max and Pascal and Flower had already seen her dance.

Well maybe it did.

"Relax mon ami," Max hissed in his ear, pressing him forcefully down onto the stool. "Sure they'll see her but she'll go home with you, non?" Sidney had to accede to that point. All things being equal, Mya would certainly warm his bed and hopefully his body later, but that didn't make him feel any easier about sharing her with all of these men.

Jordy pushed a beer in front of him and Sidney, not normally a beer drinker, chugged it down like he was taking a shot. He was going to need it and lots more besides. Dutch courage or being fall down drunk was going to be the only way he was going to get through this.

"How about a big hand to welcome to our stage, one of our crowd favourites, Sugar!"

It was only because Max stuck two fingers in his mouth and let out one of those loud, shrill blasts that Sidney even looked up to see Mya strutting down the runway to the beat of Nickelback's S.E.X. She was coming towards them, swathed in black from head to toe. Thigh high black patent boots with impossibly high heels, fishnet stockings attached to garters that peeked out from beneath a black latex mini dress with a zipper at the front, which she'd already pulled down to reveal her ample cleavage. Elbow gloves and a straight black wig under a cop hat completed the outrageously sexy outfit.

Sidney's mouth went dry, his heart hammered in his chest as she paced down to the end of the runway and paused in front of them, pulling a pair of realistic looking pistols from her belt, holding them high over her head while she wiggled her hips, causing the crowd to yell and whistle.

Not that he blamed them.

Fuck she looked hot, but that wasn't the point. She was his. Hot or not, he didn't want to share her, not with anyone.

"You are one _lucky_ fucking bastard, you know that?" Jordy yelled in his ear over the general noise of the crowd as Mya stuck the pistols back in her belt and turned around, spreading her legs and doing one of those slow touch your toes kind of moves that made the dress both ride up and pull impossibly tight across her ass. Sidney clutched the edge of the stage. He felt like he was going to hyperventilate.

"Fuck you Gronk...go home to your wife," he managed to croak, reaching over to grab Jordan by the collar, twisting his shirt in his fists until Jordan's skin turned a dangerous hue of blue. The red haze had taken over, jealousy fuelling his rage. It was only the feel of cool steel under his chin that brought him back to himself. She lifted his chin with the barrel of one of her pistols and gazed into his eyes with a mischievous grin.

"Behave baby," she whispered, pursing her lips like she might kiss him, before turning and strutting away from him, grabbing the brass pole with one hand, wrapping her leg around it and with a little hop, spinning down it, slowly, her eyes locked with his the entire time.

He let go of Jordan's shirt. It was either that or kill him, which Mya obviously didn't want him to do. Instead, he forced himself to sit on his hands. He wanted to stare at the floor, but kept seeing those shiny black patent boots, which led his eyes up to her fishnet wrapped thighs and every time he did that, the zipper on her dress was getting lower and that...well that was making him crazy.

His cock was throbbing in his pants, twitching, impatient to be inside of the object of his affection. This was worse than anything she'd done to him at home. H thought he'd seen her in some pretty sexy stuff but none of that lacy stuff she wore compared to this.

He felt like he was cheating and not in the way he felt about Randi when he was with Mya. He felt like he was looking at some other woman and wanting to do things to her that he'd never even contemplated before. Things that he could hardly admit he wanted to do.

Licking his lips, he watched her grind against the pole, sliding her back down it, one arm still holding the bar, the other spreading her knees, flashing a black satin g-string that barely coved the soft pink valley he craved. Sidney shut his eyes tight. He couldn't watch any more. He had to leave or drag her off of the stage.

* * *

"Hold him down Max," Mya called as she dropped to her knees, unzipping the black latex dress and tossing it behind her. The crowd howled, but she didn't care about the rest of the crowd.

Max obliged. He and Jordy stood behind Sidney, their hands on his shoulders, forcing him to stay where he was and blocking his escape. They couldn't make him watch though, short of forcing a pair of toothpicks into his eyelids.

She could hardly believe he was here and by the look on his face, neither could Sidney. What was even stranger than him sitting there at the end of the catwalk was the way it made her feel to see him there. She'd never felt like this out on this stage. She'd never been turned on by someone watching her strip but she was now. She was getting off on the need in his eyes, the longing that was almost pain.

For his part, Sidney was looking like he wanted to be anywhere but here and part of her felt bad for him. It was clear that this was killing him, knowing all these men were staring at her, were looking at her like she was some kind of centerfold to wack off to. But part of her was enjoying making him squirm. Mya opened her mouth to call his name as she went onto all fours. She wanted him to see this, and he accommodated without her having to ask.

Crawling towards him on all fours, she let all of her desire, all of her longing for him fill her eyes.

Normally, she would think about just about anything else besides the men watching her or what they might possibly be thinking. She'd do her shopping in her head rather than look out at the horny middle aged men gnawing on their chicken wings and drinking warm beer while they fondled themselves under the table. She didn't really care about the crowd. Sure she wanted the tips, but she didn't need them as bad as Hannah did so she wouldn't normally spend that much time interacting with the guys lined up around the stage.

Tonight was different though. She wanted him to see that she was good at this. She wanted him to appreciate what she could do. Most of all, tonight she wanted to dance for him and she wanted him to like it.

She watched his pink tongue sweep his full lower lip and she wanted to bite it, and she let him know it, stopping in front of him, kneeling and licking her own lips and lifting her breasts out of the cups of her bra.

The crowd howled again.

She could have cared less. It was his pupils dilating that she wanted. It was his deep breath, the sweat breaking out on his forehead that told her that she was firmly in control. She had him on a leash. He was hers'.

She rolled her nipples between her thumb and forefinger, tugging, tweaking until they were hard. It didn't take much. She was aching for him. She knew what it looked like, the black satin gloves against her pale skin. She knew how white her skin looked under these lights, and the dark gloves made her skin look like it was glowing. She loved how hiis gaze was riveted to her tits, his jaw slack with need. She knew exactly what he was thinking and she had to bite down on her cheek to stop from moaning out loud.

Even last night there had been times, fleeting moments, when she could see that other woman, his dead girlfriend, reflected back in his eyes. He'd thought of her, even when he was inside of her and she'd said nothing, telling herself that he'd been honest about that relationship and that he was still hurting. She knew it would take time for him to leave all of that behind him.

But now, now he was only looking at her and there was no one else in his eyes.

Normally, just about at this time in her act, in the evening at least, she'd slide her hand down into her g-string and feign masturbation but that seemed like too much now, like it would be too much for him. Like it would be just cruel considering it was obvious that he was suffering already. She could see the veins standing out in his temples, the thrust of his chin, the way he was gnawing on the corner of his lip.

So instead she took one of the guns out of its' holster and licked the cool steel barrel. Slowly, deliberately, she dragged her tongue from the stock to the tip, circling the tip slowly before sliding the barrel into her mouth. He looked like he wanted to look away, like he was wishing he could close his eyes but didn't dare. Mya imagined she could taste the slightly salty musk of him and closed her eyes, circling her nipples with the tip of the gun.

The crowd was going insane now and bills were raining down all around her but she didn't care. It didn't matter to her if all of the money on the stage would pay for her rent for the month. She didn't care if it was enough to pay off her Aunt's medical bill.

All she cared about was the look on his face as her eyes fluttered open and their gazes locked.

* * *

He wanted to fuck her, right now, right here in front of all of these people and he could barely make himself stay where he was. He wanted to drag her off of the stage and do unspeakable things to her. He wanted her to beg for it. He wanted her to tell him that she would never do this again.

Mostly he just wanted her to stop. This was unbearable. He could hear his teammates whistling and shouting and he hated it. Out of the corner of his eye he could see Tanger sitting off to the side, staring into his beer and wondered if he hated it too.

Even if he did, Sidney thought, he couldn't possibly hate it as much as he did. She was gorgeous, beautiful. She didn't need to do this. Of course she had a body that was made for sin. She looked the part but that didn't mean she had to do this. There had to be something else, anything else that she could do apart from this. No matter how turned on he was by it, which he was a little ashamed of on top of it all.

He fucking loved her and he shouldn't want to do the things that watching her stick the barrel of that gun down…oh god.

"Stop," he croaked, shutting his eyes and shaking his head. He could not watch any more. He would not.

The crowd was clapping and chanting that strange name, her stripper name, Sugar, over and over and he would not open his eyes. Not even when he felt her gloved hand brushing his cheek. Not even when he heard her voice, warm like liquid honey in his ear, calling his name. He kept his eyes closed tight and shook his head. He would not look.

"Come with me," she whispered, urging him to his feet, her hand curling around his.

"Is it over?" he hissed back, barely able to suck in enough air to make speech possible.

"That depends," she replied, her lips brushing his cheek. "Do you want a private dance, Mr. Crosby?"

He stumbled after her, his brain racing ahead of his feet, contemplating all of the x-rated visuals his mind had already fashioned in his imagination while the other part of his brain told him to turn back, that this was a very bad idea. This was just the kind of situation that Mario, hell for that matter, the league warned players about. People always have cameras. These days, anyone with a cell phone had a camera. This was the kind of thing that went on youtube with a caption like Crosby Gets Creative with Stripper. This was all kinds of bad and yet, as soon as the door closed on the cramped private room, even knowing that didn't stop him from pressing her up against the wall and fumbling urgently with his zipper and her g-string.

He shoved himself home with a groan, sheathing himself entirely within her. It was a relief. It was like he could finally breathe once his cock was deep inside of her. Pressing his forehead against her shoulder, he dragged her legs up around him and felt her lock them behind his back. Inhaling the now familiar lavender scent from her neck, Sidney began the urgent thrusting that his brain demanded. The sound of their bodies meeting, of hers slamming against the wall, was like a mantra. It was like he was saying 'mine, mine, mine' every time their bodies met.

He barely heard her high pitched cry, scarcely took heed of her body shaking and clutching at his. The red haze didn't care if she came or not. He only wanted to punish her and take his own pleasure. He wanted to teach her a lesson. He wanted to take back what all those men had polluted with their wolf whistles and foul mouthed comments. He was like a wolf marking its territory, an Alpha claiming his mate.

It was only when he finally spilled himself inside of her that he came back to himself, a little ashamed, a little confused but relieved as he captured her lips with his and felt her fingers digging into his hair, her tongue twining with his.

"I'm…I'm sorry," he whispered breathlessly as he kissed his way down to her neck. "I just…I had to…after…oh Christ."

"It's okay," she chuckled as he let her down, gently, to her feet. "I'm sorry I teased you but…oh fuck it. I loved making you want me Sidney. Me. Not your dead girlfriend. Me."

"I do," he promised, kissing her eyelids, the tip of her nose, her soft, sweet lips. "I want you. I fucking want you for myself. Always."


	19. Chapter 19

**Chapter 19**

"Would you like to watch it again?" Erik Heasley, one of the media and communications staff asked, using that 'you're about to get sent to your room young man' voice that made Sidney shift uncomfortably in the high backed leather chair across the boardroom table from where Shero and Mario sat, staring at him with frank disbelief.

"I don't need to see it. I was there," Sidney replied quietly but firmly, turning to face Mario across the table, meeting the older man's icy and disappointed gaze.

"I'd expect something like this from Jordan or Max but you...," Mario shook his head and turned his attention back to the monitor where the distorted video was paused at the point where Mya had climbed from the stage onto his lap. Sidney's pulse sped, just a little, as his gaze roamed over her curvaceous backside and up the long straight line of her spine. He hadn't been happy to be there but there was no denying how amazing she looked.

"I'm a guy, a _young_ guy. It's a strip club. No one's doing anything illegal. I'm not even drinking," Sidney pointed out softly, tearing his attention away from the video and back to the two older men sitting opposite him in their power suits. Sure he'd had a couple but there was no evidence of that in the video and it seemed to ease at least Mr. Shero who nodded and smiled back at him.

"And maybe if it _had been_ Max or Jordy, this wouldn't have made TMZ or any of the other internet sites legal has had to contact today," Mario added impatiently, his blue eyes clearly showing the disappointment he was feeling towards his young protégé. Suddenly the edge of the table became very interesting to Sidney as he began to pick at a worn spot in the wood. "You know better. You know that you're held to a higher standard," Mario continued, running the video back and starting it again. This time, when Sidney managed to look up at it, he tried not to just focus on Mya, on those boots that he'd made her bring home, but on the way other people would see it but still....

"I'm just sitting there. I think it's pretty obvious that it wasn't my idea," Sidney pointed out, still trying to steer the topic well away from who was in the video. He'd known as soon as Mario had called him out of practice and up to his office that he'd have to tell him, eventually. He just really didn't want to get into it in front of half the communications staff.

"That isn't the point Sid and I think you know that," Mario sighed, shutting the video off at long last, for which Sidney was grateful. Seeing Mya like that made it really difficult to concentrate.

"It's the image that we and your parents and the league have been very careful to cultivate and protect," Erik said, taking a seat at the head of the table, tapping his pen against a copy of the letter that was sitting in front of Sidney, awaiting his signature. The one he was refusing to sign. "Your image is squeaky clean, and for the sake of your sponsors and the franchise, we'd like to keep it that way. This is one little bump, and believe me, it's not entirely unexpected. As you say, you're a young man and while I think we all recognize that generally speaking you definitely make our lives easy around here, we also all knew that this type of thing would come up eventually."

"And it's not just your sponsors. It's those kids that look up to you, that idolize you. Don't you think you owe their mothers an explanation? After all, they're the ones that are going to decide if their little Johnny is going to wear your jersey or not," Mario added bluntly, staring daggers at Sidney who was now back to squirming in his chair.

They were both making valid points, fair points, points that he couldn't argue with. That didn't mean that he didn't want to argue with them, or that he agreed, and it certainly didn't mean he was going to sign the letter they'd drafted for him to sign.

"There must be some other way you can say this that doesn't make it sound quite so..._condescending_," Sidney replied, pushing the letter away once more and looking over at Erik optimistically.

"Are you planning on going back there sometime soon or something?" Mario snapped, pushing his chair back so that he could go back to pacing, which is what he'd been doing when Sidney had finished his shower and arrived in his office. Generally speaking it wasn't always a bad thing when he was called to Mario's office. Often it was only to meet with some sponsor or a charity. It wasn't that Mario had never brought him into his office to have a heart to heart but there had never been anything like this, at least not since he'd used Brett McLean's face for a speed bag or that unfortunate incident with Valabik. Maybe the fact that he rarely had to face an unhappy Mario was what made this even more difficult.

"I'm just not happy saying that," Sidney reiterated as he turned the letter towards Erik and pushed the paper further away from him. "That's a job to those women. I'm not going to criticize them that way." The letter said that he didn't condone either the men who went to those types of establishments or the women that work in them. As soon as he'd read it, he could hear the argument he'd end up having with Mya, if she didn't just refuse to ever speak with him again instead. Not that he'd blame her, which is why he wasn't going to sign the letter the way it was written. "And who else is signing this, because I wasn't the only one there."

"You're the only one we're worried about here," Shero said, finally speaking up. Sidney turned his attention to the GM and was relieved to see that he, at least, didn't look like he was enjoying castigating that Sidney was taking. "I think Max can live without his car commercial...if they even care. I know you might not think this is fair, but I think you have to agree that it's necessary."

Sid didn't, in fact, agree that it was necessary. He was actually willing to bet that just about every other professional male athlete had probably been to the rippers more than once without having to give a formal apology. In fact, the entire Steelers team had celebrated their Super Bowl win at Blush and he'd been invited. Plenty of his teammates had been there. He'd heard all about it and no one had said anything then. Of course he hadn't seen any video of that particular celebration, although he'd heard it had gotten pretty out of hand.

Damn camera phones.

"I'm just not comfortable with that wording," Sidney repeated, turning his attention back to Erik. "There has to be some other way to say this. I mean, can't we just leave the part out about the dancers? Can't I just say that I didn't use very good judgement in my choice of establishments and that I'm sorry if I offended anyone?"

"If we thought we could get away with that, we would have just put that," Mario grumbled, leaning over the table to turn the letter around and push it towards Sidney. "Just sign it."

Sidney stared down at the document, the stark black and white letters swimming before his eyes. His chest felt tight. He felt hot. He could feel sweat trickling down the back of his neck. He hated to disappoint anyone, least of all Mario. The only way this could be worse was if Troy, his father, were here. Of course it was only a matter of time before Troy did get involved, Sidney knew, especially if he continued to refuse to sign the letter. It was probably only because Mario hadn't expected such resistance that his father wasn't standing across the table from him now with a face like thunder.

He felt his heart beating rapidly in his chest, like the fluttering wings of a frightened bird. He felt cornered and he hated it. It wasn't fair. He hadn't done anything wrong and he hadn't even wanted to be there and most of all, he didn't want to upset Mya.

"Sign it Sidney," Mario growled, holding a pen out towards him like a knife, his blue eyes flashing like bolts of lightning.

Maybe he could call Mya and explain before the media got a hold of it.

"The reporters are getting restless," a voice piped up behind him and Sidney turned, wide eyed to see the apologetic but still perky face of Jennifer, the media relations officer.

"_Reporters_?" he squeaked, his throat closing, his mouth going dry.

"You didn't think it would just take a little letter did you?" Mario sighed, slumping into a chair and dropping his head into his hands, rubbing at his temples as he stared across the table. "Now sign it and go out there and read it and hope that they don't ask too many questions."

* * *

"Go where?" Mya turned to go back into her apartment, followed by the still very, very pregnant wife of Sidney's teammate.

"Shopping. These two are going to shoot out of me any minute now and I still have things I need," Tish said, making her way to the couch and lowering herself gently onto it. "I know, I know. You'd think, with Jordan's cash this wouldn't be hard. Get on the internet, order some shit, but there are still things you have to go get. I mean, for instance, bottles you can get but bottle liners? No, you can't just order those, or at least nowhere I've found. And then I can't decide between cloth and pampers. I mean, pampers if I'm changing them obviously," Tish moaned, holding up her perfect French tips by way of explanation, "but I just know that Linda's going to get here and she's going to look down her nose at me for using them."

Mya couldn't help but smile at the thought of the down to earth defenseman's parents being anything but completely sweet and helpful. If anyone was going to create a scene, it would likely be the obviously opinionated Tish, but she kept that thought to herself.

"Are you going to be okay to shop?" she called as she went into her small bedroom and tugged off her sweat pants.

"I'm comfortable sitting right now," Tish called back, "but I won't be for long. I can't seem to get comfortable anymore, so I might as well spend money." Mya grinned and shook her head. Tish obviously wasn't one to mince words.

"You could just give me a list. I could go for you," she offered, pulling on a pair of well worn jeans before diving into her closet to look for something half assed fashionable to wear on top. Tish might be eight and a half months pregnant but she looked like she could be walking on a catwalk in Paris, right down to her cute little kitten heels, which Mya was sure she probably wasn't happy about. Of the few times she'd met Tish, she couldn't remember ever seeing her in any heel below three inches.

"What fun would that be?" Tish called back. "Besides, once these skwaking pooping machines arrive, I probably won't be allowed out of the house for a while. This might be my last chance to do anything fun." That was a thought Mya couldn't agree with. The pitter patter of little feet was something she looked forward to, even if it wasn't something she was planning on now. She didn't know too much about Jordan, but what she'd seen of him, she thought he'd be a great dad. _Sidney would be_, she thought to herself with a secretive sort of smile. Not that she should be thinking anything like that, she told herself. Although it was hard not too, and, she supposed, that was all part of the raw newness of the relationship, if that's even what it was.

Deciding that she just couldn't keep up with the fashionista in her living room, Mya settled on a black t-shirt she'd gotten at a Rasmus concert and headed out to the living room, dragging her leather jacket behind her. She tried to ignore Tish's raised eyebrow and thankfully the mother-to-be kept her thoughts on Mya's fashion sense to herself.

"Ready to go mom?" Mya asked, taking Tish's keys from her as she held her other hand out to pull the heavily pregnant woman to her feet.

"I'm always ready to spend my hubby's money."

* * *

"I'm sorry buddy," Max apologized, sliding his arm around Sidney's shoulders as they slunk out of the arena. Sidney shrugged his friend's arm off his shoulder but didn't tell him to stick his apology where the sun doesn't shine, although he did think about doing just that.

"We're all sorry," Jordan added, appearing from nowhere, along with Dupuis, Flower, and a few of the other guys who had been there the night before.

"Yeah, I wish I knew who'd taken that video. I'd have fucking fed him his phone, anally," Talbot added, with a grin. Sidney wished he could make light of what had happened, but he was still reeling from Mario's disappointment and having to make a public apology. It was embarrassing, humiliating and completely unfair. All of the men that were now standing around him had been there, had been whooping it up and having a good old time. He hadn't even wanted to be there. He'd begged them not to go and somehow he was the only one that had ended up paying for their boy's night out.

"It doesn't matter. It's over now," Sid said quietly, shrugging as he looked up at Jordan, wondering if any of them could even come close to understanding what he'd just been through. Yes, he understood that people expected more from him, but it seemed unreasonable that he should be singled out when he was really the least guilty of them all. "I'll see you guys tomorrow morning," he added, digging his keys out of his pocket and moving towards the car park, wanting very much to just be alone.

"We all are really sorry," Fleur whispered, falling into step beside Sidney as the guys started to disperse. Sidney just shrugged again. What more could he say. Maybe they were sorry, but he hadn't seen any of them stepping up to the microphones to back him up in front of the cameras. "If it makes you feel better, Vero was vraiment pissé au loin. She hates when I go there."

"So why do you?" Sidney asked, turning to his friend who took a step back and held his hands up defensively. "Why do you go there? You have a beautiful girlfriend, why do you go there to look at other women? I don't get it. Explain it to me. Because, if you recall, I didn't even want to be there and I sure as hell didn't want to see Mya do that. I don't want her doing that...in front of anyone, never mind you guys. So tell me, 'cuz I'm fucking curious. Why?" Flower stood there staring at him, open mouthed and obviously shocked to have Sid go off on him like this. Of course Flower was almost never the aim of Sidney's vehemence, but that didn't mean the pale, outwardly frail youth was going to turn tail and run either.

"Vraiment, je ne sais pas. It's just some beers with the guys, you know?" Fleur replied, raising his eyebrows hopefully towards his friend. "It's not really about les filles. C'est une vue gentile, mais oui, but...it's not about them...for me anyway."

Sidney nodded. It was all he could do. Fleur was probably telling the truth. Even as beautiful as Vero was, it wasn't about that for Fleur. She made him feel comfortable, like he had a part of home with him as long as he had her around. Not that he doubted that the goaltender loved his girlfriend, but he just didn't see her as an object. Not even after the boob job and the nose job....

Marc-Andre patted his shoulder and turned to head towards his own car. Sidney stood in the middle of the parking lot and pulled out his cell. There was still no reply to either the text or the voice mail he'd left for Mya. The last thing he needed was for her to see the press conference with out his being able to explain what was going on and how he hadn't wanted to say those things and he could only hope that the last minute change he'd made in front of the cameras would at least go some way to making his words sting a little less. The only thing he could do now was head to her apartment and hope she was still too busy trying to put together her article from the interview she was supposed to have after the Steeler's game this evening.

They were supposed to go together anyway. He didn't think she'd mind if he showed up early. Maybe they could swing by his place on the way so he could change. He didn't even care if he went like he was now, as long as he talked to her first.

Stuffing his cell back in the pocket of his coat he climbed into the Land Rover and prayed that she didn't listen to Sports Radio as part of her prep work.

* * *

"Do they _have _baby stuff in the electronics department?" Mya asked as she pushed the overfull buggy behind Tish as she headed through the furniture section, past the washers, dryers and fridges and into sea of plasma and LCD screens.

"If I am going to be stuck at home for the foreseeable future, we need a new TV," Tish stated, matter-of-factly as she paused by a particularly large projection model that had a price card on it that made Mya's eyes go round. As far as she was concerned the price on that TV was a very sizeable down payment on a really nice house.

"I can't believe Jordan wouldn't have a huge TV," Mya suggested, but Tish only waved her hand at her as if to say 'what do you know'.

"In the games room for playing games on, yeah. In the living room? It's only a forty-two," Tish replied as if that were too small for anyone. Mya thought about her nineteen inch back home and rolled her eyes. It really was too small to watch football or hockey on. It made all the players look like ants, but she was hardly home to watch most of the games. Half of the time she was at Blush, and they had huge plasma screens.... "Hey, there's Sidney," she grinned, abandoning the cart in the aisle and moving closer to the screen to gaze on her boyfriend's face.

He was clean shaven, but with one of those horrible grey knit caps of his pulled down to his eyebrows, covering the thick dark hair she loved to dig her fingers into when they kissed. He was wearing jeans and a dark sweatshirt, and he wasn't looking very happy at all.

"I wonder if he got injured in practice or something," Tish speculated out loud as she joined Mya in front of the big screen, glancing around for something that would turn the audio up. Mya dug into her jacket pocket for her phone and glanced down at it. He had phoned her earlier but they'd been at a cash register and she'd had her hands full and hadn't been able to answer it. Her phone was flashing, telling her she had voice mail and several text messages.

Glacing back up at the screen, Mya saw a fuzzy image of Sidney looking up at something, looking very unhappy while Jordan and Max held him down. Her breath caught in her throat and unconsciously she reached out and felt Tish's hand grip hers'. The camera panned and Mya found herself watching her own image flash up on the screen, suggestively sucking on the fake pistol, her other arm only just covering some of her breasts.

"Oh shit," Mya hissed, glancing around to see all of the screens full of the same image, and other shoppers stopping to stare, as if it was O.J. in the white bronco. "Oh shit," she repeated, squeezing Tish's hand.

"_I don't condone the sort of behaviour I took part in_," Sidney was saying as his image reappeared on the screen and the sales clerk appeared near them with a remote in his hand, realizing that he had an audience and probably hoping for a sale from it. "_I don't condone my actions, and I am not a regular patron of this type of establishment. I do not condone those that do support this type of establishment and I definitely cannot condone the objectification of the women who work in them_. _It isn't a profession I can respect_."

"He said fucking what?" Mya hissed, staring at the screen with her mouth hanging open, her eyes wide and her heart beating wildly in her chest. "He said...he so did not just say...." She turned to Tish and searched her gaze. "Is this why you brought me out? He didn't want me to see this so you brought me out?" Tish was still staring at the screens around them, upon which that nebulously blurred video clip was playing again. Mya pulled on Tish's arm, forcing her to face Mya as she stared at her. "Did you? Well did you?" Tish slowly shook her head, her own eyes wide as she stared back at Mya.

"I think my water just broke."


	20. Chapter 20

**Chapter 20**

"You should give him the benefit of the doubt," Tish instructed as she laid back on the pillow, looking up at Mya who was reaching over to mop her brow with a cool cloth with one hand and reaching for the ice chips with the other.

"It's not that he had to say something. I mean, that's total bullshit but I get the why of that. It's what he said that's pissing me off," Mya explained as she watched Tish close her eyes as the contraction eased. They were coming closer together and Mya was beginning to wonder where Jordan had got to. Tish had called him from the car as Mya drove at break neck speeds through the city and he'd sworn he'd be right behind them. She was beginning to worry that he had gotten into an accident and might be lying dead in the morgue or something, but she wasn't about to share her concerns with the woman who was lying, sweating, in the hospital bed.

"He might not have been given a choice of what to say," Tish sighed, her expression softening as the cool water from the cloth trickled down her face.

"I didn't see a gun pointed at the back of his head," Mya muttered, glancing hopefully towards the door. If Jordan would just get here to take over, she could maybe get some space and clear her head. It was entirely possible that she was overreacting, but she wouldn't know that until she had some space and time to digest what she'd seen.

After all, she still hadn't returned any of Sidney's calls and he had called twice more since they'd arrived at the hospital, but then the nurse had asked her, none too politely, to turn off her phone while the fetal monitor was on. Mya listened to the crazy mix of heartbeats. It was sort of a soothing noise, she thought, right up until Tish squeezed her hand so hard that she could feel the bones of her fingers rubbing together.

"Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck me!" Tish howled, doubling over, her eyes shut tight, her teeth clenched. Mya rubbed at one of the bare spots between the ties on Tish's back and tried to think of soothing things to say. "Where in the _fuck_ is my husband?" Tish growled, her eyes glazed over with pain.

"Do you want me to go out and try and call him again?" Mya offered, reaching for Tish's phone, which was lying on the tray beside the bed, set on vibrate. Hospital rules be damned as far as Tish was concerned, at least until her wayward husband showed up.

"No, stay, please," Tish panted, sagging back onto the mattress, her face beaded with sweat, her hand still gripping tightly to Mya's. "I don't want to be myself," she added, sounding a lot less fierce than she had a moment ago. Mya nodded, smiling. Maybe it was a good idea to have a distraction and a little time to help her to cool off. It wasn't that she wanted to break up with Sidney exactly. Although the thought had certainly crossed her mind about a second and a half after she'd heard him say that he couldn't respect what she was currently doing to pay her bills. She was just so damn disappointed that he'd sold her down the river like that, especially when she'd thought she'd gotten through to him. She had begun to think that he actually understood and that he had developed some respect for how hard it was and how well she did it.

Men.

"See, I told you that we hadn't missed anything."

Both Mya and Tish looked up to see Jordan's smiling face bobbing towards them, closely followed by his younger brother Marc, who was in town with his team. Mya felt her hand being crushed as Tish let out a high pitched scream.

"What is _he_ doing here?"

"I was picking him up at the airport. He always stays with me when he's in town. How ya doin' babes?" he asked, nonchalantly as he bent to kiss his wife, which Mya thought, considering the state of her own hand, was possibly a suicidal move. Tish grabbed a handful of his wheaten hair and yanked, pulling his eyes level with hers and let out a feral growl that sent chills down Mya's spine. Talk about mama bear....

"I have my legs up in stirrups. My pussy is hanging out for everyone to see. Do I _look_ like I want company to you?" Jordan shook his head, as best he could considering the vice like grip that his wife had on his hair. Mya did her best not to laugh. She really did not want to be drawing attention to herself at this very moment in time.

"I'll just...walk him out to the lounge?" Jordan made it a question, or maybe it was just the extra twist Tish gave his cow lick before she let him go. In any case, he slipped out of the room, his ginger haired brother laughing behind him. Mya watched them go, shaking her head.

Men.

"Did someone order some drugs?"

The doctor emerged from behind Jordan and his brother, syringe in hand and Mya felt Tish relax as soon as the small dark man smiled towards them.

"If she doesn't want it, I'll take it. I think I'm going to need it when I get feeling back in my hand," Mya chuckled, raising her mangled hand for him to see as Tish pushed herself up to a sitting position.

"I'll send you down to ortho, as soon as our lovely lady here gets her epidural. Do you want to wait for your husband to come back?" he asked Tish, moving around behind her to undo the stays on her hospital gown.

"Fuck no," Tish grumbled, leaning as far forward as her very large, active tummy would allow.

"Maybe if you hold her hands, it will help her to keep still," the OB suggested, giving Mya a wink as he held up the huge syringe. Mya eyed that instrument of torture with wide eyes and decided that not being near the site of that thing going in was a better idea.

She was just taking Mya's hands, holding them tightly in her own while Mya took a deep breath when Jordan came back, took one look at the size of the needle going into his wife's back, and promptly passed out.

* * *

So it was back to this, Sidney thought as he stared down at his phone, which still had not rung, not even vibrated to let him know she was at least acknowledging his text messages. Glancing up at the apartment building across the street, he could see that there was still no light on and he couldn't help but imagine her sitting there in the dark, the phone unplugged and her cell turned off. He wondered if she was angry, or crying? Either way, he needed to talk to her, needed to explain.

But he couldn't quite work up the courage to actually go inside and knock on her door. Not after he'd seen the press conference for himself on Television and the way they'd edited it. He hadn't been thinking about that when he'd been in front of all those microphones, all those cameras. He hadn't thought about the way the networks edit things down to sound bites and the way that would make him sound.

Which was like an ignorant, insensitive pig, or at least he was sure that was the way that Mya was going to see it. When he'd said that he didn't have a lot of respect for the job, he'd also followed that up with the fact that he had a great deal of respect for the women that do the job and that he knew how difficult it was and that the circumstances of many of the women who undertake that type of work was equally difficult. Of course that wasn't the sexy 30 second sound bite the networks went with.

Sidney slammed his hands against the steering wheel. It was so unfair. No one understood what it was like to live in the fucking fish bowl that is his life, he thought irritably. He didn't want to be bland and boring, automaton Crosby, always saying and doing the right things. He wanted to be a carefree fuck up like Max. Max had so much more fun, doing whatever and whoever he wanted, whenever and wherever he wanted to.

What he wouldn't give for that kind of freedom, Sidney thought, leaning his forehead against the wheel and cursing under his breath. The problem was, every time he did anything outside of the box it came back to bite him in the ass, _big time._

She'd warned him that he shouldn't get involved with someone like her, he thought with a sigh. Maybe he should have listened to her. It was much too late for that though, he knew unreservedly. He was in too deep. He was too invested. He was in love with the girl, for good or for ill.

And he couldn't...no he _wouldn't_ give up on it. He was even more determined not to just give in to Troy or his Mario or anyone else that might stand in the way of his being with Mya. Not even Mya, he thought sardonically. Even if she decided that she didn't want him, he wanted her and he was single-minded when it came to getting things he set his mind to.

He looked up again at her dark apartment and made up his mind to go up there and make her listen, right when a dark sports car pulled up in front of the building. A car he recognized.

Tanger's car and Mya was getting out of it.

Sidney felt his blood pressure peak, his teeth grinding together as he watched her bend down to say something to the lone occupant. He couldn't read her lips from across the road, especially in the dark, but he could clearly see that she was smiling and it made him sick to his stomach.

It had only been a few hours, he thought grimly, squeezing the steering wheel so hard that his knuckles went white. Could she really have gone back to him already, he asked himself as he watched her standing there, chatting animatedly with his teammate.

There was only one way to find out.

* * *

"I'm definitely seeing daddy's eyes," Mya said, grinning down at the tiny, squirming and yawning, bundle of joy she was holding in her arms.

"Yep, they definitely have Staalsy's blue eyes," Kris said, meeting Mya's gaze across the bed where he was holding the other twin, Miranda, in his arms. "Luckily they don't have that crazy chin of yours Jordy," the young Frenchman added with a wink towards Mya, who laughed and shook her head.

"But do they have his hard head?" Tish asked affectionately, without looking up from the top of her husband's head. She was busy counting the stitches the doctor's had put there from when he'd passed out cold at the sight of the Epidural.

"Well not yet," Mya replied, running her hand lightly over the strawberry blonde fuzz on the top Micah's head, "but he smells better than his dad, I know that."

"I agree," Tish laughed, wrinkling up her nose at the antiseptic smell of the area around his stitches that seemed to be mixing with that bleach and ammonia smell that pervades hospitals in general. "Hand that little boy to me, My, I need to stick my nose in his hair." Mya took one long last deep baby filled breath in and then reluctantly and gingerly placed the blue wrapped bundle back in his mother's arms.

"If his head was a little harder he wouldn't be looking at a week in the press box," Kris grumbled, handing his own pink swathed bundle into Jordan's outstretched arms.

"Well someone has to help me change diapers," Tish chuckled, cooing at her little boy before turning an inquiring eye towards Mya.

"Don't look at me like that. I am not coming over to do your midnight feeds," she laughed, leaning over to press her lips to the new mother's forehead. "Speaking of which, I am dead on my feet and this," she held up her bruised and battered hand, "needs to go on ice. I'll come see how you're doing in the morning."

"I can give you a ride home," Kris offered, Mya thought a little too promptly.

"I just live like...literally down the street. I can walk, thanks," she replied quietly, turning to head for the door. It had already been just a little too weird having Kris show up, alone, without any of his other teammates around not long after Tish had managed to squeeze Miranda out. It seemed a little too obvious. On the other hand, Mya did feel like he had an apology that was long overdue, and an explanation coming that she did owe him. She just didn't feel like making it tonight.

"It's cold and rainy. I don't mind," Kris said, falling into step with her. Mya shrugged and sort of nodded, half heartedly, before turning to give the new family unit a wave. Not that they noticed, and not that she blamed them. For only being a couple of hours old, those were two cute kids. "Besides, I have an admission to make," Kris added as they strolled down the hall, past other expectant fathers pacing the halls on their cell phones, still pregnant women hanging off of the shoulders of loved ones, hoping to bring on imminent labour by walking.

"Well I'll warn you, I don't have any nun or priest costumes," Mya giggled nervously, "so I can't promise I'll keep it between you and me."

"If you tell Sidney...well I'd probably tell him myself if he was here," Kris replied as if he didn't get the joke, which Mya very much doubted. That only meant he was very serious about whatever heavy shit he was about to lay on her.

"Look if it was your idea to bring Sidney to the bar then I forgive you," Mya began as they turned the corner towards the front door and Kris walked a little faster to get ahead, so he could hold open the door, like the good old fashioned sort of gentleman he was. She could feel the little weight in her stomach that was what was left of her feelings for him, getting heavier.

"No, it wasn't," Kris smiled, a sort of half smile that didn't go up to his soft brown eyes. "But close." He indicated with a quick point where his car was in the parking lot, and, pulling her leather jacket up over her head, Mya dashed behind him to the car, bouncing in place as she waited for him to slide in and unlock the door. "Just tell me one thing," Kris said as he started the car and Mya gave herself a dog like shake to shed as much of the icy water from her skin as she could. "Were you sleeping with Sidney when we were...going out?" Mya took a deep breath and stared at the rain running in rivulets down the windshield.

"Once or twice," she replied quietly, deciding that honesty was called for, considering what she'd done to him. Glancing sideways at him, she saw him grip the wheel hard before he sighed and nodded, as if that was the answer he was expecting, and then, steeling himself, threw the car in reverse.

* * *

"If you're really that pissed at me, why don't you just fuck him right here and make me watch?" Sidney snarled as he slammed the door on the Land Rover behind him and strode towards where the driver's side door of Kris's dark coloured European sports car. He gave Kris a dark look before facing Mya over the roof of the car. She was looking surprised to see him. Well of course she was. She'd just been caught red handed, elbow deep in the cookie jar.

"I'm pissed at you alright Crosby, but not that desperate," she replied coolly, bouncing her house keys thoughtfully in her hand. As if she was maybe thinking about tossing them at his head. "I was just saying good night to Kris. He was nice enough to drive me home from the hospital, where I've been being a very good WAG all night, holding Trish's hand while she had twins. I noticed you haven't visited," she replied, an edge in her voice that told him that he was deep, deep in the dog house. Running her hand across her face, to brush the rain out of her eyes, left behind a dark smudge where her eyeliner and mascara were beginning to run.

"Tish and Jordy had the twins?" Sidney asked, feeling the flutter of butterfly wings in his chest.

"Micah and Miranda...named for you girlfriend I suspect?" Mya replied, the icy tone in her voice deepening. The only thing Sidney could do was nod, struck mute by the idea of a little girl named for Randi.... "They're all doing fine, if you care," she added, sarcasm creeping into her voice. "Although truth be told, Jordan's a little worse for wear."

"Jordan?" Sidney had to think for a moment who that was, his thought were...elsewhere.

"Yeah, hit his head, the big pussy. Now, I'd love to stay and chat out here all night but," Mya ran her hand through her hair which was now slicked to her skull and dripping down her face, "but I've had this sort of long, shitty day and I'd rather not die of pneumonia so, I think Kris has something to say to you and then if you want to come up and apologize for being such a complete fucking asshole, I'll think about whether or not I want to let you in."

Sidney watched her turn on her heel and head into the apartment. He watched her until her dark clad form had disappeared from view before he looked down into the driver's window, which had then rolled slowly down.

"Get in."

* * *

Mya grabbed a towel and draped it over her head before shucking her clothes and tossing them in a heap in the corner. She'd have to do laundry first thing in the morning before her clothes started to mould and smell, but right now, all she could think about was getting into a hot shower and trying to forget about this day.

Not the part where Tish gave birth to the twins. That part had been amazing. Tish had cried, she'd cried, Jordan had been too stoned on whatever they'd given him for his headache to cry but he'd grinned like an idiot.

What she wanted to forget about was the part where she'd seen the man she was falling in love with say that he didn't respect her. That part she could still feel, like a roofing nail digging into her chest. That part still bled. That part, she hadn't decided what she was going to do about it, but she'd promised Tish, on her brand new babies heads, that she'd give Sidney the opportunity to explain himself.

The other part she wanted to forget was that Kris had been the one to film her at work and hand it over to the press.

She could understand it. After the initial shock wore off, she realized that he was still angry and had every right to be. What he'd done was childish and he knew it. He didn't feel very good about it and he knew that once the rest of the team found out, he'd probably be on the first bus to the minors, but he'd admitted it and he'd apologized and Mya believed he was really, truly sorry.

She still sort of hoped that Sidney would punch him in the mouth though, she realized, as she stepped beneath the hot water and turned her face up into the spray. It wasn't just childish, it was mean spirited. Understandable, she decided, but petty. She'd thought more of him than that.

She'd felt bad about fucking Sidney behind his back but she didn't anymore.

"I'm sorry." She'd heard the door to the bathroom open and shut and smiled to herself. So he should be. "You don't...there was more to it than what was shown on TV and I did try and call you," he continued, sounding as tired and over this day as she felt. "I didn't want to do it. I didn't want to even say anything about it but I wasn't given a choice," he added, and Mya could hear him slumping against the wall, could hear him sliding down to the floor. She imagined him dropping his head into his hands, his dark hair made even darker by the rain, plastered to his head like he'd just finished a game, his pale skin all the more pale for the strain and the worry her not getting in touch with him had probably caused.

Mya let the hot water run over her face, and smiled. It felt good. It felt good to be warm. It also felt good to have a man grovelling to her but after what Kris had done...she decided that a little mercy was probably in order.

"Get in here," she said, closing her eyes and listening to the silence that was quickly followed the sound of scrambling feet, quickly followed by the sound shoes being kicked off and his jeans hitting the floor.


	21. Chapter 21

_paper bags and defibrillators ready? You may begin_

**Chapter 21**

"You can fuck her, by all means. I think a healthy sex life is good for a young man, but you can't have a serious relationship with a stripper."

Sidney hadn't expected anything different from his father, but he'd hoped to avoid the entire conversation, at least until he could talk Mya into leaving that part of her life behind. Of course Tanger's little video had thrown any chance of that out the window.

"You don't know her," he tried for what seemed like the twentieth time already this morning, but it was clear that Troy wasn't prepared to listen to his own son. The older man was pacing Mario's office as if it were the sidelines of a football grid and Sidney was starting to get whiplash from watching him.

"I've always said that you should play the field, sow your wild oats and I stand by that advice now. I mean, I think you could be a little more discreet about seeing that kind of girl...," Troy smiled as if he was proud of his son for banging a stripper. Sidney shivered at the thought of his father having watched that video of Mya grinding and gyrating for his pleasure. The idea of his father enjoying the view that made his own heart skip a beat...bile rose in his throat and Sidney had to shut his eyes tight against the image in his head of his father's greedy little eyes watching his girlfriend get naked. "I know it wasn't your fault that the video got out," his father continued, hardly missing a beat as he returned to his pacing, "and I'm with Mario on being concerned about how some of your sponsors will see this. Myself, I'm just glad this will erase all those other..._rumours_." Sidney rolled his eyes and shook his head. For himself, he didn't care if there were a few haters out there that might feel the need to question his sexuality. He was comfortable in his own skin and there was no question in his mind and didn't think there should be any question in his father's either, but it obviously bothered his old man for people to whisper that his son might be gay. It didn't seem to occur to him that it was because he'd practically forced celibacy onto his own son that those kinds of rumours had any kind of life at all.

"If you would just meet her...," Sidney suggested, leaning his forehead into his hands, trying to force his eyes to stay open. He'd had a long night of trying to make it up with Mya and now was when he was supposed to be having his nap before tonight's game. Now was not the time he really needed to be having this conversation.

"When you're serious about someone, and that had better not be for _years_, then by all means, I'd love to meet the girl. But this is not the girl son. Believe your old man here, I think I know what's best for you."

Sidney looked up at his father and tried very hard not to be immediately disrespectful. That was not the way he had been raised and yet, all he wanted to do right now was to tell his old man to fuck off. He'd had it with other people telling him what was right for him. He'd had enough of other people making decisions for him. The NHLPA, Mario, his father....

"You're not listening to me. She _is_ the one. She's smart and funny and her job...it's the most pragmatic thing she could be doing. She looked around and found the most lucrative job with the least amount of hours and work involved so she could concentrate on her studies. She's going to school _and_ paying for that and her Aunt's medical bills all on her own. I admire her for that. She's hard working, energetic, smart, beautiful and she has goals and dreams...she is the woman I want to be with and I really would like for you to give her a chance but if you won't...then you can just fucking kiss my fucking ass," Sidney sighed, feeling a smile tugging at the corners of his own lips. It felt kind of good to be telling his old man where to stick it. "She's going to be someone someday dad and I want to be the one with her when that happens."

"But you're not taking her to the Christmas party," Troy stated, matter-of-factly, levelling his gaze with his sons' and taking the air out of Sidney's sails. "If you're so fucking proud of this...girl, then why aren't you taking her? Or maybe you are a little reluctant to explain to all of the Penguins brass just exactly what it is that your girlfriend does?"

Sidney stared at the deep mahogany of Mario's desk and tried to find the words to explain why he didn't want to put Mya through that. Because that was why he hadn't invited her, so that he could protect her from all of the old men that would leer and give her those knowing looks when they found out she was an exotic dancer. Because he knew what the other wives and girlfriends were already saying. And because Max would eventually find some opportunity to say something that would embarrass the hell out of him....

Embarrass him. He shouldn't be embarrassed. He told himself he wasn't and he did believe it when he said that he thought her choice of occupation was pragmatic and yet...

"She won't always be doing this," Sidney explained quietly. Once he'd convinced her to let him pay off the rest of her Aunt's medical bills she wouldn't have to do it anymore. Once she let him take care of her, and that was only a matter of time. "Next year...," he began, only to have his father snort derisively.

"She won't be around next year and you know it son. You'll be onto the next love of your life and I'll be trying to talk you off of some other cliff," Troy mused, patting his son on his shoulder and then tousling his hair. "You're an emotional boy. You always have been. I blame your mother for that. She's always been too indulgent where you and your sister are concerned. If you were a little more pragmatic yourself...."

"Stick it, okay?" Sidney pushed himself to his feet and brushed his father's hand off of his back. "I'm not some fucking kid okay?" he snarled, brushing past his father and heading for the door, before pausing in the doorway and turning back, meeting his father's amused gaze. "I know you think that you know what's best for me but I'm not a little kid anymore."

"No? Have you told her about the party or are you keeping that a secret, for her own good of course," his father asked, his mouth curving into a smile, like he was about to laugh. Sidney took a deep breath, shook his head, and turned and headed out of the door of Mario's study, across the foyer and out the front doors, climbing into his Land Rover and heading for home, for his own bed.

If he hadn't told her it was only because he didn't want to have a fight about it. It wasn't because he was ashamed of her. He wasn't. He just wasn't.

* * *

"I know, I know it's your nap time and I hope this doesn't wake you up...no, no you're smart enough to have your phone off. I just wanted to tell you right away...I haven't phoned anyone else yet, not even Steve, but I just wanted to tell you that I turned in the tape of that interview I did with Roethlisberger and they've offered me a job, full time, on air. They love the stories I've been putting together and they said I have this presence...," Mya let out a little squeal as she bounced in place on the sidewalk. "I'm so happy. I just wanted to tell you. Okay...so I know you'll be going straight to the arena when you wake up but maybe just give me a quick call. Okay bye."

Mya snapped her phone shut and pushed open the doors to the club. Blush was closed for the Holiday season. Nobody went to a strip club two days before Christmas. Everyone was running around, doing last minute shopping, or spending time with their families. Blush would stay closed until the day after Christmas, but Mya wouldn't be back.

Tonight was going to be her last night with the girls and she found, as she walked through the darkened hallways with the framed and spot-lit posters of the dancers she'd worked with, that she her happy mood became more subdued with every step she took. She realized, as she turned the corner into the unusually quiet club, that she was actually going to miss this place. It hadn't been the most ideal of jobs, but she'd enjoyed the people and the camaraderie. She was beyond jazzed about actually breaking into the world of sports journalism, but she doubted very much if she'd ever find the type of non competitive, supportive, down to earth sort of co-workers once she got in front of the camera.

"Hey girl. Grab a brush," Hannah called as Mya emerged from behind the bar and Mya stopped in her tracks, staring at the scene in front of her. The girls, including girls she didn't recognize and was sure she'd never worked with, were, for the most part, stripped down to their panties and were painting letters onto one another's stomachs.

"I thought we were closed tonight? I just came in for a drink...," Mya began, dropping her bag and stepping carefully around a drop cloth that Cassidy was standing on as Hannah drew a her brush down over her abs, leaving a large canary yellow streak behind. "What's going on?"

"We're going to the Pens game tonight," Marti chimed in from where she was drawing on the stomach of one of the girls Mya didn't know.

"Oh, well in that case, count me in," Mya grinned, reaching to unbutton her jacket. Sid had mumbled something about not seeing her until the morning when he left. He'd certainly be surprised to see her, especially painted up like she was heading to a Steelers game.

"You might want to skip this one," Cassidy advised as she watched Hannah's hand carefully tracing around the letter she'd painted on her stomach. "I don't think you're going to want in on this."

"Besides, won't you be too busy getting ready for the fancy-dancey dress up ball tonight?" Hannah added, standing back to survey her handiwork.

"Ball? I know you guys think I lucked out on the guy front but...." Mya looked around at the faces that were, one by one, turning to look at her and every face was wearing a mask of incredulity. "What? Why is everyone looking at me like I've just grown another head?"

"Are you saying he's not taking you?" Cassidy asked, tipping her head to one side and regarding Mya curiously, making her want to turn around and look to see if someone was doing rabbit ears over her head or making faces behind her back.

"Who's taking me where?" she asked, looking around at all the faces again.

"The big Christmas doo...the Penguins have it after the last game before Christmas every year at the Rennaisance. Very black tie, very invitation only." Mya stared at Hannah and felt her heart sinking. Sidney hadn't said a single word. Not word one about any party. He'd only said that he was looking forward to spending some time with her tomorrow, which meant he hadn't invited her, and that meant that either meant he'd invited someone else or.... "He's ashamed of me," she whispered, mostly to herself.

"I told you she didn't break up with him for what he said," Marti sighed, returning to her art work on another one of the dancers, and Mya notice, most of the women were no longer meeting her gaze as she looked around.

"You don't know the whole story," she began, fully intending to explain it the way Sidney had explained it to her, once she'd tired him out enough that all he could do was talk, and yet her own voice trailed away as she thought about what she was doing.

She was going to defend him and he wasn't even going to take her to his fucking Christmas party. He hadn't even had the good manners to tell her that he wasn't going to take her. That was the least he could have done, after he'd spent the night in her bed telling her how sorry he was and how much he did respect her.

The lying sack of shit.

"Give me one of those brushes."

* * *

"Wait...what day is it? It's not Halloween is it?" Max elbowed Sidney as she slid onto the bench and pointed up at the jumbotron above their heads. Normally Sidney didn't pay much attention to the kiss me cams and the rest of that sort of nonsense that they played up on the big screen. Not when he was playing. He hated anything that took away from his concentration. Max, on the other hand, had a bad case of wandering attention. His hirsute Quebecois friend seemed to be constantly on the hunt for hot girls in the crowd. Sid glanced up at the screen and shrugged. Nothing surprised him anymore when it came to the extent that people would go to for attention.

"Cute girls in costumes. So what."

"So says the guy that's dating the hot stripper," TK snorted, picking at the tape on the blade of his stick as she stared up at the girls gyrating on the big screen.

"Hot journalist," Sidney corrected him as he turned his attention back to the game on the ice. Ruuts made a face at him as he skated towards his own bench and Sidney did his best not to show that he'd noticed. He couldn't afford for the feisty Finn to get under his skin. He was already distracted by having his parents here and knowing that Mya was still probably expecting to celebrate her new job with him and he was going to be going to the Christmas party instead.

Maybe he could slip out after the dinner....

"Hey look, that one's wearing that same cop uniform your girlfriend was wearing," Max pointed out, a little too gleefully Sidney thought as he glanced up at the screen and then shook his head, dismissing the thought as soon as it entered his head. She wouldn't wear that out in public, especially not after today, she just wouldn't.

"Why don't you guys pay a little more attention to the game and worry about pussy later?" he suggested quietly, watching Kuba make a tape to tape pass down the ice. They could use a little more of that themselves tonight.

"Isn't that the hot chick that was on before Sid's girlfriend?" TK asked as Sid began to grind his teeth together in sheer frustration.

"I think so," Max agreed, nudging Sidney in the ribs again. "Are you sure that's not Mya on the end?" Sidney shook his head and refused to look up, doing his best not to be drawn into their constant pussy hunting. At the moment he was pretty sure that he had enough woman problems without looking for more.

"Holy shit!" The normally sedate, quiet and fully focussed Guerin coughed into his glove and Sidney glanced over at his line mate to see if he'd missed something behind the play, only to see the older winger's eyes turned up towards the same scene the other guys were watching. Just as the play was whistled dead for icing, Tanger having shot the puck with board weight, the dancers had begun to shed their costumes, at least the top parts, baring not only their breasts but letters painted in bright colours on their abdomens.

"Fuck me," Sidney hissed, making quick sense of the letters as they were revealed.

**R E S P E C T**

And as the last woman pulled her jacket open, revealing an exclamation mark painted from the hollow of her throat down to her belly button, Sidney felt sure he'd been worshipping the breasts it was painted between in the early hours of the morning.


	22. Chapter 22

**Chapter 22**

It had been a stupid, _stupid_ thing to do.

She'd been one hundred percent behind the idea, right up until the security arrived. They were, without a doubt, thorough in their apprehension of the group of women, including more than thorough pat downs that left Mya feeling humiliated and violated.

She let her hair fall down in front of her face as she was escorted past the curious onlookers and bright lights of the press, keeping her mouth firmly closed, even when a microphone was shoved in her face.

At this point she had a certain amount of deniability, she hoped. If she did, as most of the other girls were doing, make a comment to the cameras, she'd be kissing her bright and shiny future good bye, if she hadn't already she thought grimly as she allowed herself to be shoved, rather roughly, into the back of a waiting cruiser and ended up nearly in Cassidy's lap. She managed, _just_, to right herself with a struggle, considering her hands had been cuffed behind her back.

"You okay My?" Cass asked, but all Mya could do was shake her head, terrified that if she opened her mouth that all that would come out would be uncontrollable sobbing.

It had been a stupid, _stupid_ thing to do.

She felt Cass's head on her shoulder and had to smile. As if _she_ was the one to lean on now when what she wanted was for someone to hold her and tell her that what she'd just done hadn't really been suicide, because it sure as hell felt like it.

First and foremost, she'd promised her mother when she'd moved half way across the continent and started stripping that there would never, _ever_ be any photos that would make their way out into the world of mama's baby girl that would make her feel ashamed.

Her father was going to kill her, if he ever even spoke to her again.

Then, of course, there were her new employers. She could pretty much kiss off that job, Mya thought as the cruiser made its way across the Mellon Arena parking lot and out onto the street. She'd told them about her job of course. Full disclosure seemed pretty important considering she was going to be on air. She'd shown them the head shots and 'glamour shots' that didn't show too much and they seemed to be fine with it. In fact, they were quite enthusiastic about it. They thought it would play well with their target market, mostly men.

Topless on TV...Mya was pretty certain they'd consider that crossing the line.

Sidney obviously had.

She could still see him, pinching the bridge of his nose as he looked away from the screen. An obvious sign of agitation but disappointment too, Mya thought as the police cruiser hit a pot hole that sent her head crashing painfully against the plastic barrier behind the officers sitting up front who didn't so much as look back to see if she was injured.

A little bump on the head was the least of her worries though.

She shouldn't care, she told herself, but she did. She cared what he thought, quite a bit it seemed. She cared about him, deeply and profoundly, but she was still angry. There was no doubt about that, she decided as she imagined him shaving and showering and getting ready for his big, fancy party. The least he could have done was tell her about the party instead of hiding it from her.

It just seemed like every time they took a step forward, they took ten backwards.

And yet, even though she was angry and felt she had every right in the world to be angry, more than anything it just hurt. Hurt that he didn't think she was good enough to take to his little soiree, especially since all of his damn teammates knew exactly who she was and what she did already.

But then those infamous words kept coming back to her over and over again, haunting her as she sat and ground her teeth together. If you give away the milk for free.... Not that she wanted to believe that of him, not after all the things he'd said but...was there any other explanation for his behaviour towards her? That she was nothing but a notch on his bedpost. A booty call.

She didn't _want_ to believe it, but what else was she supposed to think?

* * *

Tucking his wallet back into his jacket Sidney waited while the guard fiddled with his keys before, apparently, finding the right one and pushing the door open with a clang that made him flinch and echoed loudly down the hallway. His bank manager was going to have a field day explaining the expense of bailing out half a dozen strippers, but at least Mario had grudgingly agreed to drop all the charges on behalf of the club, after a lot of pleading on Sidney's part. The worst they'd face was mischief charges now, the police chief had promised.

All except Mya, whose fine was already paid and against whom all charges had already been dropped. Sometimes it was good to be able to grease the wheels with a few autographs and a signed jersey to be raffled off for the Police Charity Fund.

"Now remember, this isn't where the conjugal visits happen," the guard grinned at him, winking like he knew something. Sidney grudgingly smiled back at him but he knew that the reception he was likely to get would probably be, at the best, on the chilly side.

Sidney walked past the other cells and ignored the comments about his Penguin suit and the insinuations about exactly whose date he was for the evening. He found Mya alone in the last cell, sitting on a metal bench, rubbing her wrists, her head down, dark hair falling around her face. Even though her expression was hidden behind her hair, there was not even a hint of the cockiness or gloating that he'd expected to find.

In fact, seeing the red rings around her wrists where the cuffs had rubbed her raw and the way she was perched on the edge of the uncomfortable looking metal bunch, surrounded by institutional grey walls covered in old dried up gum and graffiti with only a metal toilet screwed to the wall for company, all of the angry words he'd planned on using fled his mind.

"Ready to go?" he asked instead as the barred door slid open and he stepped inside. Mya looked up at him, surprise registering on her face before, like a chalk board being wiped clean, her expression quickly changed to a blank slate.

"You paid my bail?" she asked quietly, her gaze slowly sweeping over him, obviously taking in the tuxedo, his gleaming shoes and deep crimson bow tie.

"Yours and all the other girls too," he replied, offering her a hand up which she glanced at but didn't take.

"I'll pay you back, somehow," she responded, biting down on her bottom lip before turning her attention back to the floor. Sidney resisted the urge to wrap his arms around her and tell her that everything was going to be okay. He didn't know if he could make that promise and he wasn't willing to let down his guard, not just yet. They had things to talk about before that could happen, serious things.

"I don't need you to pay me back. I just need you tell me why? I thought we were cool. I thought we were clear on what happened in that press conference. I thought you understood." She looked up at him, dark smudges beneath her eyes, her mouth set in a thin, impatient line.

"Who are you taking? To your fancy Christmas party? Is she waiting out in the car?" Sidney opened his mouth to ask her if she was serious, and then decided against it. If she knew about the party he couldn't exactly blame her for assuming some darker motive for his not telling her about it. A lie was a lie, even if it was one of omission.

"If by date you mean Mario and Natalie, then yeah," he replied, doing his best not to smile, not to belittle her obviously hurt feelings. "Even with a few bank accounts I could only take out so much cash out of the ATM, it being sort of the middle of the night and all, so I'll be paying them back for at least half of the bail for you and friends." He watched the flame of accusation flicker and die in her eyes, quickly replaced by the kind of look that a dog gets in its eyes when it doesn't know if it can trust you. "There isn't some other girl out there, but the only way you're going to know that is to put this on and come with me." He dragged the garment bag he'd brought with him from off of his shoulder and held it towards her. "We can talk in the car, I'll wait outside for you."

* * *

Reluctantly Mya made herself stand and take the garment bag from his hand, shivering as her hand brushed his. His hazel eyes searched hers', and then he turned and walked out into the corridor. She listened to the sound of his shoes on the concrete floor, the catcalls and wolf whistles that followed him and then the utter silence that followed.

Taking a deep, steadying breath, Mya turned to hang the garment bag from the bars and tugged the zipper down, revealing a slash of deep crimson velvet. Running her fingers over the soft fabric, she felt her heart skip a beat. Unless this was a Santa Claus costume, then he'd bought her a dress, which meant he'd planned on taking her, and that meant she'd been stupid for no reason at all. Tears sprang to her eyes and Mya angrily wiped them away with the back of her hand.

Putting aside the fear of facing him, and anyone else for that matter, she gently lifted the dress out of the bag and smoothed it down with the flat of her hand. Dark red velvet, floor length and strapless, classic holiday attire and the right size to boot she thought as she ran her hand over the structured bodice and down over the crystals that emphasized the empire waist, simple and classy.

Mya looked down at what remained of her outfit, now stained and torn from having been dragged and pushed and prodded and then sitting in the same bench that was sticky and stained by things she didn't even want to consider. She'd managed to wipe most of the paint off with the rough paper towels they'd given her to clean up with but she tried again, running her hands under the icy water that came from the tap, tossing aside her ruined costume and rubbing at her skin until it glowed red but clean.

Generally speaking she liked the look of a man in a well tailored suit. _Not Sid_, she thought, as she peered in the rusty mirror affixed to the concrete block wall above the tiny sink. He looked more like a kid playing dress up, with pant legs that were too wide and too long, a jacket that was too big everywhere, as if he'd taken his father's suit out of the closet and put it on. She liked him much better in jeans and a t-shirt, she decided as she took the dress gingerly off the hanger, careful not to let it touch the ground as she stepped into it.

It was a good thing she was flexible, she thought as fought to pull up the zipper, sucking in her stomach and holding her breath as she slowly pulled it up.

The dress fit like a second skin. It hugged her curves, holding the girls up firm and high, before falling softly around her hips before it opened up again in scandalously high slits on each side. The tops of her garters showed, unless she wanted to go without. She was mentally counting how many days it had been since she'd waxed s she went to stuff what remained of her police costume into the garment bag, only to find a shoe box sitting at the bottom of the bag.

Mya reached in and pulled out the box, placing it down on the bench as she ran her fingers over the slightly raised signature on the box. Christian Louboutin. Whatever was inside had probably cost more than the dress.

Taking off the lid, Mya let out a dreamy sigh. Chiffon Ambrosina pumps with at least four inch heels, the same deep scarlet of the dress. She ran her fingers over them and felt the weight in her stomach double. They would be tight. Italian shoes always were, but god they were worth it. Was she?

Mya unzipped her boots and carefully transferred her feet from one shoe to the other, doing her best not to touch the floor for more than a second and then stood and admired her feet for a moment before picking up her boots, zipping up the garment bag and heading down the hall. She wished there was time to do something about her hair, but with no tools, no curling iron, not even comb on her person, whatever she looked like now, would have to do.

She ignored the cat calls and suggestive comments. Her mind was already racing ahead as she tried to anticipate what Sidney was likely to say.

Would he break up with her, for good this time?

She wouldn't blame him if he did, although seemed more likely that if that had been his intention he would have left her and all of the other girls to cool their heels in the holding cell for the night. It's probably what she would have done had she been in his place.

This was beginning to be a bit of a pattern for them, her pushing him away, him chasing her. One of these days he wasn't going to even try.

* * *

"Are you sure this is wise?" Mario asked as he leaned against the door of the Escalade, watching his charge pace the sidewalk in front of the police station.

"Of course it's not, but he's in love. I think it's kind of sweet," Nathalie responded, wrapping her arm through her husband's and smiling approvingly at Sidney as he narrowed his eyes at the two of them. This was like having your parents along on a date that had gone terribly wrong.

Speaking of which...Sidney glanced at his watch. They'd have already missed dinner. If they didn't hurry now, they wouldn't get a chance to sit on Santa's knee and he really wanted to ask for another Cup and some peace and quiet in his life. He'd done it last year and it had worked, and when something worked you just had to keep doing it.

"A-hem." Sidney looked up to find a vision in red standing before him, her breasts thrust high and nearly spilling over the fitted top of the dress, her hair falling softly around her shoulders in loose dark waves and one of her shapely legs peeking out from the heavy fabric. His mouth went dry and he forgot to be angry.

"Fuck me," he breathed, or rather didn't breathe having forgotten to his gaze roamed over the way the soft fabric moved with her curves, reminding him, almost painfully, of what was beneath. She looked like a Christmas present, one of those ones that you get wrapped professionally, and his fingers twitched at his sides, wanting very much to unwrap this particular present. Her soft, full lips turned up at the corners and he could well imagine the sarcastic comment that danced at the tip of her tongue, but a quick glance towards his ride and she seemed to think better of it.

God, it was worse than having your parents along on a date. This was more like having your parents walk in on you 'In flagranti delicto'. The only saving grace to this particular situation was that it wasn't, in fact his parents. Troy would never have dipped into his pocket to help his son pay for this particular date. He would have left them all to sit in the lock up overnight. Hell, he probably would have created a scene outside the bank when Sidney was withdrawing the funds.

At least he wasn't here now. He'd have to face his father over this eventually, but until then....

"I'm sorry," she whispered, crossing the distance between them and brushing her lips lightly over his cheek, "for everything. It was a stupid, stupid mistake. I've probably completely fucked myself for that job and I embarrassed you...." Sidney smiled, and shook his head.

"Are you kidding me? They've been playing that clip like non-stop, advertising the fact that you start on Monday. You probably couldn't have given them a better marketing tool. As for me...," his voice trailed away as he reached up to brush her hair back from her cheek. Damn it! Why was it so hard to breathe when he looked at her?

"Stop talking and kiss her already!" Nathalie shouted from the passenger window and Sidney felt his cheeks get warm. It wasn't that he'd never been affectionate with a girl around them, but not like this, not with them watching like they were starring in one of those 'telenovelas'.

"Yeah, stop talking and kiss me," Mya repeated, grinning at him as he cradled her cheek in his hand. Sidney whet his lips as he reached to pull her closer, his hand sliding down the soft, warm fabric to the small of her back, his fingers brushing just a little lower....

"You're not wearing any panties," he hissed, feeling the heat rise below his collar, his bow tie seeming to choke off his air, and other things, lower things, began to fill with blood.

"With this dress, are you kidding?" she whispered against his lips. "There's _nothing_ on under this dress," she added her lips brushing against the shell of his ear.

"Fuck me," he breathed for the second time, only to hear her husky chuckle in his ear which sent a shudder straight down his spine to his cock which was now straining uncomfortably against the constraints of his tuxedo pants.

"Oh I plan to, later," she replied, her teeth nipping at his earlobe, "just not while your boss is watching hmmm?"

"You are going to pay for what you did tonight," he replied roughly, feeling the quick rise and fall of her breasts where they pressed against his chest, his eyes closed, trying to regain his composure before they climbed into the back seat of the SUV with Mario and Nathalie.

"Promises, promises," she giggled, her hand slipping beneath his jacket and down, grabbing a handful of his ass and giving it a good, hard squeeze.

"Get in the car Mya," he growled, pushing her in front of him, hard enough so that she nearly stumbled, but righted herself quickly as she made a show of rocking her hips back and forth, reminding him of what she was not wearing beneath the soft red fabric that hugged her ass, teasing him, making his blood run hot in his veins. He could hear her giggling as she climbed into the back of the truck and he knew that the only thing that was going to stop him from ravaging her in that back seat was the fact that Nathalie was sitting in the front. He was pretty sure Mario would understand.


	23. Chapter 23

_I don't think paper bags will do it. Have 911 on standby_

**Chapter 23**

"I didn't want to put you in this position," Sidney whispered as his hand wrapped around hers' as they walked into the hotel foyer. "I didn't want people to be whispering behind your back. I just thought, with that video...people will put two and two together and...."

"And get four, because it's true," Mya whispered back, keeping her chin high and her gaze straight ahead as the few well dressed guests milling around near the elevators turned to stare at the girl decorating Sidney Crosby's arm. "I _am_ the girl in the video. I _am_ the girl flashing her tits at the game. I'm that girl and either I am or I'm not your girlfriend, but you'd better decide before we get up to your little soiree. Because yeah, people are going to stare and point and talk, but if I'm your girlfriend, then I will smile and I will bite my tongue and I will put up with it. If not, then let me go home and sulk by myself."

"You're my girlfriend," Sidney replied firmly, giving her hand a squeeze as the doors slid open. "I'm going to hate this, but if you can do this, then...I can too."

"You forget," Mya whispered back, tilting her head so that her lips were nearly touching his ear, "I get naked in front of a crowd for a living. This...this won't be anything for me."

"You obviously don't know hockey people," Sidney replied, a smirk tugging at the corners of his full lips.

"Oh, I don't know. After all, I've been naked in front of the best," she whispered back, her tongue darting out to flick inside of his ear. She felt Sidney shiver.

"Keep that up and we'll be going back downstairs, getting a room and forgetting all about the party," Sidney growled, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath, thinking about the smell of Jordy's shoulder pads, all the junk food wrappers in the back seat of Max's car, the frunk of TK's skates...anything but the soft, smooth feel of Mya's skin, her sugar sweet lips, and the taste of her....

"You two keep this up and you Santa will definitely have to add you to the naughty list," Nathalie chimed from behind them, and both she and Mya dissolved into a fit of giggles just as the elevator doors slid open right in front of the doors to the ballroom.

"They made it!" Max yelled as he stormed towards them, a Santa hat pulled low over his forehead, an overstuffed red velvet bag under one arm. "I've been saving your present mon capitain."

"Let us get in the door Maximus," Sidney sighed, giving Mya's hand a reassuring squeeze. "Ready?" he asked, looking over at her. Mya gave him what she hoped was her best, on stage, happy smile. Shrugging, Sidney stuck his chin out and got that determined, don't mess with me look, that he often wore facing an opponent across the face off dot. Then he squared his shoulders and lead the way into the noisy, festive party.

* * *

They did talk, _and _point, _and _whispered behind her back, but Mya, as good as her promise, did her very best to ignore it. Once or twice she felt Sidney stiffen, bristling at some whispered comment but a firm squeeze from her hand and he would take a deep breath and ignore it.

But now, now he'd been swept away by Mario to meet someone or other and Mya had been left, standing near the punch bowl, alone.

She felt like a gazelle surrounded by tigers – or maybe it was the other way around. She watched the other wives and girlfriends making wide circles around her, as if they were maybe afraid of catching something, or maybe afraid of being bitten, Mya mused as she sipped at the punch that tasted more strongly of Rum than it did of fruit.

"He's crazy about you. You know that don't you?" Mya didn't have to even look to know that it was the crazy Frenchman that was the one standing beside her. Sid had warned her about him. Not that she needed a warning. After all, she'd met Max long before she'd ever laid eyes on Sidney.

"Jealous?" Mya asked, hiding a grin behind the cup she was holding.

"Hugely, insanely jealous," Max replied, leaning in so that his breath, warm and laced with the smooth taste of expensive Brandy, tickled across her bare shoulders. "I ask myself, what has that Irish gypsy got, that I don't?" Mya's grin grew as she tried to stop herself from laughing. Sidney was watching them from across the room, distracted from the conversation she guessed he ought to be engrossed in. She watched his mouth twist in an angry, frustrated line when Max raised his glass in salute as he slid his other arm around her waist.

"Well, for a start, he doesn't have a habit of going to the rippers," Mya replied coyly, peeling Max's arm from around her waist and stepping just out of his reach. "And for another, he doesn't seem much interested in anyone else, unlike someone I could mention."

"What can I say? There's enough of me to go around, and I like to share," Max grinned at her, holding his arms out as if to plead for innocence, something he was far from as far as Mya was concerned.

"Max...," she sighed, shaking her head as he grinned back at her, unrepentant.

"Okay, mon dieu! Just tell me one thing." His shit eating, superstar grin disappeared, replaced by a look that was far more serious than Mya ever remembered seeing on the stocky Frenchman's face. "Do you love him? Or is it like it was with Tanger? Because he says you haven't told him so and...."

"And do you think I would tell you first before I tell him?" It was Mya's turn to grin, assuming Max was going to break out in his caricature Cheshire Cat grin at any moment.

"Well I think it's very serious, or neither of you would be here, but I think that if you loved him...."

"Is he bothering you?" Mya turned to find Tish, wrapped in a red and gold silk jacket holding one of the twins in her arms with her tall blonde husband close on her heels. "I haven't tried it yet but I have this idea in my head that if you sprinkle salt on him, he'll shrivel up and go away."

"Ouch. Such nastiness! And at the Holidays too, I'm wounded," Max complained loudly, to which all of them laughed.

"As for you," Tish offered her free arm and Mya slid into it, hugging the new mother as close as she could. "I have to say, that move tonight, crazy, but brave."

"And stupid. Don't forget stupid," Mya added, looking down into the bundle Tish held in her arms. The softly pink, red fuzz topped bundle that was sleeping soundly, despite the music and the general din of a couple of hundred people all talking at once.

"Are you kidding? Right now you're more famous than Sid and Roethlisberger put together," Tish pointed out, steering both Mya and her husband towards Santa. "Congrats on the new job by the way. You must be looking forward to it."

"Well I was, before tonight. Now...now I'm just going to be the booby girl and no one is ever going to take me seriously." Mya sighed, and narrowed her eyes at Jordan when he snorted.

"What? She said booby. That's funny," Jordan complained to his wife who only shook her head at him, obviously disappointed.

"Can you believe he's a dad?" Tish asked.

"Can you believe you married him?" Mya countered to which Tish could only nod and shrug. "How's the head by the way?"

"He'll live, if I don't cleave his skull with the baby monitor the next time he refuses to get up for at least one of the feeds," Tish replied for her husband, as if he didn't have an opinion on the state of his own health.

"Ouch," Mya shuddered at the thought and absentmindedly reached up to touch the top of her own head and, just for a brief moment, wondered where her police hat had ended up.

"Have you had your picture taken with Santa yet?" Jordan asked as they reached the dais and got in line behind TK and his posse. Mya shook her head and glanced over her shoulder to where Sidney still seemed to be ensconced amongst a number of older men. He didn't seem to actually be taking part in the conversation and she wondered if it was her duty, as a good girlfriend, to go over and drag him away.

"Mon ami, you do know Monsieur Claus is not real, oui?" Max asked, still sticking very close to Mya's side, despite the fact that she was ignoring him, or doing her best to ignore him, despite the fact that he was practically velcro'd to her side it seemed. Jordan narrowed his eyes at his shorter friend and made a face but Max only laughed, not even bothering to move out of range of the taller forward's formidable reach. "You, on the other hand, in that beautiful gown," Max continued, pitching his voice low, so that only she could hear. "You look like you could be Santa's hot mistress. Hot...dirty mistress." Mya felt his lips on her bare shoulder and practically jumped out of her skin, turning and laying the flat of her hand across his face before she'd even had time to fully deliberate on the ramifications of slapping a Pittsburgh Penguin in public, and the hero of game seven at that.

Horrified, Mya hand flew up to her mouth to stifle a list of highly descriptive curse words. But before she could turn, hike her dress up and run out of the ballroom, which had been the very next thought that came to her, she felt a pair of strong arms pulling her back against the width of an equally strong chest and nearly fainted against him in relief.

* * *

"You never know when to stop, do you Maxim?" Sidney did his best to make his voice sound light, non-threatening, but the look in his eyes, he knew by Max's reaction, was murderous.

"You know me, le clown de classe à vôtre service." Max smiled and made a show of a low courtly bow, but the look in his own eyes was far from apologetic. This wasn't the first time, Sidney thought as he tightened his grip around Mya's waist, almost without thinking of how much that was a declaration of territory. As much a way of saying 'mine' and 'not yours' as it was a protective gesture. Max's eyes flicked from Sidney's to Mya's and his grin grew, but it was the grin of the sly fox near the chicken coup. Thwarted this time by the guard dog, but knowing there would be other times, other opportunities. That grin made Sidney's blood boil.

"You have a very good right hand, mademoiselle. Je peux penser a d'autres utilisations pour lui, mais, peut-être une autre heure." With that, Max bowed low over his hand and then turned on his heel and, whistling as if nothing untoward had happened, headed towards the dance floor. To look for more trouble, no doubt, Sidney thought darkly as he loosened his grip on Mya's and let out his breath in a long whistle of his own.

"You two...I don't get it. One minute best buds the next...." Sidney shot Jordan a look that shut the tall blonde up immediately and he was glad when Tish urged her husband towards Santa's knee.

"I'm sorry about that. That you had to...that Max...." Mya turned in the circle of his arms and laid her head affectionately on his shoulder, despite the fact that the heels Nathalie had helped pick out made her as tall as him.

"It's kind of nice to be fought over actually," she chuckled and the reverberation against his neck sent a shudder down Sidney's spine. "It does a girl's ego good." Sidney rubbed her back in a comforting sort of way, realizing that she was giving him the opportunity to be the comforting, protective boyfriend, that it was obvious from the large red welt on the side of Max's face that she didn't really need protecting. That too made Sidney's blood pressure rise.

He looked over her shoulder at Jordan and the babies getting their picture with Santa and realized that he hadn't gotten his time on the Jolly Old Elf's knee, but the pounding of the blood in his veins was something he was no longer willing to ignore.

"Come, now." He managed, just about, to speak as he unwound her body from his and wrapped his hand around hers' instead. Mya's eyes got wide, but she didn't question him, just stumbled after him as he dragged her through the crowd, out the doors and down the hall.

He tried to think of the fastest way to get to a secluded spot where he could administer his own brand of justice but everywhere he looked, there seemed to be people, down the hall, towards the bathrooms, even coming out of the elevator.

Jesus Christ, it was almost two in the fucking morning. Didn't these people have homes to go to?

The car!

Sidney felt in his pocket for the keys that Mario had handed him about an hour ago after partaking in about his fifth glass of wine. He and Nat could take a taxi home, he reasoned, dragging Mya down the emergency stairs. He didn't have the patience to wait for an elevator.

He could hear her heels clicking on the marble floors behind him as they practically ran through the lobby and he could see people staring, wondering why he was dragging her behind him like a dog on a leash, but he couldn't care. All he could think about, the only thought in his head now was having her, taking her, being inside of her. Even if she didn't want it, he knew he'd do it anyway. He had to. It was the driving force in his head now, to make her pay for what she'd done, how she'd humiliated him at the game and how he'd had to pander to the cops who'd loved every minute of making him beg for her.

Now it was her turn to beg, he decided as he pushed her ahead of him towards the car, unlocking it from the key fob. He watched her climb inside, her plump round ass wrapped in that red velvet making his cock stand to at attention.

"On your knees," he growled, glancing around the dark, damp, parking lot. There was no one around, but still.... He pulled the door closed behind him and ducked his head as he yanked his cock free. This tux was going to be a write off.

He kneeled on the plush leather seat behind her, dragging her dress up over her ass and baring her lily white skin to his greedy eyes. No panties. The thought of her pussy, bare and inviting, had been driving him crazy all evening. Now it was convenient, almost too convenient. He almost missed the sight of lacy under things. But still....

His breath escaped in a ragged gasp as he shoved his way inside of her. He heard her whimper and it made him smile. She was going to do more than whimper if he had his way.

Leaning over her back, he grabbed a handful of her hair and pulled, thrusting inside of her again as he did so and she moaned like a whore.

"Do you like that?" he asked, his voice hoarse, breathy, as he leaned into her, reaching around with his other hand to slide his hand inside the top of her dress, grabbing a handful of tit, pinching her nipple, _hard_. "Do you like my dick inside you?"

"Yessss," she sighed, pushing back against him, trying to take him deeper. He laughed and withdrew, dragging her head back by her hair so that he could kiss her. He licked her lips, bit them, felt her pushing back against him, her pussy hunting his cock.

"Do you want it? Do you want me to fuck you with my dick?" he asked, massaging her breast with ungentle hands.

"Please," she begged, her ass pushing against him so that his cock slid against her hot, wet folds. The head of his dick slid over her clit and she groaned, pushing against him urgently. "Please Sidney. Please," she begged, pushing down and back, rubbing herself over him, making his dick slick with her juices.

"I don't know," he whispered, biting on her earlobe, her shoulder. "After what you've done tonight, you've been such a bad girl." She whimpered again, pressing down on him and reaching back, her nails scratching at his thighs as she tried to pull him into her.

"Then show me who's boss. Fuck me. Fuck me like the whore I am," she begged, almost sobbing now as he teased her clit with the head of his cock, rubbing against it, over it, and then pulling back.

"My whore," he corrected her, dragging her head back so that she was forced to look at him. "No more, do you hear me? No one else ever gets to see you like this but me. Say it!" She might be whimpering, might be begging her thought, but the dark fire in her eyes as she looked at him was far from acquiescent.

"I'm yours," she promised, her gaze holding his for a long moment so he could see the truth there before she allowed her gaze to slide down, lingering on where their bodies where nearly joined before her gaze once again locked on his. "I love you and I don't want to lose you," she added, her gaze softening for a moment. "I don't want to fuck up and lose you so if that means I have to be your bitch Sidney, then yeah, I'm yours."

His heart stopped beating for long enough that he had to cough to breathe, and then he let go of her all at once and backed up until he was sitting as far away from her as he could. He was staring straight ahead, but he could hear the leather creak as she moved to sit beside him. He felt her hand on his cheek, and let her turn his face to look at her.

"You love me?" he asked before she could say any more.

"Yes, dummy," she smiled, touching her lips to his briefly, the truth of it shining in her cats' eyes. "I love you. I can't think of anything but you, waking, sleeping, eating...all I do is think about you and...I keep hoping you still feel that way about me." He nodded, feeling this enormous lump in his throat as he tried to swallow. She smiled, a sort of cat who got the cream sort of smile, and then she kissed him, hungrily, forcefully.

* * *

He was surprised, which meant Max had been right. He'd needed to hear her say it. Under all that tough little boy stuff was an insecure young man who needed to hear her say that she loved him.

It made her feel tender towards him, maternal, protective.

It made her hot as hell to see him bite his lip and look over at her with tears in his eyes.

"You love me?" he asked, in an almost whisper, as if it were hard for him to say.

"Yes, dummy," she replied, letting him see just how much as she gazed into his gold flecked orbs. "I love you. I can't think of anything but you, waking, sleeping, eating...all I do is think about you and...I keep hoping you still feel that way about me." He nodded and she felt triumphant.

It had been a stupid day. Maybe one of the worst days of her life, but this made up for it. Seeing him looking back at her, young and vulnerable, with his dick sticking out of his pants, saluting her...well maybe technically the day was already over but she intended to make this day end well anyway.

Hiking her dress up to her hips, Mya kissed him, softly, hungrily, as she straddled his hips and lowered herself over him. She had to tilt her head or hit it on the roof of the car, but with his lips locked on hers' she was far from caring if she had a sore neck later.

She moaned into his mouth as he thrust up inside of her. By now she was so wet that she had to hold onto his shoulders or risk sliding off, so she dug her fingers into the shoulder pads of his jacket and pressed her forehead against his, holding his gaze as she moved over him.

"I'm sorry," she whispered again as his eyes closed and he uttered a low groan.

"It's over," he whispered, back, offering his soft lips up to hers' and she kissed him, softly, gently. "I've already forgiven you," he said softly, his lips still brushing hers, his hazel eyes now open, searching her face. "I love you. I think I have since that day in the bookstore. I just had all that other shit going on...."

"Shhhh," she kissed him again, silencing him as his hands cupped her ass, slowing her movements until they were barely moving at all. Until they were just being, as one, joined together, their hearts beating in unison.

"No, I need to say it," Sidney began earnestly. "I think...I've decided that maybe Randi...maybe it was like a dry run, a practice. Maybe it was just to let me know I could do this, be in a relationship, love someone unconditionally. Maybe it was to let me know what it felt like to lose someone so that I'd know how much I don't want to lose you."

Tears sprang from her eyes and Mya felt a sob bubbling up in her throat. She couldn't remember anyone, not even her parents, ever saying anything so amazingly sweet in her entire life. She felt his hand slide up her side, up her arm, onto her cheek. His hand cupped her face and then he kissed her, so softly that his lips barely brushed hers' but she couldn't think of a single kiss that meant more than this one.

"I love you," she sniffed, wrapping her arms around his neck and pressing her cheek to his. "I don't deserve you. I'm such a fucking pain in the ass and you could have anyone and I don't know why you'd even bother with someone like me and...." Sidney's thick fingers dug into her shoulders and he pushed her back, holding her so that she had to look down at him.

"I love you...and sure you can be a pain," he said, smiling up at her. "But I do love you Mya. So much it fucking hurts. Do you have any idea what it's like to look at someone and not be able to breathe? To know that that person could rip your heart out and you wouldn't even care? That's the way I feel about you. So I don't want to hear about why I wouldn't love you. I do okay? I just fucking do."

He kissed her fiercely then, his tongue demanding and forceful as it twined with hers and he pushed himself up into her so hard that she lost her breath and everything else just disappeared.


	24. Chapter 24

**Chapter 24**

Sidney emerged from beneath the sheets and between her thighs to find Mya with her eyes screwed shut, still shuddering in the aftermath of yet another orgasm. Feeling pleased with himself, he joined her amongst the pillows, pulling her close.

"I only got to M," he protested, chuckling.

"You were humming, that isn't fair," she complained, laying her head against his shoulder. "That's _cheating_."

"I was spelling out loud," he responded, dropping a kiss to the top of her head before laying back and tugging the covers up around them. The room had grown chilly with the oncoming dawn.

"I'm not complaining," she sighed, her hand splayed over his heart, her breath warm against his neck. "I don't think I've ever felt this...relaxed in my life," she added, giving one of his nipples a quick tweak before settling in beside him, her warm body pressed against his. Sidney ran his fingers through her thick dark hair as he let his eyes fall closed. Relaxed, yes, he certainly felt that, and then some. Sated, satisfied, whole.... "I'm sorry you never got to sit on Santa's knee," she mumbled, her toes finding his under the sheets as her body moulded to his. "What were you going to ask for? Another Cup?"

"That," he agreed with a smile, "amongst other things."

"Other things like what?" she prodded, digging her nails into his chest, causing him to wince.

"What are you looking for? A Christmas list? Haven't you done your shopping yet?" he teased, sliding his hand down her back and giving her round ass a gentle tap.

"Ow! And yes, I _have_ done my shopping. Your present is back at my apartment. You can have it when you drop me off," she shot back, yawning and then settling deeper into the blankets, even as her fingers sought his, lacing themselves into his and pulling his hand up so that she could press her soft lips to his scarred knuckles.

"Drop you off? Are you planning on having Christmas without me?" he asked, trying to keep his tone light and teasing even as his eyes opened so that he could look down at her, surprised and concerned.

"I just thought...," she pushed herself up to her elbows and blinked at him. Sleep was obviously tugging at her, but she yawned and stretched and then faced him with a serious look. "I thought you'd be with Nat and Mario and your parents and sister and...."

"And you. Don't forget you," he insisted, reaching out to brush away the hair that had stuck to her face where the sweat from their night of cementing their love was now cooling. She looked back at him, bashful, colour rising from her neck to fill her cheeks with a rosy glow.

"I just assumed...I mean I naturally thought it would be too soon for that kind of thing," she mumbled, finding some loose thread at the edge of the sheets to pick at, refusing to meet his puzzled gaze.

"But I love you so...you have to spend it with me," Sidney said, thinking it made obvious sense to him. Sure Troy was going to hate it, but that didn't matter. Not after last night.

"And you don't think your parents might be a little concerned about...me? I mean, Nathalie was so nice and everything tonight but...with all her girls....Do you really think they're going to want me in their house? Dating me is one thing Sidney but Christmas...I don't think they're going to be too thrilled to have a stripper for dinner." Sidney stared at her, shaking his head.

"But you're not that anymore. You're a sports reporter, and you're my girlfriend...and...and I love you so...." Mya smiled brightly and leaned forward to press her lips softly against his.

* * *

"But I _am _that," Mya responded quietly, loving the way he immediately looked as if he wanted to jump to her defence. It was sweet, and a little more than just naive, but she loved it just the same. "That's what people are going to think about me for a while. Especially after the stupid shit I did last night. That is what they'll think and it will be a while before the booby girl on the Sports network isn't just the stripper talking to a football player. So...I think we should give it some time to blow over before you take this...us public, okay babe?" Sidney shook his head immediately, but Mya just grinned back at him and wrapped her arms around his chest and snuggled into the spot she liked best, resting her head just beneath his chin. "It's okay. I can handle being booby girl for a while."

"But you're not _just _that. You're not one of those...dumb bimbo bitches who can't do anything but flash their boobs," he insisted and Mya couldn't help but smile as she closed her eyes and held onto him, feeling his big, muscular arms wrapping around her in turn.

"And, after some time has passed and they realize I have an opinion that actually counts and that I have a brain in my head and I give a few in depth reports and people start to see me a little differently, then, hopefully next Christmas, if you're not tired of me...." She felt Sidney's fingers digging into her shoulders and looked up into his hazel eyes to find him staring down at her, furious.

"I'm not like that...if I love you now I'll...," Mya reached up to kiss the stubble on his chin, the corner of his mouth, and tried to kiss his lips although he pulled back so that she couldn't.

"Okay, okay, I believe you. But things happen and I'm just trying to be realistic here," she insisted, meeting his angry, determined gaze unblinking. He was so hot when he was mad and resolute like this.

"I don't say it to just anyone," he hissed, staring back at her, daring her to take it back.

"And I've never said it to anyone but that doesn't mean some pretty young pop star, model...." Mya's voice trailed away as Sidney turned his face from hers', as if he couldn't or wouldn't look at her if she was going to talk about things like this.

"I. ," he repeated, enunciating each word separately and carefully before turning his attention back to her. "I don't want anyone else...ever."

"Oh Sidney don't," Mya sighed, reaching for him, only to have him brush off her hands. "It's very sweet and I believe that you mean it and...." Mya watched him as he slid out of the bed and paced across the room. She had to remind herself that he was angry. It was too easy not to just stare at his thickly muscled legs, his tremendously round derriere and the wide expanse of his back that, even in the early half light of a wintery dawn, she could see the angry criss-crossed welts her nails had left behind.

He came back with a gift bag, small, about the size of a lunch bag, tied with a chiffon bow and filled with colourful paper. Mya opened her mouth to object that it was only Christmas Eve and not Christmas day, but the thunderous look on his face made her hold her tongue.

"Go on," he said, dropping it onto the bed in front of her. "Open it, and then tell me I don't mean every god damned fucking word I say."

Mya's hands shook as she reached for the bag, the tremors racing up her arms to involve her entire body once she began to pull on the bow that tied the handles together. She looked up at him, and he only stared down at the bag, refusing to meet her gaze.

* * *

Her hands trembled as she undid the bow and laid the glittering fabric aside, and then she looked up at him again, as if she needed his approval to continue, but he didn't trust himself to speak so he only stuck his chin towards the gift and waited. He too was trembling, but with anger and that was not entirely aimed at her.

She was right, of course. He could already hear his old man in his head, snarling about having Taylor corrupted by his whore of a girlfriend. It was definitely something his old man would say. What Mario would say...now that was anyone's guess. He neither seemed to approve nor did he outright disapprove. Or at the very least he was keeping his opinion to himself for the moment, but around his daughters? Mya could very well be right about that, but that didn't mean that he had to like it.

"Sidney...." She turned those emerald green cats' eyes to him, wide and searching, her mouth agape. He looked down at the blue box in her hand and didn't feel the excitement and rush of emotion he'd thought he would when she opened it. Of course he'd planned for her to open it when they were alone, after everyone else had gone to bed and they would both be full of Christmas turkey.

"Don't look at me like that," he mumbled, reaching for the black onyx and canary diamond heart ring. "It's a promise ring. If it was...if it was for _that_ then it would be bigger. You do know what two months of my salary would buy?" He tried to smile but the line didn't seem as funny now as it did when he'd come up with it.

"It's beautiful and...and too much. Especially after everything last night and...," Sidney took the ring out of the box and, grabbing her wrist a little too tightly and slid it onto her ring finger.

"I keep telling you that all that shit...it doesn't matter. What matters is that you start to understand that you fucking mean something to me and that no matter what crazy shit you come up with to try and scare me away, I'm not fucking going anywhere. Do you hear me Mya? I fucking love you and I'm not going anywhere. No matter how hard you try to make me."

She looked up at him with tears in her emerald green eyes and he knew in that moment that if he could take it all back if he could. The last thing he wanted to do was make her cry.

And then she threw her arms around his neck and climbed into his lap and he found himself laughing, as much in relief as because of her reaction, and pushing her back into the pillows. With his body pinning hers, her arms still wrapped around his neck, he looked into her face and felt his heart swell in his chest.

"You're so fucking beautiful," he sighed, brushing her hair from her forehead before planting a kiss on the tip of her nose. But he couldn't stop there. He kissed her, softly at first. Gentle butterfly kisses, lips brushing, meeting and then retreating and meeting again. Then he kissed her as if her lips were water and he was dying in the desert. He drank from her mouth and still wanted more.

Her body opened to his and he heard her sharp intake of breath when he entered her. He should be gentle. She'd already warned him that she was..._tender_ after he'd claimed her as his, over and over again until both of them were bathed in sweat and fell into an exhausted slumber, only to wake again in the early hours to fumble and roll around, giggling like school kids finding new and more exciting ways to come together.

Now he only wanted to be deep inside of her, part of her, _with_ her.

He pressed his lips over the strong steady pulse in her neck, breathing in the heady scent of her perfume mixed with aroma of sweat and sex. This woman...this woman did things to him, made him do things....

Lifting her leg, his arm under the back of her knee, Sidney changed the angle of his stroke, making it long and shallow as he dug his teeth into her shoulder. He heard her moan, felt her arch off of the bed, pushing up against him. He found that spot that made her shiver, that made her sigh as he slid over it. His lips found hers' and he kissed her, tasted her lips and wrapped his tongue around hers'.

Hockey be damned, making love to this woman was better than scoring a goal in overtime. Maybe not better than winning the Cup but...damn close. Her green eyes opened and it was like watching the sun rise. They glowed as she smiled up at him and Sidney felt his heart stop in his chest.

"I love you," he whispered and saw her smile widen.

"You'd better," she replied, reaching up to touch her fingers to his cheek. He turned his head so that he could kiss each and every one of her fingertips. He'd never cried before, not in bed, not like this, but he felt a tear roll down his cheek as she wrapped her arms around him and her lips whispered words in his ear that made him feel safe, made him feel wanted, made him feel loved.

* * *

"Do you think there's any place open we can order delivery from?" Mya called as Sidney leaned closer to the mirror, shaving away the last of the shaving cream. Not that there was really much growth after one day but had been enough to make her squirm the last time he'd kissed her and that had sealed it. He'd shave before they went out to for drinks with the rest of the gang.

"Are you too hungry to wait until we get to the bar?" he asked, reaching for a towel and then thinking better of it turned toward the shower.

"I've kind of worked up an appetite," she whispered, nipping at his ear and grabbing him and digging her nails into his ribs. "I could eat like...maybe three Big Macs." Sidney made a face as he stepped into the shower.

"How could you eat those things?" he asked honestly. Just thinking about those horrible things made his stomach turn.

"Don't you ever crave anything bad like that when you're starving?" she asked, wrapping her arms around his waist and laying her cheek against his back. Sidney closed his eyes and turned his face up into the spray. He did, sometimes. It was just usually something like cheesecake.

"I crave you, I know that," he replied, laying his arms over hers' and grinning to himself. How many times had they made love now? Ten times? More? They'd hardly slept and he didn't even feel tired.

"Mmm, I guess I could eat you up," she giggled, biting down on the soft skin at his waist, his love handles she'd called them when he'd made a face earlier when she'd grabbed a hold of them. She'd said that she liked that he wasn't all hard. He'd reminded her, in no uncertain terms, that she liked it very much when he was...hard that is.

He felt her now, kissing and biting her way up to his shoulders and felt his cock stir. Again? God, this woman did things to him that were...had to be illegal.

"Keep that up My and we won't make it to the bar," he chided her, turning to wrap her up in his arms, covering her mouth with his in a hungry kiss. God yes! He could happily devour her.

"You hardly drink anyway," she reminded him as he kissed his way down her neck to the pale round of her shoulder. "And then I won't see you for...days," she added, her bottom lip promptly sticking out in a cute, childlike pout.

"A _few_ days, and I thought you told me earlier that you were going to need that time to recover," he grinned down at her and it only took a moment for her to lose the pout and smile back at him.

"Well...I might need one more reminder," she giggled as she slid her hand down over his slick stomach and wrapped her fingers around his cock. He groaned, screwing his eyes tightly closed as she stroked her hand along the length of his dick. He fisted his hand in her hair and a shudder ran down his spine as he felt her lips close around one of his nipples. Oh Christ! Did he have no control when it came to her?

He reached out to steady himself and pressed his hand flat against the glass and his eyes popped open. He looked over to where his hand was pressed, his fingers splayed, and found, to his relief, that he had not erased the tiny heart. He could see it, just at the edge of his fingertips and his breath caught in his throat.

* * *

Mya felt him stiffen, his fingers in her hair going slack and then gripping her shoulder, hard. She turned her eyes up to his face and saw him turned away, staring at a crude heart that had appeared on the glass with the steam.

His initials were drawn in the heart, and it didn't take much of a leap of imagination for her to realize who had put the heart there.

"Randi," she breathed, the name escaping her lips before she could take it back. Biting down on her bottom lip, Mya cursed under her breath.

"No...it's okay," Sidney said, relaxing his grip on her shoulder and turning to search her gaze. "I don't think about her that often anymore." He made a face, like he felt a little strange thinking that way and then inched his hand towards the heart, as if he to wipe it away.

"Don't." Mya reached out and grabbed his wrist, stopping him from doing something she assumed that he would regret.

"It's okay," he repeated, his other and sliding up to the cup the back of her head as he leaned down to touch his lips to hers'. "It was only like...a security blanket and I don't need that anymore. I have you."

Mya felt her heart leap in her chest and kissed him back, pressing her lips up against his before turning to watch him wipe away the little heart, erasing it with his hand, until the glass was clear but for the drops of water running down it.

They both stared at it for a long moment and then Sidney turned back to her and wrapped his strong arms around her and held her close. Mya pressed her cheek to his chest and listened to the strong, steady beat of his heart and thought she'd never felt more safe, or loved, in her entire life.


	25. Chapter 25

**Chapter 25**

"Could you two stop it? You're seriously putting me off my food," Max complained loudly as Mya nuzzled at Sidney's neck. She was sitting on his lap, having found that sitting on the stool next to him was just not nearly close enough in the loved up mood she was in.

"I find it hard to believe that anything can put you off your feedbag Superstar," Jordy laughed, slapping Max on the back and stealing a wing off of his plate as he passed. Blush may have been closed to the public, but the management had made an exception tonight for the man who had freed their employees and so the Pens were taking advantage, including the married men, some of whom had their wives with them. Not Jordan though.

"I can't believe Tish let you out," Mya laughed, slapping the tall forward's hand away from the bowl of pita chips that she and Sidney were sharing. Pita chips, slightly healthier than regular chips and the only thing on the menu that he would eat besides the Caesar Salad and even _that_ had to come without the croutons.

"He probably escaped out the window and shimmied off the roof," Max replied, pointing one of the wing bones accusingly at his friend. "She'll probably show up here screaming like a banshee and then we'll _all_ be in trouble."

"Wow, so bitter Max. I thought he was supposed to be the funny guy on the team," Mya noted, shaking her head at the stocky forward even as she tried not to laugh at him. She was doing her best to forgive and forget his actions of the night before as it seemed that Sid had either entirely forgotten, or had that gift to just get over shit like that. That was something that seemed to come with having a penis Mya had noticed.

"Mr. Grumpy needs to get laid," Sidney noted bluntly, shooting Max a look that told Mya clearly that he had not, in fact, forgotten a thing.

"C'mon! You're telling me Superstar has trouble with the ladies?" Mya teased, which earned her a dark look from Max.

"A guy has other needs aside from getting his rocks off," Max mumbled, causing everyone within hearing distance to fall silent. "What?" Max grumbled, mid chew, looking around at all the gobsmacked faces staring back at him. "You think I don't look at you and Mya and Jordy and T and wonder what I might be missing out on?"

"Honestly? No," Sidney replied glancing at Mya who was still staring at Max, jaw slack.

"I thought you loved being a man whore. I thought you were _proud_ of it. I _thought_ that you hated that all the boys were pairing up on you," Mya shot back at him to which Max only rolled his eyes.

"And a guy can't change his mind?" Max mumbled, half under his breath, grabbing another chicken wing and biting viscously into it. "What?" he growled, his lips smothered in buffalo sauce as he returned he look of stunned disbelief with a look of his own that clearly said he'd discussed this topic about as much as he was willing to for the moment.

"Well if you're serious," Mya began, giving Sidney's hand a gentle squeeze before slipping off of his lap and heading towards Max before turning and heading to the dj booth. "Marti, you back there girl? Get your pasties on and come out here." The sexy and curvaceous Latina emerged from behind the beaded curtain wearing not much more than a red bikini and a smile. Max, who had taken up his usual seat at the very end of the catwalk looked up from his plate of wings and nearly choked. "Yeah, didn't think you'd seen Marti yet," Mya mumbled to herself as she hit play on the cd she'd just put into the disc drive.

She didn't head back to the comfort of Sidney's arms though. Instead, she headed behind the stage where she found Hannah putting the finishing touches on Tish, who was poured into a slim fitting black latex dress and matching thigh high boots.

"Holy shit mama. I am _so_ hating you for losing the baby weight that fast," Mya gushed as she carefully hugged Jordy's wife.

"Well it's not all gone but this sort of sucks it in and damn, I look fine," Tish grinned at her reflection in the mirror, cupping her breasts in her hands. "And I may as well enjoy these while they last too."

"Jordan is going to shit his pants," Mya agreed as she shimmied out of her jeans in favour of a bright, neon green latex elf outfit, complete with matching pointed hat and striped knee socks.

"The things we do for our men huh?" Tish asked as she carefully applied a set of fake eyelashes, leaning towards the mirror, which nearly resulted in her considerable cleavage coming loose from her dress.

"Well, they do some pretty great things themselves," Mya smiled to herself, thinking of the way Sidney had erased that heart from the shower door.

"Ah, that must mean he's given you your prezzie," Tish said in a way that said she knew exactly what that present would be.

"Oh, you mean this?" she replied, flashing her ring nonchalantly in Hannah's direction, who promptly let out a whoop like a kid on Christmas morning on finding a puppy under the tree.

"That better not be _all_ he's given you," Tish responded, arching her eyebrow in the mirror as she glanced at Mya's reflection.

"No?" Mya asked, feeling her heart flutter like a caged bird in her chest.

"No," Tish replied with an eloquent smile.

* * *

"Look at him. It's like he's never seen a pair of tits before," Jordy chuckled as he slid onto the bar stool next to Sid, who was also watching Max with a certain amount of amusement.

"You have to admit, she is pretty damn hot," Sid replied, finding something fascinating in the bowl of chips in front of him when Max shot him an evil glance.

"This, from the guy that just bailed his woman out of jail? I'm shocked. I didn't think you even noticed other women now," Jordan teased, elbowing his friend in the ribs. Sid shrugged, taking a sip of his coke and whiskey.

"I'm off the market. Not blind," Sid replied coolly, much to Jordan's amusement. "Oh, like you'd dare even look at another woman with Tish around? Where is the mouth that roars by the way? I can't believe she'd miss this," Sidney asked, stirring the ice in his drink thoughtfully. He was beginning to wonder where Mya had disappeared to. They only had a few more hours before he had to meet his parents at Mario's and he still had things to say, not to mention a trunk full of presents to give her yet.

"I think she's afraid to leave the twins with her parents. She thinks her mother will sell them on the black market or something," Jordan replied with a grin.

"How's that going, the Asian in laws?" Sidney asked, wondering why it was that Mya never mentioned her family. Why she wasn't disappearing somewhere to be with them. He made a mental note to ask her.

"Tish made it pretty clear if they started talking in Cantonese around me that she'd kick them out of the house," Jordan nodded to himself, looking pretty proud of his wife. "They've been pretty good so far and you should see the shit they got for the twins. Holy fuck! It makes the prezzies that my parents brought look like shit you'd buy at Walmart or something."

"And what is wrong with Walmart, exactly?" Fleur asked, grinning at the two of them as he tossed a card in front of each. "And here I am, with K-Mart gift certificates."

"You're not," Jordan's mouth turned down in a disappointed frown and both Sid and Fleur just about pissed themselves laughing.

"Mon dieu. As if. Do you think Vero would allow such a thing to occur?" he asked, shaking his head and reaching up to muss the blonde forward's hair. "Moda, of course. Vero practically owns everything from that store."

"_Sweet_," Jordan grinned, offering his arms to the diminutive goal tender, who only narrowed his eyes and pursed his lips as he shook his head. Sidney gripped his ribs sure that he was about to pull something when Max let go a long high pitched whistle, before jumping out of his seat and giving the dancer, who was now walking away from them all, a standing ovation, which reminded Sid that Mya was still missing.

"Does anyone know where Mya went?" he asked, glancing around, specifically at the table where Tanger was sitting on his own, nursing a beer. One of these days he hoped the defenseman would forgive him, but it didn't look like that would be happening tonight.

"Up here boys."

Sid looked up to find Mya, Tish, Vero and Oskana looking down at him from the stage, wearing.... Well it could have been worse he thought to himself, though he had to blink and rub at his eyes before he could believe what he was seeing.

"Once more," Mya cooed, kneeling so that she could brush her fingertips down his cheek until the pad of her thumb came to rest on his bottom lip, though it was hers' that was sticking out in a classic pout. "Don't be mad. The girls have practiced so hard." Shaking his head, Sid found that he was laughing and not at all upset.

Hell, it wasn't like she hadn't been naked in front of most of his teammates before.

"Woooohoooo! Will you look at my Baby Momma!" Jordan had leapt to his feet and was cheering wildly, clapping and bouncing on the spot like a high school cheerleader. "My wife is hawwwwt!"

It might have been true, and Geno and Flower certainly seemed to agree as far as their significant others were concerned. For his part, Sidney only had eyes for Mya and as the first notes of "Santa Baby" filled the room, Sidney thought he could have been given worse Christmas presents than this.

* * *

Staring at the crackling Yule Log on the TV, in the dark, wearing his new sweater, with the woman he loved cuddled in his arms, Sidney couldn't help but think that this had to be one of the best Christmases he had ever had. He didn't even allow the knowledge that he would have to leave this little piece of heaven soon ruin the moment. Closing his eyes, he felt his heart beat slow and paced his breathing with her slow, deep breaths. He could sleep, for a little while, before he had to go and play happy families.

"Sid?" Mya mumbled, her voice low and drowsy and partially muffled by her cheek being pressed against the cashmere sweater she'd bought him. He looked down at her dark glossy hair and pressed a kiss to the top of her head in reply. "I just...I'm so happy right now. I love you," she added, her words nearly lost as she tried to stifle a yawn but lost. The flickering light from the TV caught the diamonds in her ring and Sidney found his gaze locked on her hand as she lifted it to cover her mouth.

"Me too sweetheart," he whispered, capturing her hand and lifting it to his lips, pressing his lips to the back of her hand before placing it back on his chest, over his heart.

"I wish you didn't have to go at all. I wish we could spend another day, just you and me," she continued, snuggling closer, though he wasn't sure it was possible to get any closer than this. At least not with their clothes on and though that was tempting, he kind of liked just being like this, relaxed. Calm. Quiet.

"I don't have to go yet," he reminded her, cradling her head gently in his hand and pressing it back to his chest. "Go back to sleep." She nodded and he felt her settling against him once again but only for a moment before he could feel her stirring again and he looked down to find her lifting her hand so that the diamonds in the ring caught the light again.

"I love my presents," she added, sounding genuinely pleased as she reached to tug on the one carat diamonds in her ears, before settling back against him.

"And I love mine," he agreed, sliding his hand down over the smooth satin of the black baby doll she was wearing, which she had modelled for him as soon as they'd arrived at her apartment. There were other, equally enticing pieces of lingerie in several boxes that were now stacked beneath the purple tinsel tree beside the TV. Just because she was giving up stripping didn't mean she was going to go back to wearing cotton granny panties she'd promised.

Sidney smiled contentedly. They were good presents and he was going to have a good time trying them out. People were always complaining that he was hard to buy for. 'What do you buy a millionaire who can buy himself anything?' Mya had done a pretty damn good job he thought as he looked at the mound of wrapping paper peeking out of the garbage bag near the door and then down at the stack of books topped by the iPod under the tree. It gave him a strangely warm feeling in his chest to think of all the time she'd taken to download all that music and all those videos just for him.

And it wasn't just stuff she thought he should like, it was stuff he _did_ like. It was stuff that he'd hummed along to on the radio but hadn't known the name of the group. It was stuff other guys played in the locker room or the weight room that gone him going but he'd never had the time to go looking for. It was stuff that he'd meant to download but just never actually had the time to actually do it.

She knew him. She got him. And she loved him. How fucking cool was that?

* * *

He was warm, like an electric blanket. No, strike that. He was like a giant hot water bottle that she could wrap herself around and go to sleep as comfortable and warm as a bug in a rug.

Bug in a rug? _Where did __that__ come from_, Mya thought as she lay, contented, wrapped in Sidney's arms. She could hear the crackle and pop of the Yule Log on the TV behind her and that, mixed with the sound of his steadily beating heart, had Mya yawning, barely able to keep her eyes open.

Well, that and she'd ridden him like a prize race horse almost as soon as they'd walked through the door.

Mya grinned to herself and cuddled closer to him. He'd liked his Christmas presents, _a lot_. Actually she hadn't been sure which he'd liked more, the stuff from Fredericks of Hollywood or the iPod. He'd really been like a kid on Christmas morning, tearing through the carefully wrapped presents, sending paper flying in every direction. He'd actually pouted when she told him he could only pick one of the outfits for her to wear for him tonight. But he had spent a long time scrolling through the playlists she'd loaded onto it.

That had been as good any present, Mya thought as she yawned again. Watching him be really happy. She got the distinct impression that he didn't get that many moments where he could just really lose himself like that.

Turning so that she could look up at him, resting her chin on the back of her hands where they rested in the middle of his chest, she looked up into his boyish face. He was leaner now than he had been back in the summer when she'd first met him. Paler too. He also looked exhausted and that made her feel just a little guilty. She hadn't left much of him for his parents.

"Babes...maybe you should go home, to your own bed? Get some actual sleep?" she suggested, giving him a little shake. He opened one and looked down at her like she'd just said something in Swahili. "If you stumble into breakfast with a sore back from sleeping on my couch, Mario will have my ass, not to mention what your mother will think."

Sidney's arms slid from around her as he shifted his weight to his elbows and pushed himself up into a seated position, still blinking sleep from his eyes.

"If you'd said something about my dad, I would have ignored you," he muttered, giving her a half smile as he rubbed at his eyes.

"Well I'm pretty sure from what you've said I don't stand much of a chance winning _him_ over unless your mom and Taylor have my back so I thought I'd try and get you to them in one piece so they don't hate me _too_ much," Mya replied, shimmying up so that she could sit across his lap. "But only if you think you're okay to drive."

"Is that your way of asking me to stay?" he asked as his smile widened, his gaze sweeping eagerly over the black satin ensemble. It was tempting, damn tempting to keep him to herself, to stay hidden away from the world, together, making love all day, but Mya shook her head and pushed herself to her feet.

"You _should_ go," she sighed, reaching for one of the throws she'd left on the back of one the chairs and drew it around her shoulders to keep the chill at bay while she walked him to the door. _Funny_, she thought, even knowing he was going made the place suddenly feel empty.

"But I don't want to," he moaned, coming up behind her, brushing her hair aside and pressing his lips to nape of her neck, sending a shiver down her spine. Mya closed her eyes and leaned back against him. She opened her lips to agree but she felt something cool and slippery fall between her breasts and was too shocked to speak as she tried to step back away from it but only found herself in his arms.

Sidney chuckled as she squirmed in his grasp, and eventually Mya stilled as he lifted the pendant in his hand so that she could see it. It was another heart, a big one, the size of a silver dollar, maybe larger, and made entirely of diamonds, except where a pair of red horns and a tail had been added.

"For my little devil," he whispered in her ear, his breath warm where it tickled the back of her neck, "merry Christmas sweetheart."

Mya felt the weight of the pendant fall between her breasts and then his hand sliding over her breast until the palm of his hand brushed over her nipple. Sucking a sharp breath in between her teeth, she leaned back into him and reached up wrap her arm over his neck, urging his lips toward the spot on her neck that made her whimper when he found it.

"This isn't getting me to my own bed any faster," he whispered in her ear, his hand gently massaging her breast while his other hand, she could feel, was working at the zipper on his jeans.

"Well, we can make it quick," she sighed as she felt his cock slide up against the smooth fabric that barely covered her ass.

"I never want to make it quick with you," he hissed, as his other hand now slid beneath the fabric of the teddy and found its own breast to play with.

* * *

She was sleeping soundly, her soft lips slightly agape, her hand clutching the corner of the pillow he'd recently vacated. She looked worn out, but truth was, he knew if he woke her now, she'd be able to go at least another two rounds, whereas him....

Sidney smothered a yawn with his hand. He was done in. He was going to be taking his life in his hands just driving to Mario's but if he didn't leave now, he wasn't going to get showered and shaved in time for breakfast. Sniffing near his pits, Sidney made a face. There was definitely not going to be any avoiding the shower.

Still, he thought as he leaned down to plant a soft kiss on her temple, it had definitely been worth it even if the last time he remembered being this tired was after being up nearly thirty six hours after they'd won the cup.

Pocketing his keys, he tip-toed out of her bedroom and into the living room where he shut off the TV and its' Yule Log, turned the lights out on the Christmas tree and gathered his presents. He smiled as he slid the iPod into his other pocket. He planned on plugging that in as soon as he got into the car and cranking it, hoping that would keep him awake long enough to get home and into his shower. Then he just had to stay awake long enough to play nice with his father.

He's promised her not bring her up to his parents and if his father did bring her up, to ignore it. For her, he thought to himself as he pulled the apartment door shut behind him. For her he'd turn the other cheek – today. After that...well, he wasn't about to make any kind of promises. Because after today, well, he didn't know how long he was going to wait until he put the other ring he'd bought when he'd been out Christmas shopping on her finger.


	26. Chapter 26

**_* thanks for the patience waiting for this chapter. I've been a bit under the weather so I hope it makes sense and I made it a little longer than usual to make up for the wait._**

**Chapter 26**

"Merry Christmas," Steve grinned, clinking his mug of rum and eggnog against Mya's as he joined her on the couch, wearing his brand new festive socks and matching Ho Ho Ho red sweater. "Another year, we're still here." Mya laughed and took a sip of her eggnog, making a face at how strong the beverage was. "Lightweight."

"It's ten in the morning," Mya reminded him, accepting the stocking he dropped into her lap.

"Egg...that's breakfast isn't it?" Steve countered, promptly turning his stocking upside down and dropping the entirety of its contents on to the couch between them. "Besides, I'm pretty sure it's five o'clock somewhere."

"Just tell me there's an orange in here somewhere," Mya coughed, digging more carefully into her stocking, pulling out the usual Playgirl magazine that her Aunt had filled her stocking with ever since she was sixteen, much to her mother's displeasure. It made her smile, despite the sting of missing both women at this time of year. Still, at least it seemed by the package under the tree that had arrived some time the day before, she hadn't been entirely disowned. So there was that.

Mya pulled the obligatory mandarin orange and began peeling it, careful to keep the peel in one piece. _That was supposed to be good luck wasn't it_, she thought to herself. Or was it just to get that elephant shape?

"Okay, maybe I should get you some coffee, preferably the heavily caffeinated kind," Steve mumbled, giving her a shove with his foot and bringing her back to the present. "Who are you and what have you done with Mya?"

"What? I'm not allowed to be...contemplative?" she asked, blinking at him sleepily.

"No, and especially not on Christmas day. You're usually bouncing off the walls. What is with you?" Steve replied, still looking over at her like she was someone he didn't recognize.

"I'm tired. I'm allowed to be tired aren't I?" Mya replied, hiding a yawn behind her hand. Steve narrowed his eyes at her and then shook his head as he pushed himself back up onto his feet and headed for the kitchen.

"Not as long as the reason is what I think it is," Steven called back from the kitchen. Mya grinned, though she felt the tips of her ears begin to burn at the idea of her Uncle knowing about her sex life. "_Is_ it what I think it is?" he asked, peeking around the corner and grinning at her which only caused Mya's entire face to heat up.

"He stayed last night, if that's what you're trying to ask," Mya muttered, trying to hide behind her mug but another sip of the spiked egg nog had her looking for somewhere to spit out the vile liquid in her mouth. _Whoever thought that alcohol goes in milk products..._she thought to herself, putting the mug down on the coffee table and pushing it as far away from her as she could. She was decidedly thirsty but that was just not going to do it.

"I could tell by all the bling," Steve smiled and lifted his eyebrows as he slid back onto the sofa beside her, "must be nice to have a sugar daddy." Mya opened her mouth to argue but shut it again. He was being facetious and she was being oversensitive.

Speaking of which....

Mya pinched the bridge of her nose and screwed her eyes shut. That pain in the back of her head was back. She'd had it for a while at the club and the day before....

"I need something to eat besides this orange," she grumbled, spilling her gifts and his onto the floor as she rose and then promptly stumbling dangerously close to the Christmas tree before Steven caught her. She found herself looking up into his concerned face and felt the flat of his hand on her forehead.

"When's the last time you ate something? How long have you been having these headaches? Are you drinking enough water? How late were you up last night?" Mya chuckled and pushed her uncle away, fending off his well meant ministrations.

"What is this – twenty questions? Holy shit Sherlock Holmes. Just get me some fucking toast and quit grillin' me," Mya laughed, stumbling to the fridge and pulling a bottle of water out of it, twisting off the lid and gulping half of it down before leaning back against the counter. "Mmmmuch better."

"So it's like that is it? Hung over and hormonal. Sometimes you remind me so much of...."

"Yeah yeah, less talking, more toasting," Mya laughed wiggling her way up onto the counter and reaching over to open the cupboard where the bread and crackers and other snack foods were kept. "Ohhh chips," she smiled, reaching for a bag of Herr's Boardwalk salt and vinegar chips.

"Hormonal...," Steve muttered, causing Mya to turn and glare at him. "What? You're denying your pms'ing?"

"Why is it you men always go there? A woman wants salt and it's all about her vajayjay? Christ," Mya muttered, ripping the bag open and reaching in for a handful of crunchy salty goodness, closing her eyes to enjoy the sheer bliss of the salt dissolving on her tongue. "You guys just wish you had a biological reason to eat whatever you want."

"We do. It's called watching Football. Speaking of which, where is your boy toy today?" Mya opened her eyes and stared at her uncle, narrowing her eyes and shaking her head.

"He plays hockey. Now I know you Americans have a tough time understanding ice sports...."

"I know who he is and exactly what he does. I'm just not interested in anything that's not a blood sport," the one time Marine said, grinning. He was baiting her and Mya knew it, but now that she had some sustenance going into her stomach, she felt up to having a good old fashioned argument.

"Blood sport? Let me tell you about this guy that used to play for the Pens named Jarkko...."

* * *

"Put that thing away, you're going to blind someone with that thing," Cookie laughed as he walked by with a roll of tape in one hand and three sticks in the other. "What is that, two carats?"

"Three," Sidney corrected him quietly as he placed the platinum set cushion cut diamond ring back in its box.

"Tabernak!" Sidney looked up at his friend and teammate and then down at the small velvet box in his hand. "Merde Sainte! Sacrament! What is wrong with you?"

"Leave him alone Max," Jordy sighed, stowing his runners beneath the bench before reaching for his skates.

"Why? Just tell me why? Why must you forever be trying to tie yourself to the first pussy that comes along?" Max insisted, standing over Sidney, his thick hands rolled into fists that looked more like mallets used to break down walls than fingers. Sidney turned the small velvet box over in his hands thoughtfully. He had his reasons. He didn't expect Max to understand.

"I thought you were over this Talbo," Flower piped up, a toothy grin on his face, the exact opposite expression to the dark thundercloud that filled Max's eyes. "I thought you were coming around to our way of thinking. Nice girl, cooking, cleaning, warming our bed...." Flower's grin faded around the edges when Max turned his dark glare on the pale young goal tender.

"This is _him_ we're talking about," Max growled in Flower's direction, "not good little Catholic boys like you,", and as he so often did when faced with any act of aggression that wasn't on the ice, Fleur slunk silently away. Sidney watched him go as if he was watching his best friend disappear off in the distance forever. The last thing he needed before a game was yet another one of Max's tirades. Usually Fleur could distract the stocky forward and he knew the only other hope lay in the long haired defenseman sitting across the room but Sidney knew damn well there would be no help coming from that corner.

"Ease up Max. Save it for the game," the older, and thank god, wiser Cookie tapped Max on the back of his shins but Max didn't waver.

"No I will _not_ fucking ease up. C'mon! Who's with me here? Why does our captain have to pussy up every time a cute piece of tail goes by and gives him a fucking wink? Sacre crisse! Por fucking quoi? Why can't you just fuck the girls like the rest of us do?" Sidney glanced up at his heated line mate and then back down at the velvet box. He hadn't the first clue why he couldn't enjoy a one night stand like Max seemed to. He just knew that he couldn't. But he didn't get a chance to open his mouth and tell the furry Frenchman that. Not before the other hirsute Frenchman put his hands on Max's shoulders and gave them a squeeze.

"Mon ami...I don't know how, exactly to explain to you but...elle n'est pas d'aucune fille ordinaire. Elle est quelque chose différente tout à fait. If he loves her...well it's no wonder," Tanger said, his voice quiet, strained as he looked over Talbot's shoulder and met Sidney's gaze. "I know exactly how he feels. Exactement." Tanger gave him a nod and then turned and walked out of the room, heading for the ice.

Sidney watched him go, not entirely sure what to make of the quiet defenseman's words, except that he couldn't imagine...no, he didn't _want_ to imagine what he felt like. Looking back down at the small velvet box in his hand, all Sidney did know was he couldn't lose her. He might have slept, breathed and ate hockey before, but now...now he couldn't breathe without her and the last week...being away from her had only cemented that sentiment in his mind.

Turning his attention back to Max, Sid felt a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth as he slipped the box back into his bag before standing and putting his hands on his friend's shoulder pads just where Tanger's had been.

"I'm sorry you don't get it Max but you know, it's not going to be pretty when you're ninety and chasing college girls around a bar you know?" He grinned at the idea of it and then gave Max's cheek a gentle slap before turning to head out of the room himself, whistling all the way.

* * *

Mya lit the last candle and then stepped back to survey her handiwork. She'd spent her first pay check on this dinner and all the accoutrements. The vanilla and jasmine candles, the baseball steaks, the new push up bra and matching thong from Victoria's secret and last, but not least, the new little black dress. It was actually very tasteful, for her, she thought as she blew out the match and turned to run it under the tap before tossing it in the garbage.

He'd texted to say he'd come to her after the game and Mya had felt her heart flutter in her chest. She'd been just about to go on air, just about to set up the game and she hadn't been able to keep the grin off of her face as she talked about how his scoring streak was still intact heading into the Olympic break.

Speaking of which, she thought happily as she stuck her head in the oven to check the colour of the crust on her home-made apple pie, her tickets were sitting on her new boss's desk. She'd only been working at the station for a couple of weeks but they'd decided to send _her_ to Vancouver to do the coverage. It was pretty freaking unbelievable and she couldn't wait to tell Sidney. Not that he'd have time to see her there. After all he was going to be under an unbelievable amount of pressure to get the gold medal.

Still...Mya grinned to herself as she looked around the darkened, candlelit room. There was always the opportunity for a quickie in the athletes village. _How naughty would that_ _be_, she mused as she fidgeted with the linen napkins on the table and straightened the chargers for the umpteenth time.

She was nervous. It had been a close game and Sid had rung a couple of shots off the crossbar and had taken an undisciplined penalty in overtime that had cost the team the game. That being the case, she wasn't sure what was going to happen when he walked in the door. Would he be moody but willing to be cheered up or would he inconsolable? Either way....

Mya picked up the simple blue cardboard box, faded and tattered at the edges with the intertwined gold B's in the top corner, and opened it. Running her fingers lightly but lovingly over the thick gold band inside, Mya thought about her grandfather and felt the sting of tears filling her eyes.

Christ she missed the old man.

Her grandmother's rings sat beside it, too tiny for her own finger. But maybe one day, she thought putting the lid back on the box and putting it back on the table beneath her napkin. Maybe one day she'd have a daughter who would be a little more demure and diminutive. Her grandfather, on the other hand, had been a big man, a man who used his hands, a man who when he held you made you feel like you were being hugged by a grizzly. Sid had hands and arms like that she though, smiling to herself. She couldn't be sure, but she thought her grandfather's ring might fit him perfectly.

That was, if she got up the courage to ask him the question that was flitting around in her mind like a bat in an empty belfry.

_Did women actually do this_, she wondered as she peeked into the casserole staying warm on the top of the stove. Did they pop the question? And more importantly, was Sidney old fashioned enough to be offended if she did? Or would he be relieved to have the pressure off of him? Or...god forbid, would he say no?

Mya felt her stomach clench at the thought of his turning her down. Maybe it _was_ too soon, she decided, her hand hovering over the napkin hiding the box from sight.

On the other hand, even if he did say no, the thought of which made her stomach hurt, at least he would know she was all in, she was committed and most importantly that she was ready to do whatever it took to make this work. He'd given her the promise ring and she just wanted to give him something that said 'mine' just as much as the ring on her finger did.

Not that he's be able to wear a wedding ring in public, she realized, her hand sweeping the napkin away as she reached for the box....

Mya's head snapped up at the sound of a knock on the door. Too late, she thought, her heart beat doubling as she replaced the napkin over the old, frail box. She'd just have to leave it there and hide it later, maybe between courses.

* * *

He'd tried, ever since he'd left the ice, he'd tried to shake the irritation at the loss. It wasn't just that they'd lost though, Sidney knew. It was that he felt responsible.

No, not felt, he corrected himself. He _was_ responsible. Not only had he been unable to put the biscuit in the fucking basket but he'd taken that stupid, _stupid_ slashing penalty in the first few seconds of overtime.

He'd been getting better at corralling his emotions, controlling them, channelling them into his play but every once in a while....and Ruutu knew his buttons damn him. He'd been ignoring the feisty Fin's chirping for the entire game but when he'd tripped him on the way back to the bench and there was no call....

_Let it go_, he told himself as he found himself in front of her door. He'd promised her that he'd come after the game and he _did_ want to see her but the right thing to do was probably turn around and go home, call her and apologize. If he explained about the game, which she'd no doubt seen the highlights – make that low lights – considering she'd have to go over the game on the news tomorrow....

He knocked on the door, his hand moving before his brain had made the decision, and as soon as he heard her moving on the other side of the door, he felt his heart begin to race. His body knew what he needed, even if his brain didn't fully grasp it.

No sooner had she opened the door than he had her head cradled in his hands and his lips had captured hers'. He kissed her like he hadn't seen her in a year, like if he didn't he die and that was exactly how he felt. Like if she didn't take away the pain he felt in his chest, didn't help to ease the dishonour he was feeling he'd go insane.

He pushed the door closed with one hand and slid the other down over her breast and felt her gasp into his mouth. His body reacted accordingly and he pressed his groin against hers' as their tongues duelled for supremacy. Not that he was going to let her get the upper hand, he knew, as he slid his hand down between them and began to push the hem of her dress upwards.

She threw her head back and gasped as he slipped his fingers into her panties and slid them inside of her. He found the pulse in her neck and fastened his teeth around it as she whimpered and pressed down against his hand, her muscles pulling at him, her breath coming in short, sharp gasps as pumped his fingers into her.

As satisfying as it was to have her shuddering and whimpering, it wasn't what he wanted and soon enough, Sidney grabbed her hand and pulled her behind him down the hall and pressed her down onto the bed. His heart was leaping in his chest as he stood there staring down at her and it was on the tip of his tongue to apologize but something in her eyes stopped him.

She gazed up at him, her teeth digging into her full bottom lip, and the look in her eyes told him that not only had he no need to apologize, but that she liked it. He stood there at the end of the bed, stock still, while she lay on the bed before him and ran her hand slowly, achingly slowly, down over her breast, her stomach and lower still until it was inching northward again, taking the hem of her dress with it. Sidney licked his lips as he watched her hand disappear beneath the waist band of her panties, but as much as he wanted to push her hand out of the way and drag her panties off of her, he got the distinct impression that she didn't want his help and that this was all for him.

He let his jacket drop to the floor and loosened his tie, his gaze fastened to the movement of her fingers beneath the black satin thong, which, from time to time, moved just enough for him to see a flash of smooth, pink skin. It was hot and fucking painful at the same time and he couldn't get his shirt unbuttoned fast enough and ended up pulling it over his head, balling it up and tossing it impatiently across the room before reaching for the buckle on his belt.

She was getting the upper hand, or he was giving it to her or...or fuck it. It didn't matter. He'd forgotten all about the fucking game and that was why he'd come here in the first place.

* * *

Mya licked her lips as his six-pack appeared beneath the hem of his shirt. Her gaze followed his skin, inch by solid inch until his shirt sailed, in a wadded up ball, over her head. He reached for his belt then but she wasn't done teasing him, which, in his present mood, was probably a dangerous thing and yet she couldn't resist. He was even more handsome than usual when he was angry. His eyes flashed more gold than brown, like a lion on the prowl and heat radiated off of him in waves.

Pressing the ball of her foot against his hands, she stilled them and then ran her foot up over his abs and then down again. Down, down over his erection that strained and twitched against his suit pants. Biting down on her bottom lip to silence the moan that bubbled up in her throat as she rubbed her clit in slow circles, Mya wrapped her leg around the back of Sidney's thigh and pulled him toward her.

"I want to watch you," she whispered as he leaned over her, looking turned on and pained all at once.

"W...watch?" he stammered, as he leaned down as far as he could without kneeling on the bed.

"What's good for the goose...," she grinned up at him, whetting her bottom lip with her tongue and then letting her eyes fall closed and sliding her hand down, pushing the satin thong aside.

He moaned then, and Mya imagined his gaze following the movements of her fingers as she dipped them inside of herself as she pulled her knees up and apart to achieve a better angle. When she opened her eyes again he was standing there in front of her, his cock rock hard, and with that upward angle that made it stand up almost straight against his stomach. It was a challenge to make herself look up into his hazel eyes and away from his nearly perfect body.

He looked...sheepish. She couldn't think of any other word for it as she watched his hand gradually, slowly curl around the width of his cock. He didn't want to do it, but she could tell he didn't want her to stop either. He'd already had a bad day, she decided, holding her free hand out to him by way of invitation. She wasn't going to be the one to torture him further.

He lay down beside her on the bed and leaned over to place a tender kiss on her lips that belied the heat and passion clearly blazing in his eyes. She, in turn, took his hand and guided it down between her legs while she struggled out of her dress.

It was her turn to moan as his fingers took up the work hers had just been doing, except that his were thicker, stronger and with the addition of his lips and teeth at work on her neck, Mya felt herself descending quickly into the abyss.

This was when her body felt like it became one huge g-spot, as if he could touch her anywhere and she would cum immediately for him. He'd learned her body so well, she was almost sure that all it would take was for him to whisper it in her ear and she would cum.

As it was, his teeth digging through the fabric of her new push up bra to find her nipple did it. Her body arched off the bed and she cried out, her nails digging deeply into his back.

* * *

He loved to slide inside of her when she was still riding the edge of the orgasm, her body still taught with the strength of the spasms, her muscles clenching tightly around his dick. He had to breathe and concentrate in order not to have her pull him over the edge, but fuck it felt good! She was so warm and wet and soft all at once and it was easy to forget all about the shitty game and concentrate on making her make those little noises, making her whimper, making her writhe beneath him.

With his hands behind her knees, he pressed her legs wide and back and found that sweet spot that made her breathe quickly, that made her dig her fingers into the quilt and toss her head from side to side, her eyes screwed tightly shut. She was close again. He could feel it.

Using his shoulder to keep her legs in place, he reached down to stroke her clit and watched her bite down on her bottom lip as she squirmed. Pressing harder , Sidney withdrew, almost entirely, until just the head of his cock remained inside of her and still he could feel her muscles clutching hungrily at him.

"Nooo," she moaned, her eyes snapping open to look up at him with angry eyes. "Don't stop. Please." With a chuckle he obliged her, thrusting deep inside of her and she rewarded him with a long, high pitched cry as her body bucked beneath his.

This time he couldn't hold back, though he wanted to. He wanted to keep going but it felt too good and his body answered hers the only way it knew how. With a deep groan, he spent himself within her, his entire body shuddering with the strength of the orgasm.

No wonder they called it the '_little death'_, he thought as stars swam in the way of his vision. He almost felt like he was outside of himself, like his heart had stopped, like he couldn't breathe, like the world had stopped around him.

He curled around, his body still quaking, and held her close, nuzzling her hair, and let the warmth of her body and the languid feeling of his muscles relaxing after a strenuous work out pull him towards sleep. He had, after all, played over twenty minutes and his body knew it, even if his mind did not.

She, on the other hand, seemed to have a different agenda altogether.

He felt her fingertips running along the length of his thigh, light, gentle brushes and even as relaxed as he was, as tired and as close to sleep, his body reacted, stirring back to life. He thought about playing possum, lying there with his eyes closed, breathing slowly and evenly and hoping that she would think he was asleep, but her breathy chuckle as his cock came to attention told him it was no use.

"You're going to have to do the work this time," he sighed, rolling onto his back.

It was her turn to oblige him, and she straddled him, lowering herself down over him until he was sheathed inside of her. He watched his cock disappear up inside of her. Watched her freshly waxed pink skin meet his and groaned.

She leaned forward, letting her hair fall around his head like a canopy and she grinned down at him.

"I love you," she smiled, nipping at his lower lip.

"I _fucking_ love you," he whispered back, reaching around to get a firm grip on her shapely ass, holding her down over him. "Don't fucking move. I swear I'm going to cum again."

"You mean like this?" she answered with a grin, sliding forwards and back and tilting her pelvis against his, making little circles with her body still pressed firmly against his. Sidney moaned and shook his head.

"God…so good," he sighed, pushing up against her and into her. "God it's so good I think I'm going to stroke out," he added, sliding his hands up and around her until he was cupping her breasts, stroking them, rolling her nipples between his fingers. "What is it you're supposed to smell right before you have a stroke? Toast?"

"Oh my god, oh my god, my pie!"

Sidney watched Mya jump off the bed and run out of the room with a certain amount of amusement mixed with an acute feeling of loss. Grudgingly he pushed himself up and looked down at his aching, engorged cock.

"Sorry buddy. Me and my big mouth," he muttered, glancing down at his pants sitting in a heap on the floor before dismissing the thought of getting dressed again so soon and merely following the sound of her curses out into the kitchen.

* * *

"Damn, damn fuckity damn," Mya cursed as she pulled out the scorched pie. It was less a pie than a big block of cinders now and the casserole had bubbled over. Looking down at her ruined dinner, Mya felt tears welling in her eyes. Her perfect night…ruined.

"Don't cry babes." She felt his hands on her arms, his lips on curve of her neck as he peered over her shoulder at the ruined meal. "I wasn't that hungry anyways."

"Don't lie," she sniffed. "You're always hungry after a game."

"There must be…I don't know, popcorn or chips or…."

"You don't eat junk food!" Mya snapped, tugging herself free from his grasp and turning to toss the pie into the garbage. "I wasn't even sure you were going to eat any of the pie but I wanted to do something nice for you for once. Not just have you come over for sex," she added, snarling at him and turning to avoid his outstretched hand. She didn't want to be coddled, she wanted to be angry.

"I don't just come for sex and you know it," he said quietly, walking past and through her defences, even when she tried to push him away. Somehow he still managed to gather her into his arms and press her close to his chest, cradling her head in the curve of his neck. "You know when I tell you I love you it's not just because you let me in your bed." She nodded, sniffing against his shoulder, but her hands were still clenched into fists against his ribs, refusing to hold him, to hug him. Not while she was still angry and disappointed. "And I don't need you to cook me nice meals…I mean it's nice if you do but I don't need that either. We can always order in and when we have our own place…."

"Our own…what?" Mya looked up at him and found him smiling down at her.

"What do you think we're doing her? I gave you a promise ring My. I love you. I want to spend some time getting to know you still but…I see us together long term. Don't you?" he asked quietly, brushing a tear away that spilled down onto her cheek. Mya nodded, not trusting herself to speak. "Good, as long as we're on the same page. Little shit like this…," he glanced at the casserole and then back at her, "are just not important." She nodded and sniffed, pinching the bridge of her nose as she felt the ache of another one of her headaches coming on.

"I just had all these plans for tonight. I wanted it to be special," she sighed, leaning her forehead against his chest.

"It is, as long as we're together," he responded quietly, kissing the top of her head. His hand slid beneath her chin but Mya steadfastly refused to raise her eyes to meet his. "My…are you sure there isn't something…_else_ going on?"

"No, no, just…I get these headaches," she mumbled, pulling back from him and rubbing at her temples which had begun to throb painfully.

"Headaches?" he asked, pulling her hands away from her head and peering at her with concern clearly marked on his face as he tried to search her gaze. "Have you been to the doctor about this?" Mya waved him away and turned to lean on the counter, closing her eyes tight.

"There just headaches, everyone gets them," she mumbled, gripping the edge of the countertop as hard as she could as she sucked in a ragged breath through her teeth and wondered if this night could possibly get any worse.

"I could get you in to see the team doctor if you wanted," Sid offered quietly, placing his hands gently on her shoulders and leading her back towards the bedroom. Mya shook her head, though even that small a movement sent a sharp pain ricocheting behind her eyes.

"I'll be fine…I just…sometimes if I eat something they go away," she managed to mumble as she crawled onto the bed and rolled herself up in the quilt. She listened to the pad of Sidney's feet down the hall and took a deep breath. It was probably stress, she told herself. New job, finishing her thesis, missing her parents, dating a big hockey star….

She managed to smile to herself for a moment and then decided against even that much flexing of her facial muscles and settled into her deep breathing exercises while she listened to Sidney clanging and crashing around in her kitchen.

* * *

_Headaches_.

Sidney couldn't help it. He wondered if that was how it had started with Randi. Had she had headaches? He couldn't really remember. Towards the end, sure he remembered once or twice, but had it been the cancer or the medication?

He was jumping to conclusions. Getting ahead of himself. It was a headache. She was upset. He shouldn't read anything into it. She's made this dinner, baked a pie and it was ruined. She was just upset. It was a headache; that was all. It was perfectly natural. He got them. His mom got them all the time.

At least he hoped that was all it was.

So if that's all it was, why did he suddenly have this ache deep in his gut?


	27. Chapter 27

_* I don't know if you will but I had to have tissues close by when I wrote this...just a though_t

**Chapter 27**

"So am I going to meet your family while we're here?" Sidney asked as reached for her hand. Mya wiped her clammy hand down the side of her pants before sliding her hand into his as she eyed the approaching figures of his parents with trepidation.

"We'll see," she replied quietly, trying to decide if the smile she was forcing would make her look pleasant or maniacal. She heard Sidney's deep sigh but was thankful that he didn't have time to belabour the point as his bear of a father had pulled him into a handshake that looked like it would crush the metacarpals of a smaller human being, but his son seemed to handle it like a seasoned pro.

Mya watched nervously as Sidney greeted his father, whom he'd warned her was apparently either going to pretend she didn't exist or was going to be openly hateful. His mother, on the other hand, who looked like a church mouse in comparison to the barrel-chested Troy, beamed at her son and at his girlfriend and pulled them both into a warm hug.

"I'm so glad to see him settling down. I worry for him around some of those boys," Trina admitted in a whisper before she let Mya go. Mya felt her own smile grow warmer as she pulled back from the woman who was still glowing in her son's presence. She felt a pang of jealousy that threatened to close up her throat but she managed to keep smiling all the same.

"So, son, are we gonna kick some US ass today or what?" Troy asked, doing exactly as his son predicted he would, ignoring Mya's presence altogether, but just as she was about to allow herself to fade into the background, for his sake she told herself, she felt Sidney's arm slide around her waist and felt herself pulled protectively and proprietarily against his side.

"Mom, Dad, this is my girlfriend, Mya."

Mya felt herself stiffen though she couldn't stop herself from grinning like an idiot. Girlfriend. It sounded so official. She'd never heard him call her that before and even though she was wearing his promise ring and he'd told her he loved her, somehow this made everything so much more real.

Troy glowered at her but Mya just kept grinning and almost broke into out and out giggling when she felt Sid's arm tighten around her waist. As hard as it was to have Troy's piggy little eyes glaring at her, she imagined it was much worse for Sid to have his father behaving like a petulant child. Parents could be so embarrassing; Mya thought to herself. That was something with which she could _entirely_ sympathize.

"Nice to meet you," Troy grumbled finally, pushing his meaty paw towards her. Mya looked down at his thick, oversized hand and wondered how many seconds it would take to crush her fingers. She put her hand in his anyway and gave him her biggest, brightest stage smile. For his part, Troy made a noise in his throat that the rest of his family obviously recognized as some kind of ascent, as they all turned to head out of the Airport Terminal.

"Lunch?" Sid asked, looking over at his mother with a satisfied Mona Lisa smile on his face.

"Do they have good food in the athlete's village?" his mother asked, the same sort of secretive half smile gracing her face as she tucked her arm into her son's.

"No, well...yeah it's okay but Mya knows this some great places around here. We thought you might like to try some Indian?" Sidney turned to look at her and Mya felt her knees go weak. He had his family around him and he'd won some kind of battle with his father and now he was looking at her like he was so glad she was here and all she could think was..._fuck I love this man_.

* * *

"I just ate too much and it was spicy and your dad was staring at me like he was trying to make my head pop off with the power of his mind," Mya insisted as she took the tissue Sid offered and wiped the blow back off from around her mouth before leaning back against him. He was still holding her hair back and now reached with his free hand to feel her forehead for a fever. "And you can cut that out too," she insisted, brushing his hand away. "I wouldn't come anywhere near you if I was sick."

"First the headaches, now you can't keep anything down...My, I'm worried," Sidney began but she only shook her head and then winced at the movement.

"It's stress. Not all of us can be calm and cool and collected all the time," she sighed, turning to bury her face in his chest. Sidney wrapped his arms around her and held her there, on the floor of the bathroom in his room in the athlete's village. She wasn't supposed to be here. If Yzerman found out....

Well it was a good thing that Nash was down in the village looking to hook up with some figure skater or something Sid thought as he ran his fingers through Mya's long dark hair. Not that he thought Nash would say anything. He didn't seem to be the kind of guy that would snitch on a teammate. Besides, Sidney was pretty sure he was going to have to bunk with one of his teammates at some point if Rick actually managed to score.

"You can stay, if you want," he offered but Mya just shook her head.

"Have you seen the size of the kiddie beds you have? No thanks. I think I'll go back to my king size bed at the bed and breakfast thanks," Mya replied with a chuckle as she struggled to get up onto her feet

"Speaking of which," Sidney began, helping her up and turning her to face him. "Why, if your parents live here, are you staying at a b&b?" Mya made a face and then shrugged, turning away and reaching for his shaving kit. He watched her pull out his tooth brush and toothpaste and made a mental note to stop at the store they'd provided for the athletes in the village and get another toothbrush.

"You're not going to leave that alone are you?" she asked quietly as she squeezed the toothpaste onto the brush, glancing back at him in the mirror.

"Well now you have me worried, like maybe you're hiding some kind of weird mutation in your family tree or something," Sidney replied, trying to keep things light so that she wouldn't shut down, like she did every other time he tried to bring up her past. Mya had begun to brush her teeth and now looked back at him in the mirror with narrowed eyes. "Like someone with an extra toe or...something like that?" he muttered, wondering if he'd come a little closer to the mark than he'd intended.

Mya finished brushing her teeth and even added some mouthwash before she spat and rinsed out the bowl, taking her time, like she was thinking about her response. Sidney waited, silent, wondering just what had her so concerned. Could she really think that he was that shallow, that ego centric, that he'd really care if some kind of physical deformity actually _did_ run in her family? Did she really think that little of him?

"Okay," she said finally, putting his toothbrush down and shutting off the water before turning to face him, her expression carefully veiled. "Tomorrow, after your practice, I'll meet you outside the rink. I was going to do my dutiful daughter act anyway. You may as well tag along." Sidney tried to read the guarded expression on Mya's face but she wouldn't meet his gaze, not quite. Finally he reached out and tipped her face upwards, his grip just strong enough to make her look at him through narrowed eyes.

"If there's something you'd really rather I not see...," he began but Mya only shook her head and with an acerbic laugh shook her head.

"No...no you should see. You should know what you're buying into," she replied with a heavy sigh, pressing her lips briefly against his before inching around him and heading for the door. "I'll see you tomorrow."

Sidney watched her go, watched the door close behind her leaving him with his imagination swimming with images of circus side show freaks.

* * *

It looked like a nice apartment from the outside. Mya always thought that as she walked up the street towards it. It looked like a nice neighbourhood with tree lined streets and cheerfully painted terraced apartments and it was, for the most part. It was only as you got to the alarmed doors at the front and saw the wheelchairs lined up outside in the sun that you would begin to realize there was more to this place than just a place to live.

If you could call it living, she thought uncharitably as she felt Sidney go very still as they waited for the doors to slide open and admit them, the antiseptic tang of bleach mixed with the underlying stench of sickness and death. It made her skin crawl. It always did.

She could feel Sidney's eyes on her but she could barely make herself look ahead. She could barely make herself walk through the doors of this place. She couldn't worry about him now or what he was thinking. This was hard enough for her as it was.

She felt his hand curl around hers' and just for a split second she felt better, like she had back up, like she had a wing man, but then she heard the whoosh of the automated doors closing behind her and that brief respite was replaced the same overwhelming nausea that she always felt as she walked past the security station and the nurse's station, past the visiting area where the more mobile patients sat listening to someone play on a piano.

Of course most of the inmates, she didn't think of them as patients, not these ones who still could get up out of their beds and interact with their limited world, were older, gray haired and wizened. That was one of the reasons she'd fought against putting her here. What would her mother have in common with these old people?

It didn't matter though, as it turned out, she thought as they turned the corner and walked down a dimly lit corridor, past rooms filled with patients who no longer left their beds hooked up to monitors that told the nurses by beeps and alarms if their comatose patients were alive or dead. Sometimes that was the only way you could tell.

"Hi mom," she called out, forcing a smile onto her face as she walked through the last door, dropping Sidney's hand as she crossed the floor to place a soft kiss on the top of the head of the emaciated woman in the rocking chair by the window. She was up today. That meant she was having a good day. She waited the long, agonizing moment it took for her mother to drag herself out of her dark little dream world she was in and turn her grey blue eyes toward her.

"Oh!" her mother smiled and Mya felt her heart leap in her chest. It must be a good day. "Myrna, is school out already?"

"Yeah...yeah for today," Mya nodded and brushed her mother's sunken cheek with her hand. Maybe it wasn't such a good day after all. She thought she was her Aunt...her Aunt who was dead. "How are you? Did you watch any of the Olympics on the TV today?" Mya turned away from her mother to hide the tears that sprang to her eyes. _She doesn't recognize me anymore_, she thought as she busied her hands making the bed, folding the afghan that lay at the end of the crisp white hospital bed, fluffing the crunchy hospital pillows. She'd known this time would come and she had been away for a longer this time.

"Oh...oh Frank...Myrna you didn't tell me Frank was here." Mya turned to follow her mother's gaze, and saw Sidney standing in the doorway, watching the two of them with wary eyes. Frank was her father. She wondered when he'd last bothered to visit. She opened her mouth to correct her but it always confused her more when anyone did that. It was easier to play along, to keep her happy in her imaginary world. The last time she was happy, when she'd been a teenager.

"That's right. Frank's here to see you," Mya beckoned Sidney in and watched his brow furrow as he crossed the room, holding the bouquet of flowers they'd stopped to buy on their way here before him like a shield. She watched her mother take the flowers and bury her face in them, a huge happy grin on her face and couldn't help but wonder if her father had ever bought her mother flowers. She couldn't remember ever seeing any in the house, none that hadn't been grown lovingly by her mother in their yard. She always brought her mother flowers. They never failed to make her smile.

"Oh Frank, these are lovely. Did you bring over any new records to listen to?" her mother asked, beaming up at Sidney who looked helplessly towards Mya.

"Not today, did you Frank. But he brought a book to read to you, didn't you...Frank?" she said pointedly, glancing over at a chair and then back at her mother with a raised eyebrow. He'd wanted to come, the least he could do was play along.

"Ummm that's right. Mya..._Myrna_ said you like Maeve Binchy?" he asked quietly, dragging the chair next to her mother and holding the book out he'd had under his arm. Her mother beamed and it tore at Mya's heart to see the adoration in her mother's eyes when she looked at Sidney. She couldn't imagine her mother ever loving her father that much. She must have though, at one time, she thought as she watched Sidney settle into the chair and open up the book and begin, patiently, to read to her mother.

Mya glanced at the picture of her father on her mother's bedside table. It was a picture of him taken when they'd just begun dating, leaning against his black Trans Am with the golden screaming eagle on the hood. His dark hair was slicked back and he was wearing a black leather jacket and dark jeans. A real hood. A greaser. Mr Cool.

Mya picked up the photo an looked down at the boy looking back at her from the inside the frame. He'd been hard on them all, strict and unforgiving. As far as she knew, the last time he visited her mother was the day they'd brought her here after...after she'd wandered away from the house in the middle of the night in her nightgown.

Putting the picture back in its' place, Mya fought to keep the bile down that crept up her throat. They'd fought then. A wild, screaming fight full of accusations and horrible things they couldn't take back. That's when Myrna, her Aunt, had told her it was time to leave, time to stop putting her life on hold to take care of her parents. She was too young to be doing that.

Maybe she had been but still....

Mya turned back to watch her mother's hand close gently, but possessively around Sidney's. She watched him go still, heard his voice falter mid sentence. But then he smiled and gave her mother's hand a squeeze and tears rolled down Mya's face. She couldn't remember the last time she saw her mother so exquisitely happy.

* * *

"That was what you were so worried about?" Sidney asked quietly as they walked out of the building. Mya turned her tear stained face up to his and they stopped in the middle of the parking lot as she tried to speak through her tears.

"_That_? You say it like that was nothing and that...._That_ is my mother and she doesn't even know who I am...do you have any fucking idea what that fucking feels like?" she asked, tears streaming down her face.

"No," he replied quietly, cupping her face in his hands and pressing a soft kiss to her furrowed brow. "But I think what you did...are doing...is all you can do for her My. It's not your fault."

"I know that, don't you think I know that?" she sniffed, stiffening as he tried to wrap his arms protectively around her.

"No I don't," he whispered into her hair, feeling her gradually relaxing against him until her arms wound around his middle and her cheek rested against his shoulder "I think you probably think you should be looking after her but you couldn't...not all the time and...well she doesn't know you're not there so...I know you probably feel bad but it's not like she can miss you." He held her close, tightening his grasp on her as she struggled against him. He knew that she probably didn't want to hear what he was trying to say but he knew he was right when he said it.

"I'm hundreds of miles away from her. I miss her...I miss her all the time," Mya sobbed, slamming her hand against his chest. "You don't know...you have two fucking moms with Nathalie...I don't even have the one I have." Sidney tried to think of something motivating to say but he came up empty and decided that the best thing he could probably do for her was exactly what he was already doing, and that was just to hold her. "I can't even call her, you know?" she sniffed finally, wiping her nose with the back of her hand before looking up at him, her green eyes red rimmed. She looked exhausted. He nodded, realizing this was probably the most vulnerable she'd ever been around him. Even when she'd been in that holding cell, she'd been tough and resilient. Not now. Now she was shaken to the core, and this was the first time he felt like maybe she really needed him.

"I'm sorry," he whispered, brushing a tear away from her cheek before lowering his mouth to capture hers'. His chest swelled as she clung to him, her lips moving eagerly under his. "And if you thought this was going to scare me away My...it's just not going to happen." She gave him the ghost of a smile and then dropped her gaze from his.

"That could be me...will probably be me...," she began but stopped when his fingers cupped her chin and forced her gaze to meet with his.

"_If_ that ever happens, I promise you that you will never end up in a place like this and I promise you...I will never leave you My..._never_."


	28. Chapter 28

Chapter 28

"You're still holding onto that thing?" Fleur asked quietly from his spot beside Sidney in the dressing room at GM place. Nodding, Sidney turned the small velvet box over in his hands before having it plucked out of his grasp by the inquisitive defenseman beside him.

"Oh my god, you could put someone's eye out with this thing," Phaneuf howled loud enough that the entire room, normally full of loud, raucous chatter before pre-game skate, fell silent.

"Let me see that," Phaneuf's teammate, and Sidney's linemate for the Olympics, Iginla took the small box and, smiling, shook his head before handing it back to Sidney. "Shit man, must be serious."

"It is," Sidney responded quietly before putting the box back in his bag.

"What's that?" Getzlaf laughs from across the room, holding his hand up to his ear and making a face. "I think I hear girls throwing themselves off of the roof of buildings all across the country."

"Not funny," Sidney sighed, zipping his bag shut and trying to ignore the, by in large, good natured ribbing. He couldn't exactly say it wasn't true, extreme maybe, and hopefully not true, but possible. Not that word had to get out that he was engaged. Not that Mya was the kind of girl to scream something like this from the rooftops anyway.

"I thought you were going to ask her on New Year's," Flower asked, his mask held loosely in his hand. Sidney shrugged and grabbed his own helmet.

"It wasn't the right time." Sidney replied, donning his helmet and breathing through the butterflies in his stomach as he caught sight of himself wearing the red and white of the National uniform.

"So when will it be the right time?" Flower asked, to which Sidney could only shrug.

"I guess I'll know when I know."

* * *

Her mother had been one thing, but as Mya sat across the small kitchen table from her father, she was glad that Sidney was across the city about to face Team USA. That would be tough, but nowhere near as hard as this was.

Glancing up at her father's strong, impassive face, Mya felt herself shrink. She felt like she was five years old again and was about to get a spanking. Her hands even curled around the edges of the chair just as they had when she'd been younger. She'd always made him pull her off of the chair, kicking and screaming. This time though, her mother wouldn't be here to save her, wouldn't be here to pull him off of her.

Mya looked down the kitchen at the woman standing at the sink with her glass of chilled white wine. She was only a few years older than Mya was now, with long blonde hair that reached to the middle of her back, perky breasts and an ass you could bounce a quarter off of poured into a pair of jeans that were practically indecent. She'd been one of her father's university students and just looking at her made Mya sick to her stomach.

Her father didn't look like the type to be robbing the cradle. He didn't have the gold chains and he wasn't driving around in an arrest me red corvette. He wore tweed and cashmere and drove an Audi. He taught economics. Not exactly a sexy subject.

How he'd ever ended up with Bridgette....

"I went to see mom yesterday," Mya said quietly, turning he attention back to the quickly cooling volcano cake in front of her, caramel, not chocolate, just another indication that her father didn't know anything about her anymore. Not that he ever had.

"Good day or bad day?" her father asked, scraping his plate loudly, a sound that made Mya wince.

"Good I guess. She was out of bed but...when's the last time you went to see her?" Abandoning her plate, Mya looked accusingly across the table at her father who had the temerity to look shocked at her tone. He gave her that raised eyebrow, the 'how dare you' look and it worked just as it always had, making Mya squirm in her chair.

"I visit your mom," he said with a glance down the kitchen that Mya followed with her own eyes. She watched the young woman smile at him, like they were sharing some kind of secret and then Bridgette put the tea towel down and disappeared toward the living room. Mya heard the TV going on, followed by Green Day blasting through the speakers before she turned it down. "I do visit your mom, every week at least once," her father continued once they were alone, though he got up from the table, taking her plate and his and walking towards the sink. Mya turned in her chair so she could watch him but didn't offer to help. He wouldn't have accepted the offer anyway. He didn't consider her family now. Not here. Now she was a guest and she felt it in the cool, off hand way he spoke to her.

Without his little blonde girlfriend in the room, it seemed more like old times. She could picture the two of them, her mom and dad, standing there in the dim light of the kitchen, she handing him wet dishes, he making lude comments that would make her laugh. She could almost hear that laughter now. It made her throat tight.

"But you're divorcing her," Mya pointed out, hearing the childish, petulant tone in her voice but couldn't control her tone as she thought about the email he'd sent her. _Fyi, I'm starting divorce proceedings. Just thought you should know_. She'd practically destroyed her apartment after reading it. It was bad enough, knowing about his little piece of ass but to be so cold as to cut her mother out of his life.

She watched her father's hands pause on her plate and she waited for him to turn and come back to the table, to face her, to explain. But he merely resumed the motion before sliding the plate into the dishwasher.

"I don't expect you to understand it," he finally replied, in that same calm, cool manner that he taught economics in, as if it was just a fact he was passing on and not turning her world upside down. She watched him turning the taps off and drying his hands on the tea towel before turning to pour himself another cup of coffee. Decaf, yet another new thing in the house her mother would never have stood for. She waited for more, for the self righteous explanation, for some announcement that would make sense, but he only slid the carafe back in place and turned to lean against the cupboard, staring down into his cup.

"If you mean _poopsie_ out there, then no...I don't get it," Mya replied caustically. She watched her father's gaze become unfocussed as he looked in the direction of the living room, his head tilting like a robin's listening for a worm beneath the grass, and then he sighed, his big shoulders rising and falling with his breath.

"I loved your mother," he said, holding his hand up as soon as Mya began to argue, shaking his head when she sputtered and fumed at being silenced. "That woman in that hospital is not your mother. If you were in my position, you'd understand." Mya bit down on her tongue to impede the tirade that threatened to spill forth. Her father had always been a hard man to please, always quick to rile and strict but this..._this_ took the cake.

"You're right," she replied, sounding calmer than she felt. "I don't understand because that woman as you call her might not be my mother right now, but she is your wife. Do you know...when I was there _all_ she could talk about was _you_? She might not remember me but she damn well remembers you. She _loves_ you." Mya stood, scraping her chair back on the expensive tile, her hands shaking as she grabbed her coat from the back of her chair.

Her father didn't make a move to stop her. He barely looked up from his coffee which he slowly stirred with the utmost attention. Mya stared at the top of his head, still covered with thick dark hair, grey showing only at the temples. She looked at his big hands, the indent from his wedding ring showing where the gold band should have been if he was any kind of man at all.

This was the man she'd come back in hopes of some kind of approval. Now she wasn't sure why she'd bothered.

She opened her mouth to leave him with some kind of sarcastic parting comment, but decided against it. Slipping into her coat and pulling the keys from her rented car out of the pocket, she turned and headed for the door.

There had to be someone more...worthy to watch the hockey game with.

* * *

It felt strange not to be getting into a suit and tie after a game. They were playing for their country now, Stevie Y had pointed out, it wasn't just a job anymore. This was for all the marbles and he wanted the guys in their Olympic gear at all times, on the ice and off. Still, it felt strange to be reaching for a hoody and toque and not a shirt and tie.

"I can't believe you pulled Kane's mouth guard out and threw it into the net," Phaneuf laughed, patting Sidney firmly on the back. "That was fucking hysterical."

"Well I don't mind if someone tells me they can skate rings around me, I mean prove it but...at least take the fucking dummy out of your mouth when you say it," Sidney mumbled but grinned as he said it. It had been sort of funny, right up until he'd been sent to the sin bin for it. "Thank god he didn't score on that one."

"No worries little buddy," Iggy laughed, tapping Sid's shins with his stick. "We wouldn't let that happen. That was _too_ fucking worth it."

"Yeah I think I owe Brodeur a beer for that," Sidney noted, thinking about the diving save the big goalie had had to make to stop Kessel and Kane from scoring on the power play.

"Well you're coming out with us aren't you? We've got to raise a beer or two on that one," Phaneuf offered, but Sidney shook his head.

"We have a game tomorrow," he reminded the big defenseman, but was only greeted with laughter from the rest of the guys.

"It's only Germany," Eric, the eldest of the Staals and the only one to make the team, informed him. "I'm pretty sure even if we're still drunk tomorrow that won't be a problem." That was unlikely to happen, Sid knew. Even if they threatened to, all of the guys wanted to win the gold too badly to actually do something like that. Still....

"I think I'll skip it," he replied, leaning over to unlace his skates.

"Let me guess, that cute reporter girl of yours?" Thorton asked from across the room where he was sitting, looking very relaxed in nothing but a pair of bright yellow y-fronts. Sidney had done his best not to make it too obvious that he was watching when she'd been interviewing his fellow players but maybe he hadn't done quite as well as he thought he'd had.

"Speaking of her, is she really the one from that youtube video?" Heater asked, passing by in a towel, heading for the showers. Sidney stared straight ahead, but he could feel the burn begin in the tips of his ears.

"You sit at home and watch youtube videos? God are you sad or what?" Iggy replied for him and Sidney glanced up at him, relieved.

"Oh like you don't," Heater pulled the towel from around his neck and snapped it towards Iggy who grabbed his own towel and then the fight was on. Sidney felt relief flood his body as he watched them and then he turned his attention back to getting into his Olympic gear.

He did want to celebrate, he thought, just not with the boys.

* * *

"So you heard it folks," Mya began, turning back to the camera with a bright smile that she had to force. "From Pittsburgh's own blue eyed boy, Ryan Malone. This was a tough one, but Team USA has big plans for their next opponent. Back to you Dan." She waited until the light went off on the camera before letting her expression return to the careful blank stare she'd been wearing since she'd left her father's house.

She'd enjoyed the game, it wasn't that. She'd been one of the only reporters to leap to her feet when Sid had made that toe drag past Ryan Miller. She felt her heart swell when he'd turned towards the team Canada bench with a victorious fist pump. That had all been good. It was just the remnants of the feeling she had after seeing her dad, of not being able to tell him about Sidney, about her new job. It was that niggling feeling that wouldn't go away that she still needed to hear that he was proud of her and _that_, she hated. She didn't want to feel like she needed or wanted his approval and she didn't think it was likely that she was ever going to get it – ever.

And yet he could sit there with that blonde ditz waiting on him night and day and she was supposed to be okay with that, she thought reproachfully as she handed her microphone over to her sound guy. She should have said something, she scolded herself, instead of sitting there and pretending she didn't see it. Of course she'd known about it, about _her_, ahead of time and that had helped, but she still should have said something.

She thought about calling him now, telling him just what she thought of his cutesy poo live in but she let go of her phone in her pocket. It wouldn't do any good. It would make things worse in fact. If they could get worse, she thought with a scornful smile as she pulled the Team USA jacket off and tossed it next to the cable the camera guy was winding up.

"Hey, isn't that bad luck or something?" he called after her, but Mya only shrugged and grinned at him.

"I certainly hope so," she called back, wrapping her team Canada scarf around her neck and reached for team Canada jersey which she had carefully folded and put aside before the interviews. Her crew just laughed and went back to their work while she tugged the red and white jersey over her head.

"Me too." Mya's head popped out of the top of the jersey to see Sidney standing in front of her with his toque pulled down over his forehead, protecting his wet hair from the cool air and for the first time in hours, Mya found herself smiling. "So, when do I get my interview?" he asked, reaching out straighten the hem of her jersey, letting his hand casually brush her hip which sent a shudder across her skin.

"I don't think that's such a good idea," she said quietly, pitching her voice low so only he could hear. "I don't think I have any questions that aren't x-rated."

"Really?" he grinned, biting down on his bottom lip as his gaze roamed discretely over her in a way that made Mya catch her breath. "And just what kind of questions would those be?"

"Well let's see," she smiled, leaning closer, so that her lips were almost brushing his ear. "What would you say if I told you that I wasn't wearing any panties?"

"Damn," he breathed, chuckling as she withdrew to a respectable distance. "I think I'd say that there's an equipment room down the hall," he added, reaching out to hook his little finger with hers'. "And I'd say that I missed you last night."

"Ummm My...we have remote from the speed skating oval to get to?" Kevin, her cameraman called, looking at the two of them a little more closely than Mya knew was good for either of them.

"I'd better go," she muttered, feeling suddenly shy, and feeling her cheeks burn as Sidney grinned back at her.

"I guess I'll just have to keep missing you then," Sidney sighed, looking a little disappointed but his grin only wavered for a moment. "Unless...."

"Unless?" she replied hopefully.

"Unless you have room in that big bed of yours at that B&B?" he asked flirtatiously, leaning in to whisper in her ear. It was ridiculous to feel this way, but Mya felt herself blush as she pulled back away from him. How was it that he could still have her stuttering like a school girl?

"I think...I mean I guess could make room," she stammered shaking her head at herself and at him while he laughed.

She wanted to kiss him, desperately. She wanted to have him hold her and make everything else go away, but she couldn't, they couldn't. Not here. Not with all of the prying eyes around them, press, other players, other athletes. She understood it. It didn't make her want it any less.

"Later then," he said, with a grin that was so contagious Mya knew she was laughing like an idiot, blushing and stammering and that it was probably completely obvious to everyone around them that they weren't just talking casually. She watched him turn and walk away and couldn't keep the grin off of her face. Damn it was good just to watch him walk away. Just that vision alone made her feel better about life in general.

"You coming or what?" Kevin called.

"I'm coming. Shit. What's the fucking hurry?"


	29. Chapter 29

Chapter 29

"So you haven't seen a doctor in Pittsburgh?" her doctor asked as she pressed the cotton ball to the inside of Mya's elbow. For her part, Mya was doing her best to keep her eyes averted from the needle that had withdrawn the blood from her arm. She wasn't sure which was worse, the needle or the blood, but either way, she was feeling far from well.

"Dr. Gilroy, do you have any idea how much it costs to just see a g.p. down there? I personally can't wait until Obama's medical plan starts kicking in," Mya mumbled, replacing her doctor's pressure on the cotton ball, bending her elbow up.

"So you haven't talked over your other symptoms with anyone?" Dr. Gilroy raised her eyebrow at Mya who stared back at her, uncomprehending.

"Other symptoms?" Mya went through her mental notes and shook her head. "Upset stomach, headaches. What else am I supposed to be feeling?"

"You said the headaches go away when you eat?" the doctor shook up the test tube before labelling it and placing it in a tray and turning back to her patient. Mya stared back at her and then shrugged.

"Well yeah, and I guess I've been really thirsty...oh! Oh my god. Do you think I have diabetes?" she asked, reeling at the thought of having to cut herself to check her blood sugar.

"Well that's a definite possibility, but maybe there are some _other_ symptoms we can explore before we go there," Dr. Gilroy continued, leaning against the wall and watching Mya squirm with an amused look on her face.

"Okay, I don't get it. What is up? Is this some kind of pay back for not doing my pap smear or something? I told you I was in Pittsburgh and...what? Why are you looking at me like that?"

"Do you have any other symptoms you want to ask me about? For instance," her doctor smiled and tipped her head to one side, considering her patient, "do you find that you're urinating more frequently than usual? Have you been running a low grade temperature? And have you had any...tenderness anywhere?" Mya's hands raised reluctantly towards her breasts. It wasn't a big thing, she thought to herself. The girls often became a little painful at that time of the month. "How about when was the last time you had a regular period? And I don't mean just some spotting that didn't even require a tampon?" Mya's mouth fell open and a sound of shock and exasperation escaped her throat.

"No...no way," she mumbled, ticking off her mental checklist and quickly coming to the same conclusion. "Oh fuck...no way."

"The test doesn't lie," Dr. Gilroy retrieved the clear specimen jar from behind her back with the tiny litmus paper in it and raised the paper to eye level. "Those two lines appeared pretty quick." Mya stared at the positive test and felt her heart leaping into her throat, cutting off her air. "So when was your last period?"

"Fuck...I don't even know...I've had all this stuff going on and...oh shit," Mya groaned, feeling tears begin to well in her eyes.

"So I take it this isn't good news?" Dr. Gilroy said more quietly, putting the test aside and snapping off her gloves before pulling up a stool to sit in front of Mya who continued to stare at a spot on the wall as she shook her head.

"No...this is _so_ not good. Oh god...he's going to think I'm trying to trap him. Oh shit...oh fucking shit. This is so amateur hour. I'm on the pill...and not the little one either. This isn't supposed to happen," Mya complained, gripping the edge of the exam table hard enough to turn her knuckles white.

"Well you know the pill isn't one hundred percent effective. Even as good as they are, condoms aren't full proof either and some men's swimmers are definitely more active than others so if he's in good shape taking plenty of vitamins...."

"Oh yeah, he's fucking superman. Of course he'd have fucking super sperm...oh fucking shit! I just got this job and he's so fucking amazing...this ruins everything," Mya continued to complain, tears now streaking down her face. She felt her doctor's hand settle on her knee and looked down and across at her, sniffing and wiping her nose with the back of her hand.

"Sometimes things happen for a reason. Don't discount this right away Mya. Maybe it's not as bad as you think it is."

"Oh it's bad...you have _no idea_ how bad it is, how bad _everything_ is," she sniffed, shaking her head and wishing she had a pair of ruby slippers to click together to get the hell out of this situation.

* * *

Sidney clicked his phone shut, glad for once, that he had contacts everywhere. Mya hadn't answered her phone all night and he was beginning to be worried. Not that he didn't realize she was busy and not that he wasn't glad that she understood he had a lot on his plate and was willing to give him time and space, except he didn't really want that time and space right now. He wanted her, in the worst way, which was probably not the smartest decision in the world if you believed that a guy wasn't supposed to expend his energies in the sack the night before a game.

Fortunately that was an old wives tale that he didn't subscribe to, anymore anyway. He was pretty sure that was one of those things that coaches and trainers told rookies in hopes of keeping them from coming to the rink hung over and about as useful as a wet towel. A little old fashioned missionary position wasn't going to sap his energy. Well...not _that_ much.

And now that he knew which B&B Mya was staying at Sidney could also look forward to sleeping in a decent sized bed. He was used to his Queen sized bed at home and not that it wasn't a perfectly good mattress but the last time he'd slept in a single he'd probably been sixteen and...well it wasn't his first choice of sleeping accommodations.

That and he missed Mya like crazy and it wasn't just the sex either. Just having seen her in the hall, just to be able to touch her....

Sidney whistled to himself as he slid into the cab that pulled up outside of the athlete's village. It wouldn't be long now.

* * *

"I said I didn't want any dinner brought up," Mya sniffed, as she opened the door a crack, expecting to see the lady of the house trying to tempt her with yet another casserole, but instead she found Sidney, grinning back at her from beneath his red and white team Canada toque, his face glowing from the cold outside, his caramel coloured eyes sparkling with little boy excitement.

She thought about closing the door in his face, but that was only putting off the inevitable. And besides, she thought belatedly as she left the door open behind her and headed back towards the bed that she'd been hiding in all afternoon, she'd gotten far enough in her decision making process that she knew it wasn't fair to make a choice like this without at the very least telling him. Not that he would have the final say, she told herself as she wrapped herself in the thick down comforter, pulling it up to her chin.

If she even told him now.

She could wait – _should_ wait- until after the tournament. He didn't need to have this to worry about on top of the pressure of the entire country on his shoulders.

"Are you getting sick?" he asked, hanging back near the door and watching her anxiously as she grabbed a tissue out of the box and blew her nose noisily.

"No," she muttered, adding the wad of Kleenex to the growing pile beside the bed, realizing just what this must look like, and he, probably having come looking for a quickie before he had to be back for curfew had probably hoped for something out of Victoria's Secret than Florence Nightingale. "Not sick...not exactly."

"You've been crying," he said more quietly, closing the door behind him and crossing the room to sit beside her on the bed. She felt his hands on her shoulders and part of her wanted to wince, to withdraw but she didn't. After all, it wasn't _entirely_ his fault.

"PMS," she muttered, but as soon as he lifted her chin with his hand and forced her to look into his eyes she knew that he knew that she wasn't telling the truth.

"Did you go see your mom again?" he asked, his gaze anxiously searching hers'. Shaking her head, Mya let out a long sigh.

"I did go see my dad and that was..._interesting_ but it's not that either. Just...it's just nothing. Don't worry about me. Worry about Finland," she suggested, reaching up to run her fingers along the strong line of his cheekbone, almost like she wanted to memorize his face. After all, as soon as he found out what really had her so upset, he'd be heading for the hills as fast as he could.

"How can you even say that? Look at you...I've never seen you like this My. What the hell happened? You didn't get fired for that thing with the US jersey did you? I know those fuckers take that shit seriously but I swear if they fired you I'll fucking make some calls and they'll fucking find out...." Mya couldn't help but smile at her white knight coming to her rescue. It was sweet. Beyond sweet but he was so far of course it was funny..._almost_. She held her hand over his mouth and kissed the tip of his nose, shaking her head.

"I didn't get fired...yet," she sighed as she thought of having to tell them that she'd need maternity leave...that is if she decided to keep it...which she hadn't, not yet.

"Yet? What happened? Did some player say something to you about us? Was it Kane? I'll kick his ass. I'll shove that fucking mouth guard where the fucking sun doesn't shine," Sidney continued, his earnestness tugging at Mya's heartstrings.

"Shut up will you? It's not him or anyone...exactly. Oh fuck," she sighed, dropping her head into her hands. He was going to keep asking. She could see that. He was like a dog with a bone. Of course he was. That was how he played, with dogged determination and a never say die attitude. If she lied he'd see through it, or he'd find out eventually anyway. When she had to tell him, when she couldn't lie any more or when it became too obvious to hide. Either way, it was clear she wasn't going to be able to just put him off.

Her mother had always told her that honesty was the best policy. It didn't feel like it, she thought as she looked up into those melted butterscotch eyes fringed with long dark lashes. He was waiting for an explanation, and part of her knew that he deserved one, but most of her wanted nothing to do with telling him something that would send him away. Not that she could blame him for leaving. This was the last thing he needed, now or in his life at all. She'd already complicated his life more than she'd meant to and now this....

"Mya...spit it out. You're starting to fucking freak me out now. Is it...the headaches...is it...is it cancer?"

Mya blinked, and almost smiled. Cancer? Well of course, with his history, his fiancée and her Aunt...of course that would be where his train of thought would lead him. That would be his worst case scenario.

"No, no it's not cancer," she replied, almost managing a smile as she saw the relief in his face, his full pink lips parting over his teeth as he took in a deep breath and blew it out. Sort of the way he did when he was settling himself over the puck before a shootout, easing his muscles, clearing his mind. Mya wished she could do the same. Her muscles were bunched tight. Her brain was filled with pros and cons and fears and worries. Not least of all was this; telling him.

"Then what sweetheart? What can possibly be so bad?" he asked, reaching up to brush her hair back from her face, leaning in to cover her lips with his. Mya closed her eyes and let him kiss her. He was such a good kisser. She loved how soft his lips were, how they moved gently but firmly over hers'. She loved kissing him. She was definitely going to miss this. "Babe?" he whispered, his lips moving to brush her cheek as he drew her against him, wrapping his strong arms around her. "Tell me. Whatever it is...it can't be that bad."

Mya wondered what his second worst case scenario might be. Was he wondering if she'd cheated on him? Was he thinking she was going to break up with him? Or maybe he thought there was some kind of sex tape a la Paris Hilton? She wondered if he was even thinking of this possibility at all.

Taking a deep breath, she squirmed out of his arms and reached tentatively for his hand, wanting the comfort of his touch but not wanting to anchor him down when he turned to run which she'd decided he would. There wasn't a doubt in her mind about that.

* * *

She was freaking him out, _really_ freaking him out.

At least it wasn't cancer. For a minute there he hadn't been able to even breathe thinking about losing her. He couldn't think about that. That was...well that was unthinkable.

Whatever it was, as long as it wasn't that, he could deal with it he told himself as her hands hovered above his and she turned those tear filled green eyes on him. Even if she was going to leave him for Robert Pattison or that other bad ass vampire guy she liked from that TV show. Maybe he could talk her out of it, he thought hopefully as he watched her square her shoulders.

_Okay buddy_, he told himself firmly as she blew out a breath, _whatever it is, you can take it_.

"I'm pregnant."

He wanted to say '_is that all?', _but the fear in his eyes made him bite back the words as they sprang from his tongue. He couldn't hold back the smile that tugged at the corner of his lips, however, or the relieved, near hysterical laughter that bubbled up in place of the words he wanted to say.

"Don't....How can you laugh?" she asked, staring at him, wide eyed. He wanted to apologize, knew he should. She'd obviously not taken the news as well as he was, but he couldn't help it. He laughed, and wrapped her up in his arms, burying his face in her strawberry scented hair.

"I'm sorry," he finally managed, "but if you knew what I thought you were going to say...I'm sorry it's just...this is great."

"Great?" she asked, pushing him away enough that she was looking up into his face, clearly disbelieving. Her green eyes red rimmed and swollen from crying, her cute little nose puffy and raw, her cheeks tear stained.

"I love kids. I want a mess of kids, everyone knows that," he told her, cupping her face in his hands and kissing the red and raw tip of her nose. "You already know that I want to be with you My," he added more gently, searching her worried gaze and trying to impart his relief and joy to her with a grin he couldn't wipe from his face. "I want this with you. I want _us_, _together_. This is...it's...great."

He was beaming. He couldn't help it. Even while she shook her head and looked at him like she thought maybe he'd lost his freaking mind, he just grinned at her. A kid. _His_ kid. It was freaking great news as far as he was concerned.

"So you're not...you're not mad?" she asked, her worried gaze continuously searching his as if she was waiting for the mask to disappear and the other shoe to drop.

"No," he shook his head and gathered her back into his arms, holding her tight against him. "God no. I'm fucking happy My," he whispered in her ear, feeling his pulse beating hard in his veins, his heart hammering in his chest, like it had when he'd won the Cup. This was sort of like that, he decided. This was almost as good.

"I thought...I thought you'd think I'd done this on purpose," she stammered, sniffing against his shoulder, her arms locked hard around him like she was trying to hold him down, like she was trying to stop him from floating away. He was just about happy enough to. "I thought you'd think I was trying to trap you."

"Trap me?" he held her at arms' length and searched her tear stained face as she brushed at the big, wet tears that rolled anew down her cheeks. "You already have woman. I'm fucked. I'm done. I'm yours all fucking ready, or had you not fucking figured that out already?" She shrugged her shoulders and ducked her head, shaking it minutely.

Sidney sighed and leaned forward to press his lips to the top of her head as he reached into his pocket for the little box he'd been carrying around for more than a month. He'd been waiting for the right time and while this didn't feel exactly right, she obviously needed to know how much she meant to him and he couldn't think of a better way of saying it.

He took the small velvet box and placed it in the palm of her hand. She looked up at him, her eyes impossibly wide and shook her head.

"Don't do this. Not now, please," she whispered, trying to put the box back in his hand.

"What do you mean, why not?" he asked, refusing to take the box and forcing her fingers gently around it instead. "I love you My, you know that. You knew I was going to ask eventually. You had to."

"Just...just not now, please," she whispered insistently. "Not just because of this, because I'm...even if it's not because of that, just not now. I'll always think it was just because of this," she sniffed, shutting her eyes tightly and looking away, holding the box out towards him.

"But I have the ring already My. I've had it for ages and I promise it's not just because you're pregnant," he insisted, wrapping his hands over hers and around the box. "I want this My. I want us to be together, forever. Please...please take it." Her eyes opened and she looked up at him with a mixture of tenderness and fear that made him want to hold her tight and keep her safe, and then she shook her head.

"I love you. I do and...and I can't believe I'm saying this but...please just don't ask this now. Not now. Just...let's pretend I never saw this and...just take it back Sid, please. For me...take it back and...and ask me some other time." Sidney felt his chest tighten, felt his heart skip a beat, and felt his head swim.

"Are you saying..._no_?" he asked breathlessly , steeling himself for her reply.

* * *

Mya smiled then, or at least she tried to. It wasn't easy to do considering she was still crying and her emotions were all over the place. She was happy and scared and worried and sick to her stomach all at the same time. But she smiled as best she could and reached up with her other hand to cradle his cheek briefly, letting all of her love for him flood her face as she looked up at him.

"No, I'm not saying no," she promised, her heart fluttering in her chest as she considered what he had almost asked her. "I'm saying ask me another day. Sometime when I haven't been crying for hours and I don't have snot hanging out of my nose and no make-up on and I'm in something a little...sexier than pj's," she added, watching relief saturate his face for the second time.

"I think you look kind of cute in your pj's," he smiled down at her, finally taking the small velvet box out of her hand and putting it aside on the night table, for now. He kissed her then, a soft, gentle kiss that turned her insides into melted ice cream. It was a kiss that said 'I love you' and also said 'I want you' at the same time. She returned the kiss with the same fervour and pulled him down on top of her at the same time.

She didn't feel sexy. She didn't even fell particularly pretty at the moment, but she did want him.

No strike that, she thought as she felt his hand cup her breast. She didn't just want him. She _needed_ him. She needed to know that he wanted her, that he _still_ wanted her. She needed to know that even if she wasn't going to be that sexy, motorcycle riding stripper that he still wanted her and it seemed that he did.

He moaned, deep in his throat, and his body pressed down against hers, rubbing urgently against hers in a way that made it more than obvious that he did want her, very much. For her part, Mya reached down, sliding her hand down between them to feel her need for herself, wrapping her hand around his erection as best she could through his nylon track pants. He moaned again, his hand squeezing her tender breast hard enough that it made her catch her breath. Not that she'd stop him, she knew as she squeezed back in a way that made him gasp.

"I want...I want to be inside you," he whispered, his tongue circling her ear, making her shudder. "Will it...is it okay?" he asked, pulling back to look down at her, holding himself over her, worry filling his hazel eyes.

"It's okay. She's all safe inside here," Mya whispered back, letting go of him and pulling up her pyjama top to pat her still flat stomach.

"She?" he asked, rolling on to his side and placing his hand gently over top of hers'.

"Well, she or he, I guess. I've just...I guess I just think girls are more trouble," she added with a grin that he matched. He gazed into her eyes then with a look that stole the breath from Mya's lungs and made her eyes well up again.

"Yeah, lots and lots of trouble," he whispered, kissing her softly as he took her hand and slid it down beneath her pyjama bottoms and placed it over her clit, using his hands to guide hers' to the spot that made her moan and shudder and arch off of the bed.


	30. Chapter 30

_This isn't as long as some of my other chapters but I wanted to do this part separately. So short but saccharine sweet. _

**Chapter 30**

It was like New Years Eve, Mardi Gras and the Fourth of July all at once. The people of the city had spilled into the streets in a celebratory mood. Canadian Flags flew from windows, were draped over railings and licked the wind from car windows and moon roofs.

The sidewalks were jammed with grinning faces and it felt as if they hadn't moved more than a block. Sidney was stopped every few inches by someone wanting to shake his hand, pat his back, thank him or congratulate him. For himself, Sidney didn't seem to mind and his own grin never wavered. He could even ignore the slight throb in his forehead where he was sporting a set of fresh stitches, care of Tuomo Ruutu. He didn't even seem concerned about anyone taking the precious gold medal from around his throat.

He signed every card, every jersey, every napkin and every baseball hat put in front of him without complaint. He accepted the good wishes and the invasion of his personal space with equal aplomb.

He also did all of these things without taking his hand from around Mya's. He kept her by his side, refusing to disengage his hand from hers', even when she offered to. Partly he was afraid of letting go of her and having her washed away in the current of the crowd. It had been hard enough to find her in the press of bodies outside the room after the game. But mostly, this was something he wanted to share with her. He wanted to share in the energy swirling around them.

Of course he wasn't the one getting the strange sideways looks and though people were certainly pointing him out and talking about him as they passed through the crowd, it was Mya they were discussing about behind their hands; especially the young girls who squealed when they realized who was passing through the crowd.

Sidney took that in stride. It was something he had long since grown used to, almost didn't hear, but he could feel its affect on Mya. She stiffened more and more each time a gaggle of teenage girls approached clucking like excited hens. He wanted to tell her he didn't see them, not really. That he'd trained himself to just see the piece of paper, the ticket, the jersey that they thrust at him. It wasn't entirely true. Of course he noticed if they were pretty or not, but that didn't change how he felt for her.

This was something she'd have to get used to, he knew as he asked yet another fan politely to steady the ball cap thrust into his hand so that he could sign it one handed. He'd talked about this with Mario and Nathalie. He'd asked what it had been like for her to date the second biggest star in the league next to Gretzky. He knew what it was like for the girlfriends of some of his friends like Vero and MAF, and then there had been poor Heather before Jordy hooked up with Tish. At least Tish seemed better equipped to handle all the negative attention that being the significant other of one of the Pens seemed to bring with it.

Not that he wouldn't protect her if he could, Sidney thought to himself. He just knew that he couldn't or wouldn't be able to. Not all of the time.

He could keep it on the d.l., like he tried to do with most of his personal life. Keep it quiet. Keep it behind closed doors. He'd had pretty good luck with that so far, if you didn't count all of the people that walked up to his parents' front door and asked to take a picture with the people that brought up Sid the Kid.

They even knew where he lived in the off season. He could sit on his dock and see the high powered lenses pointed towards him. Luckily, for the most part, the people taking those pictures liked him or at the very least, had some modicum of respect for him. For her though...he couldn't be so sure.

It was a lot to ask of a woman. He wasn't like Max or Jordy or Fleur. His girlfriend, once she became public knowledge, would be in the public eye, on the internet, probably even in a magazine or two. He could hope to avoid a big fucking scene like Gretzky had for his wedding. After all, it wasn't like Mya was some kind of D-List actress.

No, he thought with a grin as he gave her hand a little tug and pulled her into the restaurant at last. She was way fucking prettier than Janet.

The maitre d'is showed them immediately to a secluded table near the back of the restaurant and Sidney waited until Mya had settled into her seat before sliding into his own , beside her, instead of across from her. Tonight he wanted to keep her close, to keep her within touching distance. Did it make him needy? Fuck it if it did he thought, taking her hand in both of his and running his thumb thoughtfully along her lifeline.

"It's funny," he began, tracing the line that cut across the top of her palm. The heart line, he thought they called it. He'd been to a palm reader once, at Army's insistence. Not that there had been anything she could have told him that he didn't already know. He'd be successful. Well no shit. "I have almost everything I ever dreamed of," he added, glancing up to see if she was following him. Her eyes were heavy, like she was half asleep or relaxed at last he thought as he allowed his gaze to roam her muted expression.

"Almost everything?" she repeated, her free hand resting protectively over her stomach. He glanced down at the way her fingers curved over stomach and smiled.

"NHL, Captain, Stanley Cup and now a gold medal, so yeah, there's just a couple things I need and then I guess I'll have to make a new list," he continued, his thumb now tracing her money line, the one that ran from the base of her thumb up toward the index finger. "You know what those are right?" he asked tentatively, as his thumb went back to tracing her love line, before he finally closed his hands over hers' and looked up into her green eyes. He could see that she was waiting, hope and fear mingled in her eyes.

He'd already asked her, or just about. He wondered what the fear was he could see in her eyes as he reached up to brush her cheek with his fingertips. Was it fear of marrying him and all it meant and all that came with that? Or was it just that he was asking her here, in front of all these people?

Glancing over her shoulder he gave the nod to the maitre d'is and heard the first strains of what he hoped would be their song and slid off of his chair and onto one knee in front of her.

* * *

"You know what those are right?"

When his hazel eyes looked into hers', Mya felt her heart leap into her throat. He was going to ask her, pop the question, and he was going to do in front of a bunch of strangers. If that wasn't bad enough, her favourite song was playing in the background.

It almost made her wish she'd just said yes the other night.

Her hands shook as he took them in his and slid from his chair to kneel in front of her_. God, this was really happening_, she thought as he smiled up at her, his thumb stroking the back of her hand as he looked up at her with an encouraging smile.

She felt her eyes well up, though she told herself she was being ridiculous. She knew he was going to ask her, knew he'd been carrying around a ring and as the light caught the gold medal hanging around his neck, she knew he was feeling on top of the world tonight. She should have seen this coming but still....

_There'll never ever be another you  
I can search my whole life through  
It's no use  
All roads lead me to you  
There'll never be another you_

Mya nearly leaped out of her chair when she felt a hand close on her shoulder. She looked up to find that it wasn't just pre-recorded piped in music playing; Adam Gregory himself stood behind her, his sexy voice crooning in her ear.

"Oh my god Sidney, is there anything you can't do?" she breathed, her entire body shuddering with nervous energy.

"When it comes to you sweetheart, I'll do anything," he whispered, as he bent to press his lips tenderly to the back of her hand.

"You must be awfully sure of my answer, to have him serenading me," she added with a glance back toward the handsome sandy blonde, unable to edit the thoughts in her head before they spilled from her mouth.

"Well I guess I do have a little something going in my favour," Sidney grinned, guiding her hand up to her stomach and pressing both of their hands over it. Mya felt the tears begin to flow, and shook her head. She was smiling and crying at the same time. It was the strangest feeling.

She watched as he took his hand back, fumbled in his pocket and then produced the small box that she'd seen before. Certain she was going to hyperventilate, Mya watched him open the box and her breath caught in her throat as the light caught the brilliant diamond within.

_Oh holy shit_, was the only thing that she could think as she stared at the ring as he took it out of the box and took her hand in both of his.

"Mya, will you make me even happier than I am right now, and marry me?"

_There'll never ever be another you  
I can search my whole life through  
It's no use  
All roads lead me to you  
There'll never be another you_

_Never be another you_

_Oh no_

_Never be another_

The whole room grew deathly quiet, like the whole world was holding its breath, waiting for her answer. As if there was any kind of question about what that answer would be.

"Yes, yes a thousand times yes," she sniffed as he slipped off her promise ring and replaced it with the new, flashy, engagement ring.

* * *

"You could put someone's eye out with that thing," Sidney whispered softly, his fingers laced with hers' over her stomach, his cheek resting lightly just over her belly button.

"Yeah, about that, are you sure that this is really two month's salary?" she quizzed, giggling as he rolled his eyes at her. "I'm kidding," she sighed, letting his body warmth and the warm, clean smell of his skin relax her. "It's probably _my_ eye I'll put out with it."

"As long as you don't put Colby's eye out with it," Sidney mumbled, closing his eyes but not long he was resting, but more as if he was concentrating.

"Colby?" Mya asked, puzzled and amused at the same time.

"Mmm, works either way. Good eh?" he replied, a slight smile tugging at the corners of his full lips. Mya snorted and closed her own eyes, allowing herself to fully relax for what seemed like the first time in forever.

"You know it's not going to do anything that you'll be able to feel for a couple of months right?" she asked, feeling his other hand snake along her pelvis.

"Do _you_ feel anything?" he asked, finally giving up and sliding up the bed to roll her body against his, his strong arms surrounding her, cuddling her close.

"I guess, now that I know," she sighed, her body moulding itself to his. "There's sort of this…I guess it feels like there's a tennis ball in there. That's about it. Oh and your hockey gear," she added, making a face as she thought of the way her stomach had turned over at the funk of entrenched sweat and mold. "It's…not good, really. You're going to have to keep your work out stuff away from me for a while." She felt more than heard him laugh, and then the soft press of his lips to the top of her head.

"I think I can promise that," he whispered, letting out a long, contented sounding sigh. "So…when do you want to do this?"

"Mmm? Do what?" she asked sleepily, trying to stifle a yawn. It had been a long, nerve wracking day, what with the game, Sidney spurting blood all over the ice and then the proposal. Today had seemed like it was going on about two days now.

"Get hitched," he replied, his lips pressing a little more insistently against the back of her neck, sending a warm surge through her nerve endings that made her smile. Mya felt the ring on her finger, a sort of heavy, unfamiliar weight and smiled. It was enough to be engaged, she thought. It would probably take a while just to get used to being the fiancée of Sidney Crosby. That in and of itself was sort of mind blowing, life altering, and made her stomach do a little flip, or was that the tadpole inside of her, she wondered as she closed her eyes and hummed happily as his teeth dragged across her shoulder. There _was_ the baby to consider.

"Do you think you'd have time to get married before the end of the season? I mean…isn't it kind of go go go until…June?" she asked, feeling his body growing rigid and hard against the small of her back and reminding herself that it was bad luck to even think about his season being over before the last day of Stanley Cup finals. He made a noise in the back of his throat that she took for frustration and wondered if it was because she was still talking or because he'd only just realized himself how long that could be. After all, if the Pens season did go right until June, she'd have to buy something that would make her look like trailer trash to head to the alter in. Not that she minded. Well…not really.

"I didn't think of that," he grumbled, and she felt his forehead press against her shoulder. "I don't want you to have to miss out on anything…," his voice trailed away and Mya realized just what he was worrying about and shook her head. Rolling over, so that she could face him, Mya reached up to cup his cheek in her hand.

"I don't need…no, scratch that. I don't _want_ a big white wedding in a church with a dozen bridesmaids and flower girls and all that shit. C'mon Sid, this is me. Be honest, I'm not exactly the most girly girl you've ever met, am I right?" Sidney smiled and shook his head, the concern seeping quickly from his gaze. "If we went to Vegas tomorrow, I'd be perfectly happy with that."

"If I didn't have a game on Tuesday," he groaned, rolling over onto his back and grinding his teeth together. He stared at the ceiling and Mya knew he was imagining his schedule as if it was before him, printed on the ceiling of her room at the B&B. "Fuck…I have games like…every other day for the whole month." He looked over at her apologetically and Mya shrugged.

"So I'll look like a swallowed a beach ball…I'll just ban cameras from the wedding. I mean, isn't that what Tish did?"


	31. Chapter 31

_I don't think you'll need any tissues or paper bags or anything for this...well maybe you should keep them close by_

**Chapter 31**

"Jordy's right, you could put your eye out with that thing," Tish exclaimed as she examined the ring on Mya's hand. Quickly withdrawing her hand and putting it back on her lap, under the table and out of sight, Mya rolled her eyes.

"I should get him to trade it on something smaller, less...conspicuous," she mumbled, reaching for her Venti vanilla chai and sucking noisily at the straw.

"Don't you dare," Tish laughed, sitting back and reaching to give the double stroller a little push. The twins slept better if she rocked it every once in a while. "You wear that thing like a god damned homing beacon, and even if your hands get swollen in your next trimester, you wear that fucking thing around your neck and be proud of it. Are you kidding me? That's god damned gorgeous. Paris Hilton would be fucking jealous as hell." Mya glanced across the small table at her friend and couldn't help but smile.

"Your kids are going to get their mouths washed out with soap on their first day in kindergarten," she admonished Tish who only shook her head, quite decidedly and quite firmly.

"If anyone so much as touches my kids without my say so, I would kick their ass," she answered without so much of a twitch of a smile, lifting her brand new, precariously high heeled, Cesare Paciotti black leather boots. 1 "I will insert these directly up anyone's ass that so much as even _breaths_ hard on either of them...although that would be a kind of waste. Fuck these are great boots."

"They should be for a thousand bucks," Mya muttered, knowing that it was unlikely Jordan would care about the cost, or even notice the thousand dollars as more than a blip out of his bank account. It was more likely he'd just be very, _very_ appreciative of the way they looked on his tall, long legged wife. Still, Mya knew it was going to take her some time to get used to being able to spend money like that. Tish had done her best to talk Mya into purchasing a pair of ferocious wedges2 for half the amount of money that she'd spent, but Mya couldn't bring herself to do it. Not even with the platinum American express card that Sidney had insisted on giving her. It was for necessary expenses she told herself, for things they needed for the apartment, not for frivolities.

"Honey, he has more money than you two will be able to spend in a lifetime," Tish sighed, reaching across the table to place her be-jewelled hand over Mya's, "and if I know anything about our Sidney boy, he'd want you to have a little fucking fun with it." Mya smiled at her friend but kept silent. That wasn't the way Sidney spent money. Oh sure, he'd take her out to eat at nice restaurants, even close them down if he had to, but he didn't just go crazy on the most expensive clothes either. Not that he had to, he got so much free shit from Reebok, he hardly ever had to actually buy clothes, aside from jeans, and those he had specially tailored for his...hot ass. Mya grinned at the thought of the special package of new jeans that had arrived at the apartment that morning. It had never occurred to her such a perfect body couldn't just wear things off the rack. "You two deserve each other, you know that?" Tish sighed, removing her hand and going back to pushing the twins back and forth. "You're both so...small town."

"Is that a bad thing?" Mya asked, partly amused at the idea of Vancouver being called a small town, although in comparison to most of the cities in the US, it probably seemed like that to an outsider.

"No, it's just...don't even listen to me. You're perfect for him. You're so not even interested in the money. It's cute. It must make daddy Troy very happy," Tish added with a wink as she let go of the buggy long enough to drag one of her bags closer so she could peer in at her other purchase. Another pair of buckled boots3 that made Mya wonder just what she and Jordan got up to when the twins were sleeping.

"I don't think Troy likes me much," Mya sighed, thinking about the thunderous look on Troy's face when Sidney said he wanted to celebrate his gold medal with her and not with the entire family.

"Don't worry, I don't think Troy likes anyone much, aside from Mario. He looooves Mario," Tish drawled sarcastically, throwing her head back and laughing while Mya shuddered at the idea of Troy kissing up to Sid's boss. "Speaking of the big sweaty bear," Tish added, raising a single, perfectly arched eyebrow, "do they know yet?"

"Know?" Mya narrowed her eyes, and then, as Tish gave her own, now completely flat stomach a pat, opened her eyes wide. "Oh that...no...no, and I don't even know if they know he's asked me yet and I'm not sure I want to be part of that conversation."

"Wise choice," Tish laughed, and then gave a shudder. "I can just imagine how well daddykins is going to take the news that he's about to become a Grandpa."

* * *

"Here?" Sidney looked out the window at the grey sky and made a face. "Do you really think that would work?"

"Not outside. I mean, well, we can check what the weather will be like on the weekend but...we could even do it in the living room with a little work. But think about it Sidney, where else are you going to have the kind of privacy to keep this quiet?" Nathalie reached over and Mario's hand automatically covered hers'. Sidney smiled at his mentor and sometime foster father. He'd taken the news so much better than he'd anticipated, and Nathalie, well she seemed ecstatic.

"I can't...I mean thank you. I was ready to fly to Vegas but...I mean if you think it would work," he looked down the hall towards the large formal living room with the French provincial furniture, the cream coloured walls and plush rug. It was the room that hardly ever got used. The far less formal entertainment room downstairs was the one that he and the Lemieux's had always used. That was where Christmas mornings took place, movie nights, or just watching a Steeler's game on the tube. The formal room at the front of the house even had one of those sweeping stair cases leading to it from upstairs. It looked like something out of Homes and Gardens.

"Well if someone can pull something like that together at short notice, I think it's Nat," Mario said proudly, reaching over to pat his wife's hand while sharing a look with her that Sidney wondered if he would share with Mya when they'd been together as long as the Lemieux's had. "She's got a book full of caterers and floral companies. I bet she can put something together that will be good enough for Hello Magazine back home," Mario added with one of his warm smiles and a wink towards Sidney, who shuddered at the idea. He'd already been voted one of Canada's most 'beautiful' people in that magazine, but he knew that his mentor was probably right. Even though he wanted to keep it private, no matter how hard he tried, the news was likely to get out, somehow, someway. Even Pat had suggested that they try and control that likelihood by giving exclusive rights to someone.

"I don't want anything too...crazy," he said, thinking of the weddings he'd seen in magazine. The completely over the top and out of control pomp and circumstance of Celine Dion's wedding along with its official book that had come out a week after, or even the full formal church wedding Colby had had. Although that had probably been the most fun he'd ever had at formal event.

"Well it's not really about what you want is it?" Nathalie grinned and Sidney could see the wheels already turning in her head. "You'd better get Mya over here. We have lots to discuss."

* * *

"What do you mean you've been called up? You're like what, over forty? You can't go to Afghanistan. Phone them up. Tell them they've made some kind of fucking mistake," Mya picked up her phone and shoved it towards Steve who backed away, hands up in a defensive gesture, shaking his head.

"Pumpkin, even reservists are going. I'm going to be working in the bases, fixing trucks. I'm not going to be in the line of fire, promise. I'll be fine," he smiled at her like he was trying to placate a crazy person, and that only made Mya even more angry.

"Then tell them you can't go now. I mean, shit, don't they even give you some fucking warning? Ship out on Friday? I mean, who does that?" Mya slammed the phone down and turned away so her Uncle wouldn't see the tears in her eyes. Better he leave thinking her angry at him then upset like this, she thought as she brushed at her eyes with the back of her hand.

"The Army sweetstuff," he said quietly, putting his hands on her shoulders and pressing his cheek to the top of her head. "The President says go and the Uncle Sam snaps his fingers and all I've got to do is put some stuff in a duffle bag and go. Besides, you don't need me now. You've got that hockey player of yours to look after you."

"Yeah but...but...if you're not here...," Mya fought against the tears but she knew it was a losing battle. It was most of the time now that her hormones were firmly in control. "If you're not here, who's going to give me away?"

"Give you...My...did I miss something?" he asked, turning her around and peering down into her face. Mya refused to look up but sniffed and cleared her throat and did her best to keep her voice calm.

"I'm up the spout," she explained, sniffing and wiping at her nose with her sleeve, "so we're getting married."

"Well at least he's doing the right thing and I don't have to fucking kick his ass before I leave," Steve chuckled, lifting her chin and placing a paternal sort of kiss on her forehead. "So what's with all the tears? I know you're nuts about the guy, so is this just hormones or what?"

"We're getting married _this_ weekend," Mya sighed, "I'm going dress shopping today with Tish and Vero and I hate shopping. I can't stop throwing up and...and you _can't_ go. You have to give me away."

"Oh pumpkin," Steve wrapped her up in his arms and held her close, rubbing her back in soothing circles. "I'm so honoured you'd even think of me for that."

"You know I can't ask my dad. I mean, not can't. I won't," Mya sniffed, letting herself relax into her uncle's arms. "I don't even want him here."

"My," Steve stepped back so that he was holding her at arms' length as he looked at her with that 'are you serious' look, his eyebrows raised as he searched her face. "You don't mean that. He's your dad. That's who gives you away. Your dad. Of course you want him here."

"I don't," Mya said firmly, wiping away her tears and returning Steve's concerned gaze. "I really don't. I don't even think I'm going to tell him about the wedding, or the baby."

* * *

There was a long silence on the other end of the line and it made Sidney wince. He could hear it coming. In fact, as he closed his eyes and pressed his fingertips against the throbbing that had begun in his temple as soon as he'd picked up the phone to talk to Troy, he could picture beads of sweat breaking out across his father's forehead as his lips thinned out in annoyance.

"_There's such a thing as an abortion_," his father began in his deep baritone, the sound of disappointment causing Sidney to scrunch down in his chair.

"That's not an option dad," Sidney sighed, shaking his head. He'd known that particular suggestion would be his father's most likely initial reaction, but that didn't make it any easier to hear. "I love her. I'm going to marry her."

"_It's not the god damn fifties Sid. You don't have to marry her because you knocked her up. We'll call Brisson. We'll get some kind of payment arranged. You don't need to go tossing your god damn future down the drain for the first girl with a working uterus." _

"I've called Pat. He's talking to the lawyers about a pre-nup. We're getting married dad. I'm not asking for your opinion. I'm not even asking for your blessing. I'm just telling you, we're getting married this weekend at Mario's. I hope you'll be there. Mom and Taylor are coming so I hope you will too," Sidney said, trying to keep his voice calm and even, drawing on the last reserves of his patience. There was a long silence on the other end of the phone again. Long enough that Sidney began to wonder if his father had actually hung up on him. It wouldn't have been the first time. "I thought, at least, you'd be happy that we're keeping it small and private," Sidney added, the little boy inside of him still needing to placate his overbearing, over protective father. "It's not even going to be the whole team, just a few of the guys. It's going to look like a dinner party, that's all. The only people who even know what's actually going on are Mario, Nathalie and you and mom. I don't even want you to Taylor, in case she decides to facebook this too," Sidney continued, trying to fill the silence, and trying his best to paint a picture he hoped his father could accept.

"_So her parents have the good sense to think this is stupid idea too_?" his father said finally, sounding just a little too pleased at the idea of more family strife. Sidney pressed at his temple and reminded himself to breathe. This thing of his father living precariously through him, of trying to control his every move, every decision, he'd really hoped it had ended with the Cup. Obviously that still wasn't quite the case.

"No...her dad is...," Sidney started to explain about the complicated and strained relationship Mya had with her father, but decided against it. After all, that would only add fuel to his own father's argument that she wasn't the right girl for him. The fact that Sidney thought it made her even more perfect made him smile. "Her relationship with her parents has nothing to do with you, dad. Are you coming or not?"

"I'll be there," his father said at last, but there was a note in his voice that made Sidney wince. He sounded just a little too happy about it, which only meant one thing. Trouble. "Someone's got to talk you out of this bullshit."

"If you're going to be like that, dad, then don't even bother coming," Sidney grumbled, slamming the phone down, despite the fact that he knew that by doing that he was only playing further into his father's hands.

He could hear it already. The 'you're too young to get married' and the 'you're too young to be a father, look what I went through, what I gave up for you'. Sidney had heard his father's warnings time and again. The evils of women and how falling for their wiles and falling into their clutches would ruin his career. The fact that he'd never actually been happier than when he was with Mya didn't seem to matter to his father.

There was no point in arguing with the man though, Sidney knew from long experience. Troy wasn't what you call 'a good listener'. That had served its purpose early in Sidney's life, he knew, but he'd long outgrown the need to have his father serving the bull in the china shop role in his life. If he was going to stop being 'Sid the Kid' he was going to have to step up and make his own decisions, even if that meant that Troy never spoke to him again.

Sidney grinned suddenly at the thought.

A guy could dream, couldn't he?

* * *

When she'd gotten in Steve's car, which he'd insisted she take considering he wasn't going to need it for the next few months, Mya had had every intention of heading to the bridal salon whose address she had printed out Tish had texted to her earlier in the day but instead, she'd been driving in circles, trying to clear her head.

She wasn't going to call her father. That much she knew for certain. There was no way the she was going to risk ruining her wedding day by having her dour father there, disapproving of everything and everyone. And besides, Max would probably hit on his girlfriend and then all hell would break loose....

Mario would do it. All she had to was ask and considering he and his wife had been generous enough to offer up their home for the wedding, it might be the right thing to do, Mya thought as she sat staring at the stop light in front of her. He was a really nice man, and Sid thought the world of him, but she hardly knew him. The problem was that she'd only met him once, maybe twice, she thought as the light turned green and Mya gave the car some gas and headed across the intersection and into the driveway. She hardly knew him. It didn't seem right.

As she put the car into park, she felt her hands go clammy, but that didn't stop her from pocketing her keys and heading towards the front door.

She'd only been here once before. In fact this was as close as she'd come, the driveway. She'd never been inside. In fact she'd never been out of the car. He'd only come here once, to get something he'd forgotten. His wallet, she thought as she walked up the driveway and put her hand out to knock on the door.

This was a crazy idea, she thought as she listened for movement inside. He'd say no. She was almost certain of that, and yet she couldn't think of anyone else she knew well enough, or cared enough about to ask.

"Can I help...you?" His voice faded away to nothing, as did his friendly, toothy grin as his brown eyed gaze met hers'. "Tabernak. Je dirais que c'est une surprise, but I always knew you'd come crawling back, par la suite."


	32. Chapter 32

_Thanks for your patience. I have had so much running around to do for the Holiday Season and work has been...well absolute HELL to be honest so I know this is short but I also changed my mind three times on this subject so...hang in there with me. _

**Chapter 32**

"No, no, no, _no_."

Mya stared at the red stain and swore under her breath. This could not be happening. Not now. There were people downstairs, a wedding shower and baby shower all in one. There were balloons and cake and a mountain of presents.

And she was bleeding.

"No. God, please no," she moaned, reaching for more bathroom tissue and blotting again, praying it wouldn't be there this time.

But it was.

"You comin' out of there soon?" Tish called from the hallway. Mya could picture Jordan's wife in her mind. She was wearing a silver cocktail dress and opaque black tights and impossibly high heels. They'd left the twins at home with Jordan's mom. Jordan's mom had been spending an inordinate amount of time with the young couple of late, which was why Tish was shadowing Mya. She'd had enough of her mother-in-law and all of her 'down home' suggestions. Tish seemed to think it was her turn to run someone's life for a change. Not that she'd minded a single suggestion Tish had forwarded so far. If it had been entirely up to Mya, the wedding dress hanging from the door would have been replaced with a burlap sack.

Not that there was going to be a wedding now, she thought darkly as she closed her eyes tried to feel what was going on inside of her own body. She'd had a dull sort of pain in her back all day. Not cramps, she thought, just sort of an ache.

"Tish?" she called out, her hand shaking as she reached back to jiggle the handle.

"What's up hun? You fall in?" Tish joked but Mya couldn't even crack a smile as she searched through the bottom of her purse, looking for some kind of panty liner, even if it was ten years old and covered in fuzz. Failing that, she grabbed a handful of tissue and folded it carefully in place.

"Can you take me to the hospital?" she asked quietly as she opened the door. Tish's always bright smile disappeared immediately as she searched Mya's expression.

"Are you bleeding?" she asked immediately to which Mya could only nod as fat, wet tears began rain down over her cheeks. "Okay, just try not to panic. I'll go get Sidney and we'll...." Mya grabbed Tish's outstretched hand and vehemently shook her head.

"No...no don't...not until we know," she insisted and though Tish looked back at her sceptically, she nodded, and reached into her own purse for some kleenex.

"Mom now...," Tish explained as she blotted Mya's tears before palming her keys and silently leading Mya down the hall.

Mya could hear the party going on behind them, the laughter and the raised voices. A few minutes ago she'd been one of them, laughing and joking with some of the other WAGs as she tore into professionally wrapped presents with perfect bows containing gifts that altogether represented more than her entire years salary. Now she was escaping under the cover of darkness without a word to anyone.

They'd have to return all the gifts.

Mya thought regretfully about the solid silver rattle that Vero and Marc Andre had given them. It was so beautiful. Then there was the crib that Natalie and Mario had given them with the Winnie the Pooh linens. It had to have cost them a fortune. Of course they could afford it. But it would all have to go back now anyway.

Sidney wasn't going to want to marry her now.

Or at least he wouldn't have to, and his father would be so pleased about that, Mya realized as she thought of the way the big bear of a man had stood, looming over her, looking down at her with distaste as his wife fawned over her soon to be daughter in law. Trina had been so looking forward to be a grandmother.

At least Tish wasn't trying to tell her that everything was going to be okay. As it was she was coming undone. If anyone did try to tell her everything was going to be okay...Mya bit down on the inside of her cheek to stop a sob escaping from her lips.

This was not okay. There was no way this was going to be okay.

* * *

"It's always hardest when it's the first one," the nurse was saying quietly as she held the thermometer into Mya's ear and took her pulse with her other hand. "You've already got a name and you're all excited," she continued in that soothing voice, or at least Sidney assumed that's what she was going for as he stood at the foot of the bed. It didn't sound reassuring to him and by the looks of Mya's tear stained face, red-rimmed eyes and red tipped nose, it wasn't doing much for her either. "You're lucky," the nurse added, noting both her temperature and pulse rate on the chart behind Mya's head before giving her hand a firm squeeze. "It could have been worse. You could have been further along."

"Yeah, great silver lining," Tish snarled, giving the nurse a cold stare as she stepped between the woman in scrubs and Mya, practically tearing the nurse's hand off and replacing it with hers.

It was only then that the nurse seemed to notice him standing there and he saw her eyes get wide. That was probably a bad thing. He could hear it already, the gossip that would start out at the nurse's station and quickly spread through the rest of the hospital and out onto twitter and facebook and...but he didn't care. He cared about the woman lying curled in a foetal position on the hospital bed, clutching Tish's hand like it was a lifeline.

The anger he'd carried all the way to the hospital lessened as his gaze swept her pale complexion, marred by streaks of mascara, bright fever spots on her cheeks. It was the pain in her eyes, the utter agony that stole the words from his lips as he stood there at the end of the hospital bed, torn between climbing onto the bed and wrapping her protectively in his arms or turning and leaving.

Except that he had to know.

Not that the anguish in her face didn't make it crystal clear that there wasn't going to be good news. But still, he'd always been the kind of person that held onto any shred of hope, no matter how small and he just couldn't believe this could happen, not now, not to him.

His hand reached out to brush over her foot, to let his presence be known, but one sharp look from Tish froze him mid movement. With a glance, she made it known that his place should be beside her, at the empty side of the bed.

Sidney reached for her hand, the one that was balled in the crisp white hospital sheets. Patiently he unfolded her hand and tugged the sheet free and then wrapped both of his hand around hers'. She hadn't looked up at him yet and there was this horrible feeling in the pit of Sidney's stomach that was begging to grow, beginning to make it hard to take a breath.

"Is it..?" his voice failed him as he tried to ask the question that had haunted him ever since Jordan had come to find him in Mario's office. Jordan hadn't known the answer and neither Tish nor Mya had been answering their cell phones. He'd pushed the black BMW to its' limits through the dark city streets, the engine roaring as he pressed his foot to the floor, ignoring red lights, forgetting about his own safety or anyone else's. All he wanted to know was....

"Of course it is. Do you think she'd be balling her fucking head off if it wasn't?" Tish snarled, her dark eyes judging him as he stood there, staring back at her, shaking his head.

It couldn't be true. It just couldn't.

"Isn't there...is there something they can do? I mean...there must be something...," he asked hopefully. He was grasping at straws. He knew it, he didn't need Tish to roll her eyes at him.

"It happens." A new voice, a young male doctor ducked through the curtain, clipboard in one hand and a pen in the other. He made some kind of notation on the clip board before setting it down on the bed and reaching out to lay his hand comfortingly on Sidney's shoulder before moving away and around the foot of the bed.

For his part, Sidney wanted to shrug it off, to give this man in his crisp, clean white coat a piece of mind. After all, what good was an expensive degree if he couldn't do anything about this?

"A lot of times women this early don't even realize that this is even what's happening," the young doctor continued as he moved up the bed, displacing Tish as he reached for Mya's hand, pressing his fingers to the inside of her wrist and his other hand over her seat slicked brow. "It's never easy though, that's for certain. I'm very sorry for your loss," he added with just the hint of a smile as he looked down at Mya who began to cry anew.

He held her hand a moment longer and Sidney watched as he gave Mya's hand a gentle, reassuring pat before he turned to look across the bed at Sidney.

He recognized him, of that Sidney was certain. He was also weighing him up with what seemed like a deliberately critical sort of gaze that swept over him while that half smile never left his face. Professional and yet...not, it made Sidney's hackles rise. It was the same sort of look some of the older referees, like Devorski or Fraser, gave him when he complained. It was patient and derisive at the same time. It made him want to break a stick over their head. This made him want to grab the doctor's stethoscope and wrap it around his neck and tighten it until his eyes bugged out of his head and his lips turned blue.

He knew, or at least he could guess what was on the young doctor's mind. He was probably thinking that the young superstar had gotten off lucky, had escaped unscathed. That, of course, was the furthest thing from Sidney's mind. At this moment, he felt anything but lucky.

"Isn't there...something you can do?" Sidney made himself ask, and ground his teeth together as the doctor looked back at him, a smug sort of grin on his face.

"We can test the tissue that's been sloughed so far. As I said to your umm...friend here," the young doctor looked up at him and actually winked, and it took every ounce of will power Sidney had not to launch himself over the bed at him and send him crashing to the floor. That would make an even better story, Sidney thought as he imagined people whipping out their cell phones to record the local hockey star rolling around on the floor with a doctor. It would do wonders for his reputation. "As I said, these things tend to happen for a reason, but sometime knowing what the reason was can bring a little closure."

Tissue...tests.... It was all so fucking clinical. His baby was gone, dead, and this guy was talking about tissue and closure. Sidney had long since let go of Mya's hand, lost entirely in his own grief, and now he could feel his hands ball into fists at his sides. He wanted to smack the smug look off of the doctor's face and then he was going to punch some holes in the wall, and then maybe he was going to toss some bed pans around. Maybe then he'd feel better. He doubted it though.

"Do the tests," Tish replied for both of them, taking charge once again of the situation as she stepped between the doctor and Mya once more, perching on the edge of the bed and gathering the prone and shaking form into her arms. "Can she go home now?" Tish asked, glancing at Sidney as if he was some sort of monster before turning back to the doctor. Sidney could only stare back at her, There was something in the way she looked at him though, something he couldn't face.

She thought he should be the one to be the one holding onto Mya, except he couldn't. Or he didn't want to. He wasn't sure which. He just knew he couldn't be here anymore. He couldn't stand the way the doctor was judging him. He hated the knowing look the nurse at triage had given him. He hated the smell of the place.

Mostly he hated feeling so fucking helpless. If there wasn't anything he could to help, he didn't want to hang around and have everyone look at him as if this was somehow his fault.

"Sid? Sidney?" She was reaching for him. Her hand outstretched towards him and he couldn't make himself take her hand. If he did it would be like he'd forgiven her, and suddenly he couldn't. He knew he should, but he couldn't. He stared down at her hand for a long, silent moment and then he turned and swept the curtain aside and began to walk.

"Don't you dare." He heard the tapping of Tish's high heels on the linoleum floor and he knew in a moment she was going to grab him and spin him around but Sidney didn't stop walking. He knew what it looked like, but that didn't stop him from putting one foot in front of the other. "Don't you leave her Sidney Crosby. Don't you walk out on her now or I swear to God...."

"You'll what?" he hissed, turning to face down Jordan's tall, statuesque wife.

"She'll probably never forgive you," Tish replied, matter-of-factly, raising her eyebrow at him like she dared him to turn and walk away now. Sidney could barely breathe, could barely swallow, and he knew that Tish might just be right but somehow that didn't matter right now.

"Maybe I'll never forgive her," he whispered back, glancing at the lump of sheets on the bed that he knew was the woman he was supposed to marry in the morning. He couldn't imagine that happening now, maybe not ever.

"I cannot believe you would do this. Not you. Max, sure, but not you. I know your mama raised you better than this Sidney Patrick Crosby. Don't you _dare_ leave her now. She needs you," Tish warned, the threat clear in her dark eyes. "Now I know you're not good with the whole hospital thing since Randi but I swear to God, you will fucking regret this if you leave her now."

Sidney stared past her at the unmoving form on the bed and knew that maybe Tish was right, but as much as he knew it was probably true, the tightness in his chest, the urge to flee was too strong. Shaking his head, as much at himself as in answer to her threat, Sidney turned his back on his fiancée and on Tish and walked away.


	33. Chapter 33

_paper bags ready, defibrillators set on stun? then I'll proceed_

**Chapter 33**

Mya curled her fingers around the steaming mug of strong, black coffee and tried not to listen to the woman across the table from her chewing loudly on her Cheerio's. They weren't the normal, plain kind either, nor were they the good for you kind with the honey and nuts. They were the sugary, colourful fruit kind. Something about that struck her as pathetic and only served to underline how young her father's girlfriend was.

Not that he was here to see his girlfriend chasing her cereal around one of his Italian ceramic Insalata bowls. He had long since driven off, heading for campus, which made Mya wonder if his girlfriend should be at class or not. Not that she planned to ask. If she could help it, she didn't plan to even talk to the woman, although that was beginning to prove difficult.

She'd run home to lick her wounds, looking for sympathy and the arms of her mother. It hadn't been a very well thought through plan.

Her mother had gathered her in her arms and made soothing noises while she cried, but the minute that Mya had got up to go to the bathroom to splash cold water on her face her mother had forgotten why she was there or who she was.

For his part, her father had done his best to make sympathetic gestures and had even patted her back as he sat on the edge of her old single bed. It hadn't lasted long though, and soon he'd retired to his study, behind closed and locked doors and there the sympathy and parental care had ended. He'd been far more concerned with idea of being old enough to be a grandfather than he had with his daughter's physical or emotional well being.

Still, home, such as it was, was better than Pittsburgh.

Tish had insisted on taking her in, but Mya had only lasted a single night in their guest room. Waking up in the middle of the night to the cries of the twins had been more than she could take. Despite Tish's arguments against it, the very next morning, Mya had climbed on a plane and headed for the coast.

Time and space, she hoped, would heal the gaping, bleeding wound in her heart.

Except it still ached, she knew, reaching down to place her hand against her stomach. Her baby was gone. She hadn't really had time to get used to the idea, to really feel what it felt like to be pregnant, but what she did feel now was empty. Like something was missing.

Of course it wasn't just that quickening of life inside of her that was gone.

The engagement ring Sidney had given her was on the bedside table at Tish and Jordy's, if Tish hadn't found it yet. If she had, Mya wondered to herself, had she given it back to Sidney or had she put it in the safe in their bedroom?

She hoped that Tish, or maybe even Jordan, had returned it to Sidney. It would save her from having to do it herself, she thought with a sigh as she tipped the cup of dark, rich coffee to her lips.

Closing her eyes she savoured slightly nutty, almost burnt taste of the Arabica beans. At least she could count on one thing. Coffee was almost always good. It almost always made her feel better. She'd missed it when she'd given it up as soon as she'd found out about the baby....

No, she admonished herself for the hundredth time. She couldn't think about the baby. No, not the baby, she told herself firmly, the pregnancy. It was better to think of it as an 'it', not a person, and it was better not to think of it at all, because every time she did, she would think of Sidney, and she wasn't sure which hurt worse.

As the hot, dark liquid slid down her throat, Mya took stock of her insides. The dull ache in her chest, she told herself, was not a broken heart. It was just sore muscles from crying. It would go away in a day or two. The emptiness in her stomach wasn't a missing baby, it was hunger. She tried to remember when the last time she'd had something to eat was. Three days, maybe four?

That was one of the worst things about the miscarriage she thought darkly, one of the most unfair. Her breasts still hurt. Her hormones were still out of control and she still couldn't stand the smell of things she'd liked before, like bacon, like fresh baked bread.

No, she corrected herself with a wry smile. Not the worst, just inconvenient. The worst...well she couldn't decide what the worst was. Not yet, although she had to admit that it would have been nice if he'd at least call to see if she was okay.

The fact that he'd just walked out on her on what seemed now like the worst day of her life...well it was pretty fucking unbelievable and Mya was having a hard time trying to forgive him for it and she'd tried. She really had.

She'd also tried to think of a single reason that would explain how the normally sweet and thoughtful young man she believed she loved could do something so cold, but no matter how hard she tried, the only reasons she could think of seemed either truly farfetched, or worse, truly un-fucking-forgivable.

Had he just got cold feet? Was he cheating? Had he seen a nurse that looked better to him? As hard as she tried, Mya couldn't make herself believe any of the fanciful daydreams she came up with to explain his behaviour.

There was, however, one idea that she could believe, though she tried not to.

If he'd lied when he said he didn't need the pregnancy to want to marry her that meant he didn't really love her. It meant he only wanted to legitimize his child, his progeny. She tried not to, but if it was true, and Sidney was that calculating, then maybe everything else had been a lie and that...well that made the ach in her chest turn into a sharp pain. Like maybe her heart wasn't just broken. Maybe it was just gone.

Because she knew if he could do that, she hadn't really known him at all. And if she could love someone like that...well, then she never wanted to fall in love again..._ever_.

* * *

"You are an incredible ass, you know that?"

Sidney snorted and shook his head, but didn't look up from tying his skates.

"And here I thought you'd be over the moon that I was single again. I thought you'd bring me a fucking bottle of JD and say '_hey, single buddy, let's go cruising'_," Sidney sighed, switching to his other skate before looking up at Max who was still standing over him, or rather looming over him, with a thunderous look on his face, which didn't at all go along with the usually perky, happy go lucky if somewhat moody personality the forward usually had.

"No, I think you're a fucking moron. A lunatic. Merde Sainte Sid. What were you thinking letting that girl go?" Sidney narrowed his eyes at his friend and waited for that twitch at the corner of his mouth that would signal that Max was about to laugh because this had to be a joke. Max was a consummate bachelor. No he was _the_ consummate bachelor and he firmly believed that everyone else should follow his lead; be single, carefree and fuck everything that moves.

Sidney waited, and waited but Max didn't crack so much of as the hint of a smile. In fact he continued to stand there, looming, looking disapprovingly down at where Sidney was sitting half in and half out of his gear.

"Okay, what gives?" Sidney asked finally, reaching for a roll of hockey tape, something, _anything_ to keep his hands busy, which had pretty much been his state of mind for about a week. Don't think, that was his new motto. Practice, work out, drink a bottle of JD, sleep and don't dream. Just don't think. Thinking was dangerous and, he'd decided, frankly overrated. "You were pissed at me for getting engaged. I'm not engaged anymore. I thought you'd be throwing me a fucking party."

"I'll tell you what I will do. I'll pay for whatever expensive weekend or trip to Paris or what the fuck ever you need to do to get the poor girl back. That's what I'll fucking do," Max snarled and Sidney stopped winding the tape around the blade of his stick and stared at his teammate as if he'd never seen him before, which is exactly what it felt like. This didn't sound like Max. This wasn't Superstar.

"I don't get it Max. What's this really about? What? You think I'm not playing well or something? Is that it? Are you going to give me that speech again about how I need to get laid and how I can't play with blue balls? Is that it? Because if that's where you're going with this, just save it 'cuz I'm pretty sure that's how I got into this fucking shit storm in the first place." Sidney went back to taping his stick, because he needed to focus on something else, something beside the pair of dark eyes that were glaring at him, questioning him. He'd done enough of that himself. He'd had the twenty questions from Mario and the '_I told you so'_ bullshit from his father, not to mention the 'how could you' speed from Tish and Jordan.

Getting it from Max...well that was just bullshit, plain and simple. Max didn't care about his personal life, not unless it involved some kind of alcohol fuelled toga party.

"You're right you don't get it," Max sighed, shaking his head and letting out one of those long, slow sighs. It reminded Sid suddenly of his mother, the sound that she made when Sid had broken a window with a puck, or when he hadn't done his homework because he'd been out playing street hockey after dark. That disappointed but not surprised sound.

"Whatever Max." Sid bit back the 'fuck you' and the 'go fuck yourself' that he wanted to add. Fighting with his teammates would only add to his misery, and if it was one thing he didn't need, it was more of that.

"Yeah, that's right. Whatever. Sweep it under the rug, huh Sidney? Break your word, break her heart, you know, whatever. A little piece of your soul dies, you know, whatever. Yeah...that's good. Okay, you do that Sid. You do that and see how good you feel huh?" Max finally grinned as he placed a hand on each of Sidney's shoulders and stared him straight in the face. "Take it from me Super Boy," he added, pitching his voice lower so that it sounded threatening but firm, so that Sidney had to listen. "Being all alone when you're ninety because you're too chicken to get through the rough times...it's going to suck, non?"

* * *

_Dealing with Grief _

_Trying Again: A Guide to Pregnancy after Miscarriage_

_Empty Arms: Hope & Support for Those Who Have Suffered a Miscarriage_

_Holding on to Faith: Hope after Miscarriage_

_Piece of My Heart: Living Through the Grief of Miscarriage_

Mya ran her fingers down the spines of the books in front of her and felt her eyes well up. She could hardly think about it. She couldn't imagine reading about it, and yet...she had no one to talk to.

Well that wasn't strictly true. She talked to her mother. She had talked to her mother just this morning. They'd had tea.

The problem was her mother seemed to think that she was the neighbour across the street they'd had when she was about four. She kept calling her Irene.

Her father, in his infinite wisdom had suggested she join some kind of support group. His exact words had been something to the effect of '_isn't there some group...MA or something you could go to?' _

MA. Miscarriages Anonymous. The thought made her smile as she turned her back on the section and headed over toward the fantasy and science fiction section. A good, lush fantasy world might do the trick, she hoped, as she waded into the section with all the big thick tomes by the likes of Tolkein, Tepper, Armstrong, Hamilton, and de Lint. She ran her fingers down their titles and felt a sort of peace steal into her heart.

_Lord of the Rings_

_A Plague of Angels_

_A Lick of Frost_

_Bitten_

_The Mystery of Grace_

She pulled out one of the books and opened it, grinning at the creaking sound it made. She loved being the first to open a hardcover. She was already imagining herself curled up with a box of chocolates, under a throw, reading....

"Is that a good one? Do you know?" Mya looked up to find herself looking into a pair of impossibly blue eyes. They weren't ice blue, or robin's egg blue. They were sky blue, very, very blue. "It's just...I like to get something to read on the plane. I mean...I'm starting to. I mean...I didn't used to. I used to sort of just listen to music and whatever and play cards with the boys but I'm not really good at cards and...I'm sorry. I'm pretty much rambling here. My name's Shane," he said, sticking his hand out towards her. "I have this habit of rambling when I meet a pretty girl." Mya knew she was grinning but couldn't help it. He was...adorable; like a big, dumb teddy bear, but...adorable.

"Mya. Don't I...do I know you?" she asked, tilting her head to one side as she looked up into those sky blue eyes, framed by long dark lashes and a spattering of freckles across a nose that look like it had taken its' fair share of right hooks in its time.

"I don't think so. I mean, I'm pretty sure I'd remember someone as pretty as you," he grinned, showing a chipped tooth in an otherwise broad, generous smile. Mya felt her cheeks heat and ducked her head, hiding behind her hair.

"This _is_ a good one," she suggested, turning to reach for a book behind her. "It's Vikings and raids and all that. You look like you could appreciate a good fight," she added, turning to hand it to him to find him leaning in to sniff at her hair.

"You smell good," he grinned, "I can appreciate that." He was flirting with her, outrageously and he wasn't even making an attempt to be subtle. It made her skin tingle and she couldn't stop smiling like an idiot.

"You...um, you should read that on the plane," she mumbled, realizing that her hand was shaking as his long fingers brushed hers when he took the book from her.

"Thanks for this. I will. The guys will think I'm trying to get smart or sumthin'," he added as he slipped the big book open and glanced at how many pages it had in it. "So uh...you want to get some coffee or something?" he offered, looking hopeful as he stood there, looking down at her with those big, big blue eyes.

She should say no. Two weeks ago she'd been set to marry Sidney, was going to have his baby... Of course all of that was over now. Sidney hadn't even called her. Not so much a text, an email, nothing. So if it was over....

"Coffee sounds good. I like coffee," she said quietly and watched the big man's grin grow impossibly wide as he bobbed his head, sending part of the dark thatch of hair on his head forward. She watched as he brushed it aside before offering to take the book she was holding out of her hand.

"Let me get that for you," he said, his hand brushing hers' as he tried to take it.

"That's okay," she replied, holding fast to the book and looking back at him quizzically. Buying her a coffee was one thing. A thirty dollar book....

"Hey, I'm a professional hockey player. It's no problem," he grinned, taking the book and stacking it on top of his before offering her his arm.

"Professional...what?" she asked, her heart sinking.

"I play for the Canucks. C'mon. You don't watch hockey? I thought everyone in this city watched hockey."

"I...I watch hockey. I just...I just...." She wanted to run. She wanted a hole in the floor to open up and swallow her whole. She wanted a portal to another dimension to open and drag her through the rabbit's hole. "I just remembered I have to be somewhere. It was nice to meet you Shane," she mumbled, turning on her heel and practically running for the door, leaving the big defenseman standing there with the books in his hand staring after her.

* * *

"Do you even remember what you went through to get her?" Jordan asked as they sat in the hotel room, in the semi dark. Sidney hadn't been able to sleep and Jordan couldn't sleep unless Sidney did. Normally Sidney roomed with Fleur but the young goalie kept giving him that look lately, the same disappointed 'I can't believe you' look that Mario and Nathalie kept giving him. He couldn't stand it.

Jordan's wife didn't approve either. But she wasn't on the road trip and Jordan was pussy whipped, there was no doubt about that, but when they were on the road, she loaned him his balls.

"Sure," Sidney replied at long last. "But...I don't know. I think I just realized it was all happening too fast. I think maybe we need a break," he added, which is what he had convinced himself was happening. They were on a break, taking some time apart to get their bearings. At least that's what he was doing. All he knew was that Mya had gone running home to Vancouver, jacked in her job and school and went home to her mommy and the only reason he knew that was because Gronk had told him so. Tish had told him not to but more often than not, Jordan couldn't keep a secret.

"Yeah well, you know what happened to Ross and Rachel when they were 'on a break'," Jordan replied, lacing his fingers behind his head and staring at the ceiling.

"What are trying to say Gronk? Do you think I'd cheat on My?" Sidney asked, still wondering to himself why Max hadn't tried to drag him down to the club earlier when he and Duper and TK had gone girl hunting.

"I'm saying she's a beautiful girl and she's pretty pissed at you so...I'm saying she's probably going to move on if you don't get your head out of your ass pretty quick," Jordan sighed, closing his eyes and letting out a long sigh.

"She's not like that," Sidney heard himself reply defensively. "She wouldn't do that."

"She returned the ring, didn't she?" Jordan asked passively. "Put yourself in her shoes man. If you think you're grieving, imagine how she's feeling and you're not there to lend her a shoulder to cry on and I'm sure there's plenty of guys who'd be willing to...."

"She's not like that," Sidney growled, grabbing his pillow and turning his back on Jordan, screwing his eyes shut. "She wouldn't...fuck it's only been a couple weeks. I was going to call her...I just...I just needed some space."

"I'm just saying," Jordan yawned. "If you were in her shoes and some big hunk came along to make her feel better...you know...if I was single and in Vancouver and...."

"And shut up Jordan okay? Mya's not like that. She's not just going to jump into bed with some guy. I'm sure she's still...working stuff out for herself. I'll call her tomorrow...or in a day or two," Sidney mumbled, punching his pillow and trying not to see the vision suddenly creeping into his head of Mya in some other man's arms.

"Your funeral man. Whatever you think. You know her better than me," Jordan added sleepily and Sidney thought that that sounded about right. He did know her better. She wasn't like that. She was probably laying in the dark thinking about him just like he was thinking about her. No one was cheating on anyone. She wouldn't even think about it. She was probably still working things out for herself. She didn't have time to look for other men just like he wasn't looking for anyone else.

Sidney took a deep breath and told himself to relax. He had to stop listening to other people. He'd freaked out, reacted badly. The whole hospital thing had really fucked with his head, brought back memories of Randi and messed with his mind. He hadn't been thinking straight and it had taken him some time to figure out just exactly what _had_ happened. But now that he did have it straight in his head, he was going to wait until this road trip was done and then he was going to call her, when he had more time and there weren't a lot of people around to listen in. She would understand that.

Mya was a smart girl. She'd probably already figured out what had taken him so long to come to terms with. She was probably waiting for him to come to her and he would.

In a few days.

In the mean time, he needed some sleep and he needed to stop thinking about her and definitely about her and some other guy, because that would never happen, not in a million years.


	34. Chapter 34

_okay, poll question at the end, be ready with your answer_

**Chapter 34**

The air was crisp and cold but the sun had begun to peek through the clouds with the promise of a better afternoon. The ground was moist and damp and Sidney could feel the moisture seeping through his jeans as he knelt in the grass in front of the brass plaque now set deeply in the grass. He pulled at a few blades, tugging them clear of the edges, wishing he'd brought something to cut them back with. The grass having grown around the name plate was not only a reminder that the snow had only recently receded but that he hadn't been here. Not for a long while.

Not that it seemed that long ago, Sidney realized as he ran his fingers lovingly over the smooth letters that made up her name. This time last year he and Randi had been making love at her apartment. She'd been getting better, or so he'd thought. The whole world had seemed to be coming to life and getting better every day.

Nothing like now, he thought grimly as he closed his eyes tightly against the tears that had begun to flow. Now everything was turning into one gigantic fucked up mess.

He'd rushed things with Mya. Of that he was now sure, now that he'd had some time to think, to get his bearings. It seemed that when it came to women rushing things was definitely a problem he suffered from.

Max had probably been right. He should have played the field. He should have dated and avoided getting serious except that wasn't the tune that Max or any of the other guys on the team were singing now. Not since Max had started dating that girl from Blush, the sexy little Latina that seemed to be at all the games and all the practices these days, a fact that only made him miss Mya even more.

"What the fuck am I doing Randi?" he asked, pressing his hand flat against the grave marker while wiping at his eyes with the other. "I want her, I don't want her...I don't know what to do."

That was the truth. When it came right down to it, he didn't want to make the decision. He wanted everything to go back to the way it was before she'd gotten pregnant and things had got so squirrely and out of hand. Not that he didn't feel strongly about her and not that he hadn't imagined them being together, forever, but now that he'd had the time and space to look back on it, he just didn't know what all the rush had been about.

He couldn't blame her either. He knew that. She'd never once asked for him to propose. She'd never asked about moving in or babies or any of that and now that he'd gotten some perspective, it would have been better just to ask her to move in. Mya wasn't the kind of girl who needed the flowers and the bridesmaids and the dress and the flashy ring. She would have been happy with just being with him; all of the rest of it...that was on him.

He'd been worried about how it would look. The good boy from a small town, the good Canadian kid having a child out of wedlock; it would have been in the papers here and back home. But it hadn't just been about the child. He'd already had the ring. He hadn't wanted to do to her what Flower was doing to Vero. They shared a house, a life, but they weren't married and didn't have any plans to get married and that had seemed fine, at first. But now, it had been years and it was just getting...weird.

He'd wanted to do the right thing by Mya. He didn't want her to have any of the questions he knew the other WAGs constantly harassed Vero with: the '_when is he going to propose_?' and the '_when are you getting married?_' and the '_when are we going to hear the pitter-patter of little feet?_' Plus there was just going to be all the media attention once the word got out. People would want to know who she was and he'd thought it would be so much easier for her if they were married.

Now, of course, none of that mattered because she was more than half a continent away and, at least according to Tish, had no plans to return to Pittsburgh. She was even going for job interviews Tish had told him in that way that he knew was meant to put him in his place and it had. It had put a knife right through his heart. After all, if she was putting him behind her and she had every right to, he couldn't blame her. Not after what he'd done, walking away from her when she needed him most.

"If she knew...if I could explain," he whispered, tracing the letters on the brass plaque with his fingertips. "If she knew what seeing her in the bed did to my head...if she knew how helpless I felt...how I just can't lose anyone else...," his voice trailed off as the wind picked up and sent a crumpled piece of paper rolling over his hand. It was one of those booklets, those folded pieces of paper you get at a memorial service.

There was a picture of a young girl on the front, maybe thirteen, maybe older. Around Taylor's age he thought as he turned flattened out the paper and turned it over and the lyrics on the back made his heart race.

_So far away  
I wish you were here  
Before it's too late, this could all disappear  
Before the doors close  
And it comes to an end  
With you by my side I will fight and defend  
I'll fight and defend_

_Keep holding on  
'Cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through  
Just stay strong  
'Cause you know I'm here for you, I'm here for you  
There's nothing you could say  
Nothing you could do  
There's no other way when it comes to the truth  
So keep holding on  
'Cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through_

He knew the song, but had never really listened to the lyrics before. It was one of those songs on his iPod, one of those songs wasn't really his taste, wasn't really something he'd have chosen for himself. Maybe if he had listened a little more closely to it before....

"Okay Randi...okay. I get it. You don't have to tell me, I know," he whispered, his voice thick with emotion. "I'll try harder."

* * *

"Thanks for your time, I appreciate the opportunity," Mya held her hand out towards the young man in the suit who took it in both of his, clasping her hand rather than shaking it.

"We'll be in touch," he promised with a genuine smile. "Can I walk you out?" he offered, maybe a little too solicitously. Mya shook her head, feeling her phone vibrate in her bag at her hip, and not for the first time during the interview. She was glad she'd remembered to put it on vibrate but couldn't help but wonder if it was obvious and if this jumped up mid-level executive thought it was rude that she had it on at all.

"I think I can find my way out," she smiled, withdrawing her hand carefully and successfully fought the urge to wipe it on her skirt. Turning she walked down the hallway, feeling his eyes on her back the entire way. She made herself turn as she put her hand on the handle of the door to the stairs and wave. This would be a good job, an amazing job, if low paying and if she was going to stay here, she was going to need a job like this to get back into the business because there were two things she was sure of right now.

One, she wasn't going back to stripping and two, she wasn't going to get any kind of reference from the station back in the 'Burgh.

The young man in the cheap suit with the pathetic attempt at a moustache waved his fingers back at her, like she was five and grinned in that sort of way that said he was already imagining her naked. Mya wanted to wretch but kept the smile on her face long enough to get through the door before stopping and finally allowing a shudder to engulf her entire body. Was the job really worth being pawed like that, she wondered as she reached for the hand rail and began to head down the stairs. Was it really going to be any better than stripping? At least when she was stripping she was making three times what the Canucks were offering for the position of media relations officer.

"Well it's that or go back to Pittsburgh," she told herself firmly, putting one foot in front of the other which is what she felt like she'd been doing for weeks now, just putting one foot in front of the other, mindlessly, walking around in a daze. The station didn't even call anymore to see if she was coming back and Sidney...well, there hadn't been a single word from him.

"Are you following me around?" Mya dragged her attention off of the toes of her black boots to look up into a pair of familiar blue eyes. She couldn't help but smile as she shook her head.

"I think you're following me around Shane," she replied, adjusting the strap of her purse as her phone buzzed in her purse again.

"Nope, it's got to be you. This is my house," he replied with a confident and sassy grin that made it hard for Mya not to be affected by the warmth in his smile.

"I guess it is," she shrugged as she looked down at him. He was a few stairs lower than her, wearing a dark blue t-shirt that only seemed to deepen the blue of his eyes. The thin cotton clung to the width of his chest and Mya caught herself imagining what the muscles of his chest would look like slicked with sweat and closed her eyes, trying to shake the image out of her head.

"Well you've found me now...Mya, that's right isn't it?" he asked, running his hand through his dark hair, making it stand up on end. "I hope you're not going to run out on me this time," he added with a wink that made her laugh.

"Does that work on all the girls?" she asked, unable to stop herself from comparing him to Max, the 'ladies man'. They were both charming, in a disarming sort of way. But it was an obvious sort of charm. It didn't have the same effect as the shy boy thing that both Sidney and Tanger had.

"Oh come on now, I'm not that much of a playa," he grinned, taking two steps at a time until he was only a couple of stairs lower than her, which made him just a little taller than she was. "Besides, other girls aren't as pretty as you," he added, reaching out to tilt her chin up with one finger. Mya looked up into those sea blue eyes and wondered how easy it would be to let herself drown in them.

"And I bet you say that to all the girls too," she added, forcing her gaze down and away from those deep blue eyes which only brought her gaze directly down to where his t-shirt was sticking to his broad, round shoulders.

"Do you always have such a hard time listening?" he asked, his whole hand now cupping her chin, gently forcing her to meet his gaze again. "I keep trying to tell you, I think you're a hell of a lot prettier than anyone I've met in a while." Mya felt her heart flutter in her chest as he leaned towards her, his gaze focussed on her mouth. He was intent on kissing her, but she had no intention of being kissed. Not now and if she had anything to say about it, not for a long time.

"I don't date hockey players," she whispered as she pressed her hand flat against his sternum and giving a solid push that didn't even move him an inch. He let out a groan but when he met her gaze again, he was grinning.

"I like a challenge," he smiled at her, his sapphire eyes dancing as he withdrew, just enough to hold his hand out to her. "Phone," he said simply, his long, thick fingers waving in the air between them.

"Phone?" she asked, confused as she stood there, staring at his hand because it was better than looking into his eyes.

"Yes, your phone, so I can give you my digits. That is, assuming you're not going to give me yours," he added with a playful grin. Mya reached into her bag and drew out her phone, telling herself that if it shut him up it was worth it. She was never going to call him so it didn't matter if she had his number in her phone or not. He took her phone and Mya couldn't help but notice how small it looked in his hands as he added his number to her address book. Her hand shook as he handed it back to her, making certain that his fingers brushed hers as he placed it in her hand. "I don't suppose it's any use asking you to dinner?" he asked, looking hopeful. Mya shook her head and forced her feet to move, placing one foot in front of the other, walking down the stairs, making sure to give him a wide enough birth that their bodies didn't so much as brush against one another's.

"I don't date hockey players," she reiterated as she continued to walk carefully down the stairs, knowing with absolute certainty he was enjoying the view of the way her hip hugging pencil skirt tugged across her ass.

"We won't call it a date," he called after her, laughter ringing in his voice. "We'll call it a prelude to the best night you've ever had."

"Prelude huh?" she laughed, turning to look up at him as she rounded the corner to the next set of stairs. "I bet that's a big word for you. Am I supposed to be impressed?"

"If you want to be impressed," he laughed, deliberately lifting the hem of his t-shirt to wipe the sweat off his face, giving her a very good view of his six-pack and just a hint of the goody trail leading down into his shorts. "I've got lots of ways to do that babe, I can promise you that much," he added with another wink that sent a shudder down her spine. Mya shook her head and turned, keeping eyes front and deciding it was best not to get sucked in to that entire discussion.

After all, she wasn't going to date a hockey player. Not now. Not ever again.

* * *

Sidney snapped his phone shut with a growl. She hadn't picked up, not once. All he was getting was voice mail and it was beginning to piss him off.

"She could have her phone off," Flower suggested quietly, which startled Sidney. He'd been pretty sure the young goaltender had been deep in sleep beside him on the bus. Flower often took a power nap on the bus ride to the arena when they were on the road. "Or maybe the battery is dead and she left her charger here," he added, opening one eye to glance over at Sidney, probably to see if he needed to duck yet, which almost made Sidney smile. "Or maybe it's down the back of a sofa," he added before opening the other eye and raising a single eyebrow as he waited for Sidney's response.

"I guess so," Sidney growled and flicked his phone open again, staring down at his call display, willing his phone to ring, or at least for a text to appear.

"Also, what time is it there? Peut-être...je ne sais pas...peut-être elle dort?" Flower suggested quietly, closing his own eyes again and settled back into his seat.

"It's the middle of the afternoon," Sidney sighed, shutting his phone again and forcing himself to put it back in the pocket of his suit jacket. He could see the arena in the near distance. "She's probably at one of those job interviews that Tish was talking about."

"Ou elle pourrait ignorer vos appels," Marc-Andre corrected him quietly, telling him what he already knew was the most likely reason his calls were ending up in voice mail, over and over again. He could see her doing it, pressing ignore, or worse, having blocked his number entirely and could he blame her? No, he thought to himself as he slid down in his seat. She had every right in the world to hate him now. He hated himself a little bit.

No. Scratch that. He hated himself a lot and it was showing out on the ice.

If she'd just call him back, if she'd only listen to him for five minutes, he thought hopefully, closing his own eyes and sending up a little prayer to the only gods he really believed in; the hockey gods. _Just make her give me five minutes, that's all. Five minutes and I swear, I'll make her understand. I'll make everything go back to the way it was and then I won't feel so much like I'm skating through wet cement_, he thought as he tried to make his tense muscles relax.

_Maybe she's over me_, he thought resignedly, _but I'm not over her. Not by a long shot_.

* * *

"_Mya, it's me and....Look, I know I've been an ass. No, fuck that. I've been a complete asshole and you're probably pissed at me and I get that. No. I fucking deserve that but...just come home and....And we'll work things out. I promise I can explain everything and....Just come home. Please. I love you_."

Mya saved the message and then played it back again.

There they were. The words that she had wanted to hear but three weeks ago.

Screwing her eyes shut tight, she listened to the message for a third time and felt her teeth grinding together in frustration.

If only he'd said those words a day after, two days. Hell even a week after she probably would have been on the first flight out, even if it hadn't been a direct flight. She'd have taken any flight that would have got her within driving distance of him.

But now? Mya snapped her phone shut and dropped it onto the kitchen table and put her head in her hands. Now she'd all but accepted the job with the Canucks. She was supposed to go back in the morning to look over and sign the contract. She'd even gone to look at a small studio apartment downtown near the rink...and now this.

"Go. Whoever he is...if he wants you, just go." Mya raised her head and stared at her father's too young girlfriend. "You've been sitting around here, staring at the walls for weeks. Whoever he is, you obviously want him. So go back to him."

"Gee Bridgette. Want me out of the way much?" Mya grumbled, narrowing her eyes at the result of her father's cradle robbing antics.

"What I want doesn't matter. What's good for you...that would make your father happy and what makes your father happy...."

"Ugh...spare me the details," Mya moaned, closing her eyes again and trying very hard not to think of what her happy daddy would do to perky Bridgette once she was out of the house. The very thought that they may or may not have been doing anything sexual while she was in the house made her feel dizzy and sick to her stomach.

"You don't know anything about my life," Mya snapped and it was true. She hadn't told her father why she had run back home; not exactly.

"Do you think I don't recognize a broken heart when I see one?" Bridgette sighed dramatically and rolled her baby blues at Mya in a way that said she clearly thought she was speaking to either a child or someone with inferior intellect and that...well that made Mya furious...and made her laugh at the same time.

"Like I said, you don't know anything about me or my life so...why don't you do me a favour and go back to chewing your gum or whatever it is you do around here," Mya snarled and pushed her chair back, scraping it across the floor until it fell over backward and left them both staring at it.

"You're right. I don't really care about you or how you feel, but I do care about your father and he's worried about you so I'm willing to do whatever it takes to make it so that he doesn't worry anymore. Get it?" Mya stared at her father's teenage girlfriend and wanted to say something sarcastic and nasty, but nothing came to her. Instead, she stared at the beautiful blonde and felt her carefully built protective wall begin to crack. "So, this guy. Do you love him?" Mya stared and refused to answer. "Alright, don't answer me. You're right, it doesn't matter what I think and you don't have to tell me anything but if you love him, then you should go back to him."

Bridgette shrugged and turned and walked away and Mya watched as she went with that question hanging in the air – did she still love him and should she go back to Pittsburgh?

* * *

_**so does she **_

_**a. accept the job with the Canucks, stay in Vancouver and allow Shane to pursue her?**_

_**b. go back to Pittsburgh and work things out with Sidney?**_

_**c. go to New York on a shopping trip and forget both?**_


	35. Chapter 35

_Just a note to say Happy New Year, oh and get out those paper bags or buckets of ice water, something to revive you so your loved ones don't find you keeled over_

**Chapter 35**

She sat in the rusty little Acadian she'd had since high-school in her father's driveway, the engine idling noisily, puffs of smoke filling the air behind the car with two options in mind. Go to GM place, sign the contract and take her chances with the cramped studio apartment downtown or drive to the airport.

Mya's hands gripped the steering wheel so hard that her knuckles had turned white and she was beginning to get pins and needles in her fingertips. She stared at the front door of her father's suburban home and repeated the same two words to herself, over and over again, like a mantra.

Stay or go? Stay or go?

She hadn't slept all night. She'd lain awake in her bed in her old room and stared at the ceiling with the same two words running through her bed, chasing away the sheep she needed to count in order to float away to the land of nod.

Stay or go? Stay or go?

If she stayed..._if_ she stayed in Vancouver then it was all over with Sidney. There would be no going back and that thought made her chest ache. She loved him, or she had loved him, right now she wasn't sure which it was. It was difficult to tell exactly how she felt about him without seeing him, in the flesh.

But then the thought of seeing him, of looking into those hazel eyes framed by their long black lashes, made her eyes fill with tears and her heart squeeze painfully and her breath catch in her throat. There was anger, there was no doubt at all about that. He'd left her, walked away from her on what had definitely been the worst of all of the days of her life. Worse even than the day her mother had looked at her, her own daughter, across the table and said '_who are you?_'

There was also that image of him, of those wide round shoulders and the naked muscular breadth of his chest moving over her and of the look in his eyes then, so focussed, so present and so full of passion that it literally made her weak. Just the thought of his lips moving over hers as he moved within her caused Mya to press her forehead to the steering wheel and hiss a string of epithets. She was under no illusions that he had been the best and there would never be another to make her feel what she felt when Sidney made love to her.

But was it love, she asked herself as she sat there in her car, Ville Valo's husky voice filling her car with dark images and growled curses. Could he love her and walk away from her when she needed him most? Or were they both fooling themselves? Had it only been sex all along? Was it only the heat of passion and nothing more?

"Fuck it," she snarled, peeling her fingers from around the steering wheel and reaching down to release the hand brake before throwing the tiny old red car into reverse and backing down the driveway, turning right and heading out of the subdivision at break neck speed.

* * *

"Hey stranger."

Sidney looked up from the autograph table to see Mario's eldest, the reason he'd left their house, Lauren, staring across the table at him. She'd grown since the last time he'd seen her. Her hair was longer. She was wearing one of those spring dresses with the spaghetti straps that left her tanned shoulders and arms bare. She was growing into a quite a beauty.

"Hey Lauren. Visiting your dad?" he asked in a non committal voice as he went back to signing the varied items on the table.

"Sort of," she replied casually as she moved closer to him, perching on the edge of the table and picking up one of the jerseys he'd just signed. "We miss you around the house," she added, folding the sweater carefully and putting it back on the table, running her hand over his signature and then looking up at him, catching him looking at her. "Especially Austin. When's the last time you went to one of his games?"

"I've been kinda busy," Sidney grumbled, injured by the thought that he'd let the little guy down in any way.

"So I've heard," Lauren mused, getting up and moving around the table, slowly, deliberately walking towards him, the click of the high heeled sandals she was wearing echoing loudly in the concrete hallway. "But not as much lately, or so I've been told." Sidney winced, as if punched, wondering which of his teammates could possibly have been talking about his personal life to Mario's daughter.

"Of course we're busy now. We've got games every other night," he corrected her, moving sideways and away from her as he leaned towards another jersey, signing along the top of the seven in his number.

"I mean after the games," she breathed in his ear, sending a shiver down his spine, concentrated by the feel of her fingertips brushing along his arm. "A little bird tells me Mya's run off and left you..._all alone_." Sid's eyes squeezed shut as he felt the pointed tip of her tongue brush the shell of his ear. He took a deep breath in and told himself not to react but his body wouldn't listen. The nearness of her, the warmth of her body pressed against his, the sweet floral scent of her had his head reeling and his cock hardening despite the desperate pleas his mind sent racing down to it. She wasn't even eighteen, not yet and besides she was Mario's daughter. He didn't want this. He didn't.

"Lauren...give me some space," he asked, hating that his voice sounded hoarse, or that he couldn't look her in the eye and mean it.

"Oh poor Siddy, you need a little...T.L.C.," she whispered, walking her fingers down his arm until her hand was flat over where he was gripping the edge of the table. "I can take good care of you. I promise you won't be disappointed." His breathe caught in his throat and for one minute, one uncontrollable minute, he imagined her young, lithe body moving beneath his.

"No. Lauren. No," he said and meant it, dragging his hand from beneath hers' and backing slowly away. As soon as that sweet floral scent was no longer filling his lungs, his brain, he could think more clearly. "You need to stop this. This...," he met her gaze, her smouldering, bemused gaze, "is never..._ever_ going to happen." He wanted her to look hurt. He wanted her to do what she'd always done when he'd rebuffed her. He wanted her to turn tail and run.

She didn't. Instead she sat there, perched on the table, her long legs crossed so that her insubstantially flimsy dress pulled up, revealing a tantalizing look at a line of long, bare thigh.

"You know what they say about never Sidney darling," she purred, tilting her head to one side so her long hair fell over her shoulder and the barely there spaghetti strap fell over her shoulder and made the smocked top of her dress gape. "_Never_ say never."

* * *

"Everything happened so fast," Mya said out loud as she paced the floor, clasping and unclasping her hands. "It was like...trial by fire or something, like being dipped in liquid heat. You know you're going to get burned but it feels so...I don't know," she sighed, stopping in front of the window, the same window her mother had been staring blankly at since she'd arrived. She couldn't...or wouldn't talk to Bridgette and she couldn't make her mind up to take the job with the Canucks, not yet. She needed to talk to someone, someone who didn't have an agenda, an angle. It was just fortunate her mother was having one of those "bad" days where she didn't seem to know anyone was there at all. "I feel like I need him...like I can't really take a deep breath without him. But on the other hand, I just feel so angry, like I want to claw his eyes out, like I want to spit at him or something. I mean, how _dare_ he just walk away and...."

"Mya Angeline Fraser, you're always too quick to think everyone will think the way you do."

Mya froze, her breath caught in her throat as the soft, almost strangled voice floated and hung there in the air around her. Slowly she turned and stared at the woman sitting in the high backed chair, her lap covered by a thread bare throw, her eyes no longer glued to the window and the gray day outside.

"Mom? Mommy?" she whispered, not daring to hope for one of those lucid moments when her mother actually knew her. She half expected to see a nurse in the hallway, or someone she knew standing in the room behind her, but there was no one else. No one else but her mother and her shrewd blue grey eyes were trained on her daughter, knowledge and love flaring behind them.

"Come here." Her mother patted her lap and Mya unquestioningly slid onto her mother's lap and felt the frail arms cradle her close to the warmth of her chest. She smelled faintly of moth ball and antiseptic, but underneath of that she could smell the white linen and sunshine smell of her mother's favourite perfume and it made her wonder who had put it on her and who had brought it to her. "You always were too quick to jump head first into things, my impetuous daughter," her mother cooed affectionately. "You've always been too quick to trust people." Mya cried silently, clinging to her mother, trying to remember the last time her mother had been present enough to give advice. At least she was here when she was needed, she thought bitterly.

"I thought he loved me mom," she sniffed, ignoring the fact that big, fat cold tears were dripping off her nose and chin and onto her mother's blouse. Mother's never minded that kind of thing.

"He does love you baby," her mother said sternly but quietly, pushing her up so that she could look into her daughter's eyes. "The way he looked at you...the way you looked at him.... You love him and he loves you. Don't doubt that sweetheart." Mya didn't ask how her mother had seen them, how she must have been looking at them with two sets of eyes and what that must feel like to be trapped in uncomprehending body and mind. Just thinking about it made her head swim and made her want to scream in terror.

"But he left me mommy. He left me when...when...." Mya's voice trailed off. She still couldn't say it out loud. Or at least she couldn't now. It made her chest too tight to speak, stole her breath from her lungs whenever she even thought about how it had all just...stopped, ceased to be, disappeared. Her eyes shut tight against the sudden onset of pain that threatened to rip her into a thousand pieces. She would not miss this moment with her mother. Lucid moments, real moments were so very few and far between now.

"You don't know what was in his mind baby," her mother scolded her, gripping her arms tightly so that her fingernails dug into the flesh of Mya's arms. "They aren't the same as us. You should know that. Of anyone, you should know that baby. Do you think your father was always so distant?" Her mother's grey blue eyes searched hers and Mya could only shrug. That was exactly what it seemed like to her. "Of course he wasn't baby. He _isn't_. But they feel things differently. They deal with pain..._differently_. They keep it all inside," she added, pressing one long finger into Mya's chest, where the pain seemed worst. "_Here_. They keep it all inside. They can't be like us. They can't give up. They have to be strong. You can't blame him for not showing his pain like you do baby. That's not his fault. He's a man. That's just the way they are."

"But he left me mom. He just...left," Mya argued as she sobbed, bending her head to press her forehead into the curve of her mother's neck where the comforting scent of her mother's perfume was strongest. She could feel the strong, steady beat of her mother's heart there and felt her own fall in time with it.

"It's hard on them too, you know, to lose a baby. It kills them inside when they can't protect you. It makes them feel weak, useless. It's hard on a man's pride baby and they're nothing if not creatures of pride and he's a strong one, your man. They blame themselves sweetheart, they feel...inadequate and scared, like little boys. You may have needed him baby, but he needed you too. Did you go to him? Did you hold him?" Mya shook her head and felt her mother's arms wrap tighter around her, even as her chest rose and fell in quick little bursts, as if she was laughing. "Don't be too hard on him Mya. He's only a man and god knows, they aren't equipped to deal with grief. That's what we're for."

"Are you saying...," Mya's sat upright and looked down at her mother who returned her gaze with a beatific, motherly smile that made her heart feel like warm, melted honey. "Are you saying I should go back? That I should...should I marry him?" Her mother sighed and reached up to cup her child's cheek.

"Ask yourself one question baby. Do you love him? Does he make your heart sing?"

* * *

"I've seen the way you look at me Sidney Patrick Crosby. Those veiled looks that you think I don't see," she said, pursing her lips as she hopped off of the table and strutted towards him like a run way model, or like Mya had, on the cat walk at Blush. Like a big cat, circling her prey. "I know you think about me," she added as she reached him, reached out toward him to run her finger beneath his chin. "I know you're undressing me right now in that twisted mind of yours," she added, her full lips so close to his as she smiled, baring her teeth at him like a tigress about to strike, about to rip his jugular vein out of his neck. "I know you want to..._fuck_ me."

"You're wrong," he hissed, shutting his eyes and turning his face away from her. He didn't want her, no matter how his body was reacting to her. It wasn't about her. It was about...it was Mya's fault for leaving. He hadn't even been able to give himself relief since she left. His gut twisted and turned on itself as her breath fanned his cheek. He could smell peppermint and cinnamon.

"I don't think I am," she murmured, her hand sliding down his chest, down, down until she was cupping his erection through his track pants. "No, I don't think I am at all."

"Stop it Lauren," he growled, pushing her arm away, putting her at arms' length as he wished he could put the proof of his words into his eyes. He didn't want her. Not _her_. His body wanted something, someone but he wasn't about to explain that to her. He heard her giggle, a cruel sound that echoed in his ears, that made him blush to the roots of his hair.

"I don't think you want me to stop, do you Siddy?" she asked, invading his space again, this time pushing her hands up under his shirt, the cool palms of her hands pressed flat against his stomach. "Do you know what I think you want?" she whispered, her lips brushing lightly against his cheek.

"You have no idea what I want," he replied, his voice catching in his throat as her hand slid beneath the waist band of his track pants, down, down until her fingers were curling around him.

"Oh I think I do," she purred, her tongue flicking out to lick his bottom lip before her teeth dug into his full lip and tugged. "I'm not a little girl anymore Sidney," she added, stroking the length of his need, making him moan out loud. "I can do for you what any woman can," she added, pressing her body against his, brushing her chest against his arm so he could feel how hard her nipples were. "But I know you Sidney. I know how passionate you are. I know you were afraid of hurting me, of being my first. But you don't have to worry about that anymore baby. I got someone else to take care of that, so now you can just take me the way you want to," she whispered, her other hand reaching for his and leading it to her hip, using his hand joined with hers to pull her dress up by degrees. "Any way you want to baby," she added, pressing his hand against her bare hip, trying to press it lower.

"Lauren, don't," he begged, shaking his head, trying to make himself breathe, but not pulling himself away from her.

"I'm not wearing any panties Siddy. You can have me right here," she whispered, pushing his hand lower, lower. "Right now," she added, her voice husky in his ear as she licked her way around it.

"No, fuck. Stop it!" he snarled, gathering his wits about him finally and pushing her away, peeling her fingers painfully from around his now throbbing hard on.

"Oh Siddy baby. You don't have to fight it anymore. There's no one here to see us. Come here baby, come take me," she pouted, sliding her now free hand down into the smocking of her dress and freeing her breast, revealing it as her thumb slid slowly over and around her nipple. "You want it baby, you know you do."

"No, no I don't," he insisted, his voice shaking as he turned away and told himself to walk and keep on walking.

"You'll come back Siddy baby. You want me. You can't run forever," she called after him.

"Watch me," he muttered as he continued to walk, heading for the showers, fully intending to soak himself down with icy cold water.

That had been close. Too close. This was insane. This whole situation was insane. He had to get Mya back, had to make her talk to him. There had to be some grand gesture, something he could say, something he could do to make her see how much he needed her because if she didn't come back....

He shook his head. It didn't bear thinking about. He'd take one of those desperate girls who waited out by the barricades in their too short skirts and push up bras before he'd fuck Lauren Lemieux.

"Where have you been tos grand idiot? Your phone has been ringing like crazy," Max grinned at him as he turned into the dressing room. "It's Mya," he added, slapping Sidney on the shoulder. "She's coming home."


	36. Chapter 36

_Kind of short but sweet I think. _

Chapter 36

Mya cast a careful glance down the row of seats and then down at her ticket again. She'd paid the scalper well over two hundred for the ticket and they'd let her past security with it, but you could never be too sure. Still the seat was empty and another surreptitious glance around told her that none of the WAGs or immediate family members were nearby to tip him off as to where she was sitting because this was a test. Just as keeping away from her phone when she'd returned to the 'Burgh last night had been. It had been tempting, very tempting, to go straight to his apartment and fall into his arms. The phone had been an enticing alternative when she'd got back to her own apartment, just to hear his voice, to hear him say that he still loved her would have been enough to make her fall happily into a dreamless sleep.

As it was, she'd lain wide awake staring at the ceiling for hours going over the conversation she knew had to come in her head.

Because she had to know, had to hear his explanation and a promise, a sincere promise the bottom of his heart that he'd never, ever desert her like that again. That was the pea beneath her mattress, the one that had her tossing and turning and waking up in a cold sweat.

Still, her heart hammered in her chest and tried to claw its way out from beneath her skin as he jumped out onto the ice in full stride. It didn't matter that the young girls around her squealed like stuck pigs and jumped up and down with their 'Marry Me Sidney' signs. As much as her disappointment and anger sat in the pit of her stomach, like a lead reminder keeping her anchored to her seat, just the sight of him flying around the ice like he had rockets on his skates still made her heart flutter.

Her hands clenched and unclenched, alternatively folded and balled into fists on her lap as she watched and waited for the right moment, that moment in the warm up when he would do what he always did because he, more than any other of the players on the ice, was a creature of habit. He was worse than Flower, and in the world of hockey players, being more superstitious than the goalie was truly saying something.

When he at last slid to a stop at centre ice and took a knee, shook off his gloves and dropped his stick down beside him parallel to the boards, and leaned down over his skates to re-tie them, she stood and waited because the next thing he would do was go to the bench for a water bottle. Her hands clenched and unclenched nervously at her sides as she waited none too patiently for him to finish with his skates. She focussed on his hands as they tugged at the laces off his boots and forced herself to breathe deeply.

_Look up_, she willed him silently. _See me_.

* * *

Sidney tugged at his laces hard enough that the thick cotton bit into his fingers and made him wince. Coming back she'd said. On the next flight she could get she'd said. He'd been waiting all day, staring at his phone and still not a call, not even one single fucking text.

He'd even phoned once but only got her voice mail. He'd convinced himself that meant she was on the plane and he'd soon be getting that call from the airport, 'come get me'. Except he hadn't got that call and he was beginning to get more than a little worried. He'd even done what he'd never, ever done and probably would have lost his mind at any teammate who would have dared to do it. His phone was sitting on the bench. No one said a word to him of course. They all knew that his head would finally get back in the game if Mya would just give him the word that everything could go back to normal.

Of course her coming back should have done that, Max had told him, but then Max was all fucking loved up lately with his stripper girlfriend and was suddenly seeing the world through rose coloured fucking glasses. Sidney wasn't the type of guy to see the glass half full all the time and right now he'd be willing to smash the glass to fucking smithereens if it meant that he could just see her.

Pushing himself up to his feet, Sidney grabbed his gloves, stuck his stick under his arm and skated towards the bench and then almost fell to his knees.

"Mya." He stumbled, dropped his gloves and reached for the boards in front of him. He stared at where she stood, two rows behind the bench, in a plain white dress that immediately made him wonder if this was her way of waving a flag of truce or if it was her way of reminding him that he'd asked her to marry him. Either way she looked some sort of biblical angel. He just wasn't sure what kind, an avenging angel, here to break his heart or a seraphim, here to sing sweet words in his ear. Either way it was going to totally fuck up his game. "Scott...can you do me a favour?" Sidney grabbed the arm of the head trainer as he moved to hand Sidney his water bottle, as was customary for him at this time during the warm up.

"What's up Sid?" he asked, his usual easy grin fading at the edges as Sidney brushed the bottle aside, something he never did.

"Do you see that girl?" Sid pointed at Mya who was still standing there, unmoving, not giving him a sign of which way they're reunion was going to go. Scott glanced over his shoulder and then back at Sidney, his eyes narrowed.

"Your girlfriend...yeah?" he asked, clearly confused.

"Can you just get her down to the training room, please," Sidney mumbled, remembering to say please, despite the fact that his heart had now made its way into his throat and was making it very hard for him to breathe. Scott nodded, still eyeing his charge with a wary suspicion that Sidney ignored, pushing off and forcing himself to skate away from the boards, to take a lap while he tried to gather his thoughts.

Part of him wanted to head down the hall immediately but the other part of him knew that pacing the hall wasn't going to help him think any clearer. Besides, he knew that skating was more likely to ease the sudden overwhelming tension in his muscles.

If she'd just given him some sign, he rages as his skates dug into the fresh ice. If she'd only given him a smile, or even a frown, just so he'd know if she was going to break up with him for good or not. If it was one thing that made him crazy it was not being prepared to go into battle. With hockey, he could watch hours of tape, slowing down and speeding up plays, analyzing player's tendencies, bad habits and skills until he felt like he knew them inside and out.

With Mya, he felt like he was treading on quick sand. Either he was going to get across with some difficulty which he deserved for stepping into the quicksand in the first place, or he was going to drown. Either way, he hated not knowing what he was going to face down that hallway. Should he prepare to grovel? He was willing to. He was willing to crawl through broken glass if that would make things better between them.

It had to be bad news though, he decided, as he gave up and skidded to a halt before the doors that would lead him under the stands and towards the dressing rooms. If it had been good news she would have given him some hope. Even a Mona Lisa smile was better than the blank expression that had met his when he looked up at her. Better to get it over with quick then, he thought to himself as the doors swung shut behind him and he felt the grip and clutch of reaching fingers. He didn't high five any of the fans as he passed beneath him, however. His heart wasn't in it.

The sound of his skates on the rubber mats seemed inordinately loud as he walked head down along the dimly lit corridor. With every step he felt like he was getting closer to the firing squad and his stomach rolled accordingly. He couldn't think the last time he'd actually felt like this. Maybe game seven against the Caps, maybe, which made him wonder, albeit half heartedly, what it was going to take to pull this one out of his ass.

Taking a deep, steadying breath Sidney pushed open the door to the trainer's room to see Mya sitting on the edge of the desk, ankles demurely crossed with a pair of silver high heeled sandals dangling from her toes. She looked up at him and for just one, fleeting, moment he thought he had detected just the hint of a smile and then it was gone.

He wanted to say he was sorry. He wanted to cross the room and toss down his stick and gloves and grab her and kiss every inch of her beautiful face. He wanted to promise that he'd never, ever be such an enormous jack ass, ever again.

Instead, he stood there in the doorway and waited, because it felt like she had the floor, like she had to make the first move before he could even draw a single breath.

* * *

It wasn't fair.

Mya thought that every time she saw him he seemed to be even more handsome than the last time. Maybe he was a more gaunt than he had been, she thought as her gaze swept over his face. His cheeks were hollow, his skin sallow and he looked tired. She knew what that felt like. Mya could hardly remember the last time she'd actually slept through the entire night without being woken by nightmares, or at the very least, gripped in a cold sweat at the thought of never being held in his arms again.

That was what she wanted as she watched him standing there in the doorway in full uniform. She wanted him to cross the floor to where she was perched on the trainer's desk and pull her into his arms, hold her against the width of his chest so she could hear his heart beat and feel him breathing. She wanted him to say her name in that way that made her stomach do a little flip flop of excitement. She waited and the silence in the room grew heavy with all the words that needed to be said and he didn't move.

Taking a deep breath, Mya dropped her gaze to a spot on the floor and asked the question that she'd asked a hundred times or more as she'd sobbed into her pillow.

"Why?" she asked quietly, forcing herself to look up at him, to see her words hit him like an open handed slap. "Why did you leave me after the miscarriage? Am I that much of a disappointment to you?" He shook his head and his wide shoulders shrugged. She waited, but the waterfall of words she'd expected didn't happen. She waited, but he didn't explain. "So...is that it then?" she asked, her voice pitching higher as her emotions began to get the better of her, constricting her throat and making it hard for her to speak. "Was I really just a rebound? Are you...are you still in love with her?"

Mya felt tears beginning to fill her eyes and tried to brush them away with the back of her hand but for every one she dashed away, ten seemed to come behind it. She couldn't decide if she was more hurt or angry but more than that she felt humiliated as she slid from the desk only to find him shaking off his gloves, the clatter of his dropped stick on the concrete floor echoing loudly in her ears as she watched him walk towards her.

"No," he said simply as he took her in his arms, brushing his hand through her hair as he pressed his lips to her forehead. "It's not that...not...it is but...._Fuck_!" He cradled her face in his hands and looked down at her, a melange of emotions swirling in his eyes, the most prominent of which was a fierceness that made her want to shrink from him. "Don't...just don't _ever_ think I don't love you," he hissed before pressing his lips firmly over hers' in a bruising open mouthed kiss that matched the ferocity in his eyes. "I may be fucked up and confused about a lot of things but that's not one of them. That's _never_ been one of them."

* * *

God it felt good just to hold her, Sidney thought as his mouth moved hungrily over hers'. Just the scent of her was intoxicating and was quickly chasing away all of his insecurities and all of the dark thoughts that had been chasing around in his head for weeks.

"I'm sorry, so, so sorry," he whispered against her cheek when he at last gave in to the need for oxygen. "I fucked up. I'm an asshole. I'm sorry."

"Just tell me why," she whispered, her voice sounding strangled as she turned her tear filled eyes up to meet his. "Why would you just walk away from me like that? Why did you leave me to go through that all on my own?"

"I don't know," he replied simply, pressing his lips to her brow, feeling a weight lift off of his shoulders. Just holding her again, just his much was almost more than he'd hoped for. "That's the god's honest fucking truth. I think I just...no I _know_ that I just freaked out at the thought of losing someone again." His own voice caught in his throat as he looked down into her emerald green eyes, so similar to Randi's yet with a light all their own. "I can't fucking lose you My...please."

"How do I...how can I trust you again?" she asked, her gaze earnestly searching his.

"Honestly...I guess all I can tell you is that I don't want to lose you and that that scares me more than anything else right now. Just...just give me another chance and...I can't promise to be perfect My but I swear I'll fucking try." He tried to smile but his face felt frozen, and he couldn't breathe, not until she said she was coming back to stay. "Please My," he whispered, a sort of pain building in his chest as she remained still and silent in his arms. "Please don't give up on me."

"I love you," she whispered in reply, at long last, though her small hands were balled into fists and pressed against his chest. "You hurt me Sidney. You really fucking hurt me, but I love you and that's why I came back. I love you and maybe right now I wish I didn't but I do so...promise me you won't do it again. Promise you won't walk out on me again."

"I promise," he sighed, leaning his forehead against his and letting a sense of relief flood his tense muscles. "I'm here. I'm right here and I'm not going anywhere. I promise."


	37. Chapter 37

_I guess this and the last chapter could have been one chapter really but oh well! I'll just assume you'd rather have two & have something posted than wait, right?_

**Chapter 37**

"We'll talk more, later, after the game. I promise," he continued, his cheek resting against the top of her head, his arms still wrapped, vice-like around her.

"It'll have to be your place," Mya sighed as he finally unwound himself from around her and stepped back. "Paying my heat and electric bills weren't exactly on my priority list," she added with a shrug and a meek smile that he returned with a grin as he reached out to brush a strand of hair from her cheek where it had no doubt become stuck in the tracks of her tears.

"I'll take care of it," he offered, ever the magnanimous good Canadian kid with the heart of gold. "It's the least I can do," he quickly added before she had a chance to complain. "Considering...," he added, his voice turning soft as his hand cupped her cheek. "You have keys. Go to my place, let yourself in. Get warm. I'll be there as soon as I can. Mya nodded though she felt her cheeks heat as his adoring and indulgent gaze began to work its magic and turn her knees to honey. "I'm just glad you came home," he added, leaning in to press his lips once more to the spot on her brow between her eyes.

Mya allowed herself to lean into him once again, finding the familiar heat of his body and the scent of well worn hockey gear, mingled with sweat and mildew oddly comforting. Her solace only lasted another minute or so before they could both hear the shuffle of bodies in the hallway, the familiar banter of '_let's go boys_' and '_let's do this_' indicating that the line up before the team took the ice for the anthems had already begun.

"You have to go," she whispered, turning her face up to his to find his eyes closed and a dreamy smile on his face that seemed to say he too had been luxuriating in the nearness of her.

"I know," he sighed, once, heaving his shoulders before he opened his eyes and looked down at her. "I love you My. You do know that don't you?" he asked, suddenly deadly serious. She nodded, blinking back tears. This time they were tears of relief; maybe even tears of joy. He nodded once, as if to assure himself of this, and then he turned and bent to pick up his discarded gloves and stick, turning back only once as he walked through the doorway. Mya merely stood where she was and watched him go before wiping away her tears, squaring her shoulders and heading out into the hallway herself, turning to go the other way, towards the exit telling herself that the last thing she wanted to do was distract him further.

"Mya."

She turned at the sound of her name, knowing full well it wasn't Sidney calling after her. Though he was always one of the last of the Pens players to hit the ice, the line had already begun to shuffle down the short walk way underneath the stands and she knew that once he had joined his teammates Sidney would never look back.

"Kristopher," she smiled, finding herself face to face with the long haired defenseman who was standing in the hall, his jersey half tucked in, his hair dishevelled, his helmet in one hand, his gloves and stick in the other.

"So...you're back?" he asked quietly with a quick, furtive look around to see who might be overhearing their conversation.

"I think so," she shrugged, glancing towards the dark corridor and then back at his young, troubled face. "Thank you, by the way, for the flowers...and the card. At least I knew someone cared," she added, giving him a smile that she hoped was as sincere as her words were. The delivery had been an unexpected surprise but a welcome one. "And I'm sorry about the wedding. Do I owe you anything for renting a tux or...?" His quizzical expression made the words dry up in her mouth and Mya found herself staring at a man who wasn't just passing the time of day.

"I was worried for you, we all were," Kris assured her seriously, his dark gaze searching hers before he too turned to gaze towards the dark hall down which the rest of his teammates had already disappeared. Mya sincerely hoped he wasn't supposed to be in the starting line up out on the ice. "He's been miserable," he added, turning back to her with a sly grin that was more like the witty young Francophone she'd known, "and I don't just mean his stats." Mya could only nod, her voice caught beneath a ball of emotion in her throat. She wondered if it would always be like this between them, strained and yet...sweet. "He loves you, he really does," Kris added softly, dropping his gaze shyly from hers' for one long moment before he turned those dark chocolate eyes up to hold hers' captive. "If he didn't...I would have killed him for what he did."

Kris didn't wait for her to respond, he only leaned forward and pressed his lips briefly but insistently against hers' before turning and heading down the hall, pressing his helmet down over his head and disappearing from her view.

* * *

He stood at the end of the bed, watching over her sleeping form, thinking to himself that all was right with the world. His scoring draught was over and his woman was in his bed. He'd been longer than he'd have liked after the game but after a five game losing streak and an even longer streak of mumbling three word answers to the press, he'd felt he'd owed them something so he'd stayed until the bitter end.

He didn't mind one bit that Mya had decided to slip into one of his t-shirts and curl up and go to sleep. A fuzzy, happy sort of warmth spread through his gut and chest at the idea of her feeling at home enough to do so.

That or she was just that knackered and had passed out from sheer exhaustion. Sidney knew how hard it had been for him to be without her but then she'd had so much more than him to worry about, he thought as he sat down on the edge of the bed to tug off his socks. The baby hadn't really felt real to him, not yet. He hadn't felt it move, hadn't felt it kick. It was an idea, an exciting, exhilarating idea, but no more than a concept. Not to him anyway. To her...Sidney turned look down at his sleeping girlfriend and the sheets tugged away from her torso.

She was lying on her side, facing away from him. She was wearing one of his grey t-shirts, the one from the last years run to the cup and a pair of his boxer shorts, both too big for her so that the t-shirt rode up and the boxers had slipped down, leaving the small of her back bare. His breath caught in his throat, the memory of the fine, lace-like spider web pattern that had been in the same place on Randi's back stealing his breath. But this was not like that. This was small and dainty and it stole his breath in an entirely different way.

It was a tiny pair of angel's wings on either side of a golden halo. Inside the halo was a date. Sidney's hand wavered in the air above the small of her back, not wanting to wake her and at the same time, wanting very much to run his fingertips over that date the way he always ran his fingertips over Randi's name on the marker on her grave.

That was all they'd ever have, he thought as he gently traced the halo with the tip of his finger. There would be other chances, he knew, and children, he felt sure of that. But this had been their first.

Tears sprang to his eyes for the first time since it happened. He hadn't ever really cried about it. It hadn't seemed real enough, not present enough to grieve over. But this...this drawing, etched in the back of the woman he loved brought it home and crashing down all around him.

Mya sighed in her sleep and brought her knees up but didn't wake. Sidney wiped at his tears and shook his head at himself. He'd almost lost her. Everything happened for a reason, that's what Natalie had kept saying to him and he believed it. He'd loved and lost Randi so that he would know love when he felt it again. He'd lost her so that he would know he didn't want to lose anyone that close to him every again and he'd almost done it anyway. He'd been an incredible ass. He'd been thinking so much about himself, been trying so hard to protect his own feelings he hadn't been able to see hers at all.

"I'm sorry," he whispered, bending to press his lips to the tiny halo decorating the small of her back. She made a small humming noise but didn't wake, so Sidney pressed his lips to each wing in turn and then began to kiss his way up her spine, pushing the thick cotton of his own t-shirt up by inches as he did so.

He knew when she woke, when her warm, languid body went rigid, just for a moment and then she scooted back towards him and Sidney couldn't help but smile as he slid his hands around to cup her heavy breasts as he laid another kiss between her shoulder blades.

She could have tortured him, he knew as she pressed her round ass against him. She could have made him grovel, made him beg and he'd have done it. She could have kept her distance and he would have respected that. He would have allowed her the space and waited until she was ready, but that wasn't Mya. When she gave, she gave everything and held nothing back. When she loved, she didn't hide away pieces of herself. She didn't pretend and hide behind a facade. It had been that way from the very first. It had been part of the immediate attraction he realized now as rolled her nipples between his thumb and forefinger and listened to her whimper. She'd never pretended to be anyone or anything other than who she was and she never failed to give him less than one hundred per cent of herself.

"God I missed you," he whispered into her ear, his lips brushing through her floral scented hair as he slid his hand down over her hip, over her warm, smooth skin and down into his boxer shorts. She gasped as his fingers slid between into the soft velvet of her wet cleft. Her back arched, her head thrown back to rest on his shoulder as his fingers found the hard little pearl within her folds that made her entire body shiver when he touched it. "Do you want me?" he asked, half afraid her answer would be no. He told himself not to be disappointed if she did refuse him, though his mind had already raced ahead and he could nearly feel the hot wet heat that would engulf him and his body ached with the need to become one with her.

"Yessss," she hissed, her arm snaking back over his to brush the front of his suit pants, making his cock twitch uncomfortably in the confines of the briefs he was wearing. "Take me, hard, now," she insisted in a hoarse whisper, her hand sliding over his hip so that her fingers could dig into the meat of his ass, pressing him closer. "Just...you have protection right?" she asked in a smaller voice, reason taking hold as he slid away from her to drag his pants down over his hips. She turned then to look up at him where he kneeled above her, pain making her eyes bright in the dark. "I just...I don't want to go through that again. At least...," she glanced away from him, hiding her face from his. "At least not until we're sure about...about things."

* * *

Mya could feel him staring at her and the silence grew between them until it was so heavy and so present it felt like a great iron wall had grown in the few inches between them on the mattress. She was holding her breath, waiting for his reply. Her heart was racing and not from his touch, although that had done its work as well.

Would he be angry to be reminded of his cowardice? Would he be hurt? Would he turn from her now and the pain start all over again?

It was only as his strong, solid and warm body curled around hers and his arms pulled her close that Mya allowed herself to breathe again. The width of his chest pressed tightly to her back and his thickly muscled leg even wrapped around hers as he moulded his body to hers.

"I'm sorry," he said again, his breath warm against her cheek as his cheek rested against hers. "I understand if you don't trust me. I'll earn it again My. I'll make you see how much you mean to me," he promised, pressing his lips against her neck. "I'll make it up to you. You'll see. I promise, you'll see."

She felt tears welling in her eyes and squeezed her eyes shut, willing them back. Now was not the time to cry, to allow herself to fall apart. Now he needed the reassurance of her body as much as she needed the safety of his arms.

Not trusting herself to speak, Mya only reached for the drawer on the bedside table and dug around in it until her fingers found the smooth cello packs with their hard little rings and pulled one out, reaching back blindly to hand it to him. She listened to him fight with it, a little smile tugging at the corners of her lips as he swore under his breath once, twice before he managed to tear the packet open.

Then he pressed her down into the mattress and the pillows, face down, his hands digging almost painfully into her hips as he pushed his way inside of her. Mya's fingers dug into the sheets, scratched at the headboard as he pulled her hips back, his pelvis pressing into her ass he pounded his body into hers', filling her, reaching deep inside of her, pushing the air out of her lungs so that all that she could do was open her mouth and howl soundlessly.


	38. Chapter 38

"So how long have you two been back together now?" Tish asked as she reached over to steal a chip out of Mya's nachos, which she'd ordered without that foul smelling street paint they tried to sell as cheese as the concession stand. Mya preferred to sit in the stands with the real fans rather than up in the box with the rest of the WAGs and Tish never complained so she assumed that she did too.

"I dunno, a month," Mya replied chewing thoughtfully on a warm chip as she watched Sidney glide to a stop at center ice and hunch over with his stick pressed to his knees, ready to rush the net with the rest of his teammates, which was usually the last thing they did during warm up.

"So how are things?" Tish asked, reaching over to take another chip. Mya slapped her hand away without looking.

"You said you didn't want anything when I went," she reminded her friend, moving the chips over to her other hand and further away from Tish's reach. Not that that would stop her if she was determined, Mya knew, but it was worth a shot. "And things are fine. Good. We're talking about finding a place together after the season." Tish nodded but made one of those sounds that made Mya stop chewing and turn to look at her friend who was still staring straight ahead but there was something in the way her lips were pursed that made Mya certain that she wasn't exactly concentrating on the game. "What?"

"Hmm?" Tish glanced over and then wrinkled her nose when she saw the chips had been moved out of her reach. "Oh, nothing," she added as she turned her attention back to the game.

"Right," Mya sighed, rolling her eyes as she offered the chips to Tish and then waited as Tish took a handful with a grin and began chewing noisily. "So...you were going to say?" Mya asked again, ignoring the sounds of pucks hitting the glass in front of them as she waited for the other shoe to drop. If Jordan wanted his wife's attention, he could just whistle instead of trying to flip a puck up and over the glass.

"Oh...just wondering if you two had talked about the whole engagement thing yet, that's all," Tish shrugged, her gaze actually following the play out on the ice, as if she was not at all interested in what Mya's answer might be. Mya glanced down at her bare hand and slumped down in her seat. The lack of a ring on her finger was actually a sore topic, though she tried not to think about it. He had said that he'd asked her because it's what he wanted not because she had been pregnant and yet, even though they spent nearly every night together, he'd never brought it up again. She didn't even know where the ring was or even if he still had it and yet she was determined not to be the one to bring it up. "I'll take that as a no," Tish finally continued at the next whistle. Mya only shrugged. "And I'll take that as a sign that you're not particularly thrilled about that fact."

"I'm fine with it," Mya lied. The last thing she wanted was for it to get back to Sidney through Jordan that she wanted him to give her the ring back. If he was going to put it back on her finger, he was going to do it of his own volition, because he wanted to, not because he felt like he had to. "Honest," she continued, smiling at Tish who narrowed her eyes as she scanned Mya's face.

"You were practically married and now you don't even have the ring and you're okay with it?" Tish tipped her head to one side and considered Mya for a long moment before shrugging and turning back to the game. "You can talk to me you know. I don't tell Jordan everything." This made Mya smile, though she was still had no intention of complaining and whining to anyone so she kept silent and turned her own attention to the ice. With the first round of playoffs under their belts, it was just possible that all of Sidney's attention was on the ice or the games ahead and any thoughts of rings and weddings were probably pretty far back on his list of priorities and if there was one thing she'd figured out, it was that when it came to Sidney, hockey always came first.

* * *

Mya watched with a certain amount of jealousy as Jordan picked his wife up off the ground and planted a kiss on her lips in front of everyone. Even if Sidney managed to finish with the media before his teammates were already dressed and heading out to the parking lot, Mya couldn't foresee a time when there was ever going to be that kind of public display of affection towards her. The most she could hope for was a wink over the shoulder of the cameraman or, if she was really lucky, a quick and discrete squeeze of her hand as he passed by.

It made her pine for the time when everything had been on the down-low, before other people knew about their relationship. Now, as she stood leaning against the cool concrete trying not to watch the doors to the room, she felt conspicuous and more than a little envious of the other women going in and out of those same doors, especially the ones with their little ones in tow.

That hurt. Mya squeezed her eyes shut and tried to hold back the tears, wondering if it would ever stop hurting.

"Pinch me."

Blinking, Mya looked down at the hairy forearm thrust in front of her and then up into a pair of sky blue eyes filled with mirth that were watching her intently, waiting for her reaction.

"What? What did you say?" she asked, finding herself suddenly smiling, despite the dark mood she was in.

"I said pinch me, because I must be dreaming," Shane replied, pushing his arm towards her again. "I mean, how else can I explain the vision of loveliness in front of me?" Mya shook her head and laughed but reached out and grabbed an inch of skin and pinched, hard.

"That's what she said," she added, as he winced and pranced around as if he'd just been hacked across his wrists by a two handed slash.

"So," he sighed, leaning his hand against the wall just behind her head, putting his body into close proximity to hers', "are you stalking me or what?"

"That's what she said," Mya replied, laughing when he made a face and rolled his eyes. "Well? I mean this isn't exactly _your_ back yard, is it? She added, wondering exactly when the funk of sweat and musty hockey gear had become one of her favourite smells.

"Well, you could have just suddenly realized that playing hard to get wasn't working that well for you," he suggested, raising his eyebrows, his grin growing when she rolled her eyes at him.

"That must be it," she replied, shaking her head. "It couldn't possibly be that you have no game." His free hand rose and he slapped it hard against his chest, as if he'd been shot, his head falling back as he groaned out loud.

"Ouch! You're _killing_ me. Oh the light...I can see the light....I'm dying," he groaned, staggering forward as if he was going to fall against her, except he never got the chance.

One minute Shane was leaning precariously close to her and the next his body was slamming against the opposite wall and Sidney had his forearm pressed to the big defenseman's windpipe. For one brief moment, Mya couldn't help but smile and think, _how cute_. Her white knight had ridden to the rescue. But then she had another thought and her smile completely disappeared.

"Let him down," she sighed, leaning once more against the cool concrete wall. This time she crossed her arms over her chest and waited while her boyfriend took a deep breath before taking a half a step back which was enough to allow Shane to gasp for breath, his usually pale face having turned a dangerous colour of crimson. While Shane grabbed at his throat and coughed, trying to catch his breath, Sidney turned, his hazel eyes flashing a warning that was usually levelled at opposing players.

"Who is this guy to you?" Sidney snarled through clenched teeth, to which Mya could only shake her head. If he didn't know her better than that by now....

"Sidney Patrick Crosby...you don't get to play the jealous boyfriend when you aren't possessive in the first place," Mya snapped back at him, pursing her lips and narrowing her eyes. "Some wise woman said if you liked it then you should have put on a ring on it. Or should I say, if you're going to question my fucking integrity then put the ring _back_ on it." She turned on her heel, intending to leave, to at the very least make him chase her down the hall, but she never made it.

She felt her heart stop. She felt her breath catch in her throat. She felt her knees buckle and all she could think was '_no, no it's not fair'_. She couldn't say it out loud because she couldn't breathe and she couldn't breathe because of the military officer in his dress uniform standing at the end of the corridor. She might have been able to breathe, might have been able to fool herself that he was just some soldier that had been given tickets to the game, if he hadn't been standing next to Mario and if Mario hadn't been wearing that serious expression on his face.

She hadn't even told him, she thought as she reached out for something or someone to hold her up. She'd been so self-absorbed, been so worried about herself. There'd been emails but...she hadn't even told him and now...and now.....

"Miss Fraser?" He was saying her name. Oh god he was saying her name which meant he was asking for her which meant that the yellow piece of paper in his hand, the cable, was for her. She shook her head, pleading silently with him not to say it, not to say the words out loud because if he didn't say them out loud then it wouldn't be true. "Miss Fraser I have some...unfortunate news," he began again and Mya shook her head, feeling the tears running down her cheeks as she looked down at the yellow paper the soldier was clutching in his white glove covered hands.

"No," she said quietly, reaching out to cover his hands with hers, to force them down when he tried to give her the piece of paper that would make it official, that would make it true. "No. Please no," she asked, feeling her knees give way at last and a pair of strong arms holding her up, turning her and holding her close.

* * *

"I don't know what to do. She's just staring...I don't know what to do," Sidney reiterated as he stood helplessly by his hands opening and closing uselessly at his sides.

"You suck at this, you know that?" Tish sighed, looking down her nose at him as if he was something that had gotten stuck on the bottom of her shoe. "The girl is in shock, she needs a little sympathy. God, what _is it_ with you and bad news?" Sidney shrugged because that was the only answer he could give. He didn't know what caused it. He only knew that when it came to dealing with the worst possible news, he froze. Give him a power play, losing a game...those were things he _could_ deal with. Those were things he knew _how_ to deal with, had the tools to deal with. This...this just made him feel helpless.

"All you have to do is hold her," Jordan suggested quietly, giving him a gentle shove in the direction of his own girlfriend. His legs felt like lead weights, like his feet had grown roots and it was going to take more than just willpower to make him move forward. "God man, it's not fucking rocket science. All you have to do is hold her fucking hand."

"It doesn't seem like enough," Sidney mumbled, his gaze still focussed entirely on Mya's empty gaze.

"Yeah well, it's better than standing here," Tish snarled, giving him a harder push than her husband had. Sidney stumbled forward, nearly tripping out of his yellow crocs as he forced himself to put one foot in front of the other in order to make his way to where Mya sat on the bench of the dressing room, staring blankly at the opposite wall.

He clenched and unclenched his hands, not knowing whether to or even how to touch her. Would he startle her? Would she even know he was there or worse, would she push him away? Half of him wanted to turn around and leave, after all, she clearly wanted to be left alone but he knew if he did turn around that Tish would probably break a stick over his head. So he forced himself to sit beside her and reach over and take her hands in his.

"I didn't tell him," she said quietly, almost under her breath, without even looking over at him. She continued to stare across the room, in complete silence. "I didn't want him to worry, you know?" she continued at long last, finally dropping her gaze to where his hands covered hers'. "I just...I wanted him to concentrate on what he had to do there. I mean...I was _going_ to tell him. I was..._eventually_," she added, tears streaming down her face. "Do you remember...I wanted him to give me away and then...," her voice trailed off and he squeezed her hand, letting her know that he knew what she wasn't saying so that she didn't need to say it. "I thought that he'd have another chance now you know? And now...now...," her voice broke and Sidney wrapped his arms around her and held her close, rocking her like a child as she cried. "I'm sorry," she sniffed, pushing him away and wiping angrily at her tears.

"For what?" he asked, trying to manoeuvre her back into his arms but she resisted and turned her face away, as if to hide her tears, to hide from him.

"No, no. You hate the crying thing," she mumbled, reaching for her purse and pulling out a wad of very questionable looking tissues. "I'm so weak," she added, sniffing. "I mean, with my mom, and my aunt and my bastard of a father, you'd think I'd be a little stronger but...."

Things suddenly fell into place for Sidney and he grabbed her face in both of his hands and kissed her, fiercely, passionately. He tasted her tears and probably snot as well and he didn't care. He kissed her until her couldn't breathe, and then kept kissing her until she forced him away, digging her fists into his chest.

He looked into her trusting but quizzical face then and cursed every single time his father had ever tied his skates for him and every time a coach blamed someone else on the team for a loss and his agent for making his life run too damn smooth.

"I'm sorry," he whispered, still holding her face in his hands, smiling at her as if he'd just scored an overtime goal which is almost what it felt like to suddenly realize why he'd been running. "I'm sorry I haven't been grown up enough to handle all this shit. I'm sorry that I've always had someone take care of all my shit and that every time something bad was happening to me I've had a bunch of people to help take care of it. I'm sorry that I've been so fucking sheltered that I don't know....that I haven't had the tools to help you when you've needed me but My...I don't ever want you to apologize for being upset and I sure as hell don't want you to ever apologize for needing me. I mean...damn, I should be happy. This is supposed to be my fucking job. I'm the fucking man here," he added, bringing her to him and pressing his lips firmly but gently to her forehead. "I'm sorry I've been such a spoiled brat. I promise to do better," he added quietly, wrapping her in his arms as he let out a long sigh. "And I know Tanger isn't much of a substitute for your Uncle babes, but...if you'll still have me, believe me I still want you, forever."

"Forever?" she whispered, wriggling in his grasp until she could look up into his face.

"I thought I needed some space," he explained, wiping at her tears with the pad of his thumb before placing a gentle kiss on each of her eyelids. "I thought...no, fuck it doesn't matter what I thought. Life's too fucking short. I want you. I love you My. I'm fucking terrified something will happen to you but...I can't let that get between us like this. Sometimes you just have to fucking shoot, even if there isn't a lane you know?" he added, a hockey analogy that he knew would make her smile. She was always remarking on how, for him, everything was always about hockey. "I'm sorry, I don't even have the ring and this is probably not the time to ask you this when you've had this news and...." She was kissing him before he could even get the words out and when he felt her body melt against his, when she felt her lips open beneath his he knew what the answer was even though he hadn't asked the question.

She was his and he was hers' and that was just the way it was going to be.


	39. Chapter 39

_Alright, alright, so this is it. This is the last chapter. That's it. That's all....unless like Father's Little Dividend, I decide to do another sequel. I just want to say thank you for following along, for all your feedback, your funny thoughts and reviews. Hope you like it. _

**Chapter 39**

It was hard to watch but Sidney could hardly take his eyes off of the Cup as Jonathan Toews lifted it over his head and spun to face his teammates. He even winced when the young forward pressed his lips to the cup, hoping it wasn't his name that the kid was kissing.

It could be worse, he thought. It could have been Ovie. At least the Hawks had taken care of that particular foe.

"Maybe next year," Max said simply, reading his mind as he so often did. Sidney shrugged and took another sip of his beer, remaining silent. It was hard enough to watch, he didn't think he could talk about it too. "Face it Cap, we're lucky to have gotten as far as we did this year," Max added, to which Sidney could only shrug in reply. That was a sentiment upon which the two men differed. It had been in them to repeat, Sidney had felt sure about that at the beginning of the year, if everyone had put their best into it. That hadn't happened.

Not that he blamed Max. Max was one of those guys who did give it their best every night, even if his best this season hadn't been as good as it had been last season. There were other players that he could and had laid the blame directly on. Players like Geno.

"Okay enough of that. Turn that shit off," Jordan grabbed the remote from the arm of Sid's chair and turned the television off. "We've got places to go, people to see, Jello shots to shoot," he added with one of those patented Staal grins that could only mean one thing – trouble.

"What have you done?" Sidney turned to see Max smiling back at him wearing that lopsided – _c'mon buddy, don't you trust me_? - look on his face. "What are you two up to?"

"And why would you think it was just those two?" Sidney spun to see two of his other best friends appear through the doorway and was torn. Part of him was happy to see them and part of him knew that because they were there at that moment, nothing good could come of it.

"Bergy...Army...what the hell is going on?"

"Oh c'mon, it's the night before the big event. You didn't honestly think we'd let you get tied down without giving you one last kick at being a swinging single guy did you?" Army asked, that big shit eating grin that everyone loved so much on his face. Sidney shook his head. Visions of Colby's own out of control bachelor party still caused him to wake up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat.

"No, no, no," he put his hands up in self defence but there were more of them and despite his own strength, they were already dragging him out of his chair and towards the door. He felt the cold steel of handcuffs settling on his wrists and began to squirm in earnest.

"Ne tu inquiétes pas," Max laughed, slapping Sid's back. "We'll take good care of you."

"That's what I'm afraid of," Sidney groaned as they dragged him, kicking all the way to the van waiting outside in the drive way.

"We'll get you to the church on time, promise," Flower added as he jumped into the back behind where Jordy and Max had flung Sidney, head first.

"We're not getting married in a church," Sidney groaned, apprehension sitting in the pit of his stomach like a lead weight.

"Don't worry Creature," Max grinned, looking a little too happy, "I'm the best man remember? I can't promise what shape you'll be in, but we'll get you there on time."

* * *

"Another tat?" Tish laughed as Mya looked up in the mirror to see who had come through the door. "You're gonna look like that Kat Von D chick pretty soon."

"Three tats. Three small tats," Mya corrected her, "I don't think so."

"Do you even know if Sid likes these tats of yours?" Vero asked as she perused one of the art books that sat at the front desk. Mya grinned to herself but bit down on the inside of her cheek to stop herself from laughing.

"Yeah he does and that's all I'm saying," she mumbled, closing her eyes again as tried to find her happy place so she could shut out the pain. She concentrated on the buzzing of the gun and tried to shut out the chatter of her friends. The new tat was a sort of gift, to Sidney as well as to herself. Some might think it bad luck or even that it was tempting fate but Mya was throwing caution to the wind and having his number engraved in her skin on the nape of her neck. It wasn't his number, not exactly, or at least not as it appeared on his jersey. It was highly stylized with two intertwined hearts making up the eight and a hockey stick standing in for the seven.

"And if Max does his job tonight," Marti added from the seat next to the one that Mya was hugging where another gun was buzzing away "Sid will have his own ink by morning."

"Sidney? Our little Sidney getting inked? No way," Tish whooped, dropping the book she was paging through, which caused the artist to dig painfully into Mya's neck. Gritting her teeth Mya shot Jordy's wife a dark look and readjusted her position, once more closing her eyes.

"Maybe next time someone says something about a soother he can flash his ink and ask Ovie to man the fuck up," Mya added, which caused everyone to laugh, including the woman holding the gun, though she was re-inking and wiping down at the time.

"Okay, okay girls, calm the fuck down or I'll be giving her Kane's number and I'm betting that won't go over well."

"Yeah, shut the fuck up so we can get this over with and then start drinking," Marti added.

"What do you mean _start_?" Mya asked, grinning as she lifted a bottle of JD to her lips, taking a long swig before the gun began buzzing again.

* * *

Mya stared at the reflection in the mirror and didn't recognize the woman staring back at her. The woman in the mirror seemed taller, longer and leaner. She looked like a model in Vogue. The heavy silver satin halter dress draped close to her figure, leaving her back bare, showing both of her tattoos, pooled around her feet and trailed at least three feet behind her.

"Honey, I don't think you need the veil," Tish sighed, from where she stood behind her, staring at the same reflection that Mya couldn't take her eyes off of. "I mean...damn woman, if you get through your vows before that boy pops a chubbie...."

"Gee thanks for that image," Mya cracked a smile as she shook her head at her friend.

"Well if it stops you from blubbering like an idiot," Tish grinned back at her before handing her a glass of something pink and bubbly, "then I've done my job."

"I might still blubber," Mya decided as she sipped at the sweet champagne. "Especially if Troy keeps looking at me like he wants to rip my head off and shit down my throat."

"Well you have the wedding license already, you've signed the damn pre-nup, what the fuck else does that loser want?" Marti asked, tugging at the rouched bodice of her matching black satin tie neck halter dress.

"Well at least I know that Max will be too busy drooling to cause trouble," Mya sighed, shaking her head as she watched Max's girlfriend struggle to keep her ample cleavage from spilling over. "As for my soon to be father in law, I'm not sure anything is ever going to please that man, aside from a grandson guaranteed to be an even better goaltender than Patrick Roy," Mya added with just a hint of a smile.

"So are you next on the list? Will you be elbowing all the other girls out of the way when it comes to tossing the bouquet?" Tish asked, producing a roll of double sided tape from her purse and handing it to Marti. The room fell silent and Mya found that she wasn't the only one staring at Vero who was now standing silently staring at the toes of her perfectly pointed stilettos. "Sorry Ver, you know I didn't mean it," Tish hissed, reaching for Vero who pushed her hand away. "We all just forget you're not already married," Tish added, wrapping her arms around the tall, thin dark haired girl.

"She's right," Mya added her own arms and soon they were all hugging Flower's steady home town girl. "You two are so perfect together. We all think of you as the old married couple."

"He's the sweetest," Tish added, glancing hopefully across at Mya who could only shrug in response. No one wanted a tearful bridesmaid but short of going out and strong-arming Marc Andre into doing the right thing by the cheerful but shy small town girl, there was little any of them could do to make this any easier on her.

"She's right," Mya agreed, lifting Veronique's chin and grinning at her, hoping the grin would be infectious. "He's the catch. Marc would never cheat on you and at least there aren't whores all over the country begging him to marry them. You don't have to put up with that, or a bunch of half retarded brothers," Mya added, raising her eyebrows and glancing hopefully at Tish who laughed out loud.

"Christ yes. Has MAF ever shot you in the ass with a paintball? I didn't fucking think so," Jordy's wife moaned, shaking her head. "And he's a nice enough kid but you know, it could be worse, you could be dating TK," Tish tried which did win a smile from the dark haired Quebecoise.

"And he's not all furry," Marti added with an absolutely straight face, which made them all laugh.

"But you like that Max is furry," Vero sniffed, wiping at her tears as they all laughed.

"I like Max," Marti corrected her. "The back hair...I could do without," she admitted as she picked up her purse and pulled out a cold wax strip kit, "and when he's good and drunk later...ziiipp!"

"Okay, I just want it on record, any screaming later is not necessarily me," Mya laughed, choking on her champagne before she raised her glass to all of the women. "To the WAGs."

"To the WAGs," they all chimed in, raising their glasses together and clinking them hard enough to cause the bubbly to spill over.

* * *

"She's not coming," Sidney mumbled under his breath as he stared at the house, willing the doors from the kitchen to open.

"I haven't heard any squealing tires," Max whispered back, looking a little too pleased and a little too awake which still pissed Sidney off. He'd barely managed to shower and shave and get into his suit in time. There hadn't been any golf game or fishing or even a street hockey game to calm his nerves.

"Then why hasn't she come out yet?" Sidney hissed, checking his watch for what seemed like the hundredth time.

"Because she's making you sweat," Jordy shrugged nonchalantly. "It's what they do. Something about women's prerogative or some shit like that," he added, fussing with his tie as if it was choking him. Sidney had a brief thought about choking the smug look off of the tall blonde's face. After all, he had been the one toss him into the van sometime in the early hours of this morning, right on a certain very new, very tender, spot on his body and he hadn't managed to quite forgive any of them for that yet.

"If you're in that much of a hurry I'm sure we can go out to the driveway and find some willing girl to take her place," Max offered, nudging him and giving him a wink which only made Sidney scowl. "Then chill Cap. When she's ready she'll...." Max's voice slid away as the first notes of 'You Picked Me' by a Fine Frenzy filled the air. Sidney turned to see Max and Flower's girlfriends appear through the doorway in their black dresses and though it wasn't quite the sight he had been waiting for, his breath caught in his throat all the same.

He brushed his hands down along the thighs of his tuxedo pants and whetted his lips. Any minute now, he told himself as Tish appeared in a red satin dress that matched the style of the other bridesmaid's dresses. He heard Jordy clear his throat and his heart beat doubled.

_So softly  
Rain against the windows  
And the strong coffee  
Warming up my fingers  
In this fisherman's house  
You got me  
Searched the sand  
And climbed the tree  
And brought me back down_

_And all I can say  
Is you blow me away_

And she did, she blew him away.

Sidney watched, struck dumb as Mya carefully navigated the stairs down to the dock. The light was just right, the last golden light of sunset was disappearing behind the trees around the lake and the first lilac hues of twilight made her silver gown shimmer.

The lake was dead calm around them, turning from green to black in the changing light. The tiki torches around them that a moment ago had seemed only to be annoying and smoky were now softly flickering in the half light, turning her pale skin to gold as she walked towards him. His heart beat in time with every step she took and he was sure everyone could hear it, despite the music, despite the soft whispers of those around them which he could only just hear but didn't matter, because no one and nothing else mattered, no one but Mya.

_Like a shell upon a beach  
Just another pretty piece  
I was difficult to see  
But you picked me  
Yeah you picked me_

She mouthed the words to him as she took the final steps that brought her to him and Sidney felt the small hairs on the back of his neck stand up on end as she turned to hand her bouquet of roses to Tish before she placed her smaller hands in his.

* * *

"You're so beautiful tonight," he whispered as he undid the tie around her neck, letting the satin loops fall onto her bare shoulders, following their soft caress with one of his own. He pressed his lips to her fragrant skin as he reached for the zipper on the back of her dress. He slid it down, slowly, carefully, the back of his hand brushing her spine. He watched with a mixture of fascination and pleasure as goose-bumps rose where he touched and his lips curled into a smile when she let out a contented sigh.

"Do you like it?" she asked reaching up to sweep her hair up and away from her neck. He'd let it down while they were dancing. He liked it down, preferred it curling around her shoulders in soft waves that he could run his fingers through. He brushed the new tattoo with his fingertips, mindful of the rawness of the new wound.

"I do," he whispered, not for the first time this night. He pressed his lips above the top heart and below the bottom, upside down heart that made up the eight before carefully and lightly tracing the exaggerated hockey stick that made up the seven of his jersey number. It was exceptionally good work, very detailed, down to the Reebok logo and twined hockey tape just that perfectly mimicked the way he taped his stick.

"I know there are other girls…_women_ with your number on them but…," he kissed the twined hearts gently and chuckled. There would always be other women, girls with their signs and other tats, but there would only ever be Mya for him.

"Mine," he whispered, digging his teeth into the curve of neck. "This says you're mine," he added, brushing his lips once more over the tattoo, making her shiver, maybe with pain but with need too.

"Yes, that too," she replied, turning around to face him, one hand holding her dress modestly over her chest, the other hand turned so that the thin gold band on her ring finger caught the flickering light of the candles that surrounded the bed. "This," she whispered, as he caught her hand in his and brought his lips down to the back of her hand. "This says I belong to you." He smiled, thinking of the tiny black letters that were now hidden beneath the gold band and how his breath had caught in his throat when he'd seen them. S. P. C. Three little letters etched forever onto her ring finger that told him that she was his and his alone, forever.

"Mine," he whispered back, turning her hand over and pressing his lips into her palm and then her wrist and the bend of her elbow. "Mine," he repeated as her dress slipped from her grasp and pooled around her feet. Cupping her breasts in his hands, he lowered his head to suckle at her nipple while she raked her fingers through his hair.

She tasted of honey, sweet and warm he thought as he swept her up into his arms and carried her to the bed. Her skin glowed golden like honey as he laid her in the circle of flickering candle light.

She lay there, bare to his greedy gaze, relaxed and smiling and Sidney thought that he could never remember feeling this happy. Winning the Cup had been...amazing but bitter sweet and it hadn't just been losing Randi that had made him feel that way. The Cup was a fickle mistress. His one day, some other man's the next.

Mya was his and his alone, for now and forever.

"I love you," she whispered, holding her hand up to him, beckoning him to join her in the soft warmth of their bed.

"More than words," he added, tugging his tie loose and unbuttoning his shirt before wrapping her soft smooth body around his.

"Speaking of words," she giggled, grabbing a hold of his belt and deftly undoing it with a quick flick of her wrist and a hard pull. "Let's see."

"Wait, wait," he inched away from her, but she was too quick, her legs wrapped around his waist and in the next breath she had him pinned and Sidney was grateful for the thick down duvet beneath them. "You have to promise not to laugh."

"Laugh? Why? What did Max do now?" she asked, grabbing the waist of his pants and dragging them down, as he rolled onto his stomach to better display the painful handiwork on his left butt cheek. He heard her make a sound that was somewhere between a hum and a muffled laugh and closed his eyes, inwardly wincing.

"Okay, I'm a pussy. Go ahead and say it. I'm sorry, I couldn't take it."

"I have a short name babe," she chuckled, tracing the single letter that still made him drag a ragged breath through his teeth as her fingernail traced its' edges.

"I don't have a high pain threshold okay?" Sidney grumbled, thinking of all the ink Max already had and how Jordy had been able to joke around and hadn't even seemed to notice the needles digging into his lily white skin while he had had to stuff his own t-shirt in his mouth to stop from crying like a baby.

"Well I guess it's a start," Mya giggled before bringing the flat of her hand down against his ass, causing him to let out a yelp he was sure that the entire house could probably hear. Once he'd regained his senses and stopped seeing stars, he grabbed her by both arms and rolled her beneath him, pinning her to the bed.

"I'll tell you what's a start, _Mrs. Crosby_," he grinned down at her, holding her beneath him even as she wriggled to get free. "I'm going to start as I mean to go on, and I mean to make love to you every night that I can," he added, leaning forward to press his lips over hers', long and hard. He felt her relax beneath him and he eased himself down over her.

"Well you'll have to do that while you can," she whispered back, nipping at his earlobe as he kissed his way down her neck. "Because I mean to get pregnant and start having your babies as soon as possible," she added, her hand sliding down between them and guiding him inside of her slick, hot entrance.

"Yeah?" he pushed himself up on his elbows and stared down at her, his heart fluttering nervously in his chest. She smiled up at him, candlelight turning her eyes a deep emerald green.

"The doctor says we can start trying again...if you want to," she added, glancing away from him, suddenly the truly blushing bride.

"Yes I want to," he groaned, wrapping her up in his arms and kissing her thoroughly. He hadn't been sure before but he'd decided that had just been cold feet. Once he'd decided he wanted her, he'd decided that he wanted it all; her, a family, a home and a life – _together_ and as he said it now he knew without a shadow of a doubt that he meant it, from the bottom of his heart. "I want us to have it all My, the house, the kids, the fucking picket fence, the dog...everything. I want all of that with you...if that's what you want," he added, searching her gaze for one long moment before she grinned up at him and started to laugh.

"I carved your number on the back of my neck. I put your damn initials on my ring finger. Yeah I fucking want it Sidney Patrick Crosby. Of course I do. I love you," she laughed, pulling his lips down to hers' and wrapping her legs around his to bring him deeper inside of her.

"Then let's make a baby," he whispered against her lips, cupping her face in his hands as he moved inside of her, feeling her muscles clenching around him and at that moment a cool breeze blew in from off of the lake and made all the candles flicker and pause at once and Sidney held his breath, waiting for the candles to go out, but they didn't and for just a moment he thought he could see a figure standing near the window framed in the moonlight, a beautiful girl with green eyes smiling back at him and he smiled at her and knew that everything really was going to be alright.


End file.
